


the switch

by Moonprincess92



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Best Friends, Dating, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Occasional angst, Slow Burn, seriously the slowest of slow burns it takes 10 years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:42:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 141,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23244214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonprincess92/pseuds/Moonprincess92
Summary: It takes ten years of other relationships, broken limbs, quitting jobs, starting new ones, Instagram posts, depression, almost marriages and Thanksgiving turkeys for Jyn and Cassian to realise that they belong together.Modern AU
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 681
Kudos: 299





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> “Well, it seems to me that the best relationships - the ones that last - are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.”  
> ~ The X-Files
> 
> so I haven't written a fanfic in like........over a year???? the honest truth is that my insane love for rebelcap died down for a long while. but like many of yall, i've been going fucking nUTS thanks to social distancing and with nothing else to do,i remembered how much i actually loved writing fanfic and my space babies, so THIS happened. do people even still read rebelcap anymore??? i honestly have no idea but What The Hell, i had fun writing it anyway. expect several chapters and no plan bc plans are for wusses 
> 
> i haven't done this in a long time and i Crave social interaction, so pls comment and tell me whether i still know how to write lmao. stay safe, i love u guys!!!!!! x

There’s a kind of thrill you get when you are finally approaching the arrivals gate of your final destination. Sometimes it’s the thrill of first stepping out into the unknown. You have a whole new world at your feet without a support behind you anymore. You’ve left collage far behind and have nothing but unemployment and taxes, new opportunities and a thousand and one mistakes awaiting you. She had New York City at her feet. And sometimes it was just the thrill of coming back home.

The excitement of seeing those who were waiting on the other side of the gate.

“WHAT’S UP, BITCHES?” Jyn practically yelled, throwing her arms into the air.

She barely got out of the way of the arrivals gate before her insane mates had dive bombed her. Cassian’s arms flung around her, lifting her high into the air so that she was tall enough to even look Kay in the eye. Bodhi nearly sprawled onto the floor as he tripped over her suitcase in his haste to hug her too. She noticed that Kay held a handwritten sign that read ‘ _Welcome back, bitch_ ’ (lovingly censored by having littles hearts drawn in the place of certain letters) and that Bodhi was practically crying.

“Oh my god, stop it,” she snorted, ruffling Cassian’s hair. “You’d think I was gone for years.”

“A summer is too long!” Bodhi sobbed.

“It was unbearable handling it without you,” Kay deadpanned.

Cassian thankfully squeezed her tight one last time before putting her back down. She looked up at his smiling face and figured yeah.

The thrill of the arrivals gate was the best feeling in the world.

“You’re not allowed to be away that long again,” he insisted.

“Yeah, yeah, no promises,” Jyn let herself get swept up by her friends, Kay picking up her fallen suitcase and Cassian and Bodhi’s arms around her shoulders as they headed for the exit along with many others beginning their journeys here in New York City. “I’m glad to be back too.”

* * *

They all met when they were 18. You know, back when they spent their early days of college blind drunk and apparently always willing to go along with any hair-brained scheme, no matter how insane.

“This is gonna end at the hospital,” Cassian had pointed out cheerfully during that night on their second official day of undergrad at NYU. He had gestured up at the scene unfolding in front of them, which of course involved some of their fellow college-goers thinking it was a good idea to race a pair of shopping trolleys down a steep hill.

“Oh, undoubtedly,” Jyn had replied back. “but isn’t that what college is for?”

“Making terrible mistakes and eventually putting yourself in hospital?”

“Yeah, that sounds like college.”

“I’ll call to check in when you’re all admitted.”

“I’m sorry, who are you again?” Jyn asked as both of the Shopping Trolleys of Dreams and Potential were ultimately set free among many raucous cheers. With the momentum slowly kicking in, her old mate Luke had thrown out his arms (that’d had beer cans taped to each hand) as he yelled out,

“I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!”

“I’m Cassian,” he had said, holding out his hand for her to shake. “I live across the hall from you.”

It had all fallen into place from there. Each of them had respectively brought Kay and Bodhi along into the group, and now it was the four of them together she was coming back to after two months away. Jyn still wasn’t sure how she felt about summer in New York. Back in England she had been able to still wear woolen jumpers in July and yet here it was so humid it felt like she was practically swimming every day. There was a consistent Hot Garbage smell and every second person one saw was a tourist, but her, Cassian, Bodhi and Kay had decided to room together after moving out of the dorms and after three years of consistently shitty apartments, they had finally managed to get somewhere still shitty, but at least closer to all their respective workplaces. Not to mention she had amazing friends who had been willing to lug all of her boxes of worldly possessions (all lovingly labelled ‘Crap’) up the 5 flights of stairs in 35 degrees for her while she was away in England. 

It was a situation with both its ups and downs.

“Thank god we finally got Wi-Fi,” Jyn said, she and Cassian leaning against each other as they watched _The Good Place_ on her laptop. “Was it ethical of me to yell at the internet guy on the phone? I’m not sure Chidi would approve.” 

Their new apartment had temperamental AC that only worked half the time. The shower pressure was barely more than a light misting. They still had boxes stacked around the place, unpacked and currently being used as a T.V. cabinet for her laptop. Her bedroom furniture currently consisted of a mattress on the floor and a disassembled IKEA desk, but it was decent rent and she was living her own life now and honestly, she felt like she was doing ok. It didn’t matter that she just spent the last four years of her life getting a degree that she hated and didn’t know what she was doing with her life. She was surrounded by mates in an apartment in New York City. 

This was ok. They were doing ok.

“Jyn, do you think I’m emotionally unavailable?”

She turned to stare at him incredulously.

“Where in the hell did that come from?”

Cassian shrugged vaguely, but answered with, “Rachel broke up with me.”

_Oh, shit._

Well, that explained the lack of messaging back over the summer, then. Rachel and Cassian had been together almost a year. She had actually liked the girl a lot, the two of them becoming close friends throughout their last year of college together. And while Cassian had continued to catch up with her while she was away, Rachel had become a bit distant with her during the weeks she had spent with her dad back in England. It was only now that she was back in the US that she was apparently getting the story.

“Fuck,” she exclaimed. “When did that happen? Do I need to slash some tyres for you?”

“It’s fine,” Cassian sighed. “It was near the beginning of summer. Rachel’s travelling through Asia until September and she wanted to break up while she was gone. Said something about how I tend to be ‘ _emotionally unavailable_ ’ through text, but still loved me and wants to get back together once she’s back.”

Jyn paused the show.

“I’m sorry, she WHAT?”

“Is she wrong?”

“She’s full of bullshit, is what she is,” Jyn scoffed. “She just wanted to hook up with foreign guys while she was away without feeling guilty! Don’t you dare get back together with her when she comes back, I swear to god–”

“I think you’re getting worked up,” Cassian shook his head with a smile. “I appreciate it.”

“Of course I’m worked up!” Jyn exclaimed. “I’m sweaty, jet-lagged and my best mate has been treated like shit! _Emotionally unavailable_ – SHE’S the one – the nerve –!”

She knew that the tirade would not stop and that it would only be encouraged and supported once Bodhi and Kay both got home. It’s how she knew that she was living with the right people. She was never going to go on holiday again if this is what happened when she went away. She had liked Rachel so much, too! But Jyn knew Cassian well, and she knew he held back. She knew that it was a natural tendency of his to hide behind a cool and calm exterior, but it wasn’t an excuse to take that personality and use it as a bullshit reason to break up with someone.

“– _sooooo_ many angry messages, she will not see them coming! … look, are you ok?” she tacked on the end there.

He considered for a second. “No.”

“Will you be, eventually?”

“I think so, yes.”

“Cool… wanna get hammered?”

“You read my mind.”

* * *

They threw a house warming party with the intention of it being more of a social gathering. Considering that they were well past being nineteen-year-olds _livin’ it up_ , the small amount of space they had and Kay’s dislike of people in general, they had figured that they better keep it rather small. Jyn was pretty sure that they collectively didn’t even know enough people to throw a legit party anyway, but that idea was blown to hell when she got home from working a late shift to find what could only be described as a _rager_ fully underway.

“What in the hell?” she exclaimed, barely able to get through the front door. It wasn’t exactly easy to see in the dimmed lights, but there were people literally everywhere that she could, to the point where she figured it had to be a fire hazard of some kind. The obnoxious dance music that she’d been able to hear from all the way outside on the street shook the walls. There was manic dancing going on in the lounge amongst the boxes they hadn’t opened yet and an intense game of flip cup taking place at the kitchen table.

She hoped like hell that her roommates had thought to lock her bedroom door.

“BODHI!” she eventually caught sight of him in the kitchen, currently munching on a slice of watermelon of all things. “What the hell is happening? I thought like five people would turn up!”

“Yeah, turns out Haylee knows a lot of people,” Bodhi yelled back. “Then Cassian invited a couple of his law friends and it all kind of just snowballed.”

“Jesus Christ. Why are you eating watermelon?”

“It’s a Vodkamelon!” Bodhi gestured to the crowded kitchen bench that was currently strewn with cups, a large punch bowl, and a chopping board baring a cut up watermelon. A lone empty Vodka bottle was on its side next to it. “You cut a hole into the watermelon and let the Vodka drain in overnight apparently. I don’t know who brought it, but it’s pretty good!”

Jyn took one look at the heaving mass of people covering their apartment. Then at the Vodkamelon.

Then shrugged.

“Give me some, then.”

It wasn’t quite the evening she had been expecting, but it seemed that their tactic of dealing was to just roll with it. Jyn ate her melon and caught up with several friends that she had made during her psych classes last year. She laughed with some of the old band members from _Working Our Assets Off_. Yes, Kay Tu had been absolutely the last person in the world she expected to be in an indie rock band, but he _would_ absolutely be the one to be in an accounting-themed indie rock band. It was how him and Cassian had met apparently, Cassian seeing the flyer on the walls outside his Managing Information Systems class during his first week and eventually auditioning to be the guitarist. The two of them plus their friend Haylee on the drums had been an absolute hit during their college years. Eventually, life had taken over and the band had disbanded once they graduated, but the friendships that they’d formed were apparently for life.

(No band mate ever gets left behind).

“Are you gonna play?” Jyn teased her exasperated roommate as their group congregated in the hallway. She leaned herself back against the wall next to him, taking a bite of her latest piece of Vodkamelon and nudging his hip with her own. “C’mon, crack out the old bass for old time’s sake! I’m thinking _It's accrual world_ , or perhaps a rousing rendition of _Excel_?”

“You know, I didn’t miss you when you were in England.”

“That’s what a girl wants to hear,” Jyn snorted.

“Did Cassian tell you about Rachel?”

She was a little taken aback at the sudden change in topic, but one had to be ready for such a thing with Kay. It was well known that if a conversation with him didn’t serve any kind of practical purpose, it was quickly diverted to something that was… or maybe that was just what he was like with her. She shrugged and answered,

“He didn’t tell me until I got back. I heard nothing while I was away.”

Kay wrinkled his nose. “He didn’t say anything to me either.”

“Bodhi?”

He shook his head.

Jyn sighed. “Well, we all know what he’s like. He keeps all his shit in until he fucking explodes.”

“Will he be ok?”

Jyn knew what Kay meant and honestly, coming from him it kind of touched her a bit. Cassian had spent her first few weeks back home lying in a dinosaur onesie that his mother had bought him for his eighteenth birthday on the couch, eating chips and salsa and binge-watching telenovelas. Classic signs of Heartbroken Cassian Andor. She had seen him a few times over their college years. One girl from their sophomore year was particularly memorable, seeing as she’d had to physically restrain him from attempting to serenade her outside her dorm window in the onesie, but she had never seen him quite to this extent before. It had been over a month and he was still in the Depressed Dinosaur stage. Usually he’d gone into Raging Dinosaur by now, and it was quite right for Kay to be concerned.

“He’ll be fine,” she insisted. She sure hoped that she sounded confident. “He’s always fine.”

“Might want to recheck that, Rachel came back today after all.”

“Shit, she did?”

“According to Instagram.”

She didn’t even need to go searching once she pulled out her phone. It was one of the first posts in her feed.

“Oh my god,” she groaned, slapping her forehead. “I better go find him before he attempts sliding into the DMs.”

“Last I saw he was on the fire escape.”

That was basically a ‘good luck’ from Kay. She left on a mission and turns out that Cassian really hadn’t gotten that far, as she found him still out on the fire escape, legs dangling through the railings and forlornly drinking from a half empty wine bottle.

“Give me the phone and no one gets hurt,” she declared.

“Jyn, I am aghast,” Cassian feigned innocence at once. “that you would accuse me of–”

“I said, _give me the phone_.”

There was a brief pause. Then, they both moved at once. Jyn leapt across the fire escape right as Cassian tried to scramble out of the line of fire. After several moments of wrestling and a bit of dramatic hair pulling, Jyn managed to tumble away with a successful cry, Cassian’s cell phone held triumphantly up in the air.

“ _Look_ –” he said with a defeated air.

“Oh, babe,” Jyn shook her head the second she had punched in Cassian’s pin and saw the photos that he had been staring at. Jyn remembered her being the one to take them. It was at one of the band’s gigs, back when they were young and idealistic and Rachel’s hair had been blue. She was kissing his cheek in the photo and honestly Jyn couldn’t feel worse for her friend. She remembered the trill of the electric guitar that night, the darkness and the party they had thrown afterwards, and more than anything she remembered meeting her best friend’s new girlfriend for the first time. She had given Cassian a thumbs up from somewhere behind Rachel’s head that night.

“I’m fine,” Cassian muttered.

“No, you’re not,” Jyn shut his phone before stepping in and wrapping her arms around him. “but you will be.”

She felt his arms squeeze her back. “She got back today.”

“I know.”

“I miss her.”

“I know.”

She rubbed his back a little, hoping that he wasn’t about to cry on her. Usually it was because other people crying made her feel as awkward as hell, but this time she was just hoping that he would save his energy for the partying and having fun instead. He deserved to have fun. Eventually he pulled away and smiled weakly before leaning in so that he could press a kiss into her hair. “You’re the best.”

“Don’t you forget it,” Jyn smirked.

“It’s been weird not having you around,” Cassian admitted as they both sat down again, settling against the fire escape railings. “Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. You were on holiday and I didn’t want to ruin it or make you come back early or something–”

“Shut up, it’s fine,” Jyn nudged him. “Just don’t keep bottling shit, ok? I know you, Andor, and I don’t want a repeat of finals, sophomore year.”

“I swear I didn’t go _that_ crazy.”

“Oh, so the racoon just miraculously appeared in your room, then?”

“ _Jyn we don’t talk about the racoon_ –” Cassian said, exasperatedly as Jyn laughed out loud.

“No one told me it was a party on the fire escape!”

Lucky for Cassian, they both turned to see Bodhi apparently clambering up with them, several drinks causing him to stumble a bit on the landing. It at least got a small chuckle out of Cassian as Jyn hastily flung out a hand to help him, hauling him up onto the fire escape with them.

“Blimey, how much have you had?”

“Enough that I’m a little dizzy up here,” Bodhi held rather tightly onto both of their shoulders as he leaned back against the railing next to them. “Did you guys know that half the bloody school of business is here?”

“You can blame Cassian and Kay for that,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

“Anyway – stop bein’ sad, mate!” Bodhi shook Cassian’s shoulder. “You don’ need anyone but us, ok?”

“I’ve been trying to tell him that, but he won’t listen,” Jyn said.

“I’m listening!” Cassian said, turning around to face them. “And I appreciate it.”

And he did. She could tell by the way he trusted her to hang onto his phone and the way he let Bodhi hug him around the shoulders. She could tell by how the three of them were comfortable out there on the fire escape, eventually moving to lounge around together and laugh over Jyn re-telling the story of the Racoon Incident, music blaring and stars obscured by light pollution above them. Now that she thought about it, this was probably their first real collective heartbreak. There were plenty that they had gone through together in the past, but nothing quite on the ‘this is real’ end of the scale. Jyn’s first boyfriend she’d been over within a week. And she figured that this one wouldn’t be their last.

With each other though, they’d probably all come out ok in the end.

By the time Kay was exasperatedly spotting them all out on the balcony and manoeuvring his long limbs to come up and join them, it was literally a party in their apartment without any of them actually being there.

“Well, this is where it’s at now!” she called out.

“Real funny,” Kay scoffed, not even bothering to climb all the way up. “Party’s over, we got a call from noise control saying that if we don’t shut it down within half an hour the police are coming.”

That sprung them all into action. All with varying speeds and gracefulness, they hastily climbed to their feet and collectively made their way back inside to break things up and get these people the hell out of their apartment.

* * *

Of all the places to end up working once she’d graduated, a café certainly wasn’t what Jyn had really had in mind.

But of course, what was life without existential crisis’s and fearing that you were going to die alone? Jyn spent a majority of her life at _Rebel, Rebel_ these days, which was thankfully better than working for a billion dollar chain like Starbucks or something. A little indie café in Greenwich Village close to campus, it was owned by a middle-aged gay Asian couple who clearly took a bit of pity on her in her interview seeing as they hired her and all. It wasn’t exactly a glamorous job (when was working in service?) but her bosses were thankfully not insane, and she grinned and bared the sleep-deprived students and douchebags for the tips it brought in. She got free food if there was anything left at the end of the day and she’d managed to make friends with one of the girls who worked the same shifts as her. Really, she couldn’t complain.

She’d figure out what she’d do with her life eventually, after all.

“Who’s your friend who always comes in after work on Thursdays?” Shara Bey asked her one night as they were cleaning at the end of the day. “Emo beard, dresses like leather threw up on him, always looks like he’s on the verge of crying?”

“You mean Cassian?”

“Sure.”

Jyn snorted so loudly that snot nearly hit the bench top. “What about him?”

“I don’t know, I’m balls deep into the semester and he’s kinda hot. I mean, he also looks like the kinda dude who cries after sex, but hot enough that you wouldn’t care, you know? He single?”

“Funnily enough, he is and I have a feeling you’d like him,” Jyn grinned. “Fair warning, he’s only just getting over a previous relationship.”

“Eh, everyone has baggage,” Shara shrugged. “You’re all right then if I start talking to him? You’re not into him, are you?”

Jyn scoffed. “Not even remotely.”

Shara raised her eyebrows, but simply let out a, “ _’kay_.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jyn threw her cleaning cloth at her.

Shara caught it. “Have you ever thought about it?”

 _Yes_.

Sure, fine, back in their first year of college. Back in the days of throwing back shots together every weekend, poor time management skills and getting accidentally locked out of their dorm and having to climb up through Cassian’s open window, Jyn might have had a bit of a thing for him. It hadn’t been too serious though. It’d only lasted for one semester, as the spring term had brought in a mighty fine new TA in her psych classes and thus her attention had wandered elsewhere. They were at the point now where she actually kind of forgot it ever happened.

“Why are you drilling me?” Jyn teased. “Don’t _you_ like him?”

“Whoa, I mean _‘like’_ is a bit of a strong word,” Shara said. “Think of it more as… he’s hot and I’d potentially like to ride that, but I also don’t wanna piss off my friend.”

“Trust me, you’re fine.”

“Well, good,” Shara swiped back her hair, finally done cleaning and reaching back to take off her apron. “I’m not looking for something serious, anyway. I’m pretty sure I’m just not a serious kinda gal to begin with.”

“You fucking go on and on every time you even SEE a baby, Shara.”

“Because they’re motherfucking cute, Jyn, not because I _want_ one.”

“The day you become a mother is the day I marry Kay.”

“Never gonna fucking happen then, huh?”

Jyn threw her own apron at her friend. “C’mon, bitch. Let’s get outta here. Maybe I can convince the boys to come out for drinks and you guys can talk finally.”

* * *

_hey, this is Shara, Jyn's friend?_

**oh, hey**

_she mentioned you were talkative. I'll get right to the point, u wanna bone?_

**.....................excuse me?**

_hahahahah no worries i'll take that as a no then_

**wait hang on**  
**why do you want ME?**

_ur hot, Jyn says ur not a serial killer and i hear that ur emotionally damaged?_

**1\. thank you. 2. true, haven't killed anyone and 3. also true**  
**You're aware that I just got out of a serious relationship, right?**

_i'm aware_

**ok then i'm down**

* * *

Games Night was in full swing.

A tradition that had carried on with them through the years, it had started back during their literal first week of college. As babies trying desperately to make friends so they didn’t become the loners of the dorm, they had all gotten dragged into the night of UNO cards flying in a fury, and lifelong friendships deteriorating over fierce games of Monopoly. Their first games night had become the first of many, however, and now it was something that their sad, sad group of friends did in an attempt to get them through the start of the week. They had branched out a bit since college, though, and their newly assembled IKEA bookshelf was slowly being loaded up with the games that the four of them had collected over the years.

Their group expanded and contracted over time. After Jyn being gone the whole summer, it now seemed like there was twice as many at the table as usual what with her back and Shara now joining them most weeks. Crowded around their coffee table, Jyn was currently attempting to gather up enough wittiness points to be able to marry Mr Darcy.

“PARTY TIMEEEE!” Bodhi read off his latest event card. “Time for the Meryton Assembly, folks! All players roll for their dance partners.”

“I still don’t understand this game,” Shara wrinkled her eyebrows as she stared at her cards.

“Shit – gentlemen are scarce, I sit this one out,” Bodhi sighed, handing the die over to Kay.

Kay rolled. “What is three?”

Bodhi peered at the card. “You dance with Mr Bingley! You enjoy yourself, draw 1 play 1.”

“I’m not sure these outcomes really reflect me.”

They all snorted with laughter as Jyn rolled a six. Bodhi announced, “You drink too much wine! Discard one card from your hand. I don’t know, I think these outcomes are sounding exactly like you.”

“Oi!” Jyn complained.

“Oh, sorry, did Rebecca Abbott’s thirteenth birthday party never happen, then?”

“We didn’t drink _that_ much wine–”

“Wait,” Shara cut in as Jyn threw her discarded card at Bodhi’s face. “So you guys knew each other before you came to New York, then?”

“Unfortunately,” Jyn said.

“Hey!” Bodhi complained. “I hope you die an old maid!”

They had known each other almost too well. Jyn and Bodhi had met as fresh-faced 4-year-olds, starting nursery school and being made ‘buddies’ on their first day. They had become fast friends as one did, banding together due to a mutual love of playing make believe, getting to sit next to each other on the mat and an intense dislike for anyone else. Jyn had been the only one Bodhi told about his first crush on a boy and Bodhi had come with her to buy her first bra seeing as her dad certainly wasn’t about to. They were 13 when Bodhi’s family had up and moved to New York and it had been a day of much ugly tears and wallowing. They had kept in touch for a while, but like most school friendships, it was proximity more than anything that they’d had in common at the time. It was only when she was eighteen and starting to look at universities outside of England when she had messaged him out of the blue.

**beeeeeeeeeech i know it's been literal yrs, but if i went to uni in ny, would u be my friend?**

_new phone who dis_  
_jk OF FUCKING COURSE!!!_

And the rest was history, apparently.

“Yeah, we met in school,” Jyn explained.

“And she goddamn followed me here,” Bodhi grinned, waving his cards at her.

“You’re glad I did, bitch.”

“Ahhh, I suppose.”

Jyn scoffed as Shara rolled the die to determine her fate at the Meryton assembly. “I also sit this dance out, unfortunately,” Shara sighed. “Jesus, I’m never going to marry Mr Darcy at this rate.”

“For the last time, Shara, you are playing as Lydia, the best scoring person for you to marry is Mr Denny–”

“The game’s not called _Marrying Mr Denny_ , though, is it?” Shara clapped back at Cassian. “I want Mr Darcy, damn it!”

Jyn met Bodhi’s eyes from over top of their cards, both of them clearly concealing a rather telling snort. She clearly wasn’t the only one noticing the brewing tension. They might have continued ribbing each other, except that’s when Cassian decided to play a wild card and they all had to concentrate lest they end up marrying Mr Wickham instead of the coveted Darcy.

* * *

“So how’s it going with Shara?” Jyn asked innocently as she attempted to detangle the lights from their storage container.

“She’s…” Cassian paused in dragging the pot for their Christmas tree into the right place. “Is fucking crazy appropriate to say?”

“You are among friends here, mate.”

“Then she’s _fucking crazy_ ,” Cassian declared. “We have absolutely nothing in common, fight about everything and she thinks it’s ok to take in stray pigeons off the street and keep them as pets! How she hasn’t caught rabies by now is beyond me.”

Yeah, that sounds like Shara. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” Cassian shook his head at her bemused look. “No, no, I said she was crazy, not that I wasn’t having a good time! Don’t get me wrong, I know 100% that we will break up in the end, but she’s… _fun_. I don’t have to worry about her. I don’t have to watch what I say or think too much or interpret everything she posts on Twitter. The more I remember Rachel, the more I realise how demanding it all was with her.”

“Splendid. Remind me never to match make again.”

“I wouldn’t say you did a bad job,” Cassian snorted.

They managed to untangle the lights and began hanging them on the tree together. It was almost wild to think that it was already December. During college she’d always managed to get back home for the holidays, but what with having been home the whole summer, it was going to be Jyn’s first Christmas not in England this year. And while she would miss her dad, she was also kind of excited to be able to just cook a roast with her flatmates and eat together and spend their time celebrating as a family here in New York.

“Does it ever get to you,” Jyn began, Cassian humming a little under his breath to the Christmas carol playing on the radio. “that another year has gone and we’re still in the same place?”

“We moved apartments, but that’s not what you mean, is it?”

“I thought by the time I graduated I would have made up my mind about what I wanted to do,” Jyn started digging through their box of decorations for the tinsel. “My dad spent the whole summer asking me what I’m going to do once I’m back in New York, and I’m apparently working at a café.”

“We’re millennial's, Jyn,” Cassian shrugged. “We fuck around, work like 10 different jobs, never afford a house or kids and eat avocados. That’s our life.”

“What would we do without the avocados,” she deadpanned.

Cassian burst out a laugh. “Honestly, I wouldn’t worry,” he told her.

“Well, how do you know that law school is what you want to do?”

Having just completed his first semester of law school, Jyn remembered the day earlier this year when he had gotten back the test results of his LSAT exam. He had been anxiously refreshing his inbox until eventually Kay had just taken the phone away. When the email had finally come through he hadn’t even been able to read it, had only been able to grin as Jyn had excitedly yelled out that he was in. It had been a moment of elation.

“Jesus, Jyn,” Cassian said. “I honestly don’t really know. I don’t even know if being a lawyer is what I want to do with my life. I don’t expect to be a lawyer forever. All I know is that it’s what I like doing right now, and I think that’s enough.”

“I don’t think the café is enough for me.”

“Then maybe that’s your answer?” Cassian told her, pulling out the tinsel from one of the boxes. “Eventually you will move on and find something that is.” He caught the conflicted look still on her face though, and sighed, moving in to loop the tinsel around her neck like a very sparkly feather boa.

“Jyn, you can and will do anything that you want in this world,” he insisted. “Ok?”

Jyn grinned.

“Ok.”

* * *

Sure enough, Cassian and Shara had broken up by the time New Year’s rolled around, but neither seemed to have any particular hard feelings or issues with it. “Don’t worry!” Shara had insisted during one of their shifts together after it had happened. “It wasn’t a fight or anything, we both knew that it was just for fun. Honestly, thanks for introducing us in the first place.”

“I honestly feel ok, Jyn,” Cassian had also told her, the morning of New Year’s Eve. “Shara’s cool, just not the person I was gonna spend my life with.”

And it really did seem to be good for them both. They stayed good friends, Cassian seemed to be finally over the heartbreak of Rachel and Shara even came to their New Year’s party that they threw. If they put the live stream of Times Square on Kay’s laptop and stood out on the fire escape, then they could almost, _almost_ pretend that they were down there alongside the hordes of others, gaining the experience without actually having to leave the comfort of their home.

It was cold as all hell, but Jyn still stood on the fire escape balcony, arms resting over the railing as she listened to the distant thump of music across town. The wind was bitter, but it at least wasn’t raining or snowing and she almost enjoyed feeling the chill of it across her cheeks. It was something she could feel. Something tangible that she could take in, unlike her uncertain future. She may not know what she was doing with her life, but she could stand outside and be one of many people in New York City trying to make something for herself. Another year had passed and she was still in the same place. The more time went by, the more she didn’t think she wanted to be that person anymore. She wanted to be someone who moved, someone who thought of something and just went and fucking did it.

She didn’t quite know where to start.

“Well, would you check out that view!” Cassian called out, and she turned to see him joining her. She smiled as he gestured out into the street.

“You mean the view of the 10-storey apartment building across the road?” she said.

“I didn’t say it was a great view. You all right out here?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Jyn said at once. “I think the view is probably better from the roof.”

“Then we should head up there.”

“Nah, they blocked off access in this building, remember?” Jyn said. “The girls who live next door, they said they used to be able to get up there, but then the super caught a guy trying to grow pot.” 

“I guess that’s on us for choosing this building to move to.”

“I think it’s bullshit,” Jyn shrugged. “just think of the views we’re missing!”

She glanced up at the old fire escape that climbed the side of their building. They had access to it from most of their bedrooms and the lounge window and it only went as high as the top storey, but theoretically they could climb up the rest of the way to the roof. If they stood on the railings, boosted each other up… it wouldn’t be hard? In their last apartment building they had been able to reach the roof, and she remembered the times Cassian played his guitar as they drank beer and watched the sun set over the city as they chilled up there. She thought of those fireworks that were due to go off soon, the view that was surely awaiting them…

She knew where to start.

“Let’s fuckin’ do it,” she said.

“Wait, what?”

“The roof!” she took the drink from Cassian’s hand and drained it before throwing the can dramatically onto the ground (she’d pick that up later). “Climb with me, Cassian.”

“Oh my god, you’re actually serious.”

She suddenly very much was. She hadn’t drunk too much that night, but it was only once she had climbed up the three extra stories to the top of their building and was attempting to climb up and balance on the rails that she was wondering whether she might not have had quite enough. With Cassian yelling at her to get the fuck down, it wasn’t long until several others from their party crowded out onto the fire escape down below to see what was going on.

“JYN!” Bodhi yelled up at her, hanging out the lounge window. “Don’t do it! You have so much life ahead of you!”

“I’m not fucking jumping,” she yelled back. “I want to get to the roof!”

“CASSIAN DO SOMETHING!”

“ _What does it look like I’m doing?_ ” Cassian shouted back.

“Cassian,” Jyn was balanced now, crouched low on the fire escape rail that was little more than a steel bar that ran across the platform. With one hand on the rail and one on the wall of the building in front of her, if she stood up she was pretty sure that she should be able to reach the drain pipe and from there, pull herself up to the ledge of the roof. Jesus Christ, what was wrong with her? She determinedly didn’t look down and think about the ultimate plummet to her death that waited if she fell. Her dad would never forgive her if this was how she died! But she looked to Cassian who was dancing alongside her trying to convince her that this was a bad idea and said,

“Mate, are you going to help me or not?”

He took a deep breath. Glanced up. Then back down at her.

“It’s twenty minutes ‘til midnight,” he tried, desperately. 

“Let’s see that view, then.”

He groaned, but reached out a hand.

Jyn grinned, grasping it immediately and standing up slowly with his help. “GOD HELP US,” she heard Bodhi yelling. “I’m coming up there!”

“Jyn, if you die can I have your room?” Kay called up calmly.

“Ok,” Jyn reached up with her free arm, but she found that she’d underestimated her height. The drain pipe was still just out of reach. “ok, ok, ok…” 

“Do you think you can reach?”

Cassian looked about ready to pass out, and he wasn’t even the one balancing on the edge of a 10 storey apartment building. She could hear Bodhi’s thundering feet, her friends yelling out to her from the window, and there was a T.V. show she once watched that declared there were many five-word sentences that one would come to regret if said, but she still glanced down at Cassian and grinned.

“I can jump that far!”

* * *

As it turned out, she could _not_ jump that far.

They ended up spending the ticking over of the year in the emergency room, Jyn nursing a minor fracture in her wrist and Cassian a concussion from where he had caught her round the middle as she fell and slammed into the railing from the force.

“Honestly,” Bodhi shook his head in dismay as _Auld Lang Synge_ blasted out in the distance from the waiting room T.V. “I can’t leave you alone for five minutes.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Bodhi_   
_Hey guys, seeing as Jyn is cast off, no longer broken, and we're all sad and single this valentine's day, who wants to go out?_

_Cassian_   
_I'm in_

_Kay_   
_If you all insist_

**Who are u calling sad and single?????**   
**yeah ok lol**

* * *

“I am a fucking _excellent_ wingman,” Kay declared, the bar an explosion of paper hearts, pink lighting, and love-themed cocktails. “Don’t try and take that title away from me! You can tell me anyone that you want to sleep with and I can assure you that I can make it happen.”

“And I’m saying, you?” Jyn scoffed. “The human robot? There’s no fucking way.” 

“No, no, he’s right,” Cassian said, nodding enthusiastically. “You remember Carmen from freshman year?”

“No way,” Jyn scoffed with a grin. Carmen had to have been the hottest girl on their entire floor, and they had all stared in amazement the night they had hit town during syllabus week and saw her making out with Cassian next to the club bathrooms. “You’re not gonna sit there and tell me that Kay Fucking Tu helped you hook up with Carmen?”

“I assure you that I did,” Kay said.

“Is this really something to be proud of?” Bodhi asked a little desperately.

“Don’t you try and get high and mighty,” Kay pointed at him. “I seem to recall a certain Derek Mason in junior year that you _oh so nicely_ begged me to introduce you to.”

Bodhi huffed back in his chair as he threw back a mouthful of beer.

“That’s what I thought.”

“How come you’ve never done this for me?” Jyn said in mock outrage.

Kay shrugged. “You always seemed to do just fine by yourself. Also, you never asked.”

“Well, I want to see these skills in action! It’s not fair if I’m the only one who hasn’t,” Jyn said. “Help me get off with Rich Boi over there.”

She pointed out the bloke who they had determined earlier in the evening was the kind of person who probably refused to have sex with anyone who only got paid by the hour. Wearing designer clothes and with the latest version of the iPhone in his hands, he was absolutely not Jyn’s type by a longshot. She worked serving coffee on minimum wage and he looked exactly like the kind of guy who had attended some prestigious boarding school in the Swiss Alps in his youth while his parents were busy being rich entrepreneurs or something. He wouldn’t give her the time of day, and she knew it.

Kay apparently seemed to take it as a challenge. 

“Take off the leather jacket,” he determined after a moment of staring at her critically. “And put your hair in a bun. Take out the earrings and for gods sake, finish that beer so I can get you a cocktail or something. Don’t mention the psychology degree, being a barista or the fact that you rent a place with three other guys.”

She snorted, but listened to his instructions, handing her jacket and earrings to Bodhi. She didn’t have a hair tie, so she settled for one of the cords currently tied around Cassian’s wrist and she gestured at her plain black singlet once she was finished.

“What do I do with the girls?” she asked.

“Hmmm,” In any other circumstance she would have been highly uncomfortable with someone staring at her boobs so intensely, but as it was she just let Kay scrutinise her. “He’s a guy who pretends he likes class but at the end of the day, he’s just another dirty, dirty male. Get them out.”

After strategically adjusting her bra (it surely wasn’t the strangest thing she’d ever done in a bar) she let Kay lead her over to Rich Boi. And she honestly didn’t know how he managed it, but it was only half an hour later when she found herself pressed against the wall leading to the bathrooms, Rich Boi’s hands on her arse and his lips somewhere in her cleavage. She looked over his shoulder at one point to see Cassian and Bodhi over at their table mock-slow clapping in amazement, Kay holding up a hastily scribbled sign on the back of a menu claiming,

“ _You owe me $$$_.” 

* * *

Kay was well established as their Flat Dad at this point. He was full of sarcastic one-liners, actually read the news as he ate breakfast at the same time every day and would make pancakes for anyone who happened to be at the breakfast table on a Sunday morning, whether that was just the occupants of the apartment, or any of their numerous night-time partners. There was never any judgement from Kay Tu, but one could always expect a roasting on any given day and despite Jyn’s night-before’s usually being ushered out before anyone could wake, she still managed to get a ribbing from him every time.

“Where’s the Screamer?” Kay asked one morning, the second Jyn was dragging herself up out of bed, scrubbing at her eyes and her hair everywhere. “Did he finally break his vocal cords? I would have turned my headphones up, but they were already on the loudest setting.”

“Fuck off.” 

“No, really! He already duck out?” Kay offered her a pancake a little too innocently. She snatched the plate out of his hands. “Too bad, I made blueberry.”

“Kay’s a dick,” Jyn declared casually a few minutes later, after eventually snapping and escaping with her pancake away from Kay’s teasing to Cassian’s room. She sat cross-legged on his bed while she picked away at the fluffy goodness on her plate.

“What did he do this time?” Cassian snorted, joining her.

“The usual roasting.”

“To be fair, your screamer was rather loud,” Cassian pointed out. “I don’t know what you were doing to him, but he seemed rather impressed–”

Jyn punched his shoulder lightly, causing him to laugh. “You’re as bad as Kay!”

“Did he give you an award for excellent service?”

“ _Stoooop_.”

“Ok, ok,” Cassian took a break to eat some pancake. “I don’t know why you’re complaining,” he added, mouth full. “all of our jokes point to the fact that you are clearly a sex goddess.”

“And I appreciate that,” Jyn said. The _but…_ went unsaid. She knew that Cassian would be able to hear it. Jyn had been thinking more and more lately that she wasn’t so sure that was what she wanted anymore. She admittedly liked how things were. She liked her life the way she lived it. They were a flat of single 20-somethings not looking for anything serious and it was comfortable. It was easy. It was also… stagnant. She remembered climbing the rail on New Years Eve and telling herself that she wanted to change. She didn’t want to be someone who stood still, she wanted to take risks and do more with her life than she currently was.

He must have been able to see the look on her face.

“But it’s not what you want, is it?” he said.

“Look, I don’t ask for much!” Jyn told him. “I’m not saying I desperately want a serious relationship or whatever, but I don’t know, maybe someone who will at least stay for fucking breakfast?”

“That’s fair.”

“Thank you.”

“But if you want someone to stay,” Cassian pointed out. “You do have to tell them.”

That’s what she was afraid of.

“How do you do it?” Jyn asked eventually, after several moments of them chewing. “You’ve never been afraid to just like someone.”

Cassian thought for a moment. “I’m always scared of liking someone.”

“But–”

“I don’t think you see it,” he carried on. “but it’s always terrifying and I get you. You’re putting a lot out on the line. Your emotions, your heart, sometimes you’re risking respect and friendship…”

Jyn stared hard as she listened and for a moment, wondered why he had just trailed off mid-sentence. Then, she became very aware of his hand on her knee as he helped keep the now-empty plate of pancakes balanced on her leg. He broke the contact hastily and Jyn moved to place it on the floor, giving him a moment to gather his thoughts up.

“What I’m saying,” Cassian quickly said. “is making yourself vulnerable is hard.”

“I don’t know if I can do it.”

“I know you, Jyn,” Cassian said. “I reckon you can at least try.”

“Shit,” she sighed. “I really think I want a relationship, Cassian.”

He smiled. “I’m proud of you!”

“Shut up.”

* * *

_3.36PM_   
_hey what u up to this fine evening_

_4.16PM_   
_listen here u little bitch if ur gonna ghost me fine but expect to rot in hell_

**i was at work lmaoooooo**

* * *

**i love your dog!**

_i want to lick peanut butter off your boobies_

* * *

_wow you're so beautiful_

**thanks! you are too**

_excuse me i am a MALE i am hot/handsome not fucking beautiful fucking feminazi bullshit!!_

* * *

_send nudes_

**would you at least buy me dinner first?**

_no_

* * *

_2012 Toyota Camry, 80,000 miles, $10,500_

**i think u might be lost, craigslist is that way**

* * *

_I WANT TO SUCK THAT PUSSY BITCH_

**your father never hugged you enough as a child did he**

* * *

**scott, my buddy, my pal, before you come in with a line, i have to say i am Le Tired and would  
appreciate no unsolicited dick pics, sales offers or requests to lick my vagina.  
** **thank you**  
 **well...........the last one is not exactly off the table if you at least buy me dinner first**

_we are all trapped in the hellscape that is tinder_

**we are all just stardust hurtling through the vacuum of space**

_deep! impressed_

**lmao i don't think i'm cut out for tinder**

_If it makes you feel better, i once agreed to a date with a girl and an entirely different one turned up claiming  
to be the same person _

**What the Actual Flying Fuck**   
**were you castfished????**

_it was WILD i tell you, i must have been because a person does not simply change ethnicity overnight lmaoooo_   
_So i promise not to sell you anything or send you pics of my dick lmao_   
_dinner i might be willing to provide_

**oh my fudkcif god**

* * *

Her attempts at having a relationship didn’t exactly go well, however. 

“I get that for every 10 nutcases you get one good one, but you do then have to actually let people get to know you,” Shara pointed out from where she cleaned out the coffee machine. They were nearly closing and Jyn didn’t have quite as much patience for the closing procedure. She hastily wiped down the deli shelves, stacking chairs as fast as she could so that she could get out of the hellhole as quickly as possible. “That’s kind of what dating is, girl.”

“I know that,” Jyn huffed. 

“Then why are you blowing off Scott?” she said in exasperation. “He’s fucking perfect for ya!”

In all respects, yes. He was. Jyn blamed temporary insanity for why she had agreed to go on the date, but from the first message their conversation hadn’t felt forced or awkward and she’d had a feeling that it would probably go well. For once, her judgement hadn’t been wrong. Scott Melshi had met up with her for dinner at a decent place, hadn’t been a creepy asshole, and had spent the entire time making up ridiculous back stories with her for all of the other patrons in the restaurant.

“Woman in the pantsuit?” she had asked, subtly gesturing two tables over from them.

“High powered prosecutor,” Scott had said after a moment, in between forkfuls of steak. “That guy she’s with is not her husband. He’s a defence lawyer and they meet up in secret once every two weeks to exchange personal information about her clients. She has a gambling problem and needs the money to keep feeding her three kids.”

“Incredible. What are the kids’ names?”

“Balthazar, Bullet and Kate. Kate is the devil child, don’t trust her.”

She had laughed, way too loudly. She had choked slightly and the resulting cough had actually made the woman in question look up over at them. Jyn had looked at Scott with tears streaming down her face and that was the moment when her entire being had screamed, _uh-oh_.

Jyn clenched her fingers around the chair she was about to lift. “I’m just not feeling it ok, Shara? Jesus Christ.”

“Uh-uh!” Shara insisted at once, throwing a paper cup at her. It missed and fell to the floor, but the sentiment was still there. “I saw all the screenshots you sent me, I told you that you’d be great together and you are! You like this guy, just admit it!” 

She was rapidly running out of excuses, but thankfully Cassian chose that moment to arrive. Having been studying late that evening, he had agreed to stop by and commute home with her. He waved cheerfully from the doorway to both her and Shara and she yanked off her apron, running to throw it over Shara’s head as she went to grab her bag.

“Sorry, girl, gotta go,” she called from the break room.

“ _Ohhhhhh_ ,” Shara’s voice warbled out. “I get it now.”

Jyn hesitated once she stepped back out.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

Shara just gestured vaguely to the doors where Cassian was waiting. “Well, there’s gotta be a reason you’re ignoring a guy who is blatantly perfect for you,” she said in undertone. “You’re blowing off Scott because a part of you hopes that things will happen with Cassian someday.”

“SHARA, what the fuck?”

She just shrugged. “Am I wrong?”

“I don’t have time for this,” Jyn just stormed around the front counter. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“JUST FUCKING TEXT SCOTT BACK!” Shara yelled back in reply.

* * *

Shara was sooooo fucking wrong. 

She got it all the time. She wasn’t even going to pretend that she was surprised, nor did she really hold it against Shara because looking from the outside, Jyn could understand how people always came to the same conclusion. She spent a majority of her time with Cassian, they went out together, told each other everything, may or may not have had weird moments of touching while holding a plate of pancakes together… it was easy to come to the conclusion that they must be secretly pining for each other because that was what society had been conditioned to think about every male-female friendship ever. She tried not to let it get to her, especially when she had much bigger things to worry about.

Yes, she was purposefully blowing off Scott when she didn’t want to. The man had driven her home and they’d made out over the gear stick for crying out loud! But it had been two days and she still hadn’t responded to his message about a second date and apparently the library at Cassian’s law school was the place to talk about this because she barged in one day when she knew he wasn’t in class and threw her jacket dramatically onto his spare chair as she declared,

“Cassian, I caught feelings!”

Slowly, he lowered his laptop.

“This sounds much more interesting than work. You can continue.” 

“Scott,” she said, desperately. “I like him. I like him _bad_ , but I’m terrified.”

Cassian smiled. Like actually _smiled_ , shit-eating and all-encompassing and it was like she didn’t even know her best friend anymore because since when did he ever smile like that? She rolled her eyes, tossing her jacket aside so that she could sit down with a huff as Cassian pointed at her with his highlighter with what could only be described as utter glee.

“Jyn, you like someone!”

“Is that so weird?”

“Just give me a moment,” Cassian took a deep breath. “This is a momentous day. Do you want a serious best friend talk, or a no-big-deal kind of talk?”

“No big deal.”

“In that case,” Cassian reached over and tapped her folded arms lightly with his highlighter. “Jyn, I’m so proud of you! I promise it’s going to be fine.”

“But what do I do?” she asked.

“Say nothing that could be used against you in court?” he suggested.

“Well, I did ask for you not to make it a big deal,” Jyn snorted. “Any chance I could get the serious talk now?”

“Fine,” Cassian said, shaking his head with a thankfully much more contained smile now. “Jyn, you like this guy. He clearly likes you too. You need to ask yourself whether you’re willing to risk it. And I know it’s terrifying letting someone in, but I know you and I know you’re going to regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try, _sooo_...”

“That’s what I thought you’d say,” she said. “ _Shit_.”

“If it helps,” Cassian shrugged. “I’m still yet to take my own advice.”

“The day you meet them,” she pointed out. “The day your Scott walks into your life, I’ll be there to pull your head in as well, ok?”

“Sounds great. So are you going to text him or what?”

Jyn glanced down at her phone. “If I haven’t fucked it up already. He probably thinks I’m not interested by this point.”

“More excuses! Just text him or I’ll do it for you,” Cassian made a mock grab for her phone that she swatted him for.

“Oh god. Ok, ok,” she opened up the app. “I’m apparently doing this. What do I even say?”

* * *

**hey, sorry for the late reply but yes! would love to**

_oh thank god_   
_wait i mean coolcool cool coolcoolcool imcool_

* * *

Jyn was typically a good roommate. 

She kept her messes contained to her room, didn’t leave her socks in the washing machine and cleaned up after herself. Hell, sometimes she even brought home leftover pastries from work! Overall, she thought she was great to live with, but just like Cassian, Bodhi and Kay were also all great to live with, they all had their faults as well. Bodhi would let her borrow his milk, but also put the empty cartons back in the fridge. Cassian would binge watch anything with her, but also spoke too loud on the phone whenever he called his family and she was trying to sleep or concentrate on something. Kay could reach the tall shelves in the kitchen, but also… well, literally everything else he did annoyed the crap out of her.

But Jyn was the ultimate _ur fave is problematic:_

_Had loud sex._

“HHNNNG – _shhhhh_ ,” She hissed, pressing her lips into Scott’s neck.

“Did you just shush yourself?” he laughed

She sure as hell just did. His hands went to her waist as she climbed onto his lap, shedding her jacket as she did so. It turned out that Scott kissed her like a soldier coming home from war, which was honestly quite fine. However, this whole ‘relationship’ thing was relatively new to the both of them and she wasn’t quite prepared for the onslaught of emotions that having sex with someone you cared about brought. The noises he kept making (and getting out of her) were no doubt carrying throughout the entire flat. Kay of course slept in noise-cancelling headphones and Bodhi thankfully slept in the room furthest away from hers, but Cassian shared a wall with her.

“See, that’s why I like you,” Jyn smirked in between kisses, hands snaking up into his hair, legs wrapped around his waist as they sat on the edge of her bed. “You don’t think I’m crazy when I apparently talk to myself.”

“Oh don’t get me wrong, you’re totally nuts–” A fierce kiss, tongue stroking fire onto hers. “–but it’s worth it.”

“You’re hot when you’re being sweet.”

More kisses, fuelled by long days, hormones and a feeling that had been sitting in her chest for a couple of months now, constantly in a battle to get out. It was time for _that_ to be quiet. She pulled off her shirt and his hands ran up her back, her sides, holding her close as he leaned down and kissed her chest where bra met skin. He burned – he always burned – as he made his way slowly up her neck, trailing his tongue over the spot he knew got her kicking. The helpless groan drew a grin against her skin.

“Oh my god,” she said. “Would you just take my clothes off already?”

“So you’re not enjoying this?”

“I’m enjoying it too much, which is why I want to get to the part where my bra is on the floor–”

 _Bang, bang, bang_.

They both snapped up in confusion until eventually another round of bangs and yelling explained what was going on.

“ _Hey! Some of us are TRYING to sleep!_ ”

Jesus Christ. Jyn had to stifle her laughter into Scott’s shoulder before climbing off him to roll across the bed and bang back on the wall that she shared with Cassian’s room.

“He won’t take my bra off!” she yelled back.

“ _So take it off yourself!_ ”

“Well, that’s no fun.”

“ _I swear to god, Jyn, I will come over there!_ ”

She didn’t doubt him. “Have a good night, Cassian,” she called back with a laugh. “We’ll shut up now.”

“ _Yeah, yeah…_ ”

Scott flopped onto his back with a _whoomp_ , turning his head so that he could watch her crawl back over to him. “It’s a miracle that any of your roommates like me,” he said.

“I like you,” Jyn said as she straddled his waist. Scott laughed into her mouth as she bent down to kiss him.

“Well, that’s what counts.”

* * *

**Hey dad, how’s it going, I have a boyfriend, hope ur swell, love ya x**

_Wait wait wait, please go back and explain the boyfriend????_

**His name is scott, he’s American, works IT**

_Is that all you’re giving me?_

**Yeep**

_As long as you’re happy stardust, I’m happy!_

* * *

“Please, please, _please_ ,” she insisted for about the hundredth time that morning. “We need the crowds, we’re literally dying!”

“Jyn, we have lives now,” Cassian countered her, again for the hundredth time that morning. “Kay and Haylee are working, I’m studying, we just can’t do a set for you at the café.”

“I already spoke to the others! They’re down to do a paid weekly set if you are. Just think, the band being back together! _Cassian_ –”

Jyn sighed, rushing after him as he swept out of the kitchen, lunch made and getting shoved into his bag along the way to pick up his jacket. Currently in the midst of finals was also probably not the best time to be asking, but what choice did she have? Cassian spent a majority of his time complaining about the cases he learned about for his studies, about the shady CEOs and alleged criminals that he may very well have to represent one day. She was sure that the leather-jacket-wearing, guitar-playing Cassian was still in there somewhere and with her own livelihood at stake, she was willing to do anything.

“Wait, _wait_!” she said, clinging to his arm and letting him drag her along by the socks down their wooden-floored hallway. “Just think of the girls! Give a guy a guitar and he instantly becomes 86% more attractive, and that’s a fact.”

“You made that up.”

“Maybe, but it’s still mostly true!” Jyn said. “ _Come on_ , I know you haven’t gotten laid for ages, and you’ll have all the girls throwing themselves at you if you do this!”

“Jyn, I didn’t do music for the _groupies_.”

“Well, that’s news to me,” Jyn smirked. 

“We were in collage–! _Oh, for god’s sake_ ,” Cassian finally came to a stop near the front door. Jyn tentatively let go of his arm, ready to grab again should he decide to do a runner. He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose for a second and Jyn gently cajoled him,

“I knoooow you still have that guitar of yours stashed away in your wardrobe…”

“Jyn, I haven’t played in ages,” Cassian said, a little desperate. “I probably don’t even remember how.”

“Surely It’ll be like riding a bike,” Jyn insisted.

“I’m probably not even that good anymore.”

“I hear you singing in the shower, mate,” Jyn pointed out. “Trust me, you’re still good.”

“No one knows our band anymore, who would even come–”

“That’s what Facebook events are for!” Jyn burst out. “Jesus, Cassian, please just say you’ll do it already?”

He heaved a sigh and shot her a look, but she knew the look well. It was the _you’ll be the death of me, Jyn Erso_ , look and she was grinning before he could say anymore. “Wait, I didn’t–” he began but she was already leaping on him, jumping up and hugging him excitedly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Lord, help me.”

“You won’t regret this!”

“I already do.”

She knew that he wouldn’t in the end, though. He had been the last person she’d needed to convince to go along with this plan, the first having been her bosses from work. After assuring them that their little indie band would surely be a hit with the students, Haylee had been easy to drag back in with Kay only agreeing if Cassian agreed too. Thankfully, she’d somehow managed it and his guitar was dragged out and dusted off that very same night. Sure, she and Scott had to listen to several nights of awkward tuning and bad chords through the walls, but Jyn noticed Cassian had a new vigour in his eyes these days and when he came home and told the latest story about which companies were being sued this time he didn’t look quite so dead inside anymore.

“You really weren’t kidding,” Scott said appreciatively as they listened to the band’s cover of a Fleetwood Mac song. She was nestled under his arm at the back of the café, where a small crowd was listening as they drank their lattes and pretended to be working on their iPads and laptops. “He is pretty good!”

“I’m so fuckin’ proud.”

“Just putting it out there, I’m totally musical too. I used to play the clarinet back in high school,” Scott mentioned.

Jyn snorted with laughter. “ _Clarinet?_ ”

“Hey, apparently there’s no electric guitar in a school band, I had to go with my second option.”

“And your second option was clarinet?”

“Don’t diss the clarinet!” Scott squeezed her playfully.

“Maybe you could join the band?” Jyn teased. “I’m sure they’d create an opening as soon as they heard.”

“A clarinet in a rock band?”

“ _Accounting_ themed rock bank, the normal rules clearly don’t apply.”

“Maybe I stick to my day job,” Scott grinned. He was always grinning, that boyfriend of hers. It had unnerved her slightly back when they had first started dating, but the weird thing was that instead of it make her want to punch him like too much smiling usually did… it had made her start smiling more too.

(She didn’t think she’d ever smiled so much in her life, these last few months).

“Oh my god!” Shara said as she walked past with a tray of used cups and plates. “Why didn’t we do this sooner?”

“If this keeps up, we may not go under,” Jyn said, gleefully.

“Wait,” Scott pulled back a little to give her a concerned look. “was that a possibility?”

She hadn’t exactly mentioned the extent of the situation to the others. If she was going to be dragging her friends back into singing, she’d wanted it to be because they wanted to and not just because they thought her livelihood depended on it. But truthfully, there had been a few staff meetings recently where her bosses had sat them all down and at the latest, quite seriously told them that unless something drastically changed soon, they would be forced to sell. She didn’t think she’d ever seen any expression other than a quirked eyebrow on Baze Malbus’ face before, but that night had changed a lot of things. Sure, this hadn’t exactly been the career path that she’d had in mind when she had gone to university, nor was it exactly the be all, end all job that she wanted to stay at forever, but for now _Rebel, Rebel_ was her home and damn it if she wasn’t going to try and keep it afloat.

“We’re struggling,” Jyn admitted. “Our best customers are the students, but there’s so much competition these days…”

“Doesn’t Cassian want to eventually work for those kinds of companies?” Scott asked, glancing back over to where their law school friend was currently belting out a soulful note to some whoop and applause.

“We don’t talk about the hell that is capitalism,” Jyn pointed out.

“You gotta make your cash somehow, right?” Shara added. “Besides, who knows… maybe now he’ll eventually figure out that corporate life isn’t for him.”

His voice had apparently attracted a rather appreciative crowd. Some filmed him on their phones while some passing by out on the street paused when they reached their door. Jyn felt oddly proud seeing Cassian using his voice outside the safety of their shower and her stomach clenched as he belted out a long, soulful note amidst a smattering of whoops and applause.

“I hope so,” she said.

* * *

_Cassian_   
_Hey guys, so my cousin and his gf are moving to ny! They are both doctors and really cool, I promise. They just need somewhere to stay for two weeks as they have to wait for their new apartment's current lease to end, is it all right with you guys if they stay with us for that time?_

**Fine with me!**   
**Is this the cousin we’ve met before?**

_Cassian_   
_This is the cousin who came to visit for spring break 2012_

_Bodhi_   
_Oh, he can DEFINITELY stay_

_Kay_   
_Bodhi, didn’t you make out with him?_

_Bodhi_   
_Your point?_

* * *

It was rather awkward when one found yourself cut off from your own home.

“Any chance we could put ‘leave it out on the fire escape’ as a part of the delivery instructions?” Bodhi called over to them from where he was lounging on Jyn’s bed, phone balanced on his chest.

“I’m not sure that’s in the job description of a pizza deliverer,” Kay poined out.

“Well, we’ve got to do something!” Bodhi insisted, dramatically tossing his phone aside in favour of sitting up with a flourish. “They’ve been at it for nearly two hours, I am wasting away here!”

“Look, again very sorry that I brought this into our lives, that one’s on me,” Cassian said, head in his hands. 

It was honestly like something straight out of _Friends_. You know, the one where Ross and Rachel dramatically broke up and the rest of the gang was trapped inside Monica’s bedroom until the fight was over. No sooner had Cassian’s cousin and his girlfriend, Laura, arrived to stay than had the arguments begun. Of course, being visitors and their ‘bedroom’ naturally being the couch, this meant that all of these tirades took place in public spaces, effectively cutting off their access to the main part of the apartment as none of them dared walked through the warzone to get to the kitchen. On this particular occasion, they had all crowded together in Jyn’s room for solidarity, the four of them starting to go a little stir crazy with hunger.

“You know,” Kay mentioned, leaning out of Jyn’s window and peering down the fire escape. “I’m aware that the stairs are broken at the bottom, but I believe I am tall enough that the drop would not hurt.”

“Calm down, Kay, you’re not the fucking Terminator,” Jyn snorted.

“I could make it!”

“That’s exactly what I said when I tried to reach the roof.”

“Well, nearly plummeting to your death is what happens when you don’t factor in your size,” Kay said. “I, on the other hand, have thought this through and–”

“For god’s sake, no one is jumping anywhere!” Cassian burst out. He stood up from where he had been sat slumped on her desk chair, which got Jyn mildly intrigued. “I am going to go out there and tell them to fucking fight somewhere else–”

He’d only taken two steps, however, when something Kes yelled apparently made him cringe. Unlike _Friends_ , they didn’t even have the consolation prize of being able to listen in on the fight due to the fact that it was all in angry Spanish. Jyn recognised a few words here and there, but it was all too fast to make out exactly and the wince on Cassian’s face made her get up from where she had been lying down, head resting on Bodhi’s legs.

“What is it?” she asked.

Cassian sighed, shaking his head. “They’re fighting because Laura didn’t want to come to New York. He’s accusing her of only coming because she feels guilty about cheating on him.”

“YIKES,” Bodhi said.

“Hang on,” Cassian carried on listening, moving and pressing his ear to the door. “Oh, no, don’t bring Penny into this…”

“Who the hell is Penny?”

“Long story,” Cassian waved a hand. “SHIT, now the graduation party of 2009! Oh, lord…”

There was a loud _slam_ then that made them all jump. Jyn, Bodhi and Kay quickly leapt up to join Cassian at the door, each of them almost comically trying to listen in at the cracks. Jyn heard Cassian’s name said a few times along with other words that allowed her to get the general gist of what was going on.

_Heart. Sorry. Love. Shit. Sad._

“This is getting out of hand,” Cassian said. “I’m breaking it up before they break anything else!”

“That’s assuming they haven’t already broken each other,” Jyn grimaced.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Laura was on a plane back to Mexico the very next day.

“I am so sorry!” Kes was absolutely distraught. Not so much over his relationship ending, as Jyn figured he should have been, but more over the embarrassment of causing such a scene in someone else’s home in the first place. He had bought them all blocks of chocolate in apology and would not stop insisting on doing every cleaning job under the sun to make up for it. No amount of assurances that it was fine seemed to make any difference.

“Mate, shit happens,” Jyn said to him, all while shoving chocolate into her mouth. “Besides, it makes a good story.”

Kes groaned into the kitchen table, head in his arms. “We were together six years! I don’t even know what life is without her.”

As Jyn patted his back, she got an idea.

“You know, I happen to know a girl who’s into emotionally unavailable men…”

Thankfully, it made Kes laugh.

“Tell her to call me in a few months.”

* * *

Autumn was a weird time of year.

One second it was boiling and they are drinking beer while sitting in a paddling pool that they had blown up in their lounge, and the next it was pissing it down until all the storm drains blocked and overflowed. There was an air of change and even though she saw it coming, nothing quite prepared her for the sucker punch that was delivered to her a few days after Bodhi’s birthday in November.

Jyn threw her bag at the wall as she walked in the door. Rubbing her eyes, she called out to whoever might be home, 

“Scott and I broke up!” 

It didn’t take long for everyone to converge on her in the hallway. Cassian immediately hurried from the kitchen, Kay apparently coming from the lounge and Bodhi practically skidding out of his bedroom. All three of them threw their arms around her and she complained loudly, but didn’t try and fight off the hug. She had called out for a reason. She was barely even touching the floor, her toes just skimming the wood as their arms wound tight around her, calling out varying words of comfort anywhere from offering to cook food for her, to asking whether she needed help hiding a body. And she squeezed her arm tight around Bodhi’s waist and buried her face into Cassian’s neck and knew she would eventually be ok.

* * *

“It was a disaster,” she said morosely, although it was hard to sound depressed when you were forced to yell over the thumping bass of a nightclub. “He still didn’t say it.”

“You brought it up, then?”

“Yeah, what a fucking mistake that was,” Jyn’s chest hurt just thinking about it. She’d honestly had no idea that something had even been wrong. Looking back she naturally saw the signs of emotional distance, the lack of messages, the pulling away, but it had been easy to dismiss it all as stress from work or something else entirely that had nothing to do with her. It made it even more of a blow when Scott had sat her down one night and told her that he wasn’t in love with her.

“What the fuck are you even saying?” Jyn had said after what seemed to be an entire speech from him. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“No!” Scott had said, taking her hand. “I honestly don’t… look, I don’t know what I’m feeling. I hope that I start to feel that way, I want to feel that way, believe me. This has been the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in and I don’t want to just give up on it. I just needed to tell you so that you understand what I’m dealing with.”

“But it got worse,” Jyn told Cassian. “He strung me along this last month until eventually he shuts himself off entirely and breaks up with me.”

She would have cried, but honestly she had worked too fucking hard to get this eyeliner right and she had cried enough at this point. She had done her sobbing on the couch watching _Titanic_ routine. She had attempted to burn his t-shirt (until she had realised that a visit from the fire department would not help in them keeping their security deposit). She had honestly done everything and now, she just wanted to get fucking hammered with her friends. The club was perfectly loud and obnoxious, full of college kids on winter break and of course her mates that had all dropped everything to come and party away with her.

She might have a useless degree, a job that was a couple thousand away from going under and no boyfriend, but at least she had them.

“I know I’ve said it already,” Cassian said. “but I’m honestly sorry, Jyn.”

“One thing I know for sure,” Jyn mentioned. “I’m never fucking falling in love again.”

Cassian snorted. “That’s what I said after Carmen in Freshman Year.”

“I’m serious!

“So was I,” Cassian mentioned, lightly. “and then I eventually met Rachel. Look, if you are indeed happier not being in love then that is totally fine. But please don’t close yourself off, ok?”

“Who would fucking want me?” Jyn scoffed. “Scott didn’t.”

“Scott is an asshole, ok?” Cassian said rather fiercely. It made her glance up at him and he wound his arm firmly around her shoulders. “Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person. Sometimes we don’t fall in love with the right person. You are dedicated, passionate, and the strongest person I know, and Scott is an idiot if he doesn’t love that.”

And maybe she owed Cassian a little more than she gave him credit for. He bought her whatever shot she wanted and forced her to hand over her phone so that she couldn’t drunk-text Scott in any shape or form. She hooked her arms around his neck and they danced to the terrible pop songs, laughing in his face and he held back her hair when she threw up into the gutter on route between bars two and three. He ended up piggy-backing her the last stretch home, Bodhi having been lost somewhere around bar five and Kay complaining loudly that they had to stop and pee too many times. 

Honestly, she didn’t deserve a friend like Cassian. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the timeline of this story is from the last decade, Jyn and co. first meeting and starting college in Sep 2009 and the current now of the story being Nov 2014. it will finish in 2019, covering a total of 10 years of Jyn and Cassian's friendship. 
> 
> the original timeline was 2010-2020, but i uhhhhhh didn't factor in the possibility of a global pandemic when i started planning this lmaoooo 
> 
> ANYWAY thank you so much for your comments, i'm glad that you're all still around and willing to read my fics. let me know what you think, love yall xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

With a bit of time, Jyn eventually got over Scott Melshi.

It had been relatively easy to just block him on every social media she had and effectively wipe him from her life before promptly escaping to England for Christmas. She certainly wasn’t fixed by the time she came back, but the several people she went on dates with definitely helped. She was, of course, a big advocate of the idea that one did not always have to get under another human just to get over another. Every relationship had to be mourned in its own way, whether that was eating one’s bodyweight in pizza, buying a new car, or going on spontaneous holiday to Bali. This just happened to be her way. Her roommates got very used to a regular trail of people in and out of their apartment. She held everyone at arms length except for perhaps one that she almost let get too close. She'd made it very clear from the start that she was only wanting something casual, only they shared a very similar kind of humour and when they’d kissed, she’d started to feel a bubble of something grow inside her. Well, not on her watch! She quickly put a damper on that before it could get even more out of hand. 

It was how she kept herself safe. 

It was one day mid-June when she was just wondering whether it was possible to hit the end of the Tinder algorithm and what would happen when she ran out of people to swipe through when she glanced down and noticed the next person that had come up on the app. She let out a snort of laughter.

_Cassian, 24  
_ _Mexican, NYU, future lawyer. Talk to me about music._

She even recognised the picture he’d put as his main photo. She had been the one to take it, that time they had all gone down to the beach last summer. The sun had been setting and she’d danced around him laughing, “Work it, girl! Work it!” She should just give up her day job and become a photographer, because honestly, that photo was some of her finest work (if she did say so herself).

For a laugh she swiped right, only to do a double take when the app told her it was a match.

“CASSIAN,” she yelled out and down the hallway. “YOU FUCKING SWIPED RIGHT ON ME!”

She waited a moment until he yelled back,

“ _You mean on Tinder?_ ”

“WE’RE A MATCH.”

A pause, and then she heard him laughing. "I forgot about that!" 

She pulled up the app once more and sent a message.

* * *

**Are you going to attempt some pick up line on me then?**

_Are you tired?_   
_Because you’ve been running through my mind alllll dayyyyyy_

**O h mufu g o d**   
**This is hilarious**

_Something strange happened in the algorithm, Jyn_

**Something strange**   
**Or something FABULOUS**   
**Let’s face it im a catch**

_Lmaooooo you are_

* * *

And that was the summer when things started to change.

It happened in moments, slowly enough that she didn’t notice any difference until she was already head first into the deep end. One evening they spent an evening watching a cheesy Netflix movie of some kind together as an apartment. Jyn, Cassian and Bodhi shared the couch while Kay always sat in his own personal armchair that no one else was allowed to touch (he even put a box on the chair when he wasn’t there that had scrawled on it in black marker, ‘MY CHAIR, DO NOT SIT’). With Jyn in the middle, she found herself slumped further and further down into the couch until she was practically snuggled under Cassian’s arm and her legs were across Bodhi’s lap. So comfortable, she actually didn’t realise that the movie had ended until Bodhi moving her legs jolted her awake. She heard him and Kay murmuring good night and lights being switched off and waited for Cassian to boot her off him.

Except he didn’t. He stayed perfectly still, almost as if he was afraid to wake her. So she stayed still too… until they eventually both fell asleep and woke up in the morning both pretending to have been asleep the entire time.

Another night, she Facetimed her dad. He was apparently working on a rather large and important research project and was keen to tell her all about it. She’d always claimed that she just wasn’t smart enough for science, let alone the chemistry that her father did, but she had to admit it fascinated her. She listened while Cassian cooked casually in the background, occasionally interjecting with something to say or to ask to her taste something.

“ _I’ve always liked that Cassian_ ,” Galen told her later through the phone, after they’d eaten and Cassian was clearing away the dishes. “ _I’d love to meet him_.”

“Well, you just have to come and visit me, then,” Jyn teased.

“ _Har, har, you know what I’m like on planes_ ,” her dad threw back. But he smiled and said, “ _One of these days, I’m going to make it across the pond, I promise!_ ”

“It’s fine Dad, seriously.”

“ _I mean it,_ ” he said back. “ _Your life is in New York now and the place means a lot to you. I’d love to see it_.”

“I don’t think you’ve thought this through,” Jyn snorted. “I mean, you? In New York City? You break out in hives if you have to go to Birmingham!”

“ _I would do it for you._ ”

“Of course.”

“ _Also because I’m dying to meet Cassian in person._ ”

“Daaaad.”

There was also a moment out at the bar as they celebrated her 24th birthday. It was a night where people kept buying her shots to the point where she was VERY happy and also kind of needed help standing upright. She tried to keep it together least she get kicked out of the bar, but Cassian still needed to dash in and catch her quickly before her grip slipped off the table that she was holding onto and she face-planted onto the floor. He’d dragged her out for a birthday dance to some recent pop song that talked about bitches and money and she had looped her arms over his neck to grind against him. Maybe it was the alcohol in her system, but she thought nothing of it until she was waiting in the bathroom line later, concentrating on leaning against the wall when she got a message from Bodhi.

_yooooooooooooooo I’m gonna head out where r u?????_

**I”M PEENG**

_L M A OOO O_

**I dnto wanna go h ome yte**

_Babe ur drunk as all fuck, u want to remember ur birthday in the morning and quit while ur ahead lol_

**Its fine, prorimise cass will take tme hmeo**   
**Hoem**   
**HOMerJeysfdjjd**

_Oh CASSIAN will take u home huh????????????????_

She glanced at that message with a frown, trying to decipher its meaning. But then the next toilet stall became free and she shoved her phone back in her pocket, leaping forward.

She wasn’t sure what it all meant. She certainly knew what it could mean, but was that actually what was happening? And was it even what she wanted? What did anyone want? She didn’t know anything! The one thing that was a comfort was that they all seemed to be as lost and clueless as each other. No one knew what they were doing, and that was fine. They were all at the same stage in life, all having fun being foot loose and fancy free and having a good time.

Until, of course, the fateful day when their Apartment of Singledom was ruined.

* * *

“Luke FUCKING Skywalker!” Jyn exclaimed, half in annoyance, half in admiration. “I haven’t even heard from him since college! Surprised he’s still alive actually, considering he spent half his time riding shopping carts and the other half getting high with Han.”

“Har, har,” Bodhi rolled his eyes. “Look, we happened to match and it felt right, ok? It’s only a first date.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s what they ALL say!” Jyn insisted. “I’ll have you know that I’ll be recounting this conversation at your wedding in a few years. Just sayin’.”

“You’re going to jinx it,” Bodhi complained.

But she didn’t.

She remembered Luke and a few of his mates from collage quite vividly. They had lived in the same dorm as her and it hadn’t been a party until Luke Skywalker turned up. She remembered him as the guy who taped beer cans to his hands and stayed up until 3am finishing assignments. He was naïve and a bit goofy, but had a big heart and when Bodhi allowed them to all meet again, she discovered that he was just the same as ever. She liked the guy. And it made accepting that Bodhi had left the single life far behind him all that much harder, since it was hard to not root for a relationship that you genuinely enjoyed seeing and wished all the best for.

Luke became a regular visitor to their flat. He contributed to the expenses, kept a toothbrush in the bathroom and even became a part of their weekly game nights. Within a flash, their carefree summer had turned into a very different fall. Occasionally she felt a pang of hurt at the change, but then she would see Bodhi’s face whenever Luke won a round of Cards Against Humanity, or when he gave him a kiss goodbye in the mornings before work, and she figured it was probably a change for the better. If someone made her best friend that happy, then she was fine.

But the realities of Bodhi dating Luke Skywalker didn’t actually hit her until several months in. She never thought about what – or rather, who – it could bring back into their lives until Luke’s birthday. They all went out to dinner together to celebrate before meeting up with several of Luke’s friends at a nearby bar. She hadn’t even thought twice about which friends these were going to be until they were walking inside and she was suddenly face to face with none other than Han Fucking Solo. 

“Erso!” he called out with a grin. “OH MY GOD, what’s it been? Like four years?”

“Yeah, yeah, apparently four years wasn’t enough,” Jyn rolled her eyes as the others all greeted each other with much compassion and enthusiasm. “Still friends with Luke then?” 

“And you’re still hanging out with those guys,” Han gestured vaguely to where Cassian and Kay were rather caught up in a monstrous hug from another of Luke and Han’s friends, Chewie.

“Seems neither of us has changed much since college.”

“I don’t know,” Han grinned. “I think you got hotter.”

“Why thank you, asshole.”

He grinned. “Bring it in, then!”

It was hard not to enjoy it as he had swept her up into a hug that pulled her clean off her feet. She laughed as he span her around a few times until she heard a loud cough from behind them. Han stopped mid-swing, hastily putting her down and wilting slightly under the piercing gaze of a woman in a white blouse and sceptical expression. Jyn had no idea who she was, but she already admired her deeply – if anyone was going to try and pull off white in a rowdy bar, then they already had Jyn’s Mad Respect. The woman coughed again and Han rubbed the back of his neck, pointing her out.

“Jyn,” he said. “This is Leia, Luke’s sister. Leia, this is Jyn, an… old friend from college.” 

“Nice to meet you,” Leia said.

“You too,” Jyn replied.

She remembered Luke talking about having a sister back at collage, but she had gone to school on the other side of the country and they’d never had the opportunity to meet her. She seemed nice enough, chatting to everyone as the celebrations continued, Luke buying a new round for them all (and nearly everyone else in the bar as well until Bodhi managed to stop him) and enjoying the banter between new and old friends. The more alcohol was consumed, however, the more observant Jyn seemed to become and it seemed that she wasn’t the only one coming to the conclusions in her head.

“Is it just me,” Jyn said to Cassian at one point over at their end of the table while Luke and Han regaled an epic drunken tale of their 18-year-old selves to a riveted audience. “but is there something going on between Han and Leia?”

“I was thinking the same!” Cassian muttered back. They both craned their heads to glance subtly over at where Leia was shaking her head in exasperation at the dramatic tale being told. There was frustration and just a hint of fondness in her eyes. “That’s sexual tension if I ever saw it! You must be relieved.”

“Relieved?”

“You know,” Cassian waved a hand vaguely. “because of the whole… history thing.”

Jyn snorted so loudly she nearly spat out some of her drink.

“If you’re referring to that one time we slept together, Cassian, would you stop being weird about it?” she laughed.

“I’m not being weird!”

She rolled her eyes, grabbing several napkins to wipe up the beer that she had spilled down herself. Honestly, it hadn’t been a huge deal. Being in June, her birthday had always ended up coinciding with the end of finals during their college days, so the day had always been spent in a rather raucous celebration. Her 19th birthday had started as a classy affair with dinner at a slightly more expensive that the cheapest restaurant, and naturally ended with Bodhi dancing on a table with a feather boa and Jyn making out with Han against the bar while Cassian and Kay cheered in the background. It had been her first ever one night stand, and while she didn’t regret it, she had been determined to keep it that way. Han was obnoxious, immature and considered ramen noodles to be its own food group. There was no way she was continuing _that_ any further ( _no matter how good the sex might have been_ ). They’d high-fived the next morning before merrily going their separate ways and had been quite content ever since.

“Yeah, I think I’m good,” Jyn told Cassian. “Now let’s please move on from my past sex life?”

“Fair enough.”

“How’s Kes doing?” Jyn asked then, curious. They made sure to invite him to every game night and every night out to keep him feeling included and settled in his new life in New York after such a rough start. She had figured if he was anything like his cousin, then he would be easy to talk to and sure enough it turned out the two of them got on rather well. They spoke often now, but she had learned that he was sometimes a bit too much like Cassian in that he hid his stress well. At the other end of the table he laughed at something Luke said, eyebrows crinkled together and fingers tapping absently on the wooden table top.

“He seems to be all right,” Cassian shrugged, glancing over as well. “Better now that he has his own place to live.”

“He told me he was still looking for a job.” 

“Oh, he found a job, all right,” Cassian snorted. “If you call hanging around your café a job. What the hell does he even do all day?”

“He provides entertainment for all of our hard working staff!” Jyn insisted. “And also uses our free Wi-Fi to send job applications.”

“I don’t know,” Cassian smirked a little. “I think he might be soft on you. Why else would he always be hanging around?”

“On ME?” Jyn scoffed.

“Don’t sell yourself short, we’ve been over this,” Cassian rolled his eyes.

“Trust me, I’m not fishing for compliments, although it’s true,” Jyn said. “I am super hot. But really, I don’t think he’s hanging around _Rebel, Rebel_ for me…”

“Then who?”

“I think it might be a beautiful Latina by the name of Shara.”

Cassian blinked for a second. Then he threw back his beer.

“ _Jesus Christ_.”

“You’re not going to get mad, are you?” Jyn tried not to laugh.

“Oh, no, not at all,” Cassian sighed. “Honestly, I’m fine with that, but SHARA? He only just went through all that shit with Laura! I love Shara to pieces, but she’s not exactly the type he’s looking for…”

“I don’t know,” Jyn shrugged. “I think it might be good for him.”

“I guess,” Cassian said. “that sometimes you have to date the wrong person to figure out who the right one is.”

“Does the right one even exist,” Jyn laughed.

He turned and looked right at her. 

“Who fucking knows, right?”

Who fucking knew, indeed. But Jyn had a gut feeling at least that Bodhi seemed to have dated enough wrong people to know that Luke was one of the good ones. She hastily tore her eyes away and the night carried on into the early hours accompanied by some more hard liquor, bar tops that clearly needed to be danced upon and some questionable life decisions. Shara turned up somewhere halfway through the night, by which time Jyn’s world was blurring and everything was hilarious. They swayed together out on the dance floor while Luke tossed his sister around and Bodhi had apparently lost his sense as he was now the one busy buying the entire bar’s next round. Kay was unsurprisingly the first to bail around one in the morning and slowly, others started to taper off, especially as last call came closer and closer. Jyn did manage to notice that Kes and Shara left together (“I’m going to walk her home! _No, don’t fucking come with us_ –” he had stage whispered to Cassian) and almost about to call it a night herself, Jyn went to the bathroom one last time in preparation. She almost got déjà vu to the night of her birthday, except it certainly wasn’t Bodhi who messaged her this time. It was just as she was walking back out and getting her jacket when she pulled out her phone.

She vaguely recognised the profile picture as a shirtless Han sitting in a shopping trolley.

_Hey erso, wanna bang one out for old times sake?/??  
_ _Im in the bathroom_

**The fucking bathroom???**   
**What kind of standards do u think I have**   
**JESUS**

_………..so that’s a no?_

**uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**

* * *

They ended up banging one out for old times’ sake.

Look, she wasn’t exactly proud of it either. But turns out that Han was _fun_. He was uncomplicated, and easy and it started as just one time. One time of awkwardly making out in the back of a Lyft until she could drag him back up to her room and have chaotic, passionate, messy, wild sex with him. It hadn’t been perfect, but it had apparently been what she needed. Han was ridiculous at best and an asshole at worst, but if there was anything the man was it was genuine. He was as much of a mess as she was, apparently, but he at least tried his best and was honest in what he wanted. It was how just one time turned into two, which turned into five, which turned into fifteen… yeah.

It was perhaps getting away from her.

* * *

“Leia liked my Instagram post,” Jyn mentioned from where she was lying with her head at the foot of her bed. Han was sprawled out next to her, lounging back against her pillows, the two of them comfortable to remain as naked as they wanted without problem. Jyn had never been much of a cuddler and thankfully Han seemed to be the same. He didn’t even glance up from his phone as he replied,

“Bold move. That’s my girl.”

“Do you like her?” Jyn asked.

Han shrugged. “Thought I did. Hard to like someone who seems to hate your entire existence in return. I do enough of that myself.”

“I feel like we might be kindred spirits these days, Han.”

“You also get a degree in something useless and working a dead end job that you hate?”

“I wrote the fucking book on that.”

He laughed, which naturally tensed his body in many ways that caught her eye as it strayed from the screen of her phone. He also had a slammin’ bod, that might have also influenced how many times she had done this.

“I reckon that being needed and being wanted are the only two things everyone needs,” Han mentioned then. “In varying ways, of course, for the many varying people out there, but it all comes down to those two things in the end. We want to be needed and we want to be wanted. We want to feel like we are worth something, you know?”

“When the fuck did you get all philosophical?” Jyn snorted.

“Hey, I did some philosophy classes at college.”

She laughed, but she thought that she might understand. She didn’t feel needed or wanted these days. Her job certainly didn’t want or need her. Baze and Chirrut might do, Shara and their other co-workers perhaps, but the job itself… it could operate without her. She didn’t make a huge difference in the world. And as for being wanted, she had her friends and her dad across the sea who all probably wanted her in their lives, but not exactly in the way that she craved to have with someone.

Han looked at her like that sometimes.

“Do you want me?”

Han actually glanced up at that. “You’re not going emotional on me, are you, Erso?”

“Don’t get me wrong,” she snorted. “There’s no feelings here. But you clearly like sleeping with me and I guess…”

“Well, yeah,” he shrugged. “you’re fucking hot. In that case, of course I want you.”

“Good. At least I’ve got something going for me.”

“You’re acting weird. You go through something, Erso?” Han asked, glancing up at her from his phone.

She paused. They hadn’t really talked a lot so far with this arrangement. This was probably the most intense a conversation between the two of them had gotten, especially since most of the time they talked about which Teletubby was most likely to cheat on another and about how the corn chips they were eating looked like the heads of US presidents. She didn’t think she even wanted to get into it, but she suddenly found herself speaking up,

“I got dumped.”

“Ouch. How long ago?”

“I don’t know exactly, I’m trying not to keep track. Maybe eight or nine months ago.”

“What happened?”

“He didn’t love me.”

“Ah,” Han went back to his phone. “I gotcha.”

“I’m mostly over it,” Jyn mentioned. “but being told that someone doesn’t love you…”

“That shit hurts,” Han nodded. “I know, girl. Leia will never love me. But we don’t need to fucking worry, Erso. We appreciate each other for exactly who we are.”

“Now YOU’RE getting emotional. Did you find another president chip or something?”

“I found Roosevelt!” Han said excitedly, showing her a photo on his phone. She swung herself up to check it out and laughed at the obvious teeth marks around the edges.

“You clearly chewed that one to make it look vaguely like a person.”

“Did not!”

“I’m telling ya now, I don’t believe for a second that came out of the bag looking like that.”

“Ok, I might have given him a little plastic surgery, but I swear to god it looked _mostly_ –”

She cut him off with a firm kiss that left him a little breathless. It turned into another and another and she climbed onto his lap, Han tossing his phone aside in favour of wrapping his arms around her waist. Hands trailed up and down her back before tangling in her hair, all of their frustrations at the world, all of their anxieties getting drowned out by their tongues and their bodies pressing together. He came off as a douchey bad boy, but in actuality he was an emotional sweetheart inside and it resonated all too well. She could feel him growing hard against her and she grinned as she bit his lip softly, moving to his jaw and pressing kisses down to his neck. His hands found her ass and she clenched her legs around his hips.

“Again, Erso?” Han said, cheerfully. “I thought you were done?”

“Changed my mind. Are you complaining?”

His hands wandered even further, causing her to moan slightly into his neck.

“No.”

* * *

_Bodhi_   
_Halloween is on a Saturday this year, we are going all out, right?_

_Kay_   
_I’ve had my costume planned since July_

**Lmao of course!!!!!**   
**Kay what are you going to be this yr**

_Kay_   
_No, no, you have to wait like everyone else_

**Fine, no one say anything, we all keep it a surprise**   
**Exactly how big or small are we keeping this one?**

_Bodhi_   
_Jyn just say u want to invite han lmaooooooooo_

**Hey, I just don’t want a repeat of New Years 2013!**

_Kay_   
_That is a good call, no more hospitals_

**#hospitalfreesince2013**   
**Hey @cassian you’re being very quiet are you down?**

* * *

**mate, what is up????**

_Not sure what you’re talking about, nothing is up_

**No, ur being WEIRD**   
**Ignoring the group chat, studying longer, u also haven’t dated anyone in ages**   
**It’s not the depression again, is it?**

_No, no, I promise it’s not. I’m honestly good!!_

**Then what’s wrong?**

_Nothing! I guess some stress  
_ _But im fine  
_ _What’s your Halloween costume going to be?_

**All right, I see ur topic change and I’ll give it to ya**   
**And NO WAAAAAAY MATE U HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE**

* * *

Despite their reasoning that they should keep things on the down low this year, they still ended up spending way too much money on decorations, spending the entire day decking their flat out in cobwebs and pumpkins, played questionable music and proceeding to invite far too many people to fit inside their apartment. They had all picked an array of costumes, including Bodhi as an old-fashioned pilot, Luke as a mermaid, and Kay as Neo from the Matrix.

“How the hell did you get up the stairs in that outfit?” Jyn asked Luke, staring at the mermaid tail he had fashioned from wrapping a bed sheet tightly around his legs. He glanced down at his creation for a moment, adjusted his green and yellow bikini top, and answered,

“With great difficulty.” 

It was a good a moment as any start to the night. Jyn opened her beer before finding Cassian in the kitchen re-arranging all the Halloween-themed snacks on the table. “I think we’re good on the severed fingers,” Jyn pointed out. “Nice costume!”

“Thanks. It was this or a pirate, and I did that last year.”

Jyn moved to adjust the onesie hoodie that covered his hair. She remembered Cassian texting her _‘I found this fucking amazing dinosaur onesie at target and I know I already have one but this is different and cooler should I get it’_ and quite frankly, yes had been the only answer. “Quick, what’s your best dinosaur impression?” she said.

Cassian promptly let out a garbled growl.

“That was rubbish.”

“You try then.”

That was how Luke, Han and Leia found them five minutes later, still having a dinosaur sound off in the kitchen and essentially just growling nonsense at each other. How Han was attracted to her, Jyn would never know, but he still called out, “There’s my devil!” before tugging playfully on the horns on her head.

“Oh good lord, where is your costume?” Jyn said in response. Not that she minded so much being blinded by Han’s almost nakedness, but she was sure that some other people might have concerns.

“This is it! I’m Adam.”

“Don’t worry, I missed the leaf at first too,” Luke grinned.

Sure enough, the only thing Han wore was skin-coloured underwear with a leaf glued on top.

“We can’t take him anywhere,” Leia rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t think we were doing matching costumes, but the devil kind of fits well!” Han said in amusement. “I think we all know it’s you leading me into sin, after all.”

“Oi!”

She swatted at him, but he managed to dart away, stealing a severed finger as he went. They all broke into their own conversations then, the dulcet tones of a _Monster Mash_ dance remix pumping throughout the background. Jyn watched Cassian though, busying himself with the snacks again as he maneuverered the severed finger dish that Han had just knocked out of place back to its spot once more. There had been something off about him recently and she just couldn’t figure why. She really had thought it was the depression again at first. She remembered the first spiral that she’d ever witnessed during sophomore year of college and knew it was something he still dealt with from time to time, but he usually always told her if it was starting to get worse. Right now, he was insisting that he was fine. Then she’d started to wonder whether it was Han. They’d only just gotten used to having Luke around all the time and now here she was dragging Han into the mix as well, who was also admittedly louder and more colourful than Luke. She did notice that Cassian somehow managed to avoid a one-on-one conversation with him no matter what, which was rather impressive, but before she could ever bring it up, he was always changing the topic or she would catch him at a bad time.

But then he acted more or less normal and his friendship with her never wavered, so she figured if he did have a problem with it, he would have sais something by now. Also, he may be a little annoying, but Jyn had brought home much worse people before. Why would Cassian even care? She supposed she would just have to trust him. That’s what friends did, after all. He still drank beer with her, stole and wore her devil horns and danced with her on their makeshift dance floor in the lounge. They sang to the trashy pop music and twerked when the lyrics told them to.

Yes, everything was fine.

One person she _knew_ had an issue with her was Leia Organa. Dressed as a princess (of course) Jyn noticed she hung around in a corner a lot of the night, drinking tequila and eyeing Jyn’s red booty shorts with distaste. It was clear that Jyn had accidentally thrown herself right into the middle of whatever it was Han and Leia had going on, but she’d figured if they were both too dumb to do anything about it, then that wasn’t her problem. She danced with Han, back to his chest and his arms around her waist, him kissing her neck and collar bone, and she wouldn’t have said anything at all.

Except she glanced across the room and saw the look on Leia’s face. It was the same look she’d had when Scott had broken up with her.

_Hurt_.

She excused herself from the dance before making her way over, past Haylee and Shara, past Cassian and Bodhi laughing together over something until she was right next to the princess. “Hey,” she called out over the music. “How’s it going?”

Leia was probably right to look a bit confused, seeing as they had never really spoken directly until now. But ever diplomatic, she put on a smile and answered,

“Fine, thanks for inviting me.”

“Leia, can I ask you a personal question?” Jyn figured to just go for it.

Leia must have thought there was literally nothing weirder about this conversation, so she answered, “Sure?”

“Why don’t you like Han?” Jyn asked.

An array of emotions flitted across the other girl’s face, but they were so subtly and carefully masked that Jyn couldn’t decipher them. It was rather impressive. “I get that he’s… well, Han,” Leia said, carefully. “but he’s a good person. Of course I like him.”

“No, I mean like…” Jyn cast around for the way to put it. “Leia, he’s crazy about you. Why don’t you feel the same?”

Apparently she was going there.

Leia just shook her head. “Who says I don’t?”

“He does.”

“He’s wrong,” Leia said, folding her arms tightly and quite obviously avoiding looking up and across the room to where Han was now shotgunning a beer alongside Luke and Bodhi to many raucous cheers. “Did he tell you that I said I loved him?” she then asked.

“No,” Jyn said in surprise. 

“You want to know what he said in response?”

“Of course.”

“He said, and I quote, _‘I know’_.”

Jyn shook her head. “Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” Leia gave her a look. “so I think it’s quite clear that he would much rather sleep with other women than actually deal with how he feels. I guess you’re rather suited.”

Jyn was honestly starting to like Leia! Really, she was. But then she added _that_ there, and Jyn turned to her in indignation.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked.

Leia didn’t seem sorry to have said it though. She just shrugged and said, “Well, aren’t you doing the same thing as him?”

“I deal with my feelings!”

“Jyn,” Leia said, apparently truly curious. “can I ask _you_ a personal question?”

It was technically only fair. She nodded.

“Do you like Cassian?”

Well, that struck her dead.

Her first instinct was to set her straight because they weren’t like that and had never been like that, but the words got stuck in her mouth before she could get them out. She hadn’t acknowledged the fact at all that things had somehow been changing. She knew that the summer had been charged, that looks had been shared and some things had been said, but she’d also figured that she’d known Cassian for so long that if they were going to fall in love, they surely would have done by now! That just wasn’t how they were.

That was a lie and she knew it.

She was desperately trying to stop the realisation from careening down and kicking her in the ass, but it had the momentum now of a freight train and she was sure that Leia could see it all over her face.

She liked Cassian.

She glanced up at Leia.

“Oh, fuck,” she said.

* * *

She stopped sleeping with Han. Jyn had much bigger problems on her hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEYYYOOOOOO she likes him!!!!! a huge step and yet there is still a long way to go hahahahahahahah 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments so far, i love each and every one of you xoxoxo


	4. Chapter 4

**bodhi  
** **can I tell u something  
** **it’s big and u can’t tell anyone else**

_DEWIT  
_ _Im all ears girl_

**I think I have feelings for cassian  
  
**

_FUFJFJKFKJFKJFKJFDJKDJKG  
_ _KJFKJGFKJDGKJDFKJFDKJFD  
_ _WQUIDF9UREKJWE* &@^&UIREOE _

**Weirdly enough, that’s what my brain is doing atm  
  
**

_IT’S ONLY TAKEN YOU WHAT, SIX YEARS TO FIGURE IT OUT???  
_ _GOD, KAY OWES ME BIG TIME  
_ _I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING_

**Jesus could u maybe chill???  
  
**

_HOW BOUT MAYBE YOU CHILL????  
_ _Sorry I mean I can quit caps lock whenever I want  
_ _Shit jyn are you gonna do anything about these feelings??_

**BIIIISH that’s why im txtin u  
** **I don’t know what the fuck im doing  
** **Up until three days ago I was fucking han solo, this  
is a lot to handle in the space of three (3) days!!!!!**

* * *

“Look, this is an entirely new experience for me, ok?” Jyn said, her and Bodhi sat outside their building on the concrete steps. They obviously couldn’t have this conversation inside their flat and Jyn was getting sick of receiving more keyboard bash text messages, so eventually under the guise of her and Bodhi heading to the local bodega, they had stolen away outside so that she could have her Meltdown in peace.

“ _Babe_ ,” Bodhi snorted at her. “I’m telling you now, none of this is exactly new.” 

“Oh, what do you fucking know?”

“A lot!” he insisted. “I’ve been watching you two for ages now, and trust me, you’ve had a thing simmering inside you for quite some time. Easy to ignore, easy to just sit on and wait until you were ready to face it and apparently that day has finally arrived!”

“I am nowhere near ready to fucking face this!” Jyn said in an outrage. “Bodhi, I LIKE CASSIAN. _CASSIAN_. My best friend! The person I live with and share a bathroom with and now also want to bang the living daylights out of every waking second. It’s a bloody nightmare!”

“But why?”

“Did you not just hear my last sentence?”

“Jyn,” Bodhi pointed out. “What part of this is actually that bad? Of all the people to fall for, you could have done worse than Cassian. He’s a good bloke. You trust him, you already know that you’re good friends, there’s really no downside!”

But Bodhi didn’t get it. Sure he had Luke now, but he didn’t have to risk absolutely everything just on that small chance that he would like him back. Jyn, on the other hand, had much bigger things to lose. She couldn’t imagine her life without Cassian. She couldn’t imagine her life without their entire flat family, and all these feelings inside terrified the living shit out of her. What if she said something and it all went horribly wrong? What if she said something and it all went horribly _right_?

 _Oh good god_ , that was probably the worst thing to imagine. The last time she had let herself go like that, taken a deep breath and leapt out on a chance, she had had her heart stomped all over and ground to pieces.

Feelings _hurt_.

“Bodhi,” Her voice was almost embarrassingly small. “What if I say something and he says no?”

He shrugged.

“The question is could you ever live with yourself if you just said nothing?”

* * *

Working the closing shift on one of the band set nights, Kay and Cassian usually hung around for her to finish so that they could make their way home together. They were chatting away about how a small crowd of dedicated _Working Our Assets Off_ fans had apparently crawled out of the woodwork, having remembered them from their active years. People started regularly turning up to their sets now and Jyn was stuck staring at him as she hung up her apron. She would ask how the hell this had happened, but that much was obvious. Cassian was passionate and fierce. He was the person to call when stressed and always had snacks on hand when needed. He would always be on your side. He was level-headed and funny and Jesus Christ, she really fucking liked him, didn’t she? The better question to ask was why this _hadn’t_ happened before now!

 _Christ, get it together Jyn_.

“You’re becoming quite the show-stopper,” she mentioned to Cassian as Kay moved to talk to Haylee before she left. 

“Yeah, us and our five fans,” Cassian said.

“Oh, there’s at least ten,” Jyn pointed out. “Bodhi and I are the co-presidents, after all.”

“You’ll be the first I thank when we finally win that Grammy.”

She laughed, but turned around and faced him, leaning back against the front counter.

“So out with it, Andor,” she said. “When’re you finally gonna go after the dream?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Cassian said at once.

“I’m not,” Jyn insisted. “music is the only thing that motivates you and I’m sick of hearing you complain about lawyering. Make music your work. What’s stopping you?”

“Jyn,” Cassian gave her a look that clearly said _be reasonable_. “You know it’s not as easy as just applying for a new job. You can’t just waltz up to a record company and say, ‘yes, I’d like to apply please’.”

“Well, you have to do something,” Jyn said. “because the world needs to know how talented you are, ok?”

His face softened in that moment into something she’d never quite seen before. Her chest burned. Is that what she looked like when she looked at him? Maybe she was just going crazy, he had to know that she believed in him. She didn’t livestream all of his jam sessions in college for nothing, didn’t tolerate his shower singing or try and convince their neighbours to all come to the band’s sets at the café for nothing, she did it because he was damn good and deserved to know it.

Shit, she’d forgotten what having _feelings_ did to a person.

Luckily, instead of saying anything sentimental back, Cassian loped forward to hug her. “Don’t go saying nice shit about me, Erso,” he said, arms warm and nestled around her waist. “Otherwise I’ll have to be nice back.”

“God forbid.”

“Thanks.”

“Ew, too emotional.”

* * *

_B a b e  
you’ll never fucking guess _

**Dear lord shara what did you do**

_I SAID YES_

**YOU FUCKING WHAT**

* * *

Time passed in strange ways.

Sometimes, it went too quickly and if it didn’t slow down at some point soon, it might just give her a heart attack. It couldn’t have been that long since she put that meal in the freezer ( _it had been 4 months_ ). She had only just cleaned out the bins at work ( _it had been last week_ ). She hadn’t known Cassian for that long ( _it had been 6 years_ ). The last time she’d seen her dad in person was like, yesterday ( _it was at Christmas last year_ ). Kes and Shara had only been dating 3 months ( _it had been… actually it had been 3 months_ ).

Ok, so time didn’t fly by all the time. She wasn’t the only one who had been blindsided by a wedding, but honestly she wasn’t all together shocked. Everything about Kes and Shara had been all or nothing, she wasn’t the least bit surprised to have her come into work one day with a fucking rock on her finger and desperately asking her to be a bridesmaid. She was sure that Shara was going to have many people asking her whether she was pregnant or whether she should wait a while or many other patronising things, so she had just smiled and said,

“Of course, bitch!”

Besides, when you knew, you knew. 

“How do you know?” Jyn asked Shara, trying not to sound too desperate. The engagement party was in full swing, _Rebel, Rebel_ decked out in hearts and photos of the happy couple and platters of snacks that Jyn was taking full advantage of and totally hadn’t just sneaked into her purse. Ok, Leia might have caught her, but just grinned from across the room and held up her own purse which Jyn could only assume was full of treats as well.

(She definitely liked her now).

Shara was being pulled aside by everyone wanting to give their congratulations (and perhaps some life advice while they were at it) so it had been a mission finding a moment when she wasn’t busy. Eventually Jyn had ceased to care about societal politeness and straight up pulled Shara out of a conversation with one of their co-workers to get her opinion on some rather important topics. Shara took a sip of champagne before replying to Jyn,

“How do I know what?”

“That Kes is it,” Jyn said. “That he’s worth the risk.”

Shara just shrugged.

“I fucking don’t,” she said.

“Aren’t you only supposed to get married unless you’re sure?”

“Look, the way I see it is life is short,” Shara told her with an air of wise that absolutely did not look like it should be coming from a woman drinking champagne out of a silly straw. “I don’t know the future, I don’t know the kind of person I will be in ten years and I don’t know what kind of person Kes will be in ten years. What I do know is the kind of people we are now, and I love right now. If shit doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, but at least we would have lived our lives to the fullest and enjoyed what we had in the moment.”

“… well, that doesn’t help me at all!”

“Jyn, do you have something you’d like to talk about?” Shara asked, bemusement on her face.

She sighed for a moment, eyes closed.

“I have feelings for Cassian.”

Shara froze for a second. Then, she held up a hand to make her wait before pulling out the straw and literally throwing back all of her champagne.

“OF COURSE YOU DO. OH MY GOD.”

“Not that I’m trying to make this night all about me,” Jyn added, hastily.

“You could never,” Shara waved this off. “No one will ever forget that this night is about me.”

“… and Kes.”

“Yes, yes, naturally. Ok back to you, SINCE WHEN?”

“Since this summer, apparently,” Jyn said. “I don’t know, I’m going fucking nuts, Shara! This is Cassian. CASSIAN. I’ve known him since I was 18, I taught him how to properly take a girl’s bra off for crying out loud! Why is this happening to me?”

“Because Cassian is a genuinely good piece of mancake and you have finally seen the light?” Shara suggested.

“ _Not helping_.”

“Look, let’s be real,” Shara said. “I’ve tapped that. And honestly, I think you guys would be great together. Why is this such a big deal?”

“We live together,” Jyn stressed. “we’re best friends. We’ve known each other for so long… Shara, this is a nightmare.”

“Don’t they say that good relationships start based on a good friendship?”

“Well–! Yeah…” Jyn couldn’t argue that one. “Yeah, I suppose.”

“And yeah, I guess the whole liking your roommate thing is a bit awkward,” Shara continued. “but like… you already know what it’s like to live with him. You know that you’re compatible.”

“I guess, but–”

“ _And_ because you’ve known him for so long, you trust him and know that he’s not about to sex you up and never call again–”

“Jesus Christ, you can stop making sense now,” Jyn cut in. “Honestly, you sound just like Bodhi.”

Shara just laughed. “Jyn, I can’t convince you. Only you can decide what to do. But for what it’s worth, I think give it a shot. Now please, will you chill a bit and have some more champagne with me?”

“Only for you, Shara.”

Her friend grinned before procuring another bottle that she had apparently stashed somewhere close by for easy access. She topped off their glasses before happily chinking hers to Jyn’s. “Cheers!” she said.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“I will give you an enthusiastic cheers, Shara,” a calm voice said from behind them. Jyn turned and saw Baze moving to join them, chinking his own glass against the new bride-to-be.

Baze Malbus was probably one of the best bosses she’d ever had. Him and Chirrut were both part of the reason she hadn’t yet quit. They treated their staff well, paid as much as they could afford and always checked in to make sure that they were doing ok. The two of them together played off each other so well, it was no wonder that chipper, big ideas Chirrut and calm and sensible Baze had managed to keep the café afloat all these years.

Well, almost afloat.

“How are ya, Baze?” Shara asked.

“I should be asking that,” he countered at once. “I wouldn’t dare detract from the bride-to-be’s special night.”

“Hmmmm, _wouldn’t dare_ ,” Shara threw Jyn a teasing look.

She rolled her eyes. “Trust me, Shara talks about herself more than enough on any given day. We want to know about you.”

Baze gave her a warm look, which she understood to mean he appreciated her asking, but there was still that hint of stress in his eyes. She knew that him and Chirrut never liked to show it, but she was pretty sure that the café was still struggling to stay out of debt. “I am doing just fine,” he answered. "and Chirrut is at a party, so of course he is having the time of his life.”

They all glanced over to the other side of the room where Chirrut was comically attempting to play Cassian’s guitar through feel alone, naturally the centre of attention.

“Couldn’t reign him in, huh?”

“One can try. I have discovered over the years that it’s a fruitless endeavour, though. Sorry, Shara.”

“Nah, no worries,” she said. “Makes for free entertainment!”

“Yes, thank you for choosing _Rebel, Rebel_ as the venue for your engagement party,” Baze mentioned then. “It has helped us tremendously.”

“But not enough though, right?” Jyn added, after Shara’s attention was taken elsewhere. Another friend of hers wanted a photo and Jyn stayed by her boss’s side, watching Shara pose with her ring out. “The band playing here, hosting private events after hours, it’s helping, but it’s still not enough.”

“How can you tell?”

“Can see it on your face.”

Baze sighed. “I don’t know what we’re going to do. The market is just too great. I don’t want sell, but it seems that's where it's going.”

That was obviously the most panicking thought for everyone working at _Rebel, Rebel_ , Jyn wasn’t going to lie. Everyone who was working here needed this job. Jeanie had 3 kids at home, Karla had a sick mother, and Harrison had to buy expensive medicine every month. Shara had a wedding to pay for and Jyn needed to keep a roof over her head, but out of everyone Jyn was sure that she was the one who should go first if it came to it.

“Start with me.”

“Don’t you dare,” Baze suddenly thundered. “It’s not an option.”

“I’m serious,” Jyn said. “I’m not saying it’s ideal and hopefully we never get to that point. But if it comes to it, if it will save everyone else’s jobs, then start with me. I’ll find something else.”

Baze sighed, before wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“There’s a special place in heaven for people like you.”

“Blimey, Baze.”

He just gave her a squeeze. “Now what’s this I hear about you liking Cassian now?”

Jyn groaned, which thankfully made Baze chuckle. “How much did you hear?”

“Just enough,” he answered. “For the record, I like him much more than that other guy.”

* * *

**Hello, Bodhi! So my sessions have been going so well  
that I think the time has come! I booked my flights for mid-November  
so that I could be there for Thanksgiving and your birthday. I’m  
very anxious to see you all! **

_OMG YOU DIDN’T  
_ _HAVE YOU TOLD JYN_

**No, I want it to be a surprise! I was hoping you would help me arrange it?**

* * *

These motherfuckers were hiding something.

“How many times do I have to say I don’t like surprises,” Jyn complained, but nothing she said made them let up. Her three roommates had all turned up at the café around 2pm and told her that she was apparently leaving early that day. They had blindfolded her, put Kay’s noise-cancelling headphones on with music blasting and could have been leading her to her death for all she bloody knew. She guessed that they were on the subway as they’d walked down several flights of stairs and she was pretty sure she could hear some announcements going on in the background, but as to where they were going and why, she had no clue. When they got off said subway, all she could do was hold onto Cassian and Bodhi’s hands and trust them to not lead her into a pole or something.

They only took off the blindfold and headphones once they reached their destination which, for some inane reason, turned out to be the JFK international arrivals terminal. “Oh my god,” she said, glancing around her in bemusement. “What is going on?”

“Like we said, it’s a surprise!” Bodhi trilled.

“Cassiannnnn…” she pleaded.

“No way,” he shook his head.

“Kay,” Jyn pointed at her last hope. “I know you hate surprises as much as I do, what is happening?”

“Sorry,” he just shrugged. “I’ve been offered way more than you ever could to keep quiet.”

Seeing as it was the airport, she had her suspicions as to what her roommates were up to, but she hardly dared believe it. Instead, she sat in a huff as they waited on the plastic benches as new arrivals to New York City flooded through the gates. She did have to admit they had brought her to what was probably one of her favourite places in the entire city. This was where she got to come home. This was where she got to see others going on adventures.

This was where she got the shock of her life when her dad walked through the bloody gate.

“I KNEW IT!” she yelled as the others laughed around her. Galen waved excitedly, ever the typical middle-aged tourist with his bum bag and oversized travel pack and Jyn literally ran and leapt over the metal rail to save him the time of having to walk around it to get to him. She flung herself into his arms, trying very desperately to keep the tears inside. She was NOT going to cry in the bloody airport.

“Hello, my stardust!” Galen said.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

“Seeing you, of course,” Galen smiled as he held her back. “Work was also begging me to take leave, so time for a holiday!”

“But you’ve never been on a plane in your life, they terrify you!” Jyn cried. Hell, ‘terrify’ was also putting it a bit mildly. Her father straight up had a massive phobia of planes and flying, making him panic, throw up and get migraines, not necessarily in that order. The fact that he’d managed to make it here for her…

“Yes, well, I can’t say the flight was fun,” Galen winced.

“I can’t believe this! You once walked all the way up a mountain for your work team building because you didn’t want to fly up!”

“How long did that take?” Bodhi asked, the others apparently having caught up with them.

“About six hours,” Galen answered. “but I’ve been working with my therapist for some time now and I took a few short flights around England to prepare for this one. And look! I made it! And look at you, beautiful girl–” He grabbed her tight once more before adding, “– and Bodhi, get in here! You also have him to thank, he helped me arrange the surprise.”

Bodhi laughed as he came to join the hug.

“Of course you did,” Jyn said. She pulled back to gesture to the other two and said, “Dad, you’ve seen them through video calls, but this is–”

“Cassian and Kay, I know you two,” Galen grinned before reaching out his arms.

“Oh, I prefer not to – oh – I guess it’s happening then…” Kay had no choice back to gingerly pat her dad on the back as Galen enveloped the two of them also into his arms.

“It’s good to meet you face to face, sir,” Cassian nodded once they had all stepped back. 

“Oh, please, I am Galen,” her dad insisted. “Come on, time to get out of this Hell Building, which way do we go? Do we get to ride on the subway? Ooh, I can’t wait to see the Statue of Liberty!”

* * *

The next week was spent doing literally every touristy thing that Jyn could think of.

Since she was busy studying when she had first moved here, there were actually still a lot of things she had never got round to doing herself. As a result, she had a lot of fun getting to experience some things for the first time alongside her dad. She took him to Times Square by night and they got lost in a three-storey high souvenir shop. She took him up to the top of the Empire State Building where they fought for a place by the rail to take far too many selfies of the Manhattan skyline below. The city was a alive with the holiday season, paper turkeys displayed in shop windows and halfway through Galen's visit, supermarkets were overrun with last minute preperations for dinner that night. Jyn had only seen the Macy's parade in person once during her first Thanksgiving here and Galen had insisted on seeing it despite his adversion to crowds. They'd cheered when Santa arrived at the end and had finished out their day with walking the length of Brooklyn bridge. 

“So how are you doing, stardust?” Galen asked her. 

“Fine,” Jyn said in confusion as they walked among hundreds of other people along the bridge. “Why?” 

“I just want to make sure!” Galen said. “You can hide a lot from me through Facetime and I want to know that you are actually as fine as you say you are. I know it’s hard with me being so far away.”

“Papa, don’t blame yourself for that, it was me who left,” Jyn sighed. “Every day I feel bad for leaving you all alone back in England.”

“Oh, I can look after myself,” Galen insisted. “You don’t need to worry about me. I would be the one who felt bad if I knew you were staying in England just for me! You were never a small town girl, Jyn.”

“Wonder where I got that from,” Jyn smirked. It certainly hadn’t been her father. Back in England they had actually lived in a very small village called Clifton, which was roughly an hour and a half out of Birmingham. Galen had been brought up in the area and was very much a small town bloke at heart. He would take the train for an hour every day into London for university much like he did these days for his job in physics and engineering research and to this day he still complained that London made him want to break out in hives. Back when he was a student, however, he had met Lyra, who had been from Birmingham and was also travelling back and forth for school. They had lived in London together for a while until the small village vibes had driven them back to good ol’ Clifton. Jyn’s mother had never minded the big city though, and she was sure that was where she got it from.

The moment high school was over, Jyn had known she needed to get out of the village. Even London hadn’t seemed big enough. That was when she had started looking at New York.

“You always did have your mother’s personality more than mine,” Galen said, fondly.

“Nah,” Jyn shrugged, watching the sun dip lower behind Manhattan's skyscrapers as they walked. “I like to think that I’m a pretty even mix. How’s work going?”

“It’s going great!” Galen said, cheerfully. “We’ve actually been asked by the government to work on a new project! So high priority that I’m not technically allowed to even talk about it, but it’s exciting work that I’m glad I get to be a part of. Erin, Bob and Johnathan all say hi, by the way!”

Jyn laughed. Her father’s work colleagues were the zaniest bunch of scientists she’d ever met, and they were basically family at this point. She was glad that he always at least had them to look after him. “Hi! How are they?”

“Really good, I’ve been helping Erin fix the roof of her shed the last few weeks – hopefully in time before the snow comes in, if it even snows at all, of course. I promise that I'm really trying to do my part to fix that whole global warning thing,” Galen added, making her smile. “It looks good as new now, so she had us all round for a very cold barbeque that we ended up eating inside because turns out we are all old and can’t handle a bit of wind anymore. Did you know her daughter just graduated as a veterinarian?”

“Oh, really?” Jyn couldn’t quite remember who Erin’s daughter was, except that she was around her own age and that they had played together when they were younger. Of course she was a vet now. At least it gave her dad someone to boast about.

“Yes! I actually went to the graduation, Erin invited me, was such a lovely ceremony–”

“Hmmmm,” Jyn murmured in a telling high pitched voice. “You and Erin seem to be awfully close these days…”

“Don’t you have that tone with me, young lady,” Galen said. “I’ll toss you off this bridge!”

“Like you could, you’d need muscles for that.”

“Oi, cheeky!” Galen made a playful swat at her shoulder, causing Jyn to laugh. “If you are insisting, we have indeed been on a few dates recently – early days!” he quickly added at the look on her face. “She was a bit cut up after her divorce, we’re taking it _sleazy_ , as you youngin’s say.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever said that, Dad.”

“Oh, you millennials,” Galen waved a hand. “Think you know everything.”

Jyn snorted. “Hey. I’m glad, Dad, you seem genuinely happy.”

“I am,” he said. “Thank you. Your support means a lot. I will always love your mother of course, but…”

Jyn quickly waved a hand. “I get it,” she said. "You don't need to explain. I know." 

“But enough about me!” Galen nodded. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that you somehow managed to evade telling me about your life when I asked. Cassian and Kay seem like great people, it’s been nice to finally meet them in person.”

“Even Kay?” Jyn blinked in surprise.

“Of course! You know I’m not known for being the most outgoing. He understands me.”

“Naturally.”

“And Cassian is very genuine. Very good at the guitar.”

“I… suppose,” Jyn shot her dad a look. He sent one back, which made her insides go into Panic Mode.

“Yes… very good. Also very charming. Good cook, that’s a great skill to have.”

“Ok,” Jyn sighed. “just come out and say it, I know you’re dying to.”

“You’re in love with Cassian!” Galen declared for the entirety of Brooklyn bridge to hear. “Or, at least I think you are. The way you talked about him, the glimpses I saw on Facetime, and now that I’m here I can tell–”

“OK, CAN YOU STOP?” Jyn hastily cut in.

She absolutely did not want to be having this conversation with her father, but he had a theory and like any good scientist, he was going to test to either confirm or debunk it. There was no getting out of this one. Despite the fact that her heart felt like it was slamming up in her throat, she managed to get out,

“Papa. The LAST thing I want to do is to talk about this.”

“So you admit that there’s at least something to talk about?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny your hypothesis,” she shot back.

“Oh, stardust,” Galen reached out to wrap his arm around her shoulders as they walked. “You don’t need to. The look on your face whenever he walks into the room is proof enough for me. It was the same way your mother used to look at me.”

She really had no idea how to process any of that. Instead, she stayed close to her dad and held up her phone, insisting that they take yet another selfie with the sunset in the background. It was only glancing at the time on her phone when she realised how late it was.

“Oh, shit!” she exclaimed. “I think I sorely underestimated how long it was going to take us to walk this bridge – we have to hurry or we’ll be late to dinner!”

They only made it just on time. Cassian was running around the kitchen like a headless chicken, yelling at Kay and Bodhi with an increasingly stressed voice to help him set the table while highlights from that day's parade played on his laptop in the background. “Jyn!” Cassian called out the second she stepped through the door. “I need you – BODHI, DON’T YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY TURKEY!”

Galen immediately gave her a look that just screamed ‘ooooOOHHHhhhh’ but she ignored it. Throughout the entire dinner her dad’s eyes were on their every interaction, but she figured it would be easiest just to accept it. They were joined by Luke and Leia for dinner and the seven of them crowded around their small table, Jyn chatting to Leia, Luke telling ridiculous jokes and Galen expressing how much he was enjoying experiencing the traditions of Thanksgiving. Every year Cassian deemed it his job to cook the turkey and every year, he was very overly protective of it. They all cheered when he brought it to the table, and he dabbed at his eyes as he declared, “Thank you so much. This is always the most satisfying moment.”

The others laughed like he was joking, but Jyn was very certain that he was 100% serious.

* * *

She absolutely hated saying goodbye to her dad.

She knew it wasn’t going to be the last time she’d ever see him. She knew that. But there was no telling if he’d ever have the mental capability to make the plane trip again and there had just been something special about having him in New York City. She waited until he had disappeared through departures before letting out the tears that she’d been fighting back ever since they’d left her apartment. Before she could even turn around to walk away, she heard her phone ping with a notification, and she opened it to see her dad had sent her a picture of himself currently crying as much as she was.

She sent a photo of herself back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clifton is a real place and it's where I lived when I was living in England. I am definitely not a small town girl lmaoooo. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed jyn attempting to work through her feelings!! thank you so much to everyone who has commented i love you all. let me know what you think! xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

Pretty soon, she found herself on a plane to Hawaii.

Jyn was pretty sure there was nothing more pretentious than a destination wedding, except for maybe a short notice destination wedding held in bloody _December_. However, less than two months after getting engaged, Jyn was somehow finding herself packing a suitcase and asking Cassian to come help her sit on it. They had been rather lucky to snag themselves some black Friday deals online and managed to get rather cheap flights to Honolulu, otherwise she wasn’t so sure that she would have been able to come. Both Bodhi and Kay had expressed their regret at not being able to make it (“I can’t get time off work, I’m so sorry!” Bodhi had cried, while Kay had expressed, “It’s stupid and I don’t want to. I wish you all the best.”). So it was just Jyn and Cassian heading to the airport to take the roughly 15 hour flight with 2 stops in between together.

“Kes is lucky that we’re related,” he mentioned somewhere around hour six. Stuck in the middle seat, Jyn was already feeling restless and was glad to have Cassian to talk to. She tried not to think too much about his arm pressed up against hers as they shared the arm rest. "and that I'm on winter break," he added. 

“Yeah, I only got time off work because my bosses are amazing,” Jyn said. “And also because it’s after Christmas, not before. They couldn’t have chosen a busier time of the year to get married.”

“Kes told me that a cancellation came up at the place they were thinking about,” Cassian rolled his eyes. 

“So they figured why not?” Jyn laughed. “Honestly, I don't expect anything less from them.” She supposed she could forgive Shara and Kes as they at least seemed to have very realistic expectations on a very small audience for their wedding. They knew that it was last minute and as a result, were totally fine with it literally only having the wedding party and their parents as guests. 

“I’m glad that you managed to get the time,” Cassian said, then. “ _Rebel, Rebel_ seems to be doing well, I know you said that it was struggling for a while there.”

“Well, at least it seems like we're doing ok,” Jyn sighed.

“Aren't you?” 

“It’s…” Jyn shrugged. “Even with the Christmas season, I don't think they're going to last much longer without some severe cost cutting… I’m trying not to think about it. What about you?" She was keen to turn the conversation back onto him and he thankfully let her. "You’re going to be a lawyer soon!” 

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, I have to pass the bar first,” Cassian chided her. “You’ll jinx me.”

“Never,” Jyn said.

He smiled, nudging her shoulder lightly. “I’ll always appreciate your confidence in me, Jyn. It seems so surreal. I’ve spent the last six and a half years of my life working towards this and I’m only a semester away from it.”

“Seems like only yesterday we were dumb freshmen.”

“Did you know,” Cassian said. “that when we first met, Instagram hadn’t even been invented yet?”

“No fucking way.”

“It’s true, I looked it up!” Cassian said. “Instagram launched in 2010 and we met September, 2009.”

“Shiiiiiit.”

“Do you remember that first weekend after syllabus week?” Cassian started flicking through his phone, apparently bringing up his gallery. Jyn groaned.

“Please do not tell me you still have those photos – _oh, Jesus Christ_ , I could kill you,” Jyn couldn’t help but laugh as he shoved the screen under her nose. The photos had been from the first time the four of them had all gone out to town together. There had been several others from their dorms that they’d all gone with in a big group and that was the night that Jyn had gotten very drunk far too early in the night and her vomit had subsequently stained a poor trash can in Washington Square Park. She hadn't known it at the time, but Cassian had apparently been taking some very flattering photos of her that had of course ended up on Facebook at some point. She did not look pretty at all, although Cassian’s selfie face and Bodhi cheering in the background kind of softened the memory.

“I was a fucking train wreck,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

“Still are, sometimes,” Cassian teased.

“Oi,” Jyn pretended to grab at his phone, making him hastily fight for it back. “You were a mess yourself, if you do recall.”

“That was a fun night,” Cassian laughed. “Do you even remember it?”

“Excuse me, but once I vomited everything out of my system, I was perfectly fine and ready to go,” Jyn said. “I, in fact, recall it being YOU who couldn’t make it to the end of the night and had to bail.”

Their night had started in a large group, but as the hours went on she vividly remembered it splintering off more and more into fractions. Cassian started losing steam somewhere in the streets of Greenwich Village and at one point had declared that he was tired and simply laid himself down onto the front steps of the closest stoop. Jyn, who was currently on Bodhi’s back so that she didn’t have to walk in her heels, had hastily put herself down to go back for him.

“Cassian! Get the fuck up, you’re not finishing the night like this!”

“Noooo, I’m going to sleep now.”

“For god’s sake, you’re going to get yourself arrested–” Jyn had bent down to throw his arm over her shoulder and hauled him back up onto his feet. “Besides, do you know how many germs you probably just laid down on? You’re going to give both of us rabies or something.”

“Jynnnnn,” Cassian had just whined, his clean shaven face back then resting on her shoulder with an exhausted smile. “You’re such a good person, you’re my best friend now. I’ve decided.”

“Oh, you have, have you?” she had snorted.

“Here, I’ll call him a cab or something–” Bodhi had begun, but Jyn had shaken her head.

“Nah, it’s fine,” she’d told him. “I’m done, I want to go back anyway. I’ll get him home safe. You coming?”

“Later,” Bodhi had grinned. “Apparently this last place has shots that are set on fire!”

“Enjoy, mate!” Jyn had called after him as he’d run to catch up with the others. Jyn had turned around and ended up dragging Cassian’s arse the entire way back home. Naturally, by the time they’d gotten back to their dorm, they’d both been so fucked up that they’d both just collapsed onto Jyn’s bed without even taking their jackets or shoes off and slept straight through until Sunday morning. Jyn had woken with a numb arm somewhere around six, realised that Cassian was passed out on top of it and for a small moment, she had paused. A tiny part of her wondered what others might think if they knew they’d spent the night together, or what Cassian even might think. They barely knew each other, after all. But pretty quickly he’d let out a light snore and Jyn had reminded herself that no one was going to fucking care, least of all Cassian.

She’d kicked off her heels, and promptly gone back to sleep.

“Damn,” Cassian said, fondly flicking through the old photos. “I forgot you had to drag me home.”

“You wanted to go to sleep in the street,” Jyn sniggered. “You’re lucky I didn’t let you.”

“You’re a good person, Jyn.”

“Funny you mention that, you said the same thing that night,” she said. 

He shook his head with a smile. "What would I do without you?" 

They settled into their flight then, Cassian pulling up some of his study notes on his phone to read through and Jyn leaning her head onto his shoulder so she could nap. Thankfully, the plane ride was uneventful and pretty soon, they were touching down in Hawaii. Fascinated with a new place they’d never been to before, Jyn and Cassian had amused themselves perusing the gift shop while they waited for the rest of their party to join and within two hours, everyone else had arrived. Aside from Shara and Kes’ parents, the bridesmaids and groomsmen included Shara’s younger sister Kyla, Kes’ two older brothers, and their cousin Gabby, who was Cassian’s sister and the last flight to land.

“JYNNY!” Gabby had positively screamed upon seeing her at Daniel K. Inouye International Airport. Jyn barely had any time to prepare and the girl’s hug nearly knocked her clean flat. “It’s so good to see you!”

“I’m literally right here,” Cassian threw up his hands in mock indignation.

Gabby laughed before letting Jyn go to throw her arms around her brother. “It’s good to see you too, little bro!”

“How’re things going in Florida?”

“Get this,” she said, excitedly. “I get to campus one day, I walk down about three corridors and there chilling in my office is a fucking ALLIGATOR.”

“So pretty normal, then?” Jyn said.

“Basically, yeah.”

Jyn had only met Cassian’s older sister a few times, but every time had been a treat so far. Whenever she came to visit Gabriella Andor was a fucking _hoot_ , and Jyn couldn’t get enough of her. She had an infectious, cheerful personality that could improve any mood and was always genuinely happy to see you. It was impossible not to love her, and luckily, it appeared that Gabby had taken a liking to her as well.

“C’mon, guys,” Shara was calling out to them, dragging her bright yellow suitcase behind her. “A magical weekend awaits!”

* * *

**Jyn things got fucked up im so sorry, but I’m going to need you to share a room with Cassian  
  
**

_Bruh why would u do me dirty this way??  
  
_

**LOOK, I know you were going to share with gab but apparently her wife can make it now so she’s flying out tonight. they are taking your original room and you're gonna have to be with Cassian. You guys are the only ones who don’t have a plus one so I have to put him in with you**

_  
BUT ALL THESE ROOMS ARE DOUBLES  
THERE'S ONLY ONE BED, SHARA_   
_ONE BATHROOM_   
_WHO KNOWS WHAT I MIGHT SEE  
S H A R A  
  
_

**Look I know you asked to be apart so I’ll seriously owe you after this ok?**

_S H A R AA AA A A A  
  
_

**GIRL, it’s not the end of the world think of it as an opportunity! you’re on vacation in fucking Hawaii at a wedding and you’re sharing a room, this is as good a time as any to tell him how you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel**

_L o r d give me strength_

* * *

There… really was only one bed. 

Jyn stared at it hard as she walked into the room, Cassian apparently busy somewhere across the hall with the other boys sorting out their suits for tomorrow. It was your standard hotel room with the bed in the middle, and the view of the beach outside from the small balcony made even Jyn stop and stare for a moment. Maybe Shara was right? This was 19 levels of romantic, maybe this _was_ supposed to be her moment?

Gabby appeared in the doorway.

“Oh my god, you're lucky, your view is way better than mine!” she exclaimed, immediately inviting herself in. "Would you check out that ocean! I feel like I'm in _Finding Nemo_." 

"Wasn't that set in Australia?" 

"Minor detail," Gabby waved a hand. 

“I guess it really is beautiful,” Jyn said.

Gabby turned from where she was peering out the French doors. “Ok, girl,” she said. “What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird ever since we got here, and I need my Jynny girl to be on her game for tonight!”

“I’m fine,” Jyn tossed her suitcase onto the small armchair before following Gabby over to the French doors and stepping out onto the small balcony. At least the ocean kind of made it all worth it.

“No, you’re not,” Gabby said, joining her. “and you’re gonna tell me everything.”

“Gabby, you’re relentless,” Jyn whined, pressing her fingers into the bridge of her nose.

“I’m not just a pretty face!” she grinned.

“FINE,” Jyn burst out. “I like your brother!”

The look on Gabby’s face alone might have actually been worth it all.

“NO,” she said.

“That’s what I originally thought.”

“Oh my god!”

“Also thought that.”

Gabby squeaked before hugging her tightly once more.

“Jesus, Gab–”

“What the hell am I doing here, then?” Gabby said in outrage, more to herself than anything. She let Jyn go in favour of turning and being halfway towards the door in the time it took Jyn to blink. “You don’t need me hanging around, I’ll get out of the way!”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jyn ran after her. “You mean you’re ok with this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Gabby said in honest bewilderment. “Jyn. Do you remember the time I came to visit back in 2010 and we were sad because you were going to be visiting your dad while I was there and we weren’t going to get to see each other?”

Jyn fumbled for the memory in her head, but yes. She did remember. She’d been maybe about 19 years old and probably only met Gabby once or twice before.

“Jyn,” Gabby reached out and held her shoulders tightly. “My brother is his happiest when he’s around you. That time when you were away… you could see it in his eyes. You could tell how much he missed you.”

Jyn’s heart clenched painfully. She wasn’t sure she could take much more of it, to be honest. Everyone loved them, everyone loved the idea of them, thought they would work, thought they could be it for each other, but what if it wasn’t? What if they were all wrong? Love couldn’t be controlled. Sometimes love lasted forever and sometimes it lasted 10 days. Louder and louder the universe seemed to be telling her to go for it, that this was her moment, but the more she thought about it, the more terrifying it became.

She wished she could just be the Jyn from six years ago, the one who hadn't cared about the future or what anyone else thought. 

She wouldn't be an Erso if she didn't obsessively overthink everything, she supposed. 

“Look,” Gabby said. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He turns me down, our friendship is ruined and I have to move out?”

“Ok, fair point. It's high stakes and quite honestly, my brain is still reeling a little bit. Why the FUCK would you ever like my brother?” Gabby asked in what seemed to be genuine curiosity and disgust. “Like my little booger-eating, scared of ghosts, dorky as hell brother?”

“Hey!” Jyn protested a little. “He – he doesn’t eat –”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gabby laughed. “maybe not anymore, but still dorky as hell, though.”

“Maybe I like dorky.”

“You must do if you like fuckin’ _Cassian_ ,” Gabby grinned. She threw an arm around Jyn’s shoulders before carrying on, “But ok, I’ll stop teasing. Instead tell me what you’re gonna be wearing tonight, because it’s gonna be a shit show and I intend on you looking slammin’ as hell.”

* * *

It was indeed a shit show. 

They all arrived on a Friday with the wedding tomorrow, most of them flying back on Monday. Jyn knew that Kes and Shara totally didn’t intend on getting blind drunk the night before they were supposed to get married, but also that they totally knew they would be getting blind drunk the night before they were supposed to get married. Therefore that Friday was officially planned to be more of a _soirée_ rather than an outright party, and Jyn chose her outfit accordingly.

" _That?_ Bitch, no way," Gabby had scoffed at her fancy dress, instead throwing a black low cut cropped top at her from across the room. 

Jyn caught it. "We have to at least pretend we aren't going to go out and get wasted." 

"Easy! Wear that with a cardigan and you'll be ready to go to church on Sunday," Gabby said. "Take it off, and you're good for party central! It shows off enough boob to say ‘I’m a modest bitch’ but not too much that says ‘I got laid at an indie rock concert wearing this’. Totally not based on experience,” she hastily added. 

"Isn't that how you and Amy met?" Jyn asked, putting it on. 

"I don't think we need to rehash the story, Jyn." 

And after getting dressed to the nines, they’d gone out to a very nice dinner, which naturally preceded ‘drinks’ at a bar, which of course soon turned into ‘multiple shots’ at the next one. And despite everything, Jyn was genuinely having a good time. That girl from the pictures on Cassian's phone was from a more idealistic time, but she was sure she still had to be inside somewhere and she was determined to find her. She laughed loudly at dinner, cheered when Gabby's wife, Amy, turned up from her last minute flight and tracked them down to join them around midnight and sang loud and off key at bar number one. By bar number three (or possibly four?) her heart seemed to have remembered her inner eighteen-year-old. Hell, she was partying in Hawaii at 1am, this was a night for chances and a ton of unearned confidence! 

“Hey, Jyn! _Jyyynnnnn_ ,” Jyn found him ordering more shots at the bar and he reached out to pull her into his side as she passed by. “Do you want anything? This bartender has nooo idea how drunk I am–”

“Maybe don’t say that quite so loud then,” Jyn grinned, winding her arm around his waist.

“Don’t worry, I’m being _stealthy_.”

He was basically yelling so that she could hear him over the music of the bar, but she still gave it to him. She did the talking, ordering two shots instead of one while he carried on happily jabbering away.

“Can you believe they’re selling shots for this cheap? I’m going to be way too drunk quickly. Shiiiiit, maybe I’m already a little drunk,” He glanced over at her. “You’re absolutely fucking beautiful, by the way!”

Her chest burned.

“Seriously?” she said.

Cassian made a face that clearly said _duh_. “Of course, yeah.”

She didn’t even know what to say. They’d both declared the other’s physical attractiveness many times before in the past, and quite loudly too. One time she had walked out into the lounge in a new dress that she’d bought to meet Scott’s parents in and had asked Cassian, “Where is this on the scale of ‘fuck me’ to ‘you could take me to meet your parents tomorrow’?” 

“You look beautiful,” Cassian had said without even missing a beat.

“Thanks and all, but would still like an opinion?”

“Jyn, wear whatever the hell you want,” Cassian had laughed. “You look perfect and his parents will love you, ok? Stop freaking.”

“… _it’s a solid six, babe!_ ” Bodhi’s disembodied voice had called out from the kitchen.

“THAT'S what I was looking for, thanks Bodhi!” Jyn had yelled back. She’d gestured vaguely at Cassian and added, “Not this _you’re beautiful_ bullshit.”

Her mind might be spiralling a little.

The point was that it was normal for him to express that he thought she was pretty. She had no business in feeling the way she was feeling but she couldn’t look away from him even if she wanted to. The rest of the world didn’t exist anymore and she felt like she might just throw up, and that was thankfully when the bartender placed down two shot glasses in front of them and she was forced to get her shit together. She held up her glass to clink it against Cassian's. 

“To Kes and Shara!” he said.

She smiled.

“To Kes and Shara.”

* * *

She woke up in the morning with sun in her eyes, a dry mouth and a pain in her neck.

Grumbling a little, she slumped herself further down into the bed onto her back so that her head wasn't left awkwardly propped up by the pillows. It took her several moments to orient herself, but eventually she remembered that on yeah, she was in fucking _Hawaii_.

Then, she remembered that there was only one bed. 

Cassian had been out cold almost from the moment they got back. Much like their night many, many years ago, he hadn't even bothered to take off his shoes and Jyn had apparently chosen to just follow suit and collapse right next to him. He was a bit further down the bed, his face pressed aginst her side and her traitorous heart slammed in her chest. His arm was flung heavily over her waist where she immediately noticed that he was conveniently covering the skin that her top exposed. 

She was going to fucking lose it one of these days, she knew it.

She stared at his face for a long while. He lay with his eyes closed, but she knew he had been shoved awake by all her stirring. If she said something right now, he would hear her loud and clear. But say what? ‘ _Cassian Andor, I’d very much like to tap that_ ’ had the casual vibe she was going for but still seemed a bit too crude. ‘ _I’m pretty damn sure I’m in love with you_ ’ was altogether too much.

Kay would be yelling at her to just stick with, ‘ _I have feelings for you_ ’. 

She shuffled herself further down the bed so that they were more level. He protested a little as she jostled his arm, but it stayed around her. 

“Cassian?”

“Mmmm,” he murmured.

 _You know what? Fuck it_.

She was literally right about to kiss him when suddenly, there were several loud bangs on the door and they both leapt out of their fucking skins. Jyn let out a muffled shriek as she jumped with fright and ended up flinging herself off the side of the bed entirely, her head hitting the floor with a smack. “Holy shit!” Cassian hastily glanced over the side of the bed after her. “Are you ok?”

Her head throbbed, but she held up the universal ‘ok’ symbol.

“ _C’mon, guys! Rise and shine!_ ” Gabby’s voice called out. “ _If it ain’t happy moans, then it’s time to get moving!_ ”

Jyn glanced up at where Cassian was still staring down at her. 

“I guess we should get up?” she said.

He rubbed his eyes, half laughing.

“I guess we should.”

* * *

**MAYDAY MAYDAY BODHI IT’S A FUCKING CODE BLACK**   
**SHIT IS GETTING WEIRD IN HAWAII**   
**BIIIIIITCH ANSWER ME**   
**I’M IN A CRISIS**

_WHO’S DEAD WTF_

**No one’s dead lmao ok maybe we need to create a new code system**   
**like code black can be the worst, someone is dying, the apocalypse is happening or something.**

**  
** _Sounds fair_   
_We need something for ‘scream texts best friend and needs an immediate answer but also no one is dying’_

**How about:**   
**Code black = death**   
**Code red = I did a bad thing**   
**Code blue = my life is going emotionally balls up**   
**Code green = a reply is not immediately needed, but appreciated**

_I’m down, so what is this?_

**CODE FUCKING BLUE**   
**I NEARLY KISSED CASSIAN**

_B I T C H_   
_WHY DIDN’T U LEAD WITH THAT_

**I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING**   
**HOLY FUCK**   
**IM ON A BEACH IN HAWAII AND I NEARLY KISSED CASSIAN**

_DETAILS_   
_NOW_   
_What happened??????????  
  
_

**We all went out last night and idk, there was this moment where we fell asleep together last night and when we woke up I just went crazy and decided to go for it. But his sister came yelling at our door and he didn't even realise what I was about to do because I accidentally fell off the bed instead**

_ajhshjdfkgkjgjdfjkHJFHJKGKJ_   
_what are you gonna do?_

* * *

She really didn't know what she was going to do. 

Clearly, this morning hadn’t been her moment, but the fact that she’d even at least _tried_ to make it her moment said volumes. For a while this weekend, she was pretty sure she’d been trying to recapture the essence of her eighteen-year-old self, but truth was Jyn just wasn’t that girl anymore and she was actually ok with that. Eighteen-year-old Jyn hadn’t recognised the moment when she saw it. 24-year-old Jyn had seized it with as much muster as she could. And yeah, ok, it might not have worked out, but she’d tried!

Her moment would come. Perhaps it wasn’t this weekend, but she would find it sometime soon. She knew she didn’t want to just bury this anymore. Besides, who would she be to take away the attention from Kes and Shara’s incredible wedding? Their ceremony had been short and sweet and absolutely beautiful down on the beach, everyone barefoot and the waves crashing in the background. Thankfully the party was small, otherwise not everyone would have been able to even hear.

“Shara Bey, you crashed into my life at a time when I needed it the most,” Kes had been the first to start his vows, her hands gripped tightly in his. “I didn’t know what I was doing with my life, I’d been hurt in the past, and I was afraid to try anything new. If you had told me that we would be getting married five months later, I would have thought you were batshit crazy… to be honest, I still think that sometimes,” he’d added, making Shara laugh lightly. “But you taught me that sometimes, it’s ok to just try. It was terrifying putting myself out on the line like that, but I’m glad that I did it because you turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you with all of my heart, and I can’t wait to spend my life with you.”

Shara had pressed her forehead to his softly. “You all know me. I always do my best to live my life without fear. But when I realised that I was falling in love with you, I was honestly scared for the first time in my life. I’ve always been fine not knowing, but suddenly with you, I wanted to know everything. I wanted a future, I wanted a life with you, and there was nothing I could research or find out that would give me an answer about whether that was possible or not,” Shara had pulled back to look up at Kes. “But turns out just the fact that I wanted all of those things said everything that I needed to know. The future is unknown, but right now I know that I love you with every fibre of my being and I know that we’ll go on to discover the unknown together.”

Jyn had screamed and cheered with the others as they had kissed as husband and wife with the beautiful setting sun behind them and the reception was now well underway back at the restaurant they’d booked out. The beach was literally just a stone’s throw away outside the restaurant’s back deck and Jyn could still hear them all partying on as she sat on the sand in the dark, the stars now reflecting off the water.

She felt Cassian sit down next to her before she saw him.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey!” he replied. “You been out there all this time? You missed Kyla’s speech. She told a very amusing story about Shara shoplifting coconuts as a kid and then cried a lot.” 

“Damn, I missed a good one!”

“Don’t you have to make a speech?”

“Shara said only if I want to and honestly, I think the others have already said it all,” Jyn said. “No one needs to hear from me. Your speech was good.”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t exactly as funny as Logan's was–”

“Nah, but you were sincere,” Jyn told him. “Every wedding needs a sincere speech. Made me tear up.”

“Now you’re just teasing.”

Jyn laughed, shoving his shoulder lightly. “I just needed a bit of air. Gotta take advantage of being in Hawaii while we can, after all.”

“Yeah, nothing but that sweet New York winter awaiting us once we get back.”

In another circumstance she might have been forcing herself to turn this into The Moment as well. The stars, the beach, the wedding… but then there was suddenly a loud _pop_ and a cheer from back at the restaurant. They both turned back in amusement.

“C’mon,” Jyn was ready to head on back. “It sounds like we’re really missing the party now.”

Together, they walked back to the restaurant where a Good Time was definitely underway. Their area of the restaurant was booked out just for them and Shara had enlisted one of the waiter’s sole jobs as filling up her glass of champagne any time it looked like it was getting remotely low. Kyla was still sobbing over her slice of cake while Shara’s mom danced with Kes’ brother Logan. Kes himself was talking to his other brother while Gabby’s wife chatted to Kes’ parents and Cassian dragged Jyn by the hand over to the cake to cut themselves some. He was chatting good-naturedly to her about their plans for sight-seeing tomorrow before they had to catch their flight back when Jyn noticed Gabby by herself. She was eagerly throwing back cake in between sips of champagne. However, before she placed her glass back down, Jyn suddenly noticed something.

She subtly poured some of the champagne into a nearby abandoned glass. 

She was only pretending to drink. _At a wedding_.

“Hey, I’ll be back,” she told Cassian before quickly making her way across the room to Gabby’s side. Sneaking up behind her, Jyn rested her arms across Gabby’s shoulders and smirked at her, “I saw that.”

“Saw what?” Gabby said, innocently.

“You pouring out the champagne. How come I didn’t notice you not drinking last night?”

“You kidding?” Gabby snorted. “You were blind drunk, Jyn, I could have disappeared for an hour and come back with a racoon and a fucking badger and you wouldn’t have even noticed.”

“I resent that!”

“True, though. Hey, I never got the chance to ask, how did sharing a bed with my brother go?”

Jyn let her change the topic, moving so that she could take the glass of abandoned champagne. No point in letting it go to waste, after all. “Do you seriously want to know?”

“Look, Cassian is admittedly my baby brother,” Gabby said. “In my eyes, he’s still eight-years-old and sneaks into our mom’s bed because he’s had a nightmare, he’s not allowed to fall in love at all, let alone do anything that goes above a PG13 rating, but this is you! I have to know!”

“Don’t get too excited, nothing happened.”

“CURSES,” Gabby shook her fist at the ceiling. 

“Hey, it’s not like I didn’t try!” Jyn insisted. “Only _you_ decided to come banging on our door at some ungodly hour this morning and interrupted all of my plans.”

Gabby’s eyes widened in horror. “ _No_.”

“Oh, yes.”

“Oh my god,” Gabby almost laughed. “I have the worst timing, I had no idea! What did he say?”

“Nothing, he thankfully didn’t notice that I was about two seconds away from kissing him,” Jyn said.

“NOOOOOO,” Gabby said. “Shit, I am so sorry–”

“Shut up, it’s fine,” Jyn shrugged. “It hasn’t been a total loss. I at least know that I have the confidence to do something about it now, it just wasn’t the right time.”

“The right time is out there,” Gabby told her. “Promise me that you won’t wait too long, though.”

“I promise,” Jyn said. “I swear, the second we are off this damn island and back in New York, I’m making my own moment. Besides, it’s probably a good thing nothing happened this weekend anyway, I wouldn’t want to take away the attention from Kes and Shara.”

“Yes, which is also exactly why you have to keep quiet about me not drinking,” Gabby added in undertone.

“Does Amy know? Does _Cassian_ –?”

“I only found out a month ago, literally Amy is the only person I’ve told,” Gabby said. Despite her hushed tone, Jyn could see the excitement in her eyes. “Round three finally worked, she cried, I cried, it was basically just a lot of crying. Promise me you won’t tell Cassian though, he’ll tell Mom and then everyone in fucking Mexico will know and this has been such a long process. I want to keep this to ourselves until we at least hit 24 weeks–”

“Ok, I promise not to tell Cassian.”

The two of them froze. That wasn’t Jyn who’d said that.

Slowly, they both turned to see Shara standing right behind them. Her hand was cocked on her hip, looking absolutely stunning in her wedding dress that Jyn knew for a fact that she’d bought on a clearance rack in a thrift store for $30. The most sceptical expression Jyn had ever seen adorned her face and Gabby quickly glanced at Jyn before looking back at the bride with a strained grin.

“SHARA,” Gabby said probably a bit too loudly as Jyn laughed nervously. “I mean… _Shara_! The beautiful bride and absolute star of the day–”

Shara just rolled her eyes. “Exactly how dumb do you guys think I am?”

“Depends,” Jyn told her friend. “How much have you had to drink?”

Shara playfully slapped at her side. “Gabriella Andor, don’t think I haven’t noticed you throwing away perfectly good champagne.”

Gabby threw up her hands. “Honestly! I’m just trying to keep this day all about you, I hope you realise–”

“I know, and that’s why I love you,” Shara said, apparently unable to contain her excitement as she hugged Gabby enthusiastically. “Babe, CONGRATULATIONS! You know technically we’re family now as well, so this baby is basically my niece or nephew.”

“Aren’t we actually like cousins-in-law or something?” Gabby asked. 

“I don’t fucking know,” Shara shrugged. “Who cares, you’re PREGNANT!”

“Oh my god, guys, keep it down or literally everyone will hear,” Jyn laughed. 

"Don't think I'm not about to come for you too, Jyn Erso," Shara added, pulling back from Gabby. "Did you tell him how you feel?" 

"They nearly kissed!" 

"GABBY." 

"Hey look," Gabby said. "I think we've given up not making this day all about ourselves." 

"I will allow it," Shara said. "OH MY GOD, JYN." 

"Look, yes, I tried ok?" Jyn sighed. “It didn’t happen, but it will. I’m rather determined.”

“Oh my god,” Shara fanned her face. “Look at us! My baby is growing up, this bitch is _having_ a baby and I just promised to spend the rest of my life with a guy I’ve known for five months. I could fucking cry.”

“Don’t you dare, that make up is perfect,” Gabby said, fiercely.

Jyn let herself get caught up in Shara’s hug as her friend threw her arms around them both. She wrapped an arm around Gabby's waist and pressed a kiss into Shara’s hair, trying not to cry herself. Across the room, she could see Cassian watching them in bemusement and Jyn was sure he would just see it as the three of them emotionally celebrating Shara’s wedding. He had no idea what was coming for him in the future. 

She smiled. Jyn knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I have re-written this chapter probably no less than ten(10) times???? there's about three different alternate versions and a dozen others with minor changes but I THINK this is the one I'm finally happy with? tbh I'm still not entirely sure lol but I hope you all like it!! please let me know what you think, because this chapter literally gave me so much grief ahjshjdfhjdf 
> 
> and thank you so so much for all of the comments and feedback so far, i love all of you so much! x


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, did you want to come and watch me sing tonight?**

_Oh my god it’s happening  
You’re really going to do it   
_ _You’re going to let me………hear you SING????_

**Don’t make me change my mind hahahahaha  
** **Also a few of my friends will be there so you’d get to meet them**

_It sounds great cassian, I’d love to_

* * *

_Cassian  
hey guys, so I’ve been seeing this girl and I’m bringing her to the set tonight   
_ _Pls for the love of god DO NOT BE FUCKING WEIRD THIS ONE IS GOING WELL  
_ _That is all, thank you_

_Bodhi  
_ _Ashdshjfdj OMG_

_Kay  
_ _I’m never weird. I have no idea what you mean._

_Bodhi  
_ _U guys are in an accounting themed rock band, aren’t you weird by definition?_

_Cassian  
_ _……….shut up Bodhi_

_Bodhi  
_ _lmaoooooo can’t wait to meet her!!!_

* * *

_JYN  
_ _JYN DID YOU FUCKING SEE THE GROUP CHAT  
_ _ABORT THE PLAN ABORT ABORT  
_ _THIS IS A CODE BLUE, POSSIBLY BORDERING ON CODE RED  
_ _JYN FUCKING LOOK AT YOUR PHONE  
_ _Oh shit oh fuck I just remembered that you’re still working ashdhdjh  
_ _jesus c h r i s t_ _I’m COMING DOWN THERE NOW DON’T DO ANYTHING_

* * *

She was going to do it. 

This was the day.

This was the Moment! 

…probably.

“Oh my god, please knock some sense into me,” Jyn muttered. Shara promptly whacked her around the head. “Thank you.”

“That was to get your head out of your ass,” Shara pointed out. “Just fucking do it, already. I’m sick of this pining.”

“I’m insane,” Jyn shrugged. “I’m literally insane. I’m going to tell my best friend and flatmate that I love him. This shit only happens in movies.”

On the other side of the café, _Working Our Assets Off_ was singing one of their O.G.s to finish off their set. Their small group of dedicated fans drank their coffee and sang along and Jyn knew every lyric, yet she couldn’t concentrate at all except for on the mug that currently sat on the front counter next to the coffee machine. Being December 29th, Cassian’s birthday always tended to be on the quieter side, not to mention that his latest had also coincided with getting back from Kes and Shara’s wedding. They had been partied out entirely and Cassian had been quite insistent that he didn’t want nor need anything for turning 25. However, Jyn had come across the novelty mug in Target a week ago and hadn’t been able to leave without it. It was white with a mini guitar shaped handle and bared the phrase _‘Life without guitar would b flat’_ and immediately she’d known… this was it.

She’d found a place that did personalised screen-printing and on the other side of the mug, got a very simple message printed: _‘I love you’_.

Because she did.

It was in her head, her chest, her everywhere and it was all she ever fucking wanted. She wasn’t sure where this romantic shit was coming from, but she still hid the damn mug in between a stack of takeaway cups and tried not to think too much about when she planned to give it to him after the set finished.

“Tell me I’m insane,” Jyn said.

“You’re a bitch in love, Jyn,” Shara answered. “That’s what you are.”

“Thank you for coming, everyone!” Cassian eventually called out as they wrapped up their set. The café clapped and cheered as Cassian, Kay and Haylee all took a small bow. “We are _Working Our Assets Off_ and we play every Thursday at 5pm. You can follow us on Facebook and Instagram and we hope you all enjoyed!”

“I’m doing it,” Jyn said as they all started dispersing. Shit, she was still wearing her apron and everything. “Fuck, should I wait until we’ve closed up? There’s still people everywhere, or do I take him outside? Tell him I need help with something in the breakroom? This isn’t romantic at all, I didn’t think this through!”

“Jyn,” Shara told her. “This is Cassian. It’s not going to fucking matter how romantic it is. _Just do it_.”

She was right. Jyn took a deep breath before running behind the front counter and digging out her mug. She stared at it determinedly in her hands, before looking up and finding Cassian putting his guitar away across the room. Her vision tunnelled.

She strode out from behind the front counter, but she’d barely even crossed the room when suddenly, she saw Cassian call out to someone that he apparently knew in the crowd. Jyn faltered immediately when a woman approached, greeting him with an affectionate hug and kiss on the cheek.

“What the fuck?” Shara voiced her internal thoughts, hurtling up to her side and grabbing her shoulders to stop herself from skidding over. “Who is that?”

“Beats the hell out of me,” Jyn said, unable to tear her eyes away.

“Maybe she's a fan? But I’ve never seen her in here before!”

“I don’t know,” Jyn stressed. “Maybe she’s a… cousin?”

“Don’t we know all of his cousins?”

“Fuck, I don’t know – how many aunt’s does he have again–?”

They both kept staring as Cassian glanced around before promptly kissing the woman right on the lips, hands in her hair.

“I mean…” Shara’s voice trailed. “Could still be his cousin?”

“Holy shit, holy shit – they’re coming over here!” Jyn hissed. This was a hitch in the plan that she hadn’t anticipated. For a second she contemplated just straight up running away, but shit, her and Cassian had made eye contact and she couldn’t disappear now! Shara made to subtly slide away, but Jyn grabbed her arm and shoved the mug into her chest.

“You have to hide it!”

“Where the hell am I supposed to put this?”

“I don’t know, anywhere–”

“I can’t run away now, he’s seen me–”

“ _You have to back me up, bitch_ ,” she hissed.

They continued to bicker in an undertone until eventually Cassian approached and Shara hastily settled for shoving the mug into the front pocket of her apron. It made for a rather conspicuous lump and the rim of the mug was still sticking out, but it would have to do. They both plastered on smiles as Cassian called out to them, “Hey!”

He held the woman’s hand. God, her chest was screaming.

“Hey, Cassian,” she tried not to choke.

“Why could I not hear you guys singing?” he asked them, good-naturedly. 

“You know for a fact you don’t wanna hear me sing,” Shara rolled her eyes. Then, she unceremoniously turned to the woman and said, “Who are you?”

Jyn resisted stamping on her foot.

“My name’s Dani,” the woman said with a smile.

“I messaged that she was coming tonight?” Cassian added. “Been meaning to introduce you for ages.”

“Don’t listen to him, he’s full of shit,” Dani cut over him with a smirk. “I wanted to meet you ages ago, but he wouldn’t let me until now.”

“Because they’re a pack of wild animals,” Cassian insisted. “I didn’t want them to tear you apart and scare you off.”

Shara gasped dramatically, clutching at her chest. “We would never!”

“This is Shara,” Cassian snorted. “She’s a loud-mouth. This is Jyn,” He gestured to her, causing Jyn to panic. “one of my roommates. Both good friends of mine.”

Dani was saying something, probably hi, but Jyn couldn’t speak at all. Her brain was in freefall, but not in a fun, controlled sky-diving kind of way. It was the kind of freefall when you were preparing to jump off a cliff into the water below, but someone pushes you before you’re ready. It was a moment of panic and it was clear that when faced with fight or flight, Jyn chose to freeze. What the hell was she supposed to do? She had been about to bare her fucking soul! She hadn’t planned for a wild girlfriend to turn up!

She forced herself to say, “Nice to meet you,” shaking Dani’s hand. She looked roughly around their age, long dark hair, eyes that seemed to pierce the soul, dark brown skin. Of course she had to be fucking _beautiful_.

“Ok guys,” Cassian quickly hissed at them once they finally took their leave, hanging back a few seconds before Dani could notice, “This one is going well for whatever reason, so whatever you do, _don't be fucking weird_. Thanks guys, I'll see you later.”

“What the hell just happened?” Jyn eventually said, staring after them in amazement.

* * *

Literally half an hour later just as they were closing up the café, Bodhi came sprinting into _Rebel, Rebel_ , red-faced and out of breath.

“JYN–” he gasped over the front counter. “DON’T – CASS – PLAN – ABORT–”

“Yeah,” Jyn told him, holding up her phone that she’d finally been able to check now that her shift was over. The 52 unread messages that she’d had were now open on the screen. “I got your text.”

* * *

_Cassian  
hey guys, so I’ve been seeing this girl and I’m bringing her to the set tonight  
_ _Pls for the love of god DO NOT BE FUCKING WEIRD THIS ONE IS GOING WELL_ _That is all, thank you_ _  
_

_Bodhi  
_ _Ashdshjfdj OMG_

_Kay  
_ _I’m never weird. I have no idea what you mean._

_Bodhi  
_ _U guys are in an accounting themed rock band, aren’t you weird by definition?_

_Cassian  
_ _……….shut up Bodhi_

_Bodhi  
_ _lmaoooooo can’t wait to meet her!!!_

**Omg didn’t get to see this before my shift started, it was great meeting her!**

* * *

**I’m going to fucking die**

_Babe you are going to be fine  
_ _I know it’s only Thursday, but did u wanna go out for a drink or something, get out of the apartment for a bit?_

**Bodhi what did I do to deserve u  
** **The answer is yes**

* * *

**JYN LIKES CASSIAN BUT CASSIAN IS DATING SOMEONE  
** **C’mon kay u know cassian best!!!!! What has he told u  
** **is it serious it’s serious isn’t it**

_He said that he likes her, that’s all I know.  
_ _For the record, I want absolutely no part in this._

* * *

_Don’t worry bitch, I’m stalking her right this second_

* * *

Her name was Danielle Martinez and she was a 23-year-old tour guide. 

As tempted as Jyn had been to join Shara in the Facebook stalk, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Quite honestly, she had no idea how she felt. So prepared to throw herself out there, she didn’t know if she was disappointed or relieved that this had happened first. Sure, it felt like she had been gutted raw, her emotions plain as day on her face for everyone to see, but she could also imagine the pain and humiliation she’d be experiencing if she’d actually said something. No, this was for the best. She had taken the mug she’d bought him and promptly shoved it into one of her storage boxes in her wardrobe, unable to bring herself to throw it away, but also unable to ever look at it again either.

Cassian always had better taste than her when it came to choosing potential partners. He usually chose well, and quite frequently Jyn found herself becoming friends with whoever he was with at the time (she may or may not still catch up with Melissa from junior year, she had been a hoot!). At first it had seemed that her and Dani literally had nothing in common. Shara’s Facebook stalk had revealed that Dani’s 21st birthday had been a sophisticated soirée, complete with her entire family and a moving video of her life made for her. Jyn’s 21st had been a piss up at the local pub, knocking back shots with Bodhi until she threw up in a pot plant and Cassian had to carry her home. Dani had natural people skills, drank from a bottle with cucumber slices in it and had quite a few Instagram followers. Jyn drank too much coffee and liked to hide from the world after a shift of dealing with people.

But then she started to get to know her and the worst thing possible happened: _Jyn liked her_.

“Are you from New York?” Jyn asked at the first games night that Cassian brought her along to.

“Nah, I’m from Chicago,” Dani answered. “Moved here for work. Wait, this zombie is going to kill me, so I want to attack it.”

“Uhhh, I’m afraid you can’t,” Bodhi pointed out. “You need a weapon that can cause at least two damage.”

“But the last zombie I killed I only needed one damage!”

“That was a walker, this is a fatty.”

“I cannot keep track of this game,” Dani shook her head at the board that was set up around their table. Instead of trying to wrap her mind around the many different rules of Zombicide, she took a drink of beer. “Jyn, where are you from?”

She fought to keep her voice even. “England, Birmingham specifically. Well, actually, it’s a very small village that's closer to London than Birmingham, but my dad hates London, so Birmingham it is." 

“Wait, Bodhi, didn’t you say that’s where you’re from too?” Dani asked, turning to Bodhi across from her.

“Yeah, Jyn and I grew up together!” Bodhi replied, cheerfully.

Jyn threw him a look. He mouthed back, ‘ _sorry_ ’.

“And you both ended up in New York?”

“I followed him here,” Jyn said.

Dani laughed. “And you work at the café, right, Jyn?”

“Yeah, been there a few years now. I know it’s not much.”

“Nah, you guys have some fucking good coffee,” Dani said, making Jyn rethink a little. “and Bodhi, what do you do?”

“I’m a fleet service agent,” Bodhi told her. “Which basically means–”

“You’re the one who tosses all the bags onto the planes,” Dani said.

“Yes,” Bodhi said in surprise. “Holy shit, no one usually knows!”

“I was a flight attendant for two years,” Dani grinned. “Now will someone please tell me how the hell I can get away from this zombie without dying?”

After a couple more rounds of making noise, throwing fireballs and swinging axes at the zombie horde that had overtaken their board, Jyn found herself talking to Dani despite everything inside telling her not to. But they sat next to each other at the table and while several of the others were concentrating on Kay rolling to find out whether his attacks were going to hit or not, Dani was asking her,

“How long have you lived in the US for?”

“Since 2009,” Jyn answered. “I only intended to stay for study, but I kind of just never left. You said you were a tour guide, right?”

“Yeah! I work for this company that does day tours, usually within the city or to Philadelphia or some other places that are around here. You know I’ve been to England.”

“Oh, where?”

“Just London,” Dani admitted. “I had three days there on my way to Italy. That’s where my mom is from.”

“I’ve never been to Italy, that’s so cool,” Jyn said. “Do you speak Italian?”

“Yeah! I also speak Spanish as well as English,” Dani said. “My dad is from Spain.”

“Oh my god,” Jyn blinked. “I’m lucky if I can understand more than two words when Cassian talks to his mum on the phone.”

“You mean I’ve taught you nothing the past six years?” Cassian called over to her.

Jyn threw one of the zombie figurines at him. “So you can speak _three_ languages?” she asked Dani.

“Actually four, if you include my very bad French,” Dani said.

Jesus Christ. Down the other end of the table, Cassian, Bodhi and Kay cheered as Kay’s fireball successfully hit, killing one of the runner zombies that had been causing havoc as they went on their quest and they paused the conversation a moment to concentrate on the new round and how many more zombies were spawning. “I absolutely loved London while I was there, though,” Dani told her as Bodhi began his turn. “I only had a chance to do all the typical touristy things, so I’d love to go back and see some other stuff that isn’t quite as well known.”

“If you do,” Jyn said. “there’s a lot of funky museums that are the perfect amount of weird that not many people go to them. And if you like birds, there’s a really cool wildlife wetlands there–” 

“Is that the place where we went on a school trip?” Bodhi asked her. “Also I’m going to use one of my actions to open this door.”

“Oh yes, the annual Henlow Church of England Academy trip to London,” Jyn told Dani. “It was the most anticipated event of the year.”

“I’m sorry, did you say your school was called the _Church of England Academy_?”

“Yeah, the further out into the country you get, the more you became aware of what the British consider essential living,” Jyn told her. “Clifton has about 3,000 people. There’s no bank or supermarket, but there is three churches, two pubs and one Indian restaurant.”

“I mean,” Dani said, mock seriously. “Of course, got to have an Indian restaurant.”

Jyn found herself smiling. _Damn it_.

“Well, anyway, just imagine a group of about twenty 11-year-olds armed with disposable cameras and running around a duck park,” Jyn said. “Bodhi, was that the trip when someone tried to jump the fence and ended up falling into the duck pond?”

“Nah, nah,” Bodhi shook his head. “That was the trip to Kensington Palace, Daniel Peterson and his mates were fucking around and he got pushed in.”

“OH MY GOD, that’s right!” Jyn snorted at the memory rushing back to her.

Dani laughed at her story. “You’ve all known each other for so long, you must have tons of stories about each other,” she said. “You have to tell me Cassian’s most embarrassing story, he refuses to tell me anything that could ruin his perfect image.”

“Excuse me,” Cassian said, aghast. “I have never done anything embarrassing ever in my entire life.”

“Cassian Jeron Andor, that is a dirty, dirty lie and you know it,” Jyn accused. “Freshman year of college – wait, shit, this one needs a little backstory to understand – never mind, we need to keep going if we ever want to finish our quest–”

“No, no, I don’t mind!” Dani eagerly said. “I need to know.”

“I don’t think you do–” Cassian began.

Everyone else at the table started yelling at Cassian then, cheerfully calling out that they all very much indeed needed to hear the story again. Encouraged that no one seemed to care much about their zombie-killing quest anymore, Jyn continued with the story.

“Well, one weekend, we all went out to town,” she explained. “Cassian got very, very drunk and when we all got back to our dorm, he decided that he was hungry and was going to cook himself some microwave popcorn. Why popcorn, we may never know–”

“Oh my god,” Cassian hid his face in his hands.

Jyn smirked at him before carrying on. “ _Anyway_ , by this point it is about two in the morning. Kay and Bodhi have already gone to bed and myself being a good friend, went to go and find out where Cassian had got to. He wasn't in the kitchen though, and turns out he had forgotten about cooking his popcorn halfway through and had instead decided that he was going to go and have a shower. In the women’s bathroom. That was where I found him, throwing his guts up.”

“Holy shit,” Dani was grinning.

“Look, clearly I didn’t realise it was the women’s–” Cassian began hastily.

“Oh, wait, the story gets better!” Jyn said. “It’s around about then that I start to smell something burning, so I make the executive decision to leave Cassian in the bathroom and go and investigate. I find out to my absolute horror that in his drunken haze, Cassian had set his microwave popcorn not for two minutes, but _twenty_.”

“Oh, fuck.”

“Oh, fuck is about right,” Jyn exclaimed. “I walk into our small communal kitchen area to find _actual fucking fire_ coming from inside the microwave. In an absolute panic, I pull the fire alarm and the entire building of about 600 people is evacuated into the street. Except for Cassian, of course, who is naturally now passed out in the shower. The fire department arrives and has to go in and clear the building. They have to carry Cassian outside in literally nothing but a towel, we all die laughing at him and the entire hall never lets him live it down.”

Bodhi was practically crying at the memory, while Cassian’s head just slumped down further and further into his arms. Dani burst out laughing as Kay held up a video that he’d apparently searched for on his phone, “Also, there is still a video on YouTube titled, _‘Idiot gets drunk and forces an evacuation of the entire hall at 2am’_ for your viewing pleasure.”

“No – I’m dying – _stop_ –” Dani wiped at her eyes.

“In Cassian’s defence,” Jyn added. “the incident prompted him to take up cooking as a hobby and he is admittedly very good now. We trust him with our Thanksgiving turkey every year.”

“ _I’m going to fucking kill you, Jyn_ ,” Cassian’s muffled voice said through his arms.

“Jyn, I love you!” Dani told her, earnestly.

Jyn was certain that she wouldn’t if she knew exactly what she felt for the guy she was seeing. Why couldn’t Dani Martinez be someone it felt like pulling teeth talking to? Someone super boring that she had nothing in common with? She was certain this would all be a bit easier if Dani was someone Jyn could hate. However, it turned out that Dani was sophisticated and interesting and intelligent and worst of all, _kind and caring_. If this had been a year ago, Jyn would be declaring Dani her new best friend and jokingly telling Cassian that if he ever broke up with her, it would break her heart as well. Dani squeezed Cassian’s shoulders as he still lay over the table, refusing to show his face. She pressed kisses into his hairline to try and make him get up and eventually he did if she promised him to never mention the story ever again. The others all started pulling themselves together to try and figure out where they were up to in their game and Jyn tried to busy herself with searching through the items she had in her inventory, but she still saw Cassian kiss Dani softly, hand gently trailing her jaw.

Jyn was pretty sure that no matter what outcome they had, her heart was breaking anyway.

* * *

Later that night, Jyn walked into the kitchen and joined Kay.

He was leaning against the kitchen counter and eating a leftover slice of pizza from their games night. He didn’t say anything, but slowly chewed as she furiously hopped herself up onto the counter next to him, legs dangling and tapping in agitation against a cupboard door.

“I can’t do this,” she declared.

Kay stayed silent.

“I love Dani, I think she’s great,” Jyn told him. “I think her and Cassian suit each other well and I can see that he’s really happy and I want to fucking murder something _all the fucking time_.”

Kay swallowed and paused for a moment. “Did you want some of my pizza?”

Jyn turned to look at him. Sitting up on the counter, they were basically eye to eye and he was holding out his pizza box for her.

“Yeah,” she said, taking a slice and trying to speak even as her throat closed over. 

“And for what it’s worth,” Kay mentioned. “I think that you are also great and that you deserve to love someone who loves you back.”

Jyn turned and hugged him.

“Oh, Jesus Christ, Jyn,” Kay complained in exasperation.

“Thank you,” she murmured into his shoulder.

He gingerly reached up and patted her arms from where they were tight around him.

“You’re welcome.”

* * *

“Jyn!” Cassian’s voice called out the second she walked in the door. “Come help me!”

Jyn tried not to cringe, still shutting the door as quietly as she could, despite the fact that certain people had already heard her come in. Not that she was trying to actively avoid Cassian, but she figured it was probably best that she didn’t spend every waking minute with him like she used to. It wasn’t good for her state of mind seeing as Dani was here all the time too now, and forcing herself to be watch them be happy wasn’t doing anyone any favours. These days, it was wake up early before anyone else, go to work, come home late, eat in her room, go to sleep. Repeat. Hope that she didn’t run into Dani also going to the bathroom at 2 in the morning.

But she couldn’t avoid him now. She put on a smile, dumped her bag, and found him in the kitchen.

He was always in his element when cooking. The best in the apartment by a landslide, no competition. She called it a success if she didn’t burn toast, but Cassian seemed to understand what all the different herbs and spices meant and how much to put in and how long to boil before simmering and she might have died of starvation back at college if it weren’t for him (post-Microwave Popcorn Incident, of course). Apparently making a kind of pasta sauce, he held up a spoon for her when she came in.

“Tell me if this tastes good?” he asked.

“Everything you make tastes good,” Jyn complained, but she came forward and let him eagerly spoon her some anyway.

“Don’t feed my ego like that, always tell me if it’s shit, ok?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, I think plain cereal tastes good. Also, this is divine.”

“Ahhh, you’re useless to me,” Cassian said. “How was your day?”

“It was fine,” Jyn leaned against the kitchen bench next to him. “No customers yelled at me and Chirrut’s been letting me take home some of the deli food that’s left at the end of the day.”

“Always a plus when you’re not yelled at,” Cassian agreed. He went back to stirring his sauce, so Jyn couldn’t read his face when he said next, “You’ve been working late a lot recently, right?”

Shit. She just knew that he could tell.

“Uh, yeah,” she purposefully glanced away. “Trying to save some more money. Been thinking about surprising my dad in the summer, seeing as he surprised me last time.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie. She had been thinking about it for a while, but it also just happened to be a convenient way to get the conversation off of her avoiding him. Thankfully, Cassian went with it. “I think he would love that. Actually, I would love that, take me with you?”

“You don’t want to go to England,” Jyn snorted. “It’s cold and we only drink tea.”

“The country that raised you can’t be that bad,” Cassian bumped her hip lightly with his own.

(See, it was shit like that that made her fall for the guy in the first place! How the hell she lasted six years before she got to this point was anyone’s guess).

“Shut up,” Jyn said. “You’ll feed _my_ ego.”

“Rightfully so. You know, I should try the same with my parents,” Cassian said. “I can’t even remember the last time they came to the US.”

“Wasn’t it for graduation?”

“Oh lord,” Cassian rubbed his forehead. “It was. I don’t want to think about how long it’s been since then. But no more reminiscing on the ‘good old days’,” Cassian added, pointing his spoon at her in warning. “I’ve had enough of your embarrassing stories, Erso.”

“Hey, I don’t think they’ve done you much harm,” Jyn said. “Dani still dates you, doesn’t she?”

“For some insane reason,” Cassian smiled. “Hey, thanks for being kind to her. You always are of course, but I’m still grateful regardless. And she told me that she likes all of you guys.”

“She does?” Jyn said. She didn’t trust her voice to say much more without breaking.

“Yeah, she thought you were all hilarious and actually downloaded the rules for Zombicide so she would know how to play properly next time. I don’t know, Jyn, I think she could be the one,” he joked.

Jyn scoffed. “What even is the one?”

“Something I’d always hoped existed but didn’t quite believe in until now.”

Jyn stared at a spot on their kitchen floor. He was grinning as he stirred his pasta sauce and Jesus fucking Christ on a bike, that smile was going to do her in someday. It was infectious, igniting her bones and slamming into her stomach without a hint of mercy. She was surprised she wasn’t thrown off her feet entirely. When the hell had she even become capable of so much emotion? Surely there wasn’t any room left inside her. She couldn’t possibly take any more in. The only problem was that smile wasn’t because of her. That was when Cassian’s phone buzzed and by glancing down at it he thankfully didn’t see what she was so sure had to be written all over her face.

“Oh, Dani’s here,” he said, cheerfully. “I’m just gonna go buzz her in, watch the sauce for me?”

“Of course,” Jyn was left to take the spoon before she had even finished the words. He’d already taken off.

She sighed.

* * *

_Hey girl, just thought I’d let you know I’m inviting Dani to my birthday  
_ _I’m sorry!!!! It would be rude not to tho_

**What honestly im so fine, don’t even worry**

* * *

“HONESTLY,” Jyn huffed, shoving her phone and the offending messages back in her pocket. “Everyone can’t help but treat me with utter pity! I’m fine, but everyone seems to think that I spend my evenings sobbing while hugging a pillow with Cassian’s face on it.”

“… do you?” Leia raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t you start,” Jyn pointed a finger at her.

Thankfully, the other woman laughed. For Bodhi, 25 was a momentous occasion and he had decked out _Rebel, Rebel_ in plenty of streamers and lights for his circus themed birthday. He wore a full-on fortune teller get up, complete with cape and crystal ball that he carried everywhere and refused to put down. Jyn hadn’t known what to wear until she’d gone digging in her wardrobe and came across the knee and elbow guards that she’d bought during her longboarding phase back in 2011. She was now someone about to be shot out of a canon. Leia next to her wore a beautifully patterned bodysuit, looking simultaneously like she was about to get swung about on a trapeze and rather confused about how she’d ended up standing there talking to Jyn of all people.

Leia clearly didn’t know what to make of Jyn anymore. No longer fucking the man she liked and instead forced into the shoes that Leia had so recently been in, Jyn was sure that it had to be hard to pity her and honestly, she was glad for it. Yes, the roles had now been reversed and she was getting a taste of what Leia must have been feeling, but at the same time she could now understand how useless it was to feel this way. Leia knew just as well as Jyn that standing on the side lines and watching someone else get to be with the one you wanted didn’t do anything except cause more pain for yourself. No, Leia didn’t pity her at all, and maybe that was why Jyn had made a beeline for her the second she’d walked in the door.

“Look, babe,” Leia said. “I’ve been there. Everyone just feels bad for you, ignore them all.”

“Yeah, I feel bad enough for myself, to be honest,” Jyn muttered. She glanced over at Leia then and added, “Sorry. I know this must be weird, considering…”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Leia waved a hand. “I’ve actually wanted to talk to you for a while now. Tell me, has Han always been an asshole? Or is it a mental state that he’s just grown into over the years?”

Jyn vividly remembered one Guy Fawkes back at college where him and Luke had shot fireworks at each other for fun.

“I think it’s always been his defining trait, Leia.”

“Great.”

“But honestly,” Jyn felt the need to add. “I think it’s all a front. He’s a genuine person. He likes to hide behind the bravado and confidence, but inside he has a heart of gold.”

Leia gave a huff of exasperation, but didn’t argue her. “I know. I hate that.”

“Easier when he’s just an asshole, right?”

“Much,” Leia agreed.

“You know it’s getting all a bit ridiculous, right?” Jyn added. “Why don’t you guys just sort your shit already?”

“I’ve told you before that I tried that,” She rarely saw Leia worked up, but it was then Jyn realised that one wouldn’t want to cross her when you were in her way. For such a small person, she packed a lot of energy in there and her nostrils flared slightly as she threw her arms up in indignation. “He decided to go and fuck you instead! Sorry.”

“Right,” Jyn nodded. “Enough is enough. Wait here!”

And she took off through the party.

Leia called out after her, but if Jyn couldn’t be with the person she wanted, then she was damned if she was going to stand by and watch her friends continue to torture themselves too. She ploughed through the crowd, around tigers and flame throwers, magicians and ring masters, until she found Han laughing with Chewie and Luke over at the bar. His top hat was askew and he grinned when he saw her.

“Hey, Jyn!” he said. “How’s it going?”

“Leia is in love with you, and you are an idiot!” she yelled.

That caused a pause.

“I … uh…”

“Go do something about it right now,” she added. “because otherwise one day you will lose that girl to someone else and you will hate yourself forever!”

“She doesn’t want me,” Han said, taking a drink of beer.

Jyn jumped forward and slapped him around the head.

“Ow!”

“Bullshit, and you know it!” she yelled. “You get your arse over there!”

“Jesus Christ – fine, _fine_ –” He hastily ducked around her and her threatening hand again. Draining the last of his beer, he handed the empty bottle to a rather amused looking Luke before hesitantly making his way through the crowd. Jyn followed right behind him, pointing out the way to where Leia was waiting, furiously pretending to be occupied by her phone. She glanced up quickly when she realised that they had approached, and Luke skidded to a hasty halt behind Jyn, grabbing her shoulder to stop himself from keeling over.

“What’s he going to do?” he stage whispered.

“I have no idea, but it better be something,” Jyn whispered back.

Neither of their expressions were readable. Leia folded her arms tightly across her chest, a protective gesture. They still stood with an awkward amount of distance between them with their friends hovering in the background, but neither threw up or ran away and Jyn was considering it a success so far. She knew that Han had to realise that he was fucking this up. If he didn’t say something right now, then this was going to be over before it even began and if she knew him at all, he wouldn’t be able to back away this time. Hell, Jyn understood more than anyone how hard it was to have feelings for someone, but sometimes you just had to go for it.

(She would have gone for it. She was right about to…)

Han stepped forward.

“I love you,” he said.

Leia’s face cracked and broke into a smile.

“I know.”

“ _What the fuck_ ,” Luke hissed with glee. “Holy shit, where is Bodhi? Jyn, film this! BODHI–?”

Luke ran off then so no doubt the entire party would know within 30 seconds, but it was going to become obvious anyway. Jyn couldn’t help the grin as both Han and Leia launched themselves at each other, kissing like the sun might explode any second. Han’s hat fell off and Leia’s leg wrapped around his hip and she ended up cheering like a fan at a rock concert. She wondered vaguely whether her friends were going to miss this, but she shouldn’t have worried because they didn’t look like they were going to surface anytime soon. By the time Luke was hurtling back to her side, this time with Bodhi, Cassian, Dani, Shara and Kes in tow, Han and Leia hadn’t moved an inch (except for perhaps closer to each other, _eyyyyyy_ ).

“Holy shit!” Bodhi exclaimed.

“I never thought I’d see the day!” Luke nodded with a grin.

“Jyn, what did you do?” Cassian laughed, leaning an elbow on her shoulder.

Jyn glanced up at him.

“I understood them better than they realised.”

* * *

_Hey, did you get the shirt yet???_

**Literally today, was just about to msg is the plan all a go?**

_Yaaaaas ok I’ll call u now_

* * *

Jyn knocked on the front door.

“ _Oh, I wonder who that could be?_ ” Jyn heard Bodhi’s overly enthusiastic voice through the front door. She could hear him practically wheezing as he tried not to laugh. “Cassian, I think it might be for you!”

“ _What’re you talking about? What’s going on?_ ” 

“Just for the record,” Kay said from where he stood a little bit behind her, phone in his hands and already recording. “you break my iPad, you buy me a new one.”

“Noted,” Jyn said. It was a reasonable request considering this was probably one of the strangest things that she’d ever done. She waited for Cassian to open the door with Kay’s iPad literally tied to her face like a mask. Bodhi had enjoyed himself immensely by fashioning a kind of attachment using string and masking tape in order to turn Jyn into a cyborg. The face of the person they were currently Facetiming with took up the screen so hopefully, it would give the illusion that she was an entirely different person… look, it hadn't been her idea.

She heard footsteps heading towards the door and Jyn braced herself for Cassian opening it. She could hear Bodhi and Dani somewhere behind him, both also recording this auspicious moment. Jyn wished that she could see the look on Cassian’s face when he saw her, but she guessed she would have to content herself with watching the videos back later. 

The door opened. 

“What… the hell?” he said in utter bewilderment.

“Surprise!” Gabby yelled through the iPad.

Cassian’s sister had decided that just calling him and telling him she was pregnant through the phone was definitely not enough. Busy with work, she’d apparently been so desperate to do it in person that she’d eventually roped Jyn in to conspire against her brother. Along with Gabby’s face, Jyn also wore the t-shirt that Gabby had sent her, a custom-made tee with the words printed on: _‘You’re going to be an uncle!’_.

She gave a little wave.

“I’m…” Cassian was apparently stunned. “What… the absolute flying fuck…” 

“It’s me, your sister!” Gabby was saying, Jyn pointing at her head to reiterate the point. “I had to come all this way to tell you congratulations! You’re going to be an uncle!”

“I…” Again, Cassian sounded dumbfounded and he switched to Spanish to talk to his sister. “ _Is this fucking real?_ ”

“ _Of course it’s fucking real, idiot! I'm pregnant!_ ”

“ _Holy shit_. _You’re having a baby. I’m going to be an uncle_.”

“ _You’re going to be an uncle!_ ”

“ _Holy – GABBY!_ ” Cassian practically yelled. “ _I’m going to be an uncle! Oh my god!_ ”

Jyn was done playing the character. She pulled the iPad off her head, absolutely sure that her grin made her look ridiculous but it certainly didn’t matter because Cassian looked worse. He stood in front of her for another two seconds before letting out a celebratory cry and swooping forward to hug her. Jyn nearly dropped the iPad and Kay yelled, “JYN,” in dismay, but thankfully Bodhi caught it before Cassian twirling her around could rip it out of her hands. She held on and laughed, Cassian eventually putting her back down to sob into her shoulder.

“Are you crying?” Jyn asked.

Everyone else hooted and hollered as Cassian apparently couldn’t even string together a response. He just continued to hold onto her and attempted to stop crying. Jyn patted his back, grinning at Gabby who was now being held by Bodhi. “Are you seeing this?” she called out to her.

“ _It’s amazing, thanks so much for helping me, Jyn!_ ” Gabby said with delight.

She was glad to and honestly, she wouldn’t have missed this moment for the world. She didn’t want to ever let him go, but that was when she noticed Dani still recording everything and she hastily pulled back, forcing Cassian to rub his eyes dry. Sniffing, he took the iPad off Bodhi and started talking to his sister once more, Jyn unable to understand, but somehow knowing everything that he was saying anyway. She noticed that Dani came over to join, confidently greeting Cassian’s sister in perfect Spanish and that was when Bodhi snorted and said,

“I think our job is done! C’mon, let’s go back inside, the neighbours will think we’re murdering someone out here.”

“Hey,” Cassian stopped her as they were all filing back inside. His eyes were still red, but he was grinning like she’d never seen him before. He gripped her shoulder tightly before saying, “Thanks for everything, I know you must have helped organising this.”

“It was all Gabby, I was just a dirty enabler,” Jyn said. “but you’re welcome.”

Cassian and Dani retreated to his room to continue the conversation and Jyn was left standing alone in the hallway. Bodhi came to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

“You ok, babe?” he asked.

“No,” Jyn said, truthfully. 

“They better give me my fucking iPad back!” Kay declared, charging across the room after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to take a moment to thank everyone, but especially my apparent six(6) fans aewgliriel, reesewrites_reads, Nandamesser, sugangel7, RoverKelevra, and gernetiana for leaving consistent comments. as someone currently stuck in quarantine and is craving Human Interaction, yall are too kind and i love u x 
> 
> anyway DRAMAAAAAAAA!! please comment hahaha and i very much hope you liked it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: this chapter deals with the topic of depression. Please look after yourselves and don't read if necessary for your mental health. Much love to you. x

_Are you SURE that you can handle spicy?_

**I totally get your scepticism, I mean, I am pretty white**

_Hahahshdhdhj  
I love spicy food  
I’m not the best cook, though. Whenever I try, it’s just never as good as my mom’s_

**MOOD  
Like I can cook enough to survive and everything, but I mostly rely on my roommates’ cooking**

_S a m e  
How many roommates do you have?  
I have four, all of them struggling Artists who came to ny with a Dream  
Including me   
i am struggling Artist_

**LMAO what’s ur thing??  
I have three. They’re pretty cool**

_I’m a comedian  
Slash sales consultant as a day job   
And yes I know what you’re thinking  
I am indeed Jim from the office _

**Oh my fucking god  
But a comedian tho! That’s so cool**

_Hahaha, yeah I try and entertain!  
You should come to one of my shows sometime  
After we get some SPICY food somewhere_

**Smooth transition**

_Did it work?_

**You know what, it did**

* * *

By first date standards, it was going rather well.

It was probably the tenth she’d been on in the last two weeks. Seeing as her method of ‘do nothing and hope it all just goes away’ wasn’t exactly working, Jyn had figured she’d try a different approach. She liked to call it ‘getting herself back out there’ while Bodhi called it ‘dating literally every available person in New York City’ but ehhhh… semantics. Most of the dates she’d been on had fit into the category of nice, but nothing that set her blood on fire. Occasionally, a date was firmly in the no way in fucking hell category (a certain Josh from Brooklyn Heights who had asked to see her boobs before they’d even hit dessert stood out in her mind for that one). This date was so far somewhere between ‘they are hot, but I’m not feeling it’ and ‘actually maybe I was too quick to judge’.

James was apparently from small town Ohio and in Jyn’s opinion, was genuinely quite funny. She’d hesitated to go to the comedy show, but had ultimately figured what the hell did she have to lose at this point, so had met up with him and ended up laughing her ass off. They’d gone out for dinner and drinks afterwards and after another hour or so, she was starting to think that she’d _definitely_ been too quick to judge.

“No, no, I loved your story about apartment hunting!” Jyn told him. “The jokes were funny because they were relatable, that’s why I didn’t really laugh at the bloke before you. But exactly how much of it was true and how much was exaggerated for dramatic effect?”

“Mmm, that’s the best thing about that story,” James said, hastily putting down his beer to explain. “It sounds made up when it’s really not!”

“I refuse to believe you.”

“I swear, the blood stains are still in my closet,” James said, hand on his heart.

“Nah, I don’t know,” Jyn said. “I’d have to see it in person to believe it.”

James smirked at her. “And you said that I was smooth.”

“Did it work?” Jyn asked.

He leaned in and kissed her, so she took that to mean yes, it did. She kissed him back and for several moments, it felt genuine and sizzling and basically everything that a good kiss was supposed to feel like. James held her face and she gripped his collar, and then all of a sudden, all she could think about was the time she’d seen Cassian kiss Dani this exact same way a just few weekends ago.

 _Goddamn it_.

“Hey,” she murmured, pulling back slightly. “look, before this goes any further, I have to be honest with you… I’m kind of trying to get over someone.”

“Holy shit, thank god,” James moved so that she could see him sigh with relief. “Me too.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously!” James exclaimed. “Oh, this is comedy gold, I can’t believe it. My girlfriend broke up with me two months ago.”

“I fell in love with my roommate and then he started dating someone else!”

“OH, NO,” James laughed. “Jyn!”

“This is wild,” Jyn said. “How sad are we?”

“So fucking sad,” James laughed. “but hey, we’re both still sitting here trying. I think we deserve points for that at the very least.”

“You know what? I agree.”

“Plus,” James added. “I now have amazing content for my next show! Are you ok if I use this?”

“Are you kidding? Please invite me,” Jyn said. Then after a moment’s pause as they both took another drink of beer, Jyn asked, “Did you want to talk about her?”

James sighed a little. “We dated three years, but in the end we had different goals in life. I wanted to get married, she didn’t. I kept waiting for her to change her mind… she didn’t. There were some other things as well, but that was probably the biggest issue. She was really supportive of the whole comedy thing, but I know that she didn’t really take it seriously. And I was probably a bit of a dick sometimes too, I don’t know, we just weren’t a good match. It was a good decision to make and in the end we split amicably, but still… it fucking hurts.”

“I’m sorry,” Jyn said, reaching out and squeezing his arm.

“Did you want to talk about your roommate?”

Her brain said that she wasn’t sure, but her heart apparently sure thought otherwise. Jyn had never been the kind of person who could comfortably open up to people, but there was something appealing about the idea of off-loading onto a stranger. With everyone that she knew close to both her and Cassian she always had to speak diplomatically, and it was hard to find someone who could truly look at everything with an objective mind. Everything that had happened recently, the moments they’d shared in Hawaii, getting to know Dani, forcing herself to act ok around the two of them together, it was all bubbling away just below the surface until now, it was apparently ready to burst through.

“I’ve known him for years, we’ve always only been friends,” Jyn found herself saying. “but last year I kind of fell in love with him and for a while, I thought maybe he could love me too, but I must have been blind or something because next thing I know, he starts dating someone else. She’s really nice, they’re super happy and I’ve been trying to get over him ever since.”

“ _Damn_ ,” James said.

Jyn took a large drink of her beer. “Well, this is certainly a fun first date!”

“Oh, of course,” James said. “Best date I’ve ever been on!”

“It’s a shame, I really liked kissing you.”

“I mean,” James shrugged. “Who says we have to stop kissing?”

Jyn glanced over at him. “True,” she said. “I would still like to see the proof that someone hid a dead body in your apartment. Murder is just so _sexy_.”

She kissed him that time and yeah, she knew that nothing would come of this. Neither of them was in the right head space at this point, but this guy was cute, funny and about as messed up as she was.

They both deserved to have some fun.

* * *

_I hope you made it home safe!_

**I did, thanks! And I had a good time, seriously**

_Me too_

* * *

_From: Baze Malbus [manager@rebel-rebel.org]  
Sent: Monday, 7 March 2016 8:28 AM  
To: j.erso@rebel-rebel.org  
Subject: Meeting _

_Jyn,_

_We would like to schedule a meeting with you sometime this week to officially discuss everything we’ve been talking about. Perhaps just before you start your shift? I believe you are on lates, so let me know which morning you prefer and you can come in around 09:00 hours._

_Thank you for your support and understanding around the decisions we have had to make recently. We appreciate you so much._

_Regards,  
Baze Malbus._

* * *

**Hey dad, so I lost my job due to downsizing lmao how are u**

_Oh no!!! Would you like me to call you?_

**Oh nah, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’ve known it was coming for a while, I even told my bosses to start with me if it’s what it came down to. but it still stings.**

_Stardust, you are most caring person I know. Please call me if you ever need to talk._

**For now I’m fine. How’s Erin?**

_You will definitely be fine xx She says she’s lovely, thanks for asking! We’ve just been dealing with all the flooding that’s been happening since flit burst its banks_

**Oh my god, I forgot that it was rain season! Is her house ok?**

_Entire back garden is flooded, minor damage inside. Luckily the shed we fixed has survived! She’s moved in with me for the time being until the water levels get back under control._

**Ooohhh, are we sure her house is actually damaged or did the gf just wanna live with u?**

_I just asked her and she said to call you cheeky!!_

* * *

“I see the job hunting is going well.”

Jyn gave a garbled groan from where she hung upside down off the couch. Kay just stepped over her, moving to sit on his preferred chair in the corner with his tea and iPad, side-stepping all the empty coffee mugs that were scattered around. Jyn pushed herself upright, brushing the crumbs off her ‘unemployed chic’ look (otherwise known as a hoodie with cat ears on it and leggings that she hadn’t washed for three weeks).

“Hey, I’m trying,” said said. “I applied for twenty six more jobs today!”

“And spent how many hours playing Sims?”

“Ehhh, like one or two,” Jyn shrugged.

“Liar.”

“Ok fine, I’m up to baby number four already and my wife has changed careers about ten times,” Jyn admitted. “I made all of us as Sims as well. I made you an astronaut, I thought it sounded more interesting.”

“Excuse me, the measurement, processing and communication of financial accounts is actually fascinating if you cared to learn.” 

Jyn paused for a beat. 

“Wow,” she said. “I can’t believe for a second there, I actually considered letting you teach me accounting.” She had been applying for jobs throughout the entire notice period she’d had until her contract at _Rebel, Rebel_ finished and now here she was, two months later still searching and eating probably way too many snacks to be good for her. She knew how hard of a decision it must have been to let her go, and Jyn truly felt that choosing her out of everyone else was the right decision… however, at the same time she was still pounding through job listings and getting a very small amount of replies back.

Her emails suddenly pinged then and she quickly pulled up the latest reply that had come through. 

_We regret to inform you due to the large amount of applicants that you have not been successful._

“Welp, guess I’m not working for this restaurant,” Jyn sighed. “Kay, I swear I’m going mad. I’m trying to keep myself busy while searching and so far, I’ve read all of Cassian’s cook books, learned how to crochet and started stretching. I can nearly do the splits and I’ve made an entire blanket. I’ve even started keeping up with the news, I don’t know what else to do! The trial of that bloke who murdered that teenaged girl last year is starting today, apparently there’s been a lot of weird clown sightings and the was a bomb scare at a Macy’s in Queens.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say _clowns_?”

“Yeah,” Jyn said in bemusement. “Legit people have been dressing up as evil clowns and just roaming around the city.”

“Ahhhh,” Kay said. “Good ol’ New York.”

She was at the point where she was beyond being anxious and now, she just laughed at everything to cope. Attempting to rub away the headache she could feel coming on, she glanced at her phone and noticed the latest messages that had come through.

“Kay,” she said. “why do guys feel the need to assert their masculinity?”

“Because society has conditioned them to be fragile and rely on others for validation.”

“You talk like men are another species entirely and honestly, I can relate.”

“I’m not – what?” Kay cut himself off, glancing up at her.

She frowned. “What?”

Kay stared at her hard for a solid five seconds. Then, he carried on like nothing was weird at all.

“I know better than to let toxic masculinity rule my life,” he said. Jyn just shook her head. That dude would always be weird. “What idiot are you talking to this time?”

“This would be Todd from Williamsburg,” Jyn sighed. “Watch me un-match right this second.”

“I don’t know why you waste your time on that app.”

“Because I’m an idiot as well, I guess.”

An idiot who just wanted to be loved, but couldn’t get it from the one person she actually wanted it from. She was still attempting to date, particularly since it had become a very welcome distraction from losing her job, but she was starting to think that it was saying something that the only person she’d so far formed a connection with was someone just as emotionally damaged as her. She hadn’t seen James again. She’d kind of wanted to, but she didn’t think it fair when it was clear that Cassian still wasn’t out of her head. No, instead, she’d since gone out with Sara, who had been cute, but lived on the other side of the city and hadn’t felt strongly enough to commit to travelling to see. Then it had been Alex from California who turned out to be here on a business trip and failed to mention that they were only in the city for the next week. The third had been with Ben from the Upper West Side who had made her laugh, but just not enough to want to bang him.

And if she was being honest with herself… the biggest issue was just that none of them were Cassian.

“Well. You might be an idiot, Jyn,” Kay said, starting to swipe through his iPad. “but at least you’re determined. If you want, I will play Sims with you.”

Jyn found herself smiling.

“Sure.”

* * *

_BREAKING: NEW YORK BOUNCER FOUND NOT GUILTY OF SCHOOLGIRL’S MURDER_

_30 min ago, May 12 2016_

_NEW YORK – A man working as a bouncer in the Lower East Side of Manhattan was found not guilty this morning after what media is calling a four day long ‘trial of the decade’._

_Thirty-year-old Callum Grainger was working in a nightclub when he was accused of kidnapping and murdering 14-year-old Emily Summers in October last year. Despite the massive amounts of physical DNA evidence being stacked up against him, the court room erupted earlier today when he was acquitted._

_Summers’ body was found stabbed to death mere streets away from her family home in the early hours of October 13 th 2015\. Grainger was arrested two days later. It is alleged that he stalked her walking home from school and waited until that night to abduct her from her home. _

_Members of the jury had to be escorted by police from the courthouse to ensure safety from the enraged public. Opinions have been widely varied, but polls suggested that a majority of New Yorkers considered Grainger guilty. Prosecution has expressed disappointment in the results._

* * *

“What up, bitch?”

“You know you don’t work here anymore, right?” Shara asked as she cleaned a table. Jyn came and hugged her anyway, Shara laughing as she patted her back.

“Excuse me, am I not allowed to come and visit my former brethren?”

“You’re cute, but I know the second I’m out of here, I’m not coming back.”

Jyn pulled away, staring quizzically at Shara’s face. Sometimes it was hard to tell if her friend was being serious, but she had gone back to wiping tables with a smirk on her face. “What did you do?”

She grinned. “I quit.”

“No fucking way,” Jyn exclaimed. “Shara!”

“Shifts were so boring without you!” she joked. “Look, in all seriousness I’ve actually been thinking that it was time to move on for a while. You leaving was just the kick up the ass I needed to just go and do it. I talked to Baze and Chirrut and they understand.” 

“Do you have a new job lined up?”

“Yeah! I’m going to be social outreach for a growing business,” Shara told her. At the look on Jyn’s face, she added, “Basically, it’s this weird funky company that sells ‘revolutionary’ beauty products and I’m going to be running their Twitter account.”

“That sounds great, Shara.”

“Yeah, I get to work from home if I want to, flexible hours, more pay,” Shara rattled off before hastily pausing. “I mean… sorry, have you found a job yet?”

“Don’t worry, I did!” Jyn said. It had taken a while, but eventually she had found something. She was now the receptionist for a dental office in Brooklyn. She still wasn’t quite sure what to make of the place. Much like one would before going to the dentist in general, she’d cleaned her teeth before the interview and the office manager had asked her everything from describing her work ethic, to what had she eaten for lunch that day.

“I – uh – is that –?” _Relevant_ or _a trick question_ both ran through her head in that moment, but that was when a kid with a bib on had come bursting into the office, cackling madly as a dentist came hastily skidding in moments later after him. The kid had only been corralled back into the dentist’ chair by the dentist enticing him with a large anthropomorphic tooth toy, and she’d gotten the email literally two days ago saying that if she could get through that interview, then she would be perfect for the role. 

“I’m not sure I’m cut out for admin,” Jyn admitted. “but it’s a job.”

“I’m so glad!” Shara told her. “God. How fucking weird is this?”

It was beyond fucking weird. The two of them had met here. This was where they had become friends, it was where Jyn had introduced Shara to Cassian and it was where they had mucked around and screwed up making cappuccinos and helped organise ridiculous staff Christmas parties. _Rebel, Rebel_ had been her home for the last two years. With Shara now leaving as well, it truly felt like the end of an important era in her life, and as much as she didn’t want to be a barista forever, leaving her co-workers and amazing bosses had been rough.

( _Sometimes she wondered whether she ever would have actually left of her own accord. Would she have been a barista forever?_ ).

“The weirdest thing for me is suddenly having a nine-to-five job,” Jyn admitted. “I going to be able to wake up at the same time every day!”

“God, what’s that like?”

“I’ll let you know when I find out,” Jyn said.

“Jyn!”

The two of them turned to see Karla, another barista of _Rebel, Rebel_ , calling out to them. “Hey!” Jyn said, hugging her in greeting. “Shit, I’ve missed you guys!”

“You too!” Karla said, pulling back. “Had no idea you were here.”

“Just came to say hi and find out how you’re all doing without me.”

“Oh, we are literally falling apart,” Karla grinned.

“Of course.”

“There’s a few of us on break, did you wanna come back?” Karla asked. “We’ve got the news on, have you seen it yet?”

“I don’t finish for another fifteen minutes,” Shara shook her head.

“Nah, what’s going on?” Jyn asked.

“Come on!” Karla gestured them to both come with her. They followed all the way back to the break room where the small T.V. in the corner was tuned into the news. It felt like a majority of the entire staff had packed into the break room to watch and several of them all called out cheerfully to her when they noticed her arrival, but her presence apparently wasn’t quite enough to take their attention away from the headlines that ran across the bottom of the screen.

_BREAKING: GRAINGER FOUND NOT GUILTY._

“No way!” Jyn and Shara both surged forward to watch the story unfold on the T.V. Everyone had heard about it this case. Jyn had been following it seeing as she’d not had much else to do and it had been one of the most televised murders of the year. Jyn watched as the allegedly innocent Callum Grainger spoke out on the steps of the court house alongside his lawyer.

“Wait,” Jyn suddenly said. “I know that guy.”

“Jyn, PLEASE don’t tell me you once dated a murderer,” Karla said.

“Not him,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “The lawyer. His name is Tyler, Cassian dragged me to a networking event when he was interning last summer and I met him there! He was nice, good bloke.”

She knew that Tyler and Cassian were friends, and she remembered talking good-naturedly to him at the meet and greet that Cassian had asked her to come to. Never being one for mingling and talking to people he didn’t know, he’d pleaded that she come along to have at least one familiar face around. She knew that the two of them kept in touch and that Cassian was even hoping to get the job he’d applied for at the same firm as him once he passed the bar.

“Shit,” Shara said. “Wasn’t he for sure guilty?”

“There was so much evidence,” Karla agreed vigorously. “His blood was found on the body, on the murder weapon, he lied about his alibi. I was so sure he was guilty!”

They watched for a few more minutes before eventually, Baze had stomped into the break room and declared that everyone had to get back to work. Karla bid her goodbye before heading back to the front counter and Jyn and Shara had coffee together once she finished her shift. The evening went on and honestly, Jyn didn’t think much else about the trial verdict until she got home. When she first walked inside it was so quiet that she thought no one was there.

However, she tried to make her way to her bedroom and came across Dani, Bodhi and Kay all standing huddled together in the hallway for some reason.

“Hey…” Jyn said in bemusement. “What’s going on?”

Bodhi just looked at her sadly as Dani tapped furiously away at her phone. “Did you hear about the Callum Grainger trial?”

“Yeah, we were watching the news earlier – wait, what’s going on?”

“Cassian,” Kay said, simply.

“He won’t come out of his room!” Dani said. “None of us know what’s wrong.”

Jyn suddenly knew exactly what was going on.

“Guys, I got this,” she said.

“It’s no use, he won’t even open the door–” Dani began, but Jyn just started messaging herself.

**Look I know ur in there.** **Cassian u can’t hate yourself. I know what’s happening, Tyler was the lawyer for Callum Grainger, and you planned to work for the same firm. But it’s just a job, ok? You didn’t do anything wrong**

_Jyn, I talked to tyler. He quit today. He won his case and he immediately quit_

**You are putting too much pressure on yourself**

_What if that is me in a couple of years? I’m assigned to a murder case where he clearly did it, but I’m forced to prove that he’s innocent. He gets to walk free and Emily is still fucking dead_

**Cassian, you are a good person and that’s not the kind of lawyer you have to be if you don’t want to**

_I’m a terrible person_

**You’re NOT and you’re in fucking crisis mode  
** **Open the fucking door**

He did.

She knew that Dani, Bodhi and Kay would be peering in like meerkats, so she gave them a reassuring nod before heading inside. Cassian’s room was a bit of a mess, but it wasn’t quite as bad as he was. He’d closed the blinds and had clearly just crawled out of the blanket that was strewn across his bed. He stood helplessly in front of her, phone in hand, and Jyn just held out her arms.

He wrapped his arms around her neck and sobbed into her shoulder.

Cassian cried so rarely, it frightened her more than she’d thought it would. The last time she’d seen it had been when Gabby had told him she was pregnant and honestly, he usually just held everything inside. Occasionally he would snap and it seemed that this was one of those times. She just stood there with her face pressed to his chest, holding him as tight as she could. She could only imagine what was going on in his head. 

“I’m sorry,” he sniffed, eventually.

“It’s fine.”

“Jesus, I’m–” He pulled away hastily, drawing an arm across his eyes. “I’m not cut out for this, Jyn. I can’t be this person. I don’t think I want to be a lawyer.”

“This isn’t all that a lawyer does,” she said. “Cassian. You’re supposed to take the bar exam in a two months. You’ve done nothing but prepare for weeks.

“I applied to work for the same people,” he said. “Tyler could have been me.”

“You’re burnt out. You’ve been burning out a while, haven’t you?”

“Jyn…”

She just sighed. Now wasn’t the time to talk about it. “Look. The others are worried. Let’s just go and get pizza together or something and we can deal with all of this shit later.”

Slowly, he nodded before glancing away and sniffing once more. “God, what you must think of me.”

“I think you are a good person and that you want nothing more than to make a positive difference in this world.”

“I don’t know about that first part.”

“Well,” Jyn insisted. “I do.”

* * *

 _Bodhi  
_ _Hey guys, luke is inviting us all to dinner for his birthday! It’s on Saturday, and Kay I know ur on ur business trip this weekend, but he says no pressure come if you want :)_

 _Kay  
_ _Thank you. I will come next time._

**Tell him I’m there!!!!**

* * *

**Hey, are you going to Luke’s birthday???**

* * *

**Yo dani, are you and cass going to luke’s birthday?  
** **He’s not replying to me**

_I think he said he’s a bit tired. Next time I’m sure!!_

2 JUN AT 12:13 PM

_Hey Jyn, thanks for letting me use your milk this morning, I promise to buy some more for you today. I was also hoping whether we could go and get some coffee or something sometime? We need to hang out more lmao_

**Hey, it was no problem and sure! Are you free this weekend?**

* * *

“I need your help, Jyn.”

Honestly, just getting her message had been strange enough. Dani was the last person Jyn expected to be sitting in _Rebel, Rebel_ and drinking coffee with. As great as Jyn thought she was, she was sure that Dani must have noticed that Jyn didn’t interact with her all that much. She’d figured it for the best, but was only now just wondering whether Dani even liked her. Jyn had learned that she was a very determined personality, always committing with full passion and always knowing exactly what she wanted, and to her that didn’t exactly scream ‘I’m brilliant at asking for help’. And yet… here she was.

“What do you need me for?” Jyn asked.

“Please,” Dani pleaded. “Cassian has been in depressed mode for nearly three months! _Three months_. I like him a lot, but shit, that boy needs help and I don’t know what to do.”

For a selfish second, Jyn focused on the _I like him a lot_ and felt something stab her in the heart a little. She’d truly gotten better the more time went by, but every now and then it would hit her and she was back to square one all over again. Nothing ever seemed to work entirely. But the main thing was to carry on and let no one be any of the wiser (least of all Cassian or Dani) and she very quickly managed to turn her attention to the much more pressing matter at hand.

She felt her heart sinking.

She wasn’t sure if Dani was just throwing around the word with a lack of what else to call it, but whether she knew it or not, she was very accurate. The first time Jyn had noticed had been around spring break, freshman year. Cassian had started acting a little withdrawn, a little like he was worn down by a huge weight on his shoulders. A few months went by and it had just slowly gotten worse and worse until eventually, the peak of it had hit around finals that year. Everyone had been studying of course, but Cassian hadn’t handled the stress well. His attendance at class, which had been patchy at best, just stopped altogether. He’d been cancelling plans on her for months, not replying to texts, and it got to the point where she had realised that she hadn’t physically seen Cassian in two weeks. With absolutely no clue why he had just stopped talking to her, that had been when enough was enough. She had crossed the hall to go and pound on his bedroom door and find out why he had been ignoring her for so long.

Kay had answered it.

“Boy, do I have a bone to pick with your roommate,” Jyn had told him.

“Please,” Kay had said, stress in his eyes. “come in.”

That was when she’d realised that it wasn’t something to do with her. Cassian had apparently barely left his bed for the last two weeks, let alone his room, and he couldn’t seem to explain to her what was wrong. She had sat on his bed with him that June afternoon and rambled about absolutely nothing until eventually, he’d started talking back to her. She’d kept the topics light and breezy until finally she got up the courage to tell him,

“Cassian, something is clearly wrong. What would you say if I suggested you talked to someone at the counselling service?”

He’d sighed and rested his head on her shoulder.

“Thank you, Jyn.”

He’d been diagnosed with major depressive disorder that year and while he always bounced back, he’d gone through several more bad months over the years. It was just something he dealt with and usually, he managed to keep it under control. He hadn’t had a depressive episode in a rather long time and Jyn knew that she’d secretly hoped that it was just gone for good.

Apparently not.

Jyn sighed.

“Dani,” she said. “Not a joke, Cassian is prone to depression.” 

Dani nodded a little. “I guessed. So this has happened before?”

“A few times. Usually I can tell…”

Any time after the first, she had always known. She just knew him well enough by that point, and honestly, she couldn’t believe that hadn’t noticed this episode at all. But then she remembered that three months ago had been March, which was right when she’d been let go from work. What with the stress of being unemployed, and trying to avoid Cassian as much as possible so that she wouldn’t have to deal with seeing him with Dani, she realised that actually, it was quite reasonable for her to not have realised. Dani shook her head.

“You shouldn’t beat yourself up,” she told her. “I didn’t even realise for a while. I didn’t know the signs or anything, but we know now and now we can so something. I don’t know how to help him and I need to learn. You said this has happened before, so what did you do during those times?”

As his roommate, Kay had usually been the one to stay with Cassian during his worst moments. One time, he’d had to go visit his parents for a week and so instead Jyn had slept in the same bed as Cassian the entire time to make sure that he survived until the next day.

“I’d just be there for him,” Jyn said. “Look, Dani, he will pull through this. He always does.”

But Dani was shaking her head. “He pulls through because of you. He needs you.”

“Dani, we’re not as close as you are–”

“Bullshit,” Dani said at once. “You’ve known him for years, you’re his best friend. You’re the only one who could get him to come out of his room when the trial happened. I’m telling you, _he needs you_.”

If there was any animosity in Dani’s tone, Jyn couldn’t hear it. That alone shot her respect levels for the girl way up.

She hesitated for only a second.

“Let me call my boss.”

* * *

When she got home, he hadn’t moved from where he’d been that morning: in bed.

She figured since she approached her in the first place, Dani was probably accepting that Jyn had her methods and wouldn’t exactly care too much about what they were if it helped Cassian. So she didn’t even bother knock. She just ploughed straight into Cassian’s room, kicking off her shoes and stripping off her jacket before pulling back the duvet and crawling underneath.

“Hello,” she said, wriggling her way in next to him. “fancy seeing you here.”

Cassian rolled over, a little confusion on his face. “Jyn.”

“It’s been a while since we had to do this, huh? Dani sent me.”

He winced.

“She’s worried, mate.”

“I know.”

“I’m not, by the way,” Jyn added. “because I know you’re going to get through it. We’ve done it before, and we’re gonna do it again.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Start small. Tell me something you accomplished today.”

He thought for a moment, his face inches from hers under the blanket. It was too dark, overly warm and she suspected that he hadn’t showered in a while, but she wasn’t about to move for the world. Eventually, he answered,

“I ate a bagel.”

“There you go!” Jyn said. “Success. What else did you do?”

“I… replied to a message from Kay?”

“That’s fantastic. Now you want to tell me what’s happened with your degree?” 

“Jyn, I don’t even know where to fucking start,” Cassian said. “I graduated, but there’s no way I could pass the bar, even if I did somehow get the motivation to do it. I have no idea what to do. I spent years learning how to be a lawyer. I’ve got nothing else. I want to do something meaningful, something that will help others, but I haven’t got a clue so I just sit here and do nothing except think about how you guys probably hate me because I fucking _do nothing_ , and I just…”

“It’s a lot.”

“It’s a lot, yeah.”

“Well, the first thing to address,” Jyn said. “is that we do not hate you and never ever could. We love you and want you in our lives. And second, you don’t have to know what you want to do. I don’t know what I fucking want to do with my life. Hell, you could just take some time, find yourself, travel, take dance classes, do karate, whatever shit you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for.”

“Do karate?”

“I don’t fucking know, Cassian,” Jyn said and he thankfully snorted.

“I… haven’t played at the café in a while.”

“That’s something!” she said. “So here’s what we’re going to do. For the next two days, we are going to binge the _Harry Potter_ movies and eat our bodyweight in pizza. Then, you’re going to call your therapist and your girlfriend. And hey,” she added as Cassian nodded at the plan. “remember it’s not going to be better straight away. It always takes time but you _will_ come out the other side, ok?”

“Ok,” he said, softly.

They both shifted then, getting out of bed and Jyn throwing him a bunch of clothes that didn’t smell for him to put on. Once they were both ready to face the world once more, Cassian pulled her into a tight hug, arms squeezing around her waist.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“Any time.”

* * *

_Hey Jyn. Thank you_

**Of course, Dani**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't had depression myself, but I have been a carer for a loved one with depression before. I apologise if there are any inaccuracies and feel free to correct me if you see them! (also if you need someone to talk to, pls feel free to msg me) 
> 
> thank you so much for all your comments! as many of you figured, Dani is here for the long haul and i keep torturing poor Jyn, but she'll find that her life will turn around eventually hahahaha. I hope you all enjoyed, let me know what you think x


	8. Chapter 8

_41 friends posted on your timeline for your birthday_

**Bodhi Rook** Adjjkfdjfdjk JYN welcome to the 25 club!!!!! I dug out these amazing pics of old just for you. I think you were rocking the bucket hat look, I eagerly await the day that comes back in fashion lmao. Anyway, it’s a privilege to call you my Best Bitch and I love you so much!!!! Happy birthday!!!

 **Kay Tu** Happy birthday.

 **Galen Erso** Happy birthday to my beautiful daughter! Erin and I hope you have a brilliant day and I will call you tonight. X 

**Karla McCauley** Happy birthday Jyn!! Miss working with you! X

 **Gabby Andor** JYNNY, feliz feliz cumple! te adoro!!!!!!! Happy birthday, I hope your day is fantastic and we must organise a time for you to come visit when Baby is here xoxo

 **Haylee Taylor** Happy birthday, Jyn

 **Mina Rook** happy birthday, I hope you have a fantastic day!

 **Dani Martinez** I hope you have an amazing birthday, Jyn!

 **Cassian Andor** Happy birthday. Please enjoy this photo of us eating waffles at 3am.

_See 32 more posts_

* * *

Things didn’t get better straight away, because life of course didn’t work like that. But that was when Jyn stopped trying to avoid Cassian because she was going to have to fucking deal with everything at some point, and she supposed now was probably the time. He started actually getting up in the mornings again, which was a fantastic start. Time went on, with June rolling in and with it the beginnings of the tourist horde, the classic New York hot garbage smell and open air theatres every weekend in central park. By the time it was June 18th and Jyn was waking up by yelling, “CELEBRATE ME, IT’S MY BIRTHDAY, BITCHES!” Cassian was at least managing to smile and play music again ( _she was so proud of him_ ). 

Deciding that 25 was a momentous occasion, Jyn had completely decked out their apartment for her 90s themed party. She had invited everyone from Baze and Chirrut who she had greeted with warm hugs, to Haylee from _Working Our Assets Off_ who had greeted her with a bottle of vodka. And honestly, she was just relieved that Cassian had agreed to come out of his room at all. He was quiet, but he held Dani’s hand and listened to their conversations as they were serenaded with the pop hits of her youth. 

“No, no, you don’t get it!” Jyn said, accidentally spilling her drink over Bodhi in her enthusiasm. “I was a British girl who grew up in the 90s, of course I was obsessed with the Spice Girls!”

“The biggest question,” Dani pointed out. “is which one did you want to be?”

“Easy, Sporty.”

“No one ever says Sporty,” Dani snorted.

“Nah, everyone used to fight at school because they all wanted to be either Baby or Posh,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “but Sporty was the best! She kicked arse, she got to wear cool tracksuits–”

“She says this,” Bodhi cut in, leaning heavily on her shoulders. “but she used to wear this pink Spice Girls crop top underneath her school uniform and at lunch time she would strip down to it whenever the teachers were looking–”

“BODHI.”

Their friends burst into hysterics, but Jyn wasn’t going to fight the roasting. Whatever got Cassian laughing again was fine with her. They had all decked themselves out in 90s attire, including baggy denim, t-shirts with cartoons on them and hair scrunchies, torturing their ears with the sweet, sultry tunes of the Vengaboys and NSYNC and downing a lot of Haylee’s Vodka. She wasn’t sure if that last one was exactly a staple of the 90s, being mostly a kid back then, but she figured that surely some things were universal. She was at the point where she couldn’t quite stand up by herself, but she was having a good time and surrounded by her favourite people. How much more could she ask for?

“You’re a bitch ass friend, you know that, right?” Jyn complained to Bodhi once the conversation had moved on. She hung around his neck and promptly stumbled, Bodhi laughing as he hugged her into him.

“We’ve been living here too long, you don’t even sound British anymore,” he said.

“What am I supposed to say?”

“That I’m a fuckin’ tosspot!”

It probably wasn’t quite as funny as she was making it out to be in her head, but Jyn cracked up regardless. When she’d finally calmed down, hanging onto Bodhi to refrain from falling over, he looked at her up and down with a grin and a roll of his eyes.

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you have that last shot.”

“I am perfectly _fiiiiiiine_ ,” Jyn looked up and noticed a few of their mates hanging out on the fire escape. “Eyyyyy!” she exclaimed. “I should climb the fire escape, I still haven’t gotten to the roof–”

“Hold it!” Bodhi grabbed her round the waist, hauling her back. “We are not ending up at the hospital again.”

“But the roooooof–”

“Not today, sis!”

“Cassian would let me.”

“Cassian would let you do anything so long as he got to do it too,” Bodhi rolled his eyes. “Which reminds me… what’s the deal with you guys?”

“Whaddya mean?”

Damn. Her head was starting to spin from all the questions. Were there multiple questions? She couldn’t quite remember. She liked it a lot better when everything was funny. She glanced over at Cassian across the way, where he was dancing with Dani. She was good at dancing. She was basically good at everything, but she was amazing at throwing herself into a dance, hands in the air before looping around his waist and bringing him close. He leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers.

He kissed her cheek. He kissed her jaw. He kissed her lips…

“Jyn?”

She shook her head.

“What? Fuck?”

“You still like him, don’t you?”

Jyn groaned. “I don’t fucking know! Would I say yes if he suddenly wanted to ride me like a Harley? Absolutely! Does it hurt like a bitch whenever I see them together? Of course! Do I think that’s more important than our friendship? Fuck me, _noooo_.”

“So… you DO like him?”

“Now you’re getting technical.”

“I think you’re drunk as fuck.”

“What gave ya that impression?”

Bodhi just wrapped an arm around her shoulders, effectively blocking off her view of Cassian and Dani lighting up the dance floor. “Stop torturing yourself,” he insisted. “tonight just focus on you! This is your party, your birthday! Remember what we used to say back in middle school? Boys are shite.”

“I think you said that the most.” 

“I stand by it,” Bodhi pointed out. “Granted, some of them are significantly less shite than others, but at the end of the day we are all dirty buggers who don’t deserve you. Myself included. Don’t waste your life on someone who won’t love you the way you want them to.”

There are truths that are harder to accept than others. Jyn hadn’t thought she was going to be encountering one tonight, but apparently she was. She supposed it was easy to think of Cassian as a perfect fantasy. He was her best friend who had known her for years, in a romantic comedy they would all magically work out and be perfect for each other. But Bodhi was right. She was wasting her time. Cassian clearly didn’t love her, and if her experiences with Scott had taught her anything, it was that you didn’t want to be with someone who couldn’t love you. Jyn knew she was caring, dedicated and looked fucking _hot_ , if she did say so herself. It was his loss.

She deserved love.

“You know what?” she declared. “You’re right!”

“Well, naturally.”

“Someone out there will love me!” Jyn announced, flinging her arm out wide to illustrate her point. “I know it doesn’t feel like it because I’m 25 now and I’ve never had someone fall in love with me before, but it will happen!”

“Of course!” Bodhi slapped her a high-five.

Jyn returned the slap with equal force, but then promptly groaned. “UGH, I’m too drunk for this. We’re gonna have to have this conversation again later when I’m more sober, aren’t we?”

Bodhi snorted. “Probably, babe.”

* * *

**What up beautiful girls, we finally have enough Ladies to have our own games night  
** **There’s only one rule: NO BOYS ALLOWED**

 _Leia  
_ _I am in_

 _Shara  
_ _Name the time and place!!_

 _Dani  
_ _I will learn how to play this time!_

* * *

**Hey guys, I’m getting the girls over for a games night, so just letting you all know that all boys are banished from the apartment for Friday evening**

_Bodhi  
_ _LOL I can stay at Luke’s_

 _Cassian  
_ _Where am I supposed to go? You have stolen my girlfriend_

 _Bodhi  
_ _Wait  
_ _you didn't tell us that she was at girlfriend status!!_

 _Cassian  
_ _I'm still trying to figure out how it happened, tbh_

**Lmao if you have nowhere else to go I will allow you to remain, BUT you must be confined to your room except for food and bathroom breaks**

* * *

“So how’s Cassian doing?” Leia asked as they all sat around the coffee table.

Jyn opened her mouth but before she could say anything, Dani had answered.

“He’s doing so well,” she told Leia. “Honestly, I’m so proud.”

“You haven’t even been dating long, right?” Shara asked.

“Six months.”

“I don’t know if I could have handled what you’ve handled,” Leia said, honestly. 

“He actually tried to break up with me,” Dani admitted. “He didn’t seem to think he was worthy and was sure that I was suffering because of him or something, I don’t know. I told him he was dumb and that I wasn’t going anywhere. He got the message.”

Jyn covered up being about to say something by taking another drink of beer, throwing back decidedly more than she usually would in one go.

They thankfully moved onto lighter topics then, Jyn quick to tease Leia about Han and causing the other woman to throw the cushion she was sitting on at her head. It had been about high time that Jyn gathered together the women of her life, so the four of them had taken over the lounge of the apartment together. With the boys being banished, they had so far spent the evening drinking beer and playing the wonderfully difficult game of Mysterium.

“Ok, ok, before we start grilling Leia about Han,” Shara stared in bewilderment at her vision cards. “Please let me concentrate on what cards I’m going to pick.”

“Yes, please for the love of god,” Dani rolled her eyes. “We do actually want to find out who committed this murder.”

“I’m telling you, it’s hard being a ghost!”

The game they were playing did require probably a lot more concentration they were giving it, to be fair. As Shara attempted to find cards that would help them predict the prime suspects, Jyn turned to Leia and said,

“Ok, I can’t wait. What’s it like having feelings? Are you happy? Is he happy? Where is it GOING–?”

“Jesus Christ, can you calm down?”

“I have to know,” Jyn shrugged. “I only fucked the guy, you actually love him!”

Leia just sighed, though Jyn caught the hint of a smile under there. Eventually, she cracked and Jyn whooped in triumph.

“I knew it!”

“Shut up,” Leia couldn’t help the grin.

“You’re both as happy as all fuck, aren’t you?”

“Yes! We’re in love and we’re together, of course we’re fucking _happy_ ,” Leia burst out. “No, I have absolutely no idea where it’s going, but right now it’s fine and I’m cool with that.”

“Forgive me, I’m literally just coming into all this from the outside,” Dani said, then. “I really don’t know Han that well, but the few times we’ve talked he strikes me as kind of an asshole?”

When organising a time and date for tonight, Jyn had ended up adding Dani to the group chat without even thinking about it. It didn’t feel right to not include her. Dani was one of them, and while they did have their vast differences, Jyn was starting to find more and more things that they also had in common.

However, she was sure in that moment of Dani asking that question, Shara and Leia were internally yelling at her if she was ok in the head for inviting her. 

“Look, on the outside Han Solo is a bit of a dick,” Jyn said, hastily. “but on the inside–”

“He’s a good person,” Leia said, fiercely.

“Ok, ok!” Dani held up her hands. “Told you, I’m on the outside. I’m still trying to learn all the weird dynamics of everyone in this group.”

“I didn’t think we got too weird,” Shara said from behind her cards.

“Shara, didn’t you date Cassian at one point?”

“Oh yeah,” Shara snorted. “Forgot about that.”

“And Jyn slept with Han, apparently?”

“It was very causal,” Jyn coughed.

“And Bodhi’s boyfriend is Leia’s twin sister,” Dani pointed out. “Kes is Cassian’s cousin, Bodhi and Jyn knew each other as kids and all of you went to college together, have I missed anything?”

“We didn’t _all_ go to college together.” Jyn didn’t even know what she was trying to defend.

Yeah, they had a bit of a weird dynamic, but what group didn’t, right? She tried not to think about the one that Dani was thankfully missing.

( _Also Jyn was in love with Cassian_ ).

“Hey, we’re nothing if not interesting,” Shara pointed out. “Now are you bitches ready to crack this case? Knock once for yes, two times for no.”

They got into their game then, thankfully. Naturally, it derailed very quickly into trying to figure out who committed murder through Shara’s cryptic clues and there were many beers consumed as they complained about Shara’s choice of vision cards. “HOW THE FUCK DO CURTAINS HELP ME?” Leia said in outrage, nearly flipping the table.

Jyn was glad to escape for a moment to the kitchen to grab another beer. As Leia and Shara argued in the background, Jyn was brought up short for a second when she realised that Dani had apparently had the same idea. Jyn had thought that she’d gone to the bathroom for some reason rather than the kitchen and was suddenly quite unprepared to face her. 

Dani handed her a beer before slamming the fridge door shut. “The neighbours are going to think we’ve actually murdered someone soon,” she said.

“I feel like they’ve heard worse before.”

“True,” Dani snorted. Then, after a moment she added with no hesitation, “Hey, Jyn, are we cool?”

“Why wouldn’t we be cool?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re great,” Dani insisted. “But everyone says that you and Cassian are best friends and yet you don’t hang out with him all that much. I just get this feeling sometimes that maybe it’s because of me. What is it? Did you sleep with Cassian as well? Is Leia literally the ONLY one in this apartment who hasn’t?”

She had done her absolute best to not make it obvious, but apparently Dani was more observant than she’d realised and had absolutely no qualms about calling her out on it. She had to appreciate the tenacity.

“NO,” Jyn might have said that too quickly to sound convincing. “No,” she added in a slightly more neutral tone. “We’ve never been like that. I guess it’s just… in the past, some of Cassian’s exes didn’t like the fact that his best friend was also a girl. And you’re beautiful, accomplished and intelligent, I’m not afraid to say that I’m a bit intimidated by you sometimes.”

“Shit, Jyn,” Dani handed her the bottle opener. “I’ve never said, but sometimes I’m intimidated by you!”

“What on earth for?”

“The same reasons you told me,” Dani replied. “and like you said, you’re his best friend. You have a history, a closeness that I will never be able to replicate no matter how much time goes by. I’m a little jealous of the years you have on me, I’ll never quite compare.”

There were thankfully only a few of Cassian’s ex-partners that Jyn could ever remember having an issue with her. Cassian was usually a pretty good judge of character and the second someone made their thoughts clear he was quick to let them know under no uncertain terms that he came with a best friend and that that was just a part of the deal. If someone didn’t like it, they could leave. Most of the time he picked good.

He’d picked _really_ good this time.

“Dani, you do not ever have to worry about mine and Cassian’s friendship.”

“I know,” she said, cheerfully. “I know it’s a different kind of love and you’re a cool person, Jyn.”

Jyn thought she was kind of a shit person, to be quite honest. But she leaned against the kitchen bench next to Dani and chinked her beer against hers.

“Thanks,” she said. “You’re cool, too.”

They listened to Leia and Shara arguing for a moment longer before figuring that they should probably go back before they started scratching each other’s eyes out. However, before they could leave the kitchen, Kay suddenly came trekking in from the hallway, apparently in search of food as he started rummaging through the fridge.

“Oi!” Jyn cried as Dani laughed. “What do you think you’re doing here?”

“Oh, hey,” he threw back over his shoulder as he started pulling out different perfectly labelled containers of batch cooked meals that he’d made earlier in the week. “Shara still not got the hang of being the ghost yet?”

“Excuse me, I said that all boys were banished this evening,” Jyn pointed out.

“Yeah, I remember,” Kay said simply, opening a container and checking the contents. He didn’t offer any other explanation, just carried on preparing his food like absolutely nothing was amiss.

Jyn stared at him in bewilderment, until Dani grabbed her arm and tugged her after her. “Come on, leave the man to his food,” she rolled her eyes. “We need to make sure that Leia doesn’t turn Shara into a real ghost!”

* * *

**Bodhi, the time has come  
** **I need an exorcism**

_Wtf jyn have you been watching paranormal movies again_

**No I mean I need to get cassian OUT of me!!**

* * *

The idea took a while, but eventually Jyn and Bodhi found themselves standing on the fire escape of Yavin Hall.

This was the dormitory that they had all lived in during their freshman year, on the fourth floor to be exact. Jyn was hoping that going somewhere significant would have more of an impact than choosing just anywhere. After climbing up a couple of storeys, they stood together with the night darkening around them. Thankfully, their fire escape was on the side of the building that wasn’t bordering the road, so there was nothing but a mostly empty parking lot beneath them.

“I would like to thank everyone for coming out tonight!” Jyn declared an overly dramatic voice.

“I’m literally the only one here,” Bodhi pointed out.

“Shhh, just go with it,” Jyn hissed. “Like I said, thank you! Welcome to the ‘Jyn Attempts To Get Over Cassian’ Show. I really appreciate you being with me as I attempt to let go of the past! I need a volunteer to help me, who would like to…? Why, how about you, fine sir?”

Bodhi stuck his hand in the air. “Oh, oh, yes! Pick me!

“It is settled, come on down!”

Bodhi pretended to run and join her at the rail, even though they were already standing right next to each other. “So,” Jyn said, miming a microphone at him. “what is your name?”

“Bodhi! And I just want to say, it is such an HONOUR to be able to finally meet you!”

“You are too kind, sir,” Jyn smirked. “Now, do you think that you can help me tonight?”

“I will do my best!”

“Good, because I’m not sure I can do it,” Jyn dropped the TV talk show voice as she bent down to pick up the mug.

Yes, it was the dumb guitar mug that she’d gone and bought for Cassian. She gripped it in her hands and stared down at the unforgiving concrete below them. Her big plan had of course been to smash it considering what the mug represented, but now that she was actually up here, she wasn’t so sure she could let go of it.

“Why not?” Bodhi asked her.

“Because,” Jyn said in frustration. “Look. I know that Cassian doesn’t love me. We’ve said it before, I don’t want to waste my time and energy on someone who can’t give me what I want. But I guess there’s still a tiny part that’s holding onto hope.”

The thing was, it was hard to just _turn off_ everything. Love wasn’t like a damn light switch that could be flicked on and off at will. She loved Cassian and she didn’t know how to stop it. She loved that he didn’t give up on things. She loved that no matter how tough life was, he was always tougher. He was strong and persistent and he would always keep on going. She loved how loyal he was, the kind of ride or die friend that would help you bury a body (most probably because he was likely there when you killed them in the first place, but that wasn’t the point). She loved him because he honestly reminded her of herself, keeping things close inside and not letting much out, but learning how to speak up to the people that were close to him. She just… loved everything about him. Once that switch was on, it was on. Maybe she could blame the wiring, but nothing she did ever made the light go away.

She had hoped that getting rid of this DAMN mug could perhaps help with it.

“I get you,” Bodhi shrugged next to her. “No, really. Cassian is an amazing person and I know this all sucks.”

“I’m loving the solidarity, but it’s still not exactly helping me get rid of the mug.”

“Look, the way I see it,” Bodhi told her. “is that you can be as solid and supportive as much as you can. You can understand that you are worthy of love and affection and that you deserve to find it with someone that cares about you just as much in return. But as long as you hold onto that hope, your friendship is going to suffer. Maybe not right now, but in the long term, you’re going to wake up one day and realise that you aren’t as close as you used to be, and it will all be because you distanced yourself more and more to stay sane. All it will result in is losing him altogether. So long as you hold onto that hope… you’re never going to be happy.”

She took in his words with a sigh. She knew the question she should be asking herself and Bodhi voiced it.

“Jyn. Is this worth throwing away your entire friendship for?”

She knew the answer.

“My fine contestant,” she said, the T.V. talk show voice back on and holding the mug as her imaginary microphone once more. “I believe the answer we are looking for is ‘no, this isn’t worth throwing away our entire friendship for’.”

Bodhi cracked a grin, pulling out his phone. She complained as he held it up, “No! No filming this!”

“Hey, Oprah!” Bodhi just laughed. “I think you know what you’ve got to doooo…”

Jyn rolled her eyes before pointing at him with the mug. “Fine,” she said. “Bodhi, I believe you cracked it! You get a car and YOU get a car, everyone gets a car!” 

“Oh my god,” Bodhi flipped the camera to face him, fake crying. “This is the happiest moment of my life!”

“As for the main event,” Jyn said, glancing over the edge of the fire escape once more. “I think I just need a moment or two – BODHI–”

So caught up in the moment of winning his imaginary car, Bodhi had hugged her enthusiastically. This, however, jostled her and she accidentally stumbled into the rail. Her hand holding the mug knocked and as if in slow motion, it fell from her grip.

Right over the edge.

“NO–” she cried, leaning out over it.

“Shit!” Bodhi agreed, spinning his camera to face the mug falling to its impending doom.

It hit the concrete far below with a _crash_ , splintering into pieces.

For a long moment, Jyn and Bodhi just stared down at the mess broken down below. Then, Bodhi slowly raised his camera to her face. Jyn just glanced at Bodhi before breaking into hysterics.

“Oh my god.”

“You fucking did it!”

“I think _you_ fucking did it honestly, but I did it!”

“It’s gone!”

“FUCK,” Jyn racked a hand through her hair before saying to his camera. “Bodhi, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

She leaned in and wrapped her arms around him, Bodhi hugging her back in return as they stood together in the rapidly dwindling darkness. “You’re a good person, Jyn.”

“Likewise, mate.”

“HEY!”

They both leapt out of their skins as apparently down below, a pair of security guards had spotted them. One of them was frantically waving two flashlights as if they were calling in a plane to land while the other yelled,

“No projectiles are allowed to be thrown from the building!”

“THE FIRE ESCAPE IS FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY, YOU MUST GET DOWN IMMEDIATELY.”

“Shit, let’s get out of here!” Jyn said, the two of them hastily running for the stairs.

* * *

**Hey james, so I know it’s been a while, but if u wanted I was wondering if you’d ever like to go out again sometime?**

_Holy shit, Jyn! What have you been up to?  
_ _And yeah, I’d love that_

* * *

Look, she hadn’t planned on dating James. It sort of just _happened_.

He was just as hilarious as she remembered. She’d told herself that she wouldn’t message him right away as she’d wanted to make sure that her head really was screwed on and her heart actually was in the right place, but truth be told, she’d rather badly wanted to. So she hadn’t bothered wasting any time and sent the message without thinking. He'd seemed just as genuinely glad to see her again as she was to see him when they went to dinner, and it soon turned into multiple dinners and coffees and nights spent staying over at his apartment over the next month or so. 

“ _So fun story, but my apartment has to be fumigated_ ,” James told her over the phone one afternoon late July while Jyn sorted out files into the proper folders at work.

“What the hell happened?”

“ _Ok, so you know that weird smell that has been coming from down the hallway for a while, right?_ ” James launched into his story. Jyn had to supress the grin that was already starting to spread across her face. “ _Honestly, I thought it was coming from my roommate’s room, because really there’s no telling what the fuck Jojo is growing in there. But yesterday Kev and I couldn’t fucking take it anymore, so we started pulling apart EVERYTHING. We searched all through the bathroom, in the cabinets, and finally in the hallway closet we found A FUCKING DEAD RAT_.”

“Oh my god,” Jyn exclaimed.

“ _Oh my god is right, you should have SEEN Kev’s face!_ ” James laughed. “ _I thought for sure he was going hurl. He just looks at me and says, ‘nope, not today sir’ and I am the one who is forced to try and get it out of there_.”

“Did you manage it?” Jyn asked.

“ _Jojo and I did!_ ” James said. “ _Though we did run into a couple of minor mishaps along the way_.”

“Like what?”

“ _Well, for starters, I tried to pull it out by the tail and the tail just fucking snapped off_.”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD, NO.”

“ _Yes!_ ” James snickered. “ _Anyway, so long story short, you really don’t want to be coming over tonight, unless you like the smell of dead animals. Sorry we can’t hang out._ ”

“You know, you could probably just come over to my place?” Jyn suggested.

“ _Seriously?_ ”

She understood the scepticism. Seeing as they’d both blabbed their entire romantic woes to each other literally on the first date, James knew why Jyn was hesitant to bring him round to her own apartment. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him and Cassian to ever meet, it was just… look, it just would have been weird. But she shrugged and said, “Yeah, Bodhi’s at Luke’s and Cassian said he was going to Dani’s, so it’ll only be Kay there anyway, and he sleeps in noise-cancelling headphones. We could watch a movie, have the whole evening to ourselves.”

“ _That sounds great,_ ” James said.

“Good,” Jyn said. “I’ll see you then.”

However, it turned out that she must have misheard or misjudged somewhere along the lines, because in the end they very much did _not_ have the evening to themselves. James came over and they had a great dinner, Jyn explaining how she had a bet going with some of the dental nurses from work about how many times their office manager manages to drop the word ‘awesome’ into casual conversation, and James showing his beautifully gruesome pictures of the Rat Extraction.

“The first apartment that we moved into was an absolute dumpster fire,” Jyn told him in response, the two of them curled up on her couch together. “There was mould everywhere, the fire alarms didn’t work and one time we found a racoon in a kitchen cupboard.”

“Wait, _what?_ ”

“Do not ask me how it got in there,” Jyn snorted. “Maybe it came in through the window, I don’t know, but thing was it was finals week and we were all going a little bit spare. Bodhi and I gave each other terrible colds and Kay practically lived at the library, so Cassian was the only one who noticed the smell and actually found the racoon. Turns out he was so damn sleep deprived that he literally assumed that he was just going crazy and that the racoon wasn’t real.”

James burst out laughing. “NO.”

“Oh, yes,” Jyn grinned. “The fucker opened the cupboard door, saw the racoon, and _just fucking left it there_.”

She was pretty sure he was crying from laughter. “How – how long–?”

“Nearly five days!”

“Oh my god.”

“Eventually the smell was strong enough to even get through our blocked noses,” Jyn said. “Ever since, we have referred to this as the Racoon Incident and we have never let Cassian live it down.”

“I can’t believe he just straight up left it there!”

“We never did get the smell of dead animal entirely out of that kitchen,” Jyn admitted. She leaned over to pick up her phone from the coffee table and check the time. “YES, it’s 11.06!”

“Does that mean something?”

“It means,” Jyn said, tossing her phone aside and sliding closer onto James’ lap. “Eleven o’clock has passed, which means Kay is now asleep. We are free to make out in public spaces as much as we want.”

“I’m sorry, your roommate goes to sleep at the exact same time every night?”

“He times it perfectly. I suspect wizardry, to be honest.”

“Sometimes I think you know your roommates a little too well.”

“Sometimes I think so too,” Jyn said in fairness.

James’ arms wound around her waist as Jyn leaned in to kiss his neck. “And you’re not the least bit turned off by all the talk of dead animals?”

“Mmmm,” Jyn murmured against his skin. “I’m trying to think of a witty one-liner in response to that, but that’s more your territory than mine…”

“I… you're kissing me and suddenly, I have forgotten all jokes ever.”

“Better kiss me back, then.”

He certainly did, sweeping her up and pressing her back into the couch cushions. Jyn squeaked a little as he crushed his lips to hers. For a long while, the room was dark and his body was all she could focus on. Jyn’s legs curled around his hips and she totally hadn’t intended on having sex on the couch, because you know, public furniture that everyone had to use and all.

But also, they were totally having sex on this couch.

At least they were right up until they heard the locks of the front door click. The door opened and Jyn’s eyes snapped up immediately to where James had frozen still above her. Jyn recognised the voices and sirens immediately blared in her head.

“What–?” James began.

“FUCK, that’s Cassian and Dani!” Jyn hissed. “We have roughly twenty seconds before they’re in here, MOVE–”

The two of them somehow managed to move with the speed and agility of a fucking tiger. Jyn located her t-shirt and underwear and she prayed to literally every god out there that James had clothes on by the time the lights clicked on and Cassian and Dani were suddenly blinking at the sight of them standing rather dishevelled looking in the middle of the lounge.

She glanced over at James. Oh, thank god, he had pants on.

“Heeeyyyyy,” Jyn warbled, trying ever so slightly to hide her bare legs behind James. “I thought you guys were staying at Dani’s?”

“We changed our minds,” Dani looked like she was about two seconds away from killing herself with laughter. “Sorry, did we interrupt something?”

“Oh, nooooo – not at all–”

“My name is James,” James added, hastily moving forward to offer a hand to shake. Both Cassian and Dani took it in bemusement while Jyn shoved her face in her hands. Dear god, this was not how this night was supposed to go.

“Nice to meet you,” Cassian told him.

“You too!” James said, voice incredibly strained. “I promise that I usually wear clothes–”

“OK!” Jyn yelled, leaping forward and grabbing James’ arm, yanking him back. “We’re just – just gonna – go somewhere–”

By the time her and James had managed to escape to her room, even Jyn’s shut bedroom door wasn’t enough to block out the distant peals of laughter coming from Cassian and Dani.

“Well, this is it,” Jyn said, simply. “This is how I die.”

James apparently couldn’t help it and let out a snicker. “So that was Cassian, huh?”

“Don’t you start.”

“Not at all, not at all,” James grinned.

* * *

**I am officially mortified and I would very much appreciate us never ever mentioning this incident again, please and thank you**

_Dani  
_ _Idk Jyn, I think we deserve teasing rights about this for at least the next 10 yrs_

 _Cassian  
_ _Maybe even 20_

**Fine what will it take to buy ur silence**

_Dani  
_ _$1000000000000_

 _Cassian  
_ _I was just going to say the cost of dinner for two_

 _Dani  
_ _In nyc? That’s still $100000000000000_

**I will give you $10 and a bottle of wine**

_Cassian  
_ _Done_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was that kid in the 90s who wore a pink spice girls crop top under my school uniform and would strip down to it at lunch time whenever the teachers weren't looking. I got told off and the teachers had to explain to me that I'm not allowed to take my clothes off at school. WHOOPS (my favourite was baby spice for the record) 
> 
> i want to thank everyone who reached out on the last chapter. i hope if anything it shows that none of us are alone and i love you all x Thank you so much for all your comments, I hope you enjoyed this!!!


	9. Chapter 9

_We are having a 4 th July bbq shindig at our place, vegetarian options available and partners welcome!!!_

* * *

**So some mates of mine are having a 4 th July bbq, idk if you wanted to come with me?  
  
**

_Are you sure they’d want me to come?  
_ _The only time they’ve ever met me I was half naked  
  
_

**I mean, we gotta move past it at some point  
  
**

_Fair_

* * *

Luke apparently shared an apartment with several other dudes and they had decked out the roof of their building for their 4th July celebration. A mini barbeque was set up, beers chilled in a bucket and apparently the entire building was invited to come up and relax in the hot sun. Despite his first encounter with Jyn’s friends, James did seem genuinely excited to come along with her, holding her hand and wearing a giant novelty pair of USA flag-patterned sunglasses. By mid-afternoon the roof was crowded with people lounging on pool chairs, eating burgers and Han had apparently even set up a child’s paddling pool and was currently sitting in it, head tilted back to the sky wearing a red cap declaring _‘Make America Gay Again’_ and drinking beer out of a silly straw.

“Oh hey, Jyn babe,” he said when Jyn purposefully blocked his sun. “Care to join the pool?”

“You know, I didn’t think to bring my swimsuit.”

“Shame! This the latest BF then, huh?”

He gestured to James who snorted. “You must be Han!”

“Jyn, you been talking shit about me?” Han grinned.

“Your reputation precedes you, is all,” Jyn said. “This is James. James, this is indeed Han, good friend of mine.”

“Ehhhhh, he’s cute,” Han said, glancing over at James from behind his sunglasses. “I approve.”

“You know, I think I’m just starting to realise that all of your stories about your friends are not exaggerations,” James told her once they had scored themselves a beer each and stood together at the edge of the roof, Manhattan sprawled out around them below. They weren’t actually far away from the East River and Luke had assured them all that you could see a majority of the fireworks show from here.

“I can’t believe you ever thought I was exaggerating about my friends,” Jyn said, aghast. 

“Ok, ok,” James said. “So who are the ones that got married after only knowing each other for five months?”

Jyn glanced around the rooftop party for a moment until eventually she spotted Kes and Shara in the line for hot dogs. “That’s them!” she said. “Truly beautiful ceremony, and hey, they’re still married so I’ll give that to them.”

“Well, they always say if you can get through the first year.”

“They’ve got six more months to go, then,” Jyn snorted.

“And who is the one who started an accounting themed rock band?”

“Aw, shit, Kay isn’t here yet,” Jyn told him. “He typically isn’t a party person, so he said he’d just turn up for the fireworks later.”

“I look forward to it. So what are you known for, then?” James asked her.

“Please,” she snorted. “I don’t have a thing.”

“Everyone has a thing, Jyn,” James insisted. “Han is clearly the zany guy, Kes and Shara are ‘that couple’, even Kay is quirky, every cast of characters has a formula to follow!”

“Well, in that case I’m obviously the leader.”

“But don’t you know?” James quipped. “Girls can’t be the leader, this is Hollywood.”

“Oh, true, true. I guess I’d say Cassian is the leader then?”

“From what you’ve told me, Kay is obviously the smart one.”

“Does that make Bodhi the strong one?” Jyn asked. “He _is_ deceptively strong, he throws bags onto planes for a living.”

“Yes, and that leaves you as the chick,” James said, enthusiastically. “But who is the lancer?”

“The lancer? Did you write the articles for T.V. tropes or something?”

James snorted. “It’s easy to get lost in them. The lancer is the foil to the leader, can be on the good side or a villain. Someone who is able to keep the leader in check and catches the things that the hero misses.”

“Someone who can keep Cassian in check,” Jyn said. “Sounds like Dani.”

“Ehhh, I see her as more of the sixth ranger,” James said. “I think the lancer is probably you.”

She supposed he was right in a way, but she didn’t exactly want to get into all the ways that she and Cassian complimented each other. Luckily, that was about when Kes and Shara had gotten their hot dogs and called out to her, coming over to meet James and providing a convenient distraction. 

She lost track of him at one point as the evening drew in. A lot more outgoing than her, James didn’t have any problems mingling in with the crowd and she watched him with a smile on her face as he told a rather animated story to Bodhi, Luke and Dani. The sky was dark around her and she was just about to go and join in time to watch the fireworks together, when Cassian apparently found her.

“I didn’t know you were into funny guys,” he said, leaning casually against the edge of the roof next to her.

“Neither did I,” Jyn smirked. “Happy fourth of July.”

He held up his beer and she clinked hers against his. “Look at us, the British girl and the Mexican celebrating Independence Day.”

“Yeah, why did we come to this country again?” Jyn asked. “Just last night I nearly had a heart attack because I thought I heard gun shots outside the apartment, but turns out it was just our idiot neighbours who bought illegal fireworks out of state.” 

“There’s always one,” Cassian rolled his eyes. “Now seriously, you’ve brought this James along to meet everyone! You know, under your own circumstances…”

“We promised never to speak of The Incident!”

“Of course,” Cassian mimed zipping his mouth shut. “Just saying… after that, you’re apparently still willing to let everyone else have a crack at him, so does that mean things are getting serious?”

“I don’t know,” Jyn snorted. “I like him.”

And she genuinely did. It was far too early to tell whether it would ever actually go anywhere, but she knew that she enjoyed his company, his jokes and overall chill personality very much. So used to the pang in her chest that accompanied her whenever she even thought of Cassian, let alone spoke to him, it surprised her a little to realise that it was mostly gone in that moment.

“Well, you seem happy and I’m glad,” Cassian said.

“You seem happier too,” Jyn noticed. 

“Yeah,” Cassian nodded. “It’s a bit up and down. Sometimes I’m much better, other days it’s… but Dani has been a godsend. And I seriously need to thank you as well,” he added.

“Oh,” Jyn shifted uncomfortably. “You don’t need–”

“ _Jyn_ ,” he said, turning to face her. “No matter what, you are always here for me. You don’t care what’s going on in your own life, you took time off work from your brand new job just to be with me. I don’t deserve a friend like you.”

“Yes, you do,” Jyn insisted. “and you’re welcome. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

He hugged her. Jyn squeezed him back tightly, beer bottle pressed between his shoulder blades, his arms strong and warm around her.

“Right,” Cassian said then with a smirk. “I think we should go and say hi now.”

“Nooo, Cassian I think you probably don’t need – CASSIAN–” she yelled after him as he quickly started weaving through the crowd. She grabbed onto his arm, but he didn’t stop the entire way across the roof to where Kes, Shara, Dani and James were all roaring with laughter.

“Cass!” Dani called out when she saw him. “Oh my god, you missed THE best story!”

“Come to my set next week and you can hear it again, I promise,” James grinned.

“James, are you using this party to advertise your show to my mates?”

“I am nothing if not authentic, Jyn,” James said, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her forehead lightly. “Cassian, it’s good to see you again!”

“Yeah, definitely,” Cassian said. “Although I’m a bit confused, I didn’t realise you actually wore clothes?”

Jyn hid her face in her hands while James laughed out loud. “I figured I had to be decent for the public!”

“I’m sorry,” Kes put out there, watching the reactions with bemused interest. “Did we miss an inside joke?”

“You had to be there,” Dani grinned.

That was when the fireworks started and everyone cheered as suddenly, up in the sky in the distance they could just see the East River lighting up. James’ arms wrapped around her and she leaned back into his chest to watch the sky explode.

* * *

_Hi my stardust, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I’m sure you must be busy, but whenever you’re free give me a call because I have some pretty big news!!_

**Shit dad, I’m at work but I’ll call you tonight!**

* * *

“MY DAD IS GETTING MARRIED!”

“Oh my god, papa Erso!” Bodhi cried.

“So cool!” Dani agreed.

“ _That’s great, Jyn_ ,” Cassian added through the video call. His face was small and currently far away, but he still expressed his delight.

Jyn hadn’t been entirely sure what her dad was going to be calling to tell her, but for some reason she really hadn’t been expecting it to be the news that he had proposed to Erin.

“Holy shit, Dad,” Jyn had laughed. “I was starting to think you were about to tell me you had discovered a new periodic element.”

“ _HA, only in my dreams_.” 

“But OH MY GOD,” Jyn yelled down the phone that night she’d called him once she’d gotten home from work. “I can’t believe it!”

“ _So you’re ok with this?_ ”

“Why wouldn’t I be ok?” Jyn had scoffed. “DAD, I get to be in your wedding!”

Galen had chuckled, but his voice was a little more subdued when he said, “ _Look, I know that you love Erin and I know that you will always be happy for me no matter what because you are my wonderful Stardust, but before this goes any further I still wanted to ask for your approval. Your opinion matters to me. You are the most important woman in my life and you always will be_.”

“Oh, dad,” It felt like someone had just shot her in the heart. “You don’t need my approval. But you’ll always have it.”

She knew how hard a decision it must have been for him, no matter how happy he may have been. It had been so long ago, but she knew from the photos and the memories in her head that Lyra had been Galen’s entire world. She knew that they had met in a crowded lecture hall in 1983. They had been friends for three years until eventually, her mother had asked Galen out and they started dating. They had married two years later, and had baby Jyn two years after that. In every photo, her dad’s smile was wide and Jyn could see her own eyes in Lyra’s. Her sickness had been short and brutal, and while Jyn almost preferred it to a painful, drawn-out death, it hadn’t left her and Galen much time to prepare themselves.

For years after, they had been all each other had. Galen’s side of the family was rather small, his parents dying when Jyn was young and being an only child. Lyra had come from a big family, and Jyn had multiple cousins, aunts and uncles back in England but ever since Lyra’s death, she had lost contact with a lot of them. She still got sent cards on her birthdays from her grandparents, but with her now living in the United States, they typically left her alone. Honestly, as much as Jyn missed her mother, she was so glad to have Erin as a part of her family. 

“I know, I can’t believe it!” Jyn said excitedly to her friends then, making sure to keep her phone up so that Cassian could still see them all. “He’s so happy guys, I can’t wait.”

“ _Well damn_ ,” Cassian said. “ _I feel like I can’t show you my news now, I’d be stealing the thunder_.”

“No, no, I'm sorry, I'm the one who stole the thunder! You have to show us still,” Jyn pleaded. 

“ _Well, ok then_ ,” Cassian apparently handed off his phone to someone else as the video pulled back, revealing the small bundle nestled in his arms as he sat on a couch. Jyn didn’t think she’d ever seen him so happy. “ _Everyone, meet my niece! This is Celeste Maria Andor-Greer_.”

Immediately, they all burst into what sounded like hysterical high pitched baby voices, fussing and ahhing over baby Celeste, save for Kay who just peered over the top of all of their heads and remarked, “She’s squishy looking.” Dani grabbed Jyn's arm as she cooed to Cassian’s brand new niece and Jyn smiled as the baby waved a lazy fist.

“She is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life!” Bodhi cried.

“ _She’s only been alive for three days_ ,” Cassian admitted. “ _but if anything happens to her, I will murder the entire state of Florida_.”

“ _That’s how I know she has the best uncle_ ,” Gabby’s voice interjected. Apparently the one filming, the phone was put down on what Jyn assumed was a coffee table as Gabby and her wife, Amy, came into view, sitting down next to Cassian.

Cassian had literally been on standby for the entire last two weeks of August. Finally, on the 28th, he had gotten a very excited call from his mom saying that Gabby and Amy’s baby had been born and he had bought tickets to go and visit roughly ten minutes later. He’d been down there for a few days now and they had all been waiting in anticipation for this moment where they got to see the new baby in his life.

“Congratulations guys!” Jyn called to the new mothers.

“ _Congratulate Gabby, she’s the one who did all the hard work_ ,” Amy insisted.

“ _You had to hold my hand, I couldn’t have done it without you_ ,” Gabby’s eyes sparkled with emotion as she tenderly kissed her.

“ _Guys!_ ” Cassian pretended to shield Celeste from the sight. “ _Not in front of the baby!_ ”

“Oh my fucking lord,” Dani rested her head on Jyn’s shoulder for a moment before whispering in her ear, “He’s so hot with a baby, I’m going to fucking die.”

“ _What was that?_ ” Cassian called out.

“Nothing!” Jyn and Dani both said at the exact same time.

* * *

**_Cassiandorss_ ** _my niece is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Congratulations, Gabby and Amy._

* * *

**Hey dad, so I looked at the price of tickets and I’m so sorry, but I just can’t afford it rn  
** **Losing my job earlier in the year really took it out of me  
** **I really wanted to be there for your engagement party, but i think I might not make it til Christmas  
  
**

_Stardust I’ve already told you that I will pay for your ticket  
  
_

**And I’ve already said no!!  
** **I’ll hopefully score some black Friday deals and promise to come and Christmas  
  
**

_Well, if you ever change your mind, you know that I’m always here to support you x_

* * *

“…and that,” James paused dramatically up on the stage. “is when we heard the front door open.”

Jyn cracked. She’d tried to keep a straight face his entire set, but hearing him re-tell the story of when they had been walked in on was too much. By the time he’d asked her if he could use it for his next show, she was certain that literally everyone knew what had happened anyway, so what the hell? With Cassian back from visiting his sister, several of them had decided to support James and his set by coming along that night. Jyn and Cassian practically cried next to her as they heard James’ re-telling of the story, Bodhi, Luke, Han and Leia joining them one table over.

“Now I don’t know whether any of you guys have ever gotten changed in the dark before,” James carried on up on the stage. “but let me tell ya, it makes getting dressed a million times more terrifying. It’s like, I _think_ these are my pants… I THINK this is my bra… what do you mean that’s not my fur coat, then what the FUCK is it? Next thing you know, your pet cat has scratched up your face and I’m pretty sure I put my pants on backwards that evening…”

“Jyn, your boyfriend is fucking great,” Dani eventually sniggered as the two of them sat together drinking their mojitos, waiting in between acts. James had been waylaid by some of his comedy mates and with Cassian in the bathroom, Jyn felt like she could talk somewhat freely.

“You know, we haven’t actually had that conversation yet,” Jyn admitted.

“Seriously?” Dani said. “Girl, why not?”

“I guess it just hasn’t come up,” Jyn said. “but it’s only been a few months.”

“Do you want him to be your boyfriend?”

“I don’t know,” Jyn shrugged. “I’m trying not to be too _all in_ with this one. I’m kind of ok with how things are right now–” Jyn’s eyes unconsciously slid from Dani’s face while she spoke. Instead of just glancing aimlessly around at the crowd like usual, they actually caught sight of something that slammed into her with the force of a freight train. “– wait – FUCK–”

“What?” Dani looked over her shoulder in confusion.

“Nothing – SHIT DAMN, FUCK A DAMN – he’s seen me!”

“I swear to fucking god, girl–”

“Ok, ok, so out of all the comedy clubs in New York City,” Jyn hastily explained. “my ex-boyfriend apparently just HAD to walk into this one.”

Jyn literally hadn’t seen Scott Melshi at all since they broke up two years ago. The plus side of living in a city with eight million people was that it was very rare that she ever ran into someone she once dated. The odds had been a bit higher when they were still at college (she vividly remembered once diving into a bush to avoid being seen by Gavin from sophomore year) but since graduating it had thankfully been easy to literally never see someone ever again. But because the universe hated her or something, Scott just HAD to be the one person who had walked in with some woman at his side and had also somehow caught her eye from across the room.

He said something to his date and waited until she found a table to sit at before heading over.

“Oh my god,” Jyn panicked. “He’s coming here!”

“Talk to me, babe,” Dani said at once. “How did it end? Do I need to intercept?”

“Oh, shit,” Jyn could feel a headache coming on. “He was the first person I ever fell in love with, he broke my heart into a million pieces – SCOTT!” she practically yelled, pretending to only just notice him.

“Hey, Jyn!” Scott said once he was close enough for her to hear. “Holy shit, can’t believe I ran into you, it’s been ages.”

“Yeah, yes, yeeeeeep…” God, what the fuck was wrong with her. She felt awkward with him standing over her so she stood up to be on the same level, except he seemed to think that this meant she was initiating a greeting and as a result, she ended up in the most awkward hug of her lifetime.

“Well, how are you doing?” Scott asked her, hastily pulling away.

“I’m good,” Jyn said, heart slamming in her throat. “I don’t work at the café anymore, I’m in admin now. Are you still in IT?”

“Good for you,” Scott told her. “and yeah, I work for a food supply chain, things are good. I’m seeing someone,” he added, gesturing vaguely over his shoulder at whom Jyn assumed was the woman he’d come in with.

“I’m glad,” Jyn said. “Me too, actually.”

“That’s awesome, I’m glad you’re happy,” Scott said. At least he sounded genuine. “Well, I’d better head back, but it was nice seeing you. Tell Cassian I said hi.”

It took Jyn several seconds.

“Oh – no, we’re not–”

“Oh,” Scott shrugged. “Sorry, I guess I just assumed.”

“It’s fine,” Jyn said, weakly. “See you.”

She collapsed back down in her chair, amazed that she still had a heart in her chest at all.

“You did it!” Dani said. “You got through an entire conversation with the ex and you didn’t throw up even a little bit.”

“How much did you hear?”

“It’s fine,” Dani snorted. “Honestly, Jyn, you should be fucking proud of yourself.”

And she found that she actually was. Scott had been the one who had opened her up to what love felt like and then promptly destroyed it for her, but without him she wasn’t sure if she ever would have let herself open up to anyone. Seeing him really hadn’t been as painful as Jyn had always imagined it might be, and she reached out to squeeze an arm around Dani’s shoulders.

“I need a drink,” she told her.

That was when Bodhi leaned across the gap between their two tables.

“WAS THAT SCOTT MELSHI?” he yelled.

* * *

**Holy shit bruh pls come and rescue me  
** **My ex just turned up at ur show  
  
**

_OH MY GOD  
_ _Where are u lmao  
_ _Are you ok  
  
_

**Table with Dani, and yeah im fine  
** **Actually, im more fine than I thought I would be  
** **But would still like it if you came and made out with me for a bit  
  
**

_IM ON MY WAY  
_ _Did this dude hurt you?  
  
_

**He ripped my heart out  
  
**

_OH JYN  
_ _Don’t worry, Kim ripped out mine, I know how u feel  
_ _I can’t find u guys????  
  
_

**Right of the stage  
** **Near the speakers  
  
**

_Ok I see yall lol COMING_

* * *

Their apartment could get rather crowded, these days.

She had thought that at some point they might have all silently co-ordinated, but apparently not. It seemed that no one had any kind of set routine for where they stayed the night. It was either literally no one was home except for Kay (who always revelled in having the entire place to himself) or, Luke, Dani and James were all there too and suddenly there was seven people sharing one bathroom in the mornings. Jyn started brushing her teeth in the kitchen seeing as her only other option was to get up at six am.

“Why don’t you just brush them once you get to work?” Luke asked her as they all hung around the kitchen together while Cassian cooked in the background. “That’s what I do, I shower, eat breakfast, do everything there so all I have to do in the mornings is just wake up, get dressed and go.”

“I work in a _dental office_ ,” Jyn stressed. “I can’t go in not having already brushed my teeth.”

“Because they definitely take away vacation days for that,” James teased.

“Shut up.”

“Well, we were going to go to Luke’s place tonight,” Bodhi pointed out. “but seeing as literally everyone is here, why don’t we play a game or two?”

“Impromptu games night?” Dani asked from where Cassian had enlisted her to help chop the onions.

“IMPROMPTU GAMES NIGHT!” Bodhi cried.

That was when Kay stomped into the kitchen.

“Excuse me,” he deadpanned, his headphones askew on his head. “can you MOTHERFUCKERS keep it down? Some of us are working overtime.”

“What happened this time?” Cassian called over to him.

Kay wasn’t just an accountant. Kay was an accountant for a spectacularly failing company that manufactured and sold maps. Yes, as in the ancient relic that one used to use to tell which direction to go in. Practically obsolete by this point, it seemed that these days there was very rarely a time that the company _wasn’t_ in a crisis. Jyn knew how it felt to be let go, and she certainly didn’t wish it on anyone else, but apparently Kay was intent on riding this one out until the company’s bitter end. “Our paper suppliers went under,” Kay sighed. “It’s a bit of a mess.”

“That sucks, man,” James told him.

“Yeah, sorry Kay,” Bodhi said. “Any chance we could distract you with a rousing game of Zombicide?”

“You know what? Fuck it,” Kay said, pulling off his headphones. “But only if we play the Invader version, I want to be the cyborg.”

“Why the cyborg?” Dani asked, eagerly abandoning the onions to come and join them.

“Easy, it’s the only character without a gender,” Kay said casually.

He didn’t seem to notice the entire room go rather quiet as he went to go and fetch the game from their shelf in the lounge dedicated to all of the board games they had collected over the years. When he walked back into the kitchen, it was to find all of them sharing equally bemused looks of _‘did he just say…?’_ without anyone actually daring to say something out loud.

“What?” he asked.

Then, it seemed to dawn on him.

“Oh, whoops,” he said. “Did I just out myself?”

“Entirely your call, mate,” Bodhi said. 

“Oh, I suppose it was about time anyway,” Kay just shrugged. “Everyone, I identify as non-binary. I have done for a while now. My name is still Kay, but I prefer they/them pronouns. Now are we going to play?”

Immediately, they all gave various yells of ‘yes, let’s play!’, ‘of course!’ and ‘can’t wait to defeat the zombies!’. They literally all carried on like normal, the only difference being that they all did their best to remember not to call Kay ‘he’. Jyn thought she might have imagined it because when did Kay smile _ever_ , but she was pretty sure she saw the corners of their mouth tugging wider and wider the further the game went on.

* * *

_Kay  
_ _I just wanted to say thank you. For accepting me without question._

_Cassian  
_ _I’m glad that you felt safe enough to share with us_

_Bodhi  
_ _We love you so much!!!!!!  
  
_

**Of course, Kay!**

* * *

The mornings were starting to get cold now that October was setting in. It hadn’t taken long for Jyn’s body to get used to the routine of waking up at the same time every day and now, she always naturally woke up just minutes before her alarm. This morning, however, she was sure that it had to still be far too early. It was still dark out with only the hints of light starting to come through. She rolled over to where James was still fast asleep next to her. She had never exactly been much of a natural cuddler, but usually something about being warm and cosy would make her want to snuggle and press in close. His arm was splayed out above their heads and she nestled herself into the crook of it.

His arm moved down to wrap around her. “Hey,” he murmured without opening his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Dunno exactly. Early,” Jyn answered. “You can go back to sleep.”

“Mmmm,” He kissed her forehead. “Why would I go back to sleep when I have an amazing–”

He cut himself off mid-sentence, arms tensing slightly around her. It took Jyn a moment to figure out why, but then she heard it and knew why he was kissing her cheek to cover it up. _When I have an amazing girlfriend_. She heard it in his tone and her heart went into overdrive.

Thing was, it had been four months and she had truly been happy the entire time. James was fun and sexy and honestly everything that she could want, except… except they still hadn’t had that conversation. Jyn had kept telling herself that they would address it when they were ready, but it took a lot for her to admit that she didn’t think she’d ever be ready for it. She liked how things were. She didn’t want to have that conversation at all, and she was starting to wonder whether maybe that was an issue.

“Hey,” she said, softly.

He opened his eyes.

“Were you about to call me your girlfriend?”

James shrugged before sighing. “I guess. But I don’t know, it didn’t…”

“Feel right?”

He nodded. “You reading my mind?”

“Maybe,” she said. “All of my mates think you’re my boyfriend, and I don’t know what to tell them. I really like you, but I just…”

“Don’t want that.”

Jyn snuggled further into his arms. She didn’t get it. She supposed in comparison what she’d felt for Scott had been rather blinding, while James was a steady simmer. The less said about what she’d felt for Cassian the better, but the point she thought her brain was trying to make here was that while the feelings she had right now were genuine and real, she just didn’t think that they were enough.

“Yeah,” James sighed. “I feel the same.”

“Well,” she said, trying to keep her voice light. “What d’you reckon? Pretend this entire conversation never happened or do the hard thing?”

James’ arms tightened around her. “As much as I’d love to just ignore everything and pretend it’s fine,” he said. “I know how it feels to waste time. I wasted three years on my ex. I don’t want to waste any more… not that I think we have wasted our time,” he added.

“Of course not,” Jyn said. “This has been an amazing four months!”

“This is easily the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in,” James added.

“And you are easily the funniest person I’ve ever dated,” Jyn replied. 

James laughed, but then the reality of what they were saying seemed to set in. She felt him sink further into the mattress, arm curling tight over her waist and resting against the curve of her back. The arm she was tucked under reached up to gently pull back pieces of hair from her face. “I guess we’re really breaking up then, huh?” he asked

“I guess so.”

“Well, this sucks.”

“I’ll say,” Jyn agreed. “but hey, it’s still really early and I wouldn’t mind actually getting some more rest before I have to get up. Do you mind if we hold off breaking up for another couple hours or so?”

James leaned in and softly pressed his lips to hers.

“Fine with me.”

* * *

**So James and I broke up last week  
  
**

_Oh shit! Jyn I’m so sorry  
_ _Do you need anything? I can't imagine that your work would like it, but I'll deliver you a whole load of chocolate  
  
_

**lol nah it’s fine, thanks tho  
** **Sorry I didn’t say anything until now  
  
**

_You literally don’t need to explain anything ever if you don’t want to  
_ _Are you ok?  
  
_

**I am kind of fine? Kind of not fine. I don’t know cassian, it’s a weird feeling  
  
**

_Why did u break up?  
  
_

**I realised that while it was nice being with him, the feelings had just plateaued. We could have continued on for a few more months, but we both knew that we’d eventually end up in the same spot and it seemed dumb to drag it out  
  
**

_Did he feel the same then?  
  
_

**Yeah, so it was pretty much mutual  
** **Still hurts tho  
  
**

_You’ll be fine, jyn. I know it bc you always tell me that I’ll be fine and it’s always true  
  
_

**Using my own words against me! wouldn’t expect anything less  
** **Thanks mate  
** **My lunch break is over now, but I’ll see u later  
  
**

_Ur welcome!_

* * *

_8 missed calls_

_You have 3 new messages. First message received today at 4.14pm…_

_Hello Jyn love, this is Erin. I know you’re probably wondering why I’m calling, I just need you to call me back as soon as you can. Thanks, love._

* * *

_Second new message received today at 4.21pm…_

_Erin again. I hope I’m not a bother, but I really need you to call me. I have something I need to tell you._

* * *

_Third new message received today at 4.38pm…_

_Hello, love. I really need you to call me. You will get another call soon and I want to be the one to tell you this. Please call me._

* * *

It ended up being a bit of a wild day.

Although to be fair, the entire past week or so had been a bit wild, so it did seem fairly normal in comparison. The phone was ringing what felt like the entire time and she spent basically the entire last hour of her shift arguing with a client that wanted to book an appointment on a day that was literally completely full. Jyn explained multiple times that there was nothing available, and yet the woman kept insisting that she knew that they set aside ‘secret emergency appointments’ and that she wanted one of those. When Jyn asked whether her issue was actually an emergency or not, the woman proceeded to tell her that her teeth whitening procedure was need essential. The conversation just went around and around in circles until eventually Jyn fobbed her off onto her manager. Determined to finally get out of the damn office, she really didn’t have time to check her phone until she was already on the subway.

_Holy shit_.

Three voice messages and several missed calls, all from a UK number that she didn’t recognise. Her train jolted and Jyn hastily wrapped an elbow around the nearest pole just as her phone started to ring once again. A UK number again, this time different.

What the hell was going on? Frowning, she answered,

“Hello?”

“ _Is this Jyn Erso?_ ” someone said.

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“ _My name is Doctor Tim Denton_ ,” a British accent told her. “ _From Bedford Hospital. I am very sorry to say that I am calling about your father, Galen Erso_ …” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. hello. yes, please don't kill me lmaooo. I feel like a fucking TON of stuff happens in this chapter and as you can probably tell, we have hit the A N G S T portion of the story. Sorry, hahahahaha. it's gonna be heavy for a moment, but they will all power through bc they Strong Bitches they'll be fine, i promise. 
> 
> ANYWAY u can prise non-binary Kay from my cold dead hands and I know many of you liked James so I apologise for him not lasting long, but sometimes that's just how life goes. Thank you so so much for all of your comments, I love and appreciate every single one of you! x


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #sorry

Jyn didn’t know how she got home.

She supposed that the journey from work to her apartment was one she’d taken enough times now that she could probably do it blindfolded. Luckily, because she literally could not remember somehow eventually ending up at her front door. Somewhere between getting the phone call and now she had managed to navigate through New York City without thinking.

There really was nothing in her brain.

Why was she so cold?

Jyn opened the door and walked in. Strange that everything seemed normal inside. In the kitchen the radio rang out, Cassian humming along as he no doubt cooked something. The sound of Kay working from home again in their room. Some T.V. show playing on Bodhi’s laptop, her friend laughing. Everything was fine, except everything was also very _not_ fine and she had no idea what to do next.

Cassian walked out of the kitchen and caught her standing there. “Oh, hey Jyn,” he said with a casual wave. Then, he did a double take and swore spectacularly.

“Fucking Jesus, Jyn, where is your jacket?”

She glanced down. Oh. She was only wearing a light long-sleeve shirt and she was only just realising now that the roaring in her ears that she could hear was actually rain pouring down outside. She must have walked in the rain. No wonder she was freezing cold. Where _was_ her jacket?

“I… must have accidentally left it on the subway,” she said.

“What happened?” Cassian asked, immediately. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, closing her eyes.

“Cassian, my dad died.”

_Her dad died._

It rang through her brain but it still didn’t quite register. Surrounded by so many people on the loud and messy train, she hadn’t even been able to hear the doctor properly. It didn’t seem real. Her dad couldn’t possibly be dead, he was just on the other side of the world in Clifton, only a phone call or a message away, except she had sent about 10 of them and called about 5 times with no answer. She couldn’t comprehend, she couldn’t get her head around it, she felt so numb she couldn’t feel her hands, although that could have been the cold from the rain. Wait, what was Cassian doing?

“Holy shit,” he said. “I’m so – _shit_. Are you –?”

“I don’t know.”

“What happened?”

“He had a heart attack,” Jyn repeated back what the doctor had told her. “He was at work, apparently Erin was with him – oh my god, Erin – I need to call Erin–”

She realised she had no idea where her phone was and it took her a few moments to find it in her pocket. Why hadn’t she called Erin back yet? She should have called her straight away. Cassian ran a hand through his hair as she dialled the number that she had gotten so many calls from while Bodhi also joined from the hallway, looking concerned. 

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“Jyn’s dad just died,” Cassian told him.

“Oh my god,” Bodhi gaped.

This was too much, it was seeping up and up, over her head and slowly drowning her. Bodhi reached out, but she pushed past, heading down the hall and straight for her room. She slammed the door shut and leaned against it just as Erin picked up.

“ _Jyn! Did you get my messages?_ ”

“I got them,” Vaguely, Jyn realised that she’d never actually spoken one on one with Erin before. She’d only ever said hi to her in the background of a video chat to her dad and it was entirely surreal, she didn’t even know what to think. “Erin, I know, I got a call from a doctor.”

“ _Oh, love…_ ” Erin sighed. “ _I’m so sorry. I wanted to be the one to tell you_.”

“It’s ok.”

“ _Are you all right?_ ”

“I should be asking you,” Jyn said.

She wasn’t sure what time it would be in England, but Erin definitely sounded a little worse for wear, rather like she’d been up for 24 hours or had a bad head cold. “ _It’s all a bit of a nightmare, to be honest_ ,” Erin admitted. “ _Did the doctor tell you what happened?_ ”

“Just that he had a heart attack, I don’t – know what was really going on–”

“ _Sit down, love. I’ll explain everything_.”

Jyn found herself sitting on the floor at the foot of her bed as she listened. She still felt like she wasn’t even in her own body, but it was almost a good thing. She could pretend that this wasn’t happening to her. “ _He was at work on lunch break apparently when it started. He was taken to hospital and the university called me so would know. The heart attack must have been bad, the doctors wouldn’t really tell me anything because I wasn’t his next of kin, but he passed not too long after getting to hospital. I’m so sorry love, I wish I could give you more so you understood_ –” 

“It’s ok,” Jyn insisted. “You're doing your best. I just…” 

Couldn’t believe this was happening. Her dad was dead. Galen Erso, who worked too much and would never hurt a fly. Her dad who was scared of planes and helped fixed sheds on his days off and was supposed to get married and stay alive and _not die_ , not leave her because he was the only family Jyn really had left, without him who did she have?

She was alone.

Someone knocked on her door.

“Jyn?” she heard Cassian’s tentative voice call out from the other side.

She pulled herself back to the conversation. “Erin, thank you for trying to call me. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”

“ _Of course, love_ ,” Erin said at once. “ _I know you’re not technically my daughter, Jyn, but in my eyes you are. If you ever want me, I will be here to look after you. Do you have anyone else with you over there? Someone who can stay with you?_ ”

“I have my flatmates,” Jyn didn’t trust herself to say any more without her throat closing over. “I’ll be fine.”

“ _Good. Stay with them, stay surrounded with people, ok? I'll call you about the funeral details as soon as I’ve figured it out_.”

“I’m coming,” Jyn told her. “As soon as I can get a flight, I'm coming and I'll help.” 

“ _Well_ ,” Erin half laughed, half sniffed in a way that told Jyn she was fighting back tears. “ _I will be glad to finally meet you in person_.”

She could only whisper goodbye to Erin, the choking sensation closing in more and more until eventually, Jyn was sure that she couldn’t breathe. She hung up the phone and let her head fall into her hands, but as much as Jyn usually avoided emotions like the plague, this seemed to be the one thing that she just couldn’t bury. Parents were not supposed to die this young. Galen was supposed to grow old, he was supposed to meet his grandchildren someday and walk her down the aisle. He was supposed to stay with her for as long as possible, at her side and ready to help her through anything she may come across. The only reason she was who she was today was because of her father and she just couldn’t fathom the thought that he was _gone_ –

Her phone buzzed.

_Hey Jyn, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. You don’t have to come out or talk or anything really, just know that we’re here for you._

**You can come in**

Literally two seconds after she sent the message her door was opening and Cassian was striding in, coming to sit down beside her. He didn’t say anything. He simply sat by her side and waited, but she literally couldn’t say anything. Her dad was dead and she was alone and she didn’t know how on earth she was supposed to ever carry on her normal life after this and she noticed that her breath was coming in short gasps as Cassian reached out and held her hand.

“Hey,” he said. “Look at me.”

She did.

“You are going to be ok,” The firmness of his tone was soothing. “Jyn, listen to me. I know this must be so hard and you don’t know how to comprehend it, but _breathe_. Look at me and listen to my voice and just keep breathing, all right? You are going to be ok. Maybe not straight away, but you will, I promise.”

“I don’t know what to do,” she choked.

“I know.”

“Cassian, I can’t–”

“ _Yes, you can_ ,” he cut in. “Listen to me. I am here.”

She’d been in such a state of numbness since that phone call from the doctor, that it was nice to have a connection through his hand that she could physically feel. He was warm, his fingers interlaced through hers, and she thought that perhaps some tingling was starting to come back into the fingertips. Her father might be gone, but she was still here and Cassian was still here and she suddenly found herself reaching out and gripping his shirt in her free hand, desperately searching for his face.

“My dad is dead,” she told him.

“I know,” he sighed.

That was when she broke. It took her over and it crashed down in waves. She clung to Cassian, tears staining his shirt sleeves as she cried. His arms wrapped tight around her, holding her close enough that his warmth could sink into her. She had absolutely no idea how long they stayed like that, but he didn’t move and so she didn’t either. She didn’t even realise how tightly her fist had been clenched around the back of his shirt until she eventually let it go.

* * *

**_Erin O’Connell  
_ ** _Yesterday at 17:13_

_Galen Erso, you were an incredible person who I was so lucky to not just work with, but to also have in my life as my partner. You were an amazing scientist, father and friend and I consider it a privilege to have known you. Can’t believe you are no longer here. I will always love you._

* * *

There was a lot of shit to sort out when someone died.

Jyn’s lack of a family left on her dad’s side meant that basically everything had been left for her to arrange. Not just the funeral, but there were banks to contact, outstanding bills to pay, science journal subscriptions to cancel, shit that she hadn’t ever really thought about before. They didn’t show those parts in the movies. It was overwhelming and a distraction and honestly, she hadn’t known where to even start.

“We’re not handling anything tonight,” Cassian told her firmly. “Tonight we do nothing, tomorrow we can deal.”

So they ended up having a sleepover in the lounge that night. Kay’s bed was the biggest, so they all dragged their mattress out together, moving the coffee table out of the way and dumping it in the middle of the floor. When Cassian managed to get her to come out of her room, Bodhi immediately threw his arms around her, and they held each other for quite some time. Even Kay offered her a hug, though she spared them by just settling for a shoulder squeeze instead. When they asked her what she wanted to do, she honestly just looked at them and said,

“I want to watch a movie with you guys.”

There were probably a million other things she should have been doing instead, but for now… for now she just wanted to forget. So they stayed up late watching _Lord of the Rings_ until eventually she fell asleep with her head in Bodhi’s lap, Cassian's hand holding her own and Kay having curled their long body like a protective watch dog at the end of the mattress. 

She wasn’t quite sure what she did to deserve these people.

* * *

_Oh my god Jyn, I just saw about your dad, I’m so sorry. Let me know if you need anything_

* * *

_I just wanted to express my condolences, I’m very sorry for your loss._

* * *

_So sorry for your loss, Jyn_

* * *

_Omggggg I’m so sorry!!! Are you coming to England???_

* * *

_Jyn babe, I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Thinking of u and msg me if u need anything x_

* * *

_I want to pay my respects, when is the funeral?_

* * *

_I’m praying for you in your time of loss xxx_

* * *

_I was so saddened to hear about Galen passing, I’m thinking of you_

* * *

“England,” she found herself saying dumbly. “I need to buy tickets to England – I need to call my boss–”

“You deal with your boss,” Bodhi told her. “Don’t worry, we will find you tickets to England.”

Her boss wasn’t happy about it. Honestly, Jyn didn’t expect much from Krennic at all, he was a bit of a shit office manager to begin with, but she would have thought that one would be at least a little sympathetic to someone whose father had just suddenly died. “You have only been working here five months,” Krennic declared, flicking absently through the copy of her contract without really glancing at it. “It states clearly in your contract that we do not provide paid bereavement leave and it is not required by New York state law to provide it. You are, however, allowed up to 12 weeks unpaid leave.”

“I can’t afford to take unpaid leave,” Jyn stressed. “I have a funeral to pay for, plane tickets, and honestly I don’t even know if I’ll be back within twelve weeks. I’ll have to sell my dad’s house, get everything valued–”

“I can tell you right now,” Krennic cut in. “If you’re not back within twelve weeks, then your job is gone.”

The absolute last thing Jyn needed was a ‘got fired’ reference on her resume. If she didn’t care about ever finding another job in the future, then she would have punched Krennic right where he sat. As it was, she was forced to grit her teeth and say in a very carefully controlled voice,

“In that case, I’m handing in my resignation.”

“You’re kidding,” Krennic threw up his hands in irritation. “I thought you were going to be a decent hire, turns out you’re no better than the woman before you! She quit after three months, do you realise how bad this is going to look on me?”

Jyn just forced a smile.

“I will have it in writing for you by the end of the day.”

It wasn’t exactly how she had planned her day on going, but if it wasn’t going to work for her, then there was no point in staying. “I quit my job today!” she called out the moment she got home.

Bodhi stuck his head around the kitchen door. “Shit, seriously?”

“Wouldn’t give me any paid time off, figured who needed them,” Jyn threw her bag into the corner of the hallway, rubbing at her prickling eyes. For some reason, she’d thought that she had it together, but the longer she stood there, the more the control slipped away from her. Eventually, Bodhi came and hugged her without question.

They stood without speaking together for a long time.

* * *

**I'm just boarding my flight now. I'll see you in Clifton soon.**

_Not Clifton, I will see you at the airport!!!_

**no, erin, you absolutely don't need to do that**   
**I can make my own way i promise**

_nonsense. I will see you there, no excuses!_

**Thank you**

* * *

The day of the funeral, Jyn went Heathrow airport expecting to pick up one person and ended up picking up three. 

“What the – oh my fucking GOD–” Jyn nearly started crying when she realised that not just Bodhi, but Cassian and Kay had all come through the arrivals gate. They swarmed at her and she threw her arms around them as hard as she could. “What you lunatics DOING here, you didn’t all have to come!”

“Of course we were coming,” Kay said like it was obvious.

“Jyn, we weren’t letting you do this alone,” Cassian insisted, his hand pressed warmly against her back. “We knew you’d never let us come if you knew, so we didn’t say. Sorry.”

“You’re idiots, I love you all,” Jyn had cried into Bodhi’s neck.

Honestly, as much as she worried about her friend’s jobs and the fact that they had spent so much money just to come for only a couple of days, she was glad that they were with her. She hadn't been sure how she was going to get through the day at all, let alone without her friends there to support her. The funeral was being held in Luton, a few towns over from Clifton and the more people turned up for the service, the more she realised that she truly had no idea how much of an impact her dad had had on the lives of the people around him.

She almost thought that the entirety of his intro to chemistry class turned up. She got to see Bob and Johnathan who had both worked with Galen and were good friends of the family. She’d known them since she was in her teens and they greeted her warmly. She got to see Bodhi’s family again, which had been kind of nice. There was obviously a huge chunk of their later childhood where they hadn’t had much to do with each other, but it appeared that Amir and Alisha Rook didn’t seem to care at all. Bodhi’s mother had hugged her gently in contrast to his little sister almost knocking her flat. 

“Jyn! Oh my god, it’s been so long, it’s SO good to see you!” Mina Rook cried. “I mean, shit, I wish we didn’t have to meet again because of this, but it’s still nice to see you again – how are you? I mean fuck, you don’t have to answer that, of course you’re probably feeling like crap, but oh I missed you–” 

“Ok, I think you can back off now,” Bodhi said hastily, moving to peel his sister off her. Jyn truly didn’t mind. The memories she had of Mina was of her always trying to play with her and Bodhi when they were kids, Bodhi vehemently denying that she could join before they would promptly run away while she cried. She’d always seen and heard from her through Facebook or something, but it was nice to see that she wasn’t all that much different from how she remembered. Bodhi’s older brother, Ali, was much less exuberant. Huge and burly compared to Bodhi, he managed to crush them all a little with his hug.

So distracted by the sheer amount of people, Jyn realised that she’d nearly managed to forget entirely why they were all there. However, that was when the funeral director approached, letting her know that they would be starting the proceedings in five minutes and she felt blind panic start to rise again. She didn’t know if she could do it. She was supposed to give a eulogy and she couldn’t talk in front of all these people, she couldn’t look at the coffin at the front of the room, she couldn’t accept that her dad was dead, she needed to leave, she needed to _get out right that moment_ because she was drowning and she couldn’t breathe –

Someone took her hand. She glanced up and realised that Cassian had come back for her.

“You’re panicking again,” he said, quietly. “Jyn, you can breathe. You’ll be ok.”

She couldn’t speak, but she squeezed his fingers in response.

Turns out he was right. She was able to get through it, but in an almost numb like state that reminded her of when she’d first been told that he’d died. She knew that people were talking, she knew that she was standing up in front of hundreds of people and talking about something, but what she was saying, she had no idea. Nothing seemed real. Almost as soon as it started, it seemed to be over, and it was only Kay reaching out and taking her shoulder that jerked her back to where she was.

“Are you with us?” they asked her.

“I’m…” Jyn just shook her head. “I don’t even know.”

“Come on, Jyn,” Kay actually wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “We’ve got you.”

* * *

There was a reception at her dad’s house after the funeral. 

The house was packed. She could barely move for people and was stopped every five seconds by someone wanting to give her condolences or remember something about her dad and honestly, she could barely keep track of her own thoughts. Time seemed to crawl and yet going entirely too fast at the same time as someone reminded her that it had been two whole weeks since Galen had died and could she believe it? The answer was no and also could she just go and take a nap already, because she didn't want to wake up until this _fucking_ nightmare was over. 

Yet another person. Yet another conversation. 

“Well, I see you're back in England at least.”

“Grandma Aggie,” Jyn sighed.

The short, elderly woman in front of her bristled slightly, straightening the black, feathery fascinator on her head. Somewhere behind her, Jyn heard someone whisper not entirely quietly, “ _Why would you wear a bloody fascinator to a funeral? Is she trying to out-grieve everyone else?_ ” and she had to fight the strange urge to laugh. Jyn had never exactly gotten along with her mother’s mother. Grandma Aggie had been sweet and doting enough in her youth, but when Lyra had died, apparently so had Aggie’s love and affection. She certainly hadn’t approved of Lyra’s choice to marry Galen, or Jyn’s choice to move to the US, and yet here she was at her former-son-in-law’s funeral as if nothing was amiss at all.

“It’s good to see you,” Jyn attempted to remain civil.

“Hmmm,” Aggie just huffed. “Your eulogy was well spoken, but a bit closed off. New York City must have hardened you.”

Honestly, Jyn didn’t remember a word of her eulogy, so she could only take Aggie’s word for it. Knowing better than getting into an argument though, Jyn just put on a smile and said, “Thank you for coming. I didn’t think you would.”

“What am I, a savage?” Aggie boomed at her. “Of course I had to pay my respects.”

“Still, I appreciate it.”

“Well,” Aggie didn’t seem to know how to accept positive words, and so she hastily cast around for something else to distract her. “I suppose you’ll go back to New York once this is all over.”

“Actually, I plan to stay in England a while,” Jyn said.

“Oh?” Aggie said. “I always thought that you were too good for England.”

“England will always be where I’m from,” Jyn said, hotly. “I might live somewhere else now, but it will always be home. I’m the beneficiary of my dad’s will, so I’ll need to stay a couple of weeks, maybe months, I’m really not sure.”

“You?” Aggie eyed her sceptically. “Can’t a solicitor handle all of that?”

“Yeah, give me the money for one and get ‘em right on it,” Jyn muttered. She really didn’t care what Aggie thought, ignoring the way her grandmother steeled herself as if for a fight at her words.

“You were always an ungrateful child,” she sighed. “I told Galen to be harder on you, but he just couldn’t seem to do it–”

“Jyn!”

This was slowly becoming a spiral into the abyss, but this time when she glanced up, she recognised the kind face of her aunt Jasmine. Being Lyra’s younger sister, Jyn liked to imagine that Jasmine’s face could almost be the same, and she let her aunt hug her tightly once she approached. Jasmine turned back to Aggie and added, “Mum, you better not be dragging on her, she’s been through enough today! And for god’s sake, _take that bloody fascinator off_ –”

“I will not!”

“I’m so sorry, Jyn,” Jasmine told her, her aunt leading her away from her grandma with an arm around her shoulders, leaving Aggie to preen and complain far behind them. “I thought she might be a bit kinder considering what day it was. I hope that you're all right–”

“I’m fine.” She was 100% not fine, but those were the appropriate words to say.

She also didn’t want to disappoint her aunt Jasmine. She was the second youngest of the five Clayton siblings, Lyra having been the dreaded middle child only one year older than her. Grandma Aggie always said that her middle child complex had to be the reason she’d run off with Galen in the first place and aunt Jasmine had probably been the closest to Lyra and Jyn out of anyone else on that side of the family growing up. Even after Lyra had died, Jasmine had kept in contact, buying her presents for her birthday and Jyn always being invited around to play with her cousins. It was hard now living so far away, but in that moment she was thankful to have her.

“You look a little shell-shocked, to be honest,” Jasmine told her. 

“Do I look a bit like I’m not even in my own body?” Jyn asked. “Because that’s how I feel.”

“Oh, honey. You’re going to be ok,” she insisted. “Now, do you want a drink?”

Jyn let Jasmine press a glass of something into her hands and they made a toast, but Jyn couldn’t really focus on anything apart from the slight burn that hit when the alcohol went own her throat. Jasmine was talking to her and Jyn knew that she was saying things in response, but the thing was, she didn’t even wish that she could stay in her own head anymore. It was safe not thinking about anything. If she didn’t have to think, then she didn’t have to remember that her dad was dead and that she was in his house without him here and that despite all of the people, it might as well be _fucking_ empty because everything was empty if her dad wasn’t there to fill it with his Sudoku puzzles, unironically humming Justin Bieber songs and tea that was always slightly too hot. 

Jyn didn’t even realise Jasmine was hugging her until five seconds in. She quickly squeezed back, thankful that at least someone from her mother’s side of the family cared about her. Soon she was left alone again and that was when she noticed the photo of Galen that she had chosen to display for the funeral, currently sitting on a table with flowers and a collection of notes that people had started writing for him. She had been the one to take it from when he had visited her in New York City. He stood on the Brooklyn bridge, a wide grin on his face and a paper hat shaped like the Statue of Liberty on his head. 

That had been the last time she’d ever seen her dad in person. If she had known, she might have hugged him harder.

“How you doing, Jyn?” Mina’s voice suddenly said.

Jyn turned to see Bodhi’s sister had found her, a weak smile on her face and two beers in her hands. She held one out to her and Jyn put down her empty glass to take it. 

“This was my dad’s favourite beer,” she realised.

“I think that’s why Erin chose it,” Mina nodded. “Seriously, Jyn. How’s it going?”

“Mina,” If the woman’s voice could somehow manage to get through her dissociative state, then she should definitely pay it attention. “Honestly? I’m going to lose it soon.”

“God, this all must suck, huh?” she said. “Hey, I’ve been talking to the boys and we were thinking of maybe getting out of here, heading into London, getting a few drinks, that kind of thing. You keen?”

Mina pointed out her brothers who were currently chatting with Cassian and Kay. Suddenly, Jyn wanted nothing more than to disappear and she nodded.

* * *

The next thing Jyn knew, she was waking up in a bed she didn’t recognise.

Her head pounded and honestly, it took her several minutes to even remember that she was in England, let alone what was going on in general. She rubbed her forehead, wincing at the throb as she thought back and recalled that oh, yeah, they had bailed on the reception and gone to London. She remembered being on the train, talking loudly and laughing with the others, determined that the night was going to be fun. She had vague memories of walking the streets of London, of accidentally tripping down a stretch of stairs in a tube station, of singing in a pub and crying in a bathroom, but for the life of her she couldn’t figure out where the hell she was. It looked like someone’s bedroom, the door left open so that she could see right through into the lounge beyond. From the small part that she could see, it looked like they were in someone’s small apartment.

She stretched out an arm to look for her phone and that was when she accidentally hit Cassian in the face.

“Oh my god,” she exclaimed as he was promptly jolted awake. “I’m so sorry–”

“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Cassian said, rubbing his nose.

She slumped back down, her heart hammering wildly in her throat. She didn’t even know what was happening anymore. It looked like they’d simply just collapsed onto the same bed together, both still wearing their clothes from the funeral. Jyn’s shoes were at the end of the bed and Cassian was apparently sleeping under his jacket.

“Where are we?” she asked.

“I think Mina’s place?” Cassian replied. “It all got a bit hazy after one am.”

“That's right, we went out to town,” Jyn said. “After the funeral.”

“And got waaaaay too drunk, it seems.”

Jyn turned to glance at him, still lying prone next to her.

“Well, clearly you drew the short straw to have to be sharing with me.”

Cassian’s eyebrows furrowed together for a moment before a look of comprehension came over him. “You don’t remember,” he said. “I had to carry you up here. Mina said you could sleep in her bed, but you asked me not to leave.”

Jyn might have punched her past self if it were possible.

“Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry–” 

“Jyn, it’s fine,” Cassian rolled his eyes. “I think I of all people know how much you hate asking for help and support.”

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Of course,” Cassian said, earnestly.

“Can I ask…” Jyn hesitated a second. “Do you think I’m going a little crazy?”

“Jyn, I think you’re grieving,” Cassian said at once. “Everyone grieves in their own way. If you want my honest opinion, I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a therapist, but of course I can’t make you do anything. You've had a lot happen recently, though…" 

Jyn actually found herself snorting with laughter a little. "Yeah, now that I think about it, I lost my job, I was broken up with and my dad died all within several months. Boy, 2016 has not been my year, has it?" 

Cassian chuckled softly in return. "And I spent several months horribly depressed, it hasn't been mine either. But next year, Jyn," he said. "Next year, we're gonna get 'em." 

She held out her pinkie finger to him and Cassian wrapped his own around hers. "I promise," she said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I hope yall enjoyed Drama City. This is definitely one of the hardest things Jyn has ever had to endure, but she will get through it fine, I can assure you all. Thank you so much for sticking with me! 
> 
> Also USA's berevement leave laws are absolutely whack????? I did a lot of research for this and companies are literally not required to provide it depending on the state????? w i l d. anyway, I did my best research, but if someone spots a mistake somewhere, pls let me know! 
> 
> Also also I'M ALLOWED TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!!!! I have spent the last six weeks quarantined at home with no job but finally, my centre is re-opening (I am a teacher for anyone who doesn't already know). I am excited to get a sense of normalcy back and I'm hoping that I will still continue to write this fic like usual. x 
> 
> Like always, thank you for all of your comments!! I'm so glad that you are enjoying this so far, let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11

**I wanted to thank you guys for coming, it meant so much having you with me  
Are you boarding yet??? **

_Cassian  
we wouldn’t be anywhere else _

_Bodhi  
b a b e I MISS U ALREADY   
it’s been so good seeing my fam as well, I don’t want to go!! _

_Kay  
They’re just announcing it now, we’re waiting in line. _

_Bodhi  
UGGGHHHH JYNNNN how will we survive without you????? _

**I’ll be back! I got a house to sell but I will see you all again soon**

_Kay  
Statistically, it can take up to 25 weeks to sell a house during the cold season. _

_Bodhi  
how do u come up with all of this on the spot??? _

**You guys are literally standing in line together, why are you talking through the group chat lol**

_Bodhi  
ok, Kay is 100% just googling everything   
omg ok it’s nearly our turn to board, we have to go now jyn   
LOVE YOUUUU _

**BYE, I love you guys too**

_Kay  
Goodbye, Jyn. _

_Cassian  
Will see you when you’re back!_

* * *

_Don’t worry bro, I will look after her while she’s here, you best believe it_

**Thank u so much, Mina  
I’m worried about her**

_I’m on it  
she shall be my friend whether she likes it or not hahahahah_

* * *

_Look at this amazing pic of this yrs thanksgiving turkey, made by yours truly!_

**That’s fucking impressive mate, your best one yet**

_Dani is complaining bc I won’t let her into the kitchen  
But I’m not taking any chances, NO ONE is touching my turkey!   
Bodhi tried to steal a piece so I killed him_

**We hardly knew ye**

_Lmao so how are u_

**Knew it wouldn’t be long before that question  
I’m not great. I’m not terrible either. I don’t know, it’s all a bit weird. I’ve had to clean out the whole house and having things to focus on has been good   
Mina has been absolutely determined to hang out with me 24/7, I suspect Bodhi put her on   
She’s sweet though, so I don’t mind **

_I’m glad. It’s been so weird not having you here_

**Yeah, I miss you guys heaps**

* * *

_So funny story, but Luke’s lease is ending and I know you said that you’d just keep paying your part of the rent while you’re away but you and I both know that you don’t want to be doing that, so what would you say if Luke moved in with us for a while? The landlord said it was ok even if you moved back unexpectedly and there was five of us here, if you're ok with that too, that is_

**That’s absolutely fine!**

* * *

“HA, look at this!” Mina laughed, handing her the photo. Jyn paused in her efforts of sorting to take it, the date stamped on it saying _14/07/01_. The portrait photo featured her young self on the left standing at what she guessed was a beach down in Cornwall somewhere. She was wearing what she remembered as being her favourite dinosaur swimsuit, heart-shaped sunglasses, and a bucket hat with flowers on it. She was standing next to an equally young Bodhi in a rainbow rash shirt, both with their arms around each other and comically serious looks on their faces.

“Damn,” she said. “That’s from when I went camping with you guys, right?”

“Bodhi literally _begged_ Mum and Dad to let you come,” Mina laughed, moving over so that they could both see the photo fondly. “I forgot he had that haircut! Wait, let me take a photo, I need to send him that.”

“Tell him I think the bowl cut suits him.”

Mina snorted. “You look like you could be an indie album cover.” 

“It’s definitely the hat,” Jyn nodded. She turned the photo over to see that she had apparently scribbled on the photo at one point in time. In her child’s writing, she had shakily written:

_Me and Bodhi!!!!!_

“At least past me was enthusiastic,” Jyn noted. “Put it in the 2001 pile. Jesus, we’re going to be here forever, aren’t we?

They’d been at it for several hours and it was like they hadn’t even made a dent. Her dad had apparently not been one for organisation and she had to figure out what to do with all this shit while she got the place looking presentable for viewings. All of the non-sentimental items were being donated, but she had made the mistake of opening this cabinet in the lounge and she’d been met with an explosion of photos, notes, concert flyers, train tickets and many more mementos that apparently her father had liked to hold onto. He could write a million pages long thesis, but naturally he didn’t have the patience to create a proper filing system for all this. 

_God, she missed her dad._

“This shit is cool, though,” Mina tried to find a bright side. “My parents don’t have records of anything from when they were younger. There’s a couple of photos of them as teenagers, but I always wished there was more. When your kids get old enough, they’re gonna be able to see their parents were once children just like them.”

She tossed her a photo of Jyn as a bright-eyed kid, two plaits in her hair, wearing a slightly too big school uniform and a cheesy grin. 

“That’s assuming I have kids,” Jyn said.

“True,” Mina said. “the world is overpopulated and fucked up enough as it is, but I can’t help it. I think I want two or three someday.”

Truthfully, Jyn didn’t know exactly how she felt about it these days. She certainly liked children and didn’t mind being around them, but she’d always leaned more towards not having any of her own. She had always reserved the right to change her mind and since her dad had died, a large worry had been around the idea of being alone and the last of the Erso name, but she was also pretty sure that that wasn’t a good enough reason to ever have children, so.

“I think I’m better suited to being the fun aunt,” Jyn told Mina. “I can do all the cool stuff with them and then just give them back to the parents at the end of the day. I like the sound of that.”

“Now that you mention it, that does sound like the life,” Mina said. “Ali swears he’s never having kids ever, so my only chance is if Bodhi does one day. Do you think he will? Him and Luke have been together for like, EVER, right?”

Jyn had to think for a moment before she realised that actually yeah, Bodhi and Luke really had been together for over a year now. Literally so many things had happened the past year that she’d kind of lost track of the time. She remembered video chatting to Bodhi not too long ago just after he’d first asked her if Luke could move in while she was away.

“ _And don’t worry, it’s not like you’ll have to give up your room_ ,” he had told her through the screen. “ _I mean, he’ll be staying with me_.”

“Mmmm,” Jyn had teased back. “Living with someone, that’s SIGNIFICANT.”

“ _I know_ ,” He’d pretended to grimace. “ _I’ve never done this before. Do you think it’ll be ok?_ ”

“Babe, you and Luke are perfect for each other.”

Jyn nodded to Mina. “Bodhi hasn’t mentioned whether they’ve talked about kids, but I know he wants them one day. And if he’s serious about Luke, then he’ll bring it up.”

“Shit, I’m done for,” Mina laughed. “My brother is as non-confrontational as hell.”

“Oh, I don’t know, he’s got a determined streak in him,” Jyn pointed out. “I mean, they live together now after all.”

“Wait, hang on, they LIVE TOGETHER?”

“Yeah, he’s moved in while I’m away,” Smiling felt a little foreign to her these days, but she tried to embrace them when they came. She felt the corners of her mouth tug as she added, “Honestly, it was probably a good thing for me to get out for a while, I would've been the only single person in a sea of couples.”

“Isn’t Kay single?”

“Well, yes,” Jyn admitted. “the difference though is they have no desire to ever become _not single_. Me, I kind of want the marriage, house, and pet cat thing. My ex and I actually broke up literally days before my dad died.”

“Damn, girl,” Mina blinked. 

“…2016 has been a hell of a year,” Jyn admitted.

Mina started searching through all the photos once more, continuing to sort them into their respective year piles. As Jyn checked the date on a photo of herself and her dad during a Christmas dinner, Mina said slyly,

“You know, Bodhi always thought that you and Cassian would be a thing one day.”

Bodhi was a dead motherfucker, is what he was.

“What did he tell you?” Jyn growled.

“Nothing!”

“You lie through your teeth and you have the gall to call yourself my friend?”

Mina sniggered. “He said that you were into him, but he didn’t feel the same?”

Jyn might pretend to seethe at Bodhi, but truthfully she didn’t really mind thinking back on it these days. Honestly, while her previous feelings might have been a little embarrassing to recall, they at least reminded her of a simpler, happier time. A time before heart attacks and emergency flights and black clothes at a funeral. “Fine, yeah, I was into him for a while,” Jyn told Mina. “but he started dating Dani, so I backed off and got over him and honestly, I’m glad I did. I’m much happier for it.”

“Good for you!” Mina nodded with enthusiasm.

“Yes, thank you!” Jyn pointed at her with a photo. “I think Bodhi is too afraid of saying that he was disappointed it didn’t work out.”

“He’s a romantic,” Mina said. “but he’ll get over it. He’s got his own relationship to worry about.”

“I don’t know, he still gets pretty invested in mine,” Jyn said. “ _Oh my god_ , look at this,” she added, her next photo discovery a sight to behold. They both laughed at the picture of roughly 6-year-old Jyn and Bodhi, the two of them grinning at the camera, both clad in princess dresses and with a horrifying amount of badly applied make up on their faces.

“I remember this!” Jyn said. “We wanted to have a fashion show. My mum took this photo after she caught us stealing her make-up.”

Mina must have heard the hitch in her voice. “It must suck having neither of them now,” she said, gently.

“Some days I don’t really know how the hell I’m still here without them,” Jyn admitted.

* * *

**Look at this pic of us I found!  
we look like that meme of the girl in the car with glitter make up on **

_OH MY FUCKING GOD_

* * *

**jynersos** me at the start of 2016 vs me at the end of 2016 #happyynewyear

* * *

**cassiandors** happy anniversary to the most spectacular woman in the entire world @oh-dani-girl. I was doomed af the moment we met and I’m glad because you have stuck by me through everything. I love you. 

**oh-dani-girl** shit boi make me cry!!! ilysm 

* * *

**Ok how about this for a job: lion tamer**

_Counter job: ring master  
All the perks of a circus performer without the danger of being eaten by a lion _

**Booo cassian that’s no fun**

_Trapeze artist then_

**Only if we can double act together**

* * *

**Ok don’t laugh, but…..what would you say if I said I wanted to go back to school?**

_Why would I laugh?? That’s a great idea!  
Doing what? _

**Masters in biology  
remember I randomly chose it as my minor?   
that was because I was actually too scared to take it as my major   
my dad was always the science-y one though, u don’t think I want to do it just to be close to him? **

_Jyn, you are seriously considering GRAD SCHOOL  
when you graduated you swore that you would never go back _

**lmao it's a good thing u are right  
I already applied so there’s no getting out of it anyway hahahahahah  
still kind of wish I was going to be a trapeze artist tho **

* * *

**jynersos** so funny story, but I kind of went to Germany #berlin #germany #travelgirl

* * *

_………..why are you in GERMANY?_

**Oh I actually took that pic a week ago lol now I’m in Poland**

_…………WHY ARE YOU IN POLAND????  
are u by yourself???_

**Lmao it’s the off season so tickets were cheap  
also my dad died and I’m handling it by travelling apparently  
** **and yeah, I’ve never travelled by myself before so it's kind of exciting**

_Lmao OH BABE  
I take it u sold ur dad’s house?   
also cassian told me that you applied for GRAD SCHOOL??????   
WHEN ARE U COMING HOME???????? _

* * *

**Hey Mina, just want to say thanks for everything**

_You’re not coming back to England, are you?_

**Nah  
I got places to see, school to go to and your brother to take care of **

_I really didn’t expect anything less! Gonna miss u Jyn!!!_

**Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again when Bodhi and Luke get married or something lol**

_DON”T EVEN JOKE ASHJDHJFH_

* * *

**jyneros** Happy birthday to my favourite bass-playing, non-binary accountant

**k2so91tu** Who the fuck hacked your Instagram account? 

**jynersos** am I not allowed at least one day of the yr to be nice to u????

**k2so91tu** The year 2016 changed you as a person and I don’t like it.

* * *

**CASSIAN I NEED U  
I’M LOST IN ROMANIA AND MY ONLY HELP IS THIS RANDOM LOCAL WHO CAN’T SPEAK ENGLISH BUT DOES KNOW SPANISH **

_I GOT U  
what do u need to know how to say? _

**Thank god ur awake how do u say “does this train stop in Brașov?”**

* * *

**jynersos** if you had told me this time last year that I would be spending my 26th birthday lying on a beach in Mykonos I would have told you ur fucking crazy #greece #mykonos

**lily_wordsmith** apparently there’s this bar that will get u TURNT meet us at the hostel!!! 

**nickmit067** it was so great meeting you, hope your birthday was great 

**jynersos** u know I think it was pretty good! 

* * *

_girl ur posts give me heart attacks every time I see ur in some other random place HOW HAVE U NOT GOTTEN LOST YET???_

**Bitch I’ve gotten lost so many times lmaooo  
I was so fucked in Copenhagen, I had pre-loaded a google map and forgot to screenshot it for when I lost wi-fi **

_Jesus Christ BUT STILL HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!_

**Lmao thanks shara  
I miss u **

_B I S H I miss you sooo much!!! When are u coming home??_

**I actually bought a ticket, so aug 23 rd bby!!!  
I had to make sure I’d be back before classes start **

_I cannot believe ur ass is gonna go get a higher education  
how are u??_

**GIRL, NEITHER  
and I’m good!!! I’m in Albania, currently travelling with a couple of people I met in Greece   
one of them is from England too and we may have hooked up lmao **

_FUCKING GET IT  
but aug shit jyn, you still have like 2 months to go, where else could you possibly visit??   
haven’t you seen like all of Europe by now lol _

**Not even, I’m making my way round the Mediterranean rn  
I started in Germany and I’ve kind of been going clockwise   
atm it’s looking like I’ll finish somewhere around the Netherlands??  
that’s assuming I don’t run out of time tho, I keep meeting people, changing my plans and finding new places to go hahaha**

_Jfc ur gonna come back and be way too cultured for us hahahahahsdjhdjh_

**Shara ur my Best Bitch, I could never**

_You been talking to the guys much?_

**They’ve been attempting to keep me in the loop, but literally days go past and so much will happen that it’s hard to keep track  
oh shit shara, apparently we’re heading out now and I’m gonna lose internet  
I'll talk to u again soon!!!!**

_GO, GO HAVE FUN WITH UR ENGLISH AMORRRR  
I LOVE U _

**LOVE U TOO**

* * *

**Jynersos** u know I think I might miss this whole travelling thing. #homewardbound 

* * *

There’s a kind of thrill you get when you are approaching the arrivals gate of your final destination. 

Sometimes it was the thrill of stepping into new territory. Unexplored lands. The thrill of starting a new leg of life and looking at the world through different eyes. You’re on your own and it’s up to you to make something of yourself. You’re a grown up now and you’ve learned that life isn’t all too kind sometimes. Jyn ended up walking out of train stations and off buses and through the arrival gates of 28 different countries over the course of five months and it had been some of the most fun of her life. She misread exactly how long it was supposed to take to walk from the Louvre Museum to the Arc de Triomphe and she ended up nearly killing her feet. She got lost when her train didn’t stop at the station she needed because of fallen trees on the tracks and she hadn’t known to get off because all the announcements were in Polish. She floated in a thermal bath in Budapest and she had even found the town that her dad had grown up in in Denmark. She had sat in a café and cried for an hour until eventually the café owner had come over see whether she was ok.

But as much as she had enjoyed her time travelling, she knew that she was also ready for it to be over. She was tired of constantly trying to scan for free Wi-Fi and using dodgy hostel showers that made her feel dirtier coming out than when she went in. She missed her friends, her family and this time when she walked through the arrivals gate, it was with the thrill of returning home.

The excitement of seeing family again.

“JYNNNNN!” several voices screamed almost the second she was through.

She laughed so much that she almost started crying. Immediately Bodhi was leaping the barrier and throwing his arms around her. Over his shoulder, Jyn could see the giant ‘WELCOME HOME!!!!!’ sign that her friends had made, held up high by Kay and Dani. Bodhi thankfully let her go long enough for her to get clear of the path in front of the arrivals gate and around the metal barrier. The next person to grab onto her was Shara, pressing kisses all over her hair, Kes and Cassian not far behind.

“I missed you so much!” Shara practically sobbed.

“Stop it, you’ll make me cry too,” Jyn shoved her, leaning over her shoulder to give Kes a kiss on the cheek.

“It hasn’t been the same without you,” Cassian nodded. Jyn threw her arms around him next.

It was a tangled mess of arms and several more ‘I missed you’s for the next ten minutes or so. She hadn't ever intended to be away from them for so long, but it was like she’d blinked and suddenly it had actually been ten months. What with sorting out her dad’s will and attempting to tie up the loose ends and sorting out her own damn life, she knew that she’d needed the time. She still felt a little out of synch and out of time.

But she was back where she belonged now. Things could get on track now.

England would always be the place she grew up, but these people were her home.

* * *

“What the fuck happened to my room?”

“Yeah, about that,” Cassian leaned against her doorway, a sheepish expression on his face. “I guess it kind of turned into a bit of a storage area while you were away.”

“I can see that, I can’t even walk in,” Jyn exclaimed. The sea of crap extended across her floor and even over her bed. There appeared to be a thin channel to be able to walk from the door to the bed, winding through several boxes labelled ‘Stuff to keep’, old sports equipment, and even an empty fish tank that Jyn suspected was another impulse buy from Bodhi who hadn’t quite thought through where to put it yet. Otherwise, her room was entirely covered. It didn’t help that she was coming back from England with more stuff than she took with her. After sorting out everything, there were some old heirlooms, photos and other keepsakes that she had brought back with her and she’d been wondering where the hell to put that, let alone everyone else’s crap too.

“Well – that one is mine–” Cassian hastily leaned in and picked up a box labelled ‘text books’, moving down the hallway to shove it in his room.

“You really made a dent, Cassian.”

“I promise, we’ll get rid of it all by tonight.”

“So long as I can sleep sometime soon, I am fine,” Jyn just shook her head. “Can’t believe I ever missed you guys.”

“It’s been very quiet around here without you,” Cassian said.

She glanced up at him from where he was giving her a warm smile leaning against the doorframe. Back in her freshman year of college, Jyn’s roommate had been a girl called Maddie. She had been from California and was miles out of her comfort zone just like Jyn had been, and they had been best friends for about a semester and a half. Nothing crazy ever happened that stopped them being friends, they had just slowly drifted apart as their schedules became busier and they learned that they had less and less common with each other than they'd thought. When they had both moved out and were no longer roommates, Maddie had barely ever been seen again. Sometimes it was a bit sad to think about and Jyn hoped she was doing all right wherever in the world she may be, but it was ok. Sometimes, that’s just what happened.

But then there were friends like Cassian. You could disappear to Europe for ten months and come back and it would be like no time had passed at all. That was how she knew that Cassian was a friend for life. All four of them, actually. They had messaged each other and video chatted when they could and it wasn’t quite the same as seeing them every day but she always knew that no matter how far away she got, they would always be there at the other end of the line. She moved back towards the lounge, bumping his shoulder lightly as she passed.

“You want to see what I brought back?” she asked.

Jyn had bought the albums to help organise the mess of photos her and Mina had sorted through together. “I put them all in chronological order, but there are some gaps,” she explained as Cassian eagerly opened up the first album. “My dad clearly wasn’t the most organised in our family, and I think it might have passed onto me. I wouldn’t have managed to sort anything without Mina’s help.”

“Is this you?” Cassian asked.

Jyn glanced down at the photo of her mother in hospital, a baby cradled against her chest.

“That is indeed Baby Me.”

“Your mother looks nice.”

“She was nice,” Jyn said, leaning against him as he flicked through the pages. He laughed at a picture of toddler her wearing a pair of Minnie Mouse pyjamas and a pair of underwear on her head.

“Quite the fashion statement.”

“Shut up, Gabby has shown me worse pictures of you.”

“She has nothing on me,” Cassian insisted at once.

“I wouldn’t underestimate your sister,” Jyn said.

Cassian rolled his eyes. “Remind me to send a stern message to her later. Who’s that with you?”

“That’s Bodhi!” Jyn pointed out the photo of when they were roughly five-years-old, both standing proudly at her front gate in matching school uniforms.

“No fucking way,” Cassian grinned, snatching the album and peering closer.

“Oh, noooooo,” Bodhi’s voice came from the door to the lounge then and they both looked up. “I thought I heard my name.”

“There’s blackmail for life in here,” Cassian told him. “Not that I plan on using it, of course.”

“Dickhead.”

“Asshole.”

Bodhi still came and snuggled in with them on the couch to look through her photos, Luke quickly following along after. Once Dani and Kay both joined them as well, Jyn realised that things were definitely a bit different from before she had left.

“There’s so many of us now, we don’t all fit on the couch,” Jyn said, glancing around.

“Don't worry, I never sit on that couch with you heathens,” Kay pointed out, sitting on their armchair in the corner like usual.

“And I don’t need space,” Dani just shrugged before plonking herself down in Cassian’s lap.

But a seed of uncomfortableness was growing in her chest, her hands starting to shake at the thought of everyone suddenly crowding around her and she didn’t quite know why. Clearly it didn’t faze anyone else and it wasn’t like their apartment never got crowded before. She should be grateful to be back with all of her friends, not attempting to ignore the pain in her chest that was yelling at her to run.

So she swallowed the anxiety away and proceeded to tease Bodhi loudly about a photo of the two of them as awkward 12-year-olds at their middle school dance.

* * *

Assimilating back to her old life wasn’t quite as simple as she’d originally thought.

Grief was weird. For some reason, Jyn had gotten it into her head that as soon as she got back to New York City, then she would be fine. Europe had been a cathartic trip and it felt like it wasn’t so much abandoning all the memories back in England, but that she had been able to gently set them aside for when she was ready to remember them again.

But then her phone would ring, and it would hit her that it would never be her dad on the other side. She saw a dude hug their crying kid at the bodega and had to walk out. She had lunch catching up with Shara and was struck by the blueberries in her muffin, knowing they were her dad’s favourite… had been. So many tiny things that she had thought she had under control, but turns out she didn’t and she really had missed her friends while she’d been away, she really did, but in those moments she didn’t want to be anywhere near them, because then they'd know how really not fine she was. 

It really shouldn’t have bothered her at all that they were always around. She'd lived with them for years, she was used to being constantly bombarded when all she wanted was to hide in her room with pizza and tea. But she figured that over the last ten months, she had spent a majority of her time alone and when she was alone, she had been able to grieve without the mortifying ordeal of being known. No one had cared that she was having a meltdown in her head standing in front of the Trevi Fountain because her dad had always wanted to go there someday. No one had batted an eye when she spent an entire day just sitting in her father’s favourite chair. She could disassociate, she could cry, she could do whatever she wanted and deal in her own way, but now she was surrounded and _everyone would see_.

“No, I’m fine, I’m fine–” she had tried to protest when Cassian had caught her crying in the kitchen at 6am.

“Jyn, let yourself grieve. It’s ok,” he had sighed, folding her into his arms.

What she needed was something to do. Something that would give her fulfilment and satisfaction and she couldn’t believe she was saying it, but she was glad that she would be starting grad school literally next week. She had been stagnant the last ten months, but now she could finally move again. At first she hadn’t wanted to go to the birthday dinner, but it was Luke and Leia’s and she reminded herself that she loved them and had to get used to being around everyone again eventually. This was where she could start.

Apparently the theme was ‘white semi-formal’ which had her and Bodhi fuming as they tore apart their wardrobes together (“What the fuck does SEMI-formal even mean!” he had cried). It turned out that ‘semi-formal’ meant ‘any excuse to go all out’ because Jyn was pretty sure Leia looked nothing short of a stunning bride. Luke wore a dashing white suit and Han was kicking back in the chair next to Leia with his shirt half-unbuttoned and a white fedora perched on his head. 

“You look like Indiana Jones after a battle with the Balrog,” Leia rolled her eyes at him.

“Was that two pop culture references in one sentence?” Han said in surprise, leaning over to kiss her on the head. “My girlfriend is such a nerd! Shit, I love you.”

“I know,” Leia said happily, until she then noticed her. “OH MY GOD, Jyn!” she suddenly yelled, leaping up to hug her tightly.

“Hey, babe,” Jyn smiled as she hugged her back.

Han swooped in then, throwing his arms around the both of them and literally managing to lift them both up off the ground for a moment. “God, we are so glad you’re back in the land of terrorism and terrible politics!” he declared. “It was boring as shit without you!”

That was when Cassian and Dani arrived, the latter literally wearing something akin to a ball gown. Leia laughed. “You’re showing me up,” she said, moving on to hug Dani. “I said it was semi-formal!”

“Please,” Dani pulled back to throw a dramatic pose. “Everyone knows that semi-formal means go big or go home.”

“I love it. You look hot, bitch.”

“So do you, bitch!”

Jyn blinked a little, slowly sitting in a chair in between Cassian and Kay. Jyn leaned over to Kay and hissed, “Since when were Leia and Dani such good friends?”

Kay glanced around in bemusement. “I don’t know. Haven’t they always been?”

Well, she supposed that they all were, but she didn't think she'd ever seen the two of them joke around the way they did just then. Even more little things that had changed since she’d been away. The moment she thought that she had finally caught up with them all, more just piled on top, drowning her once more. Would she ever feel like she fit back in again?

She actually spent most of her time talking to Kay throughout the dinner. While Han made threw jokes at the birthday twins, she realised that she had missed her tall, strong, immovable force that would analyse the odds and do anything for her (sometimes, she figured that she really didn’t deserve a friend like Kay Tu). 

“So what happened to your job in the end?” she asked him. “You mentioned it a few times, but I never heard the end of the story.”

“Oh, they unsurprisingly went under,” Kay rolled their eyes. “I moved on before it got to that point, though. I have an accounting manager role at a software company now. They create education-based software, helping further learning and sharing knowledge. They treat their employees very well and I have a larger role as a manager. It’s… the perfect opportunity, really.”

“You still sound hesitant.”

They looked it too, which was weird because Kay wasn’t usually the person to regret things. Kay thought things over, usually so thoroughly so that there could never be a doubt in their mind that they were making the right choice. But Kay sighed and admitted, “It was a hard decision to leave. Sometimes, I wonder whether it was the right thing to do. Logically I know it was, it made financial sense and fit with the goals I have for my future, but I had been with the company for so long and still had quite a few friends there.”

“You were loyal,” Jyn realised. “Awww, Kay!”

“DON’T.”

Jyn snorted. “I didn’t realise you were a Hufflepuff at heart.”

“ _You take that back_.”

“Now this just reminds me of when we were taking the Pottermore test,” Jyn remembered. “You got Hufflepuff on the first go and remind me, exactly how many more times did you take the test again to try and get a different result?”

“Excuse you, it was six more times and I got Ravenclaw every other time!”

“Mmmm,” Jyn pretended to sound unconvinced.

“Oh, shut up Slytherin ho,” Kay threw back a mouthful of beer and Jyn burst into hysterics.

“Oh my god,” she grinned, wiping at the corner of her eye. “Kay, I really don’t think I’ve laughed since my dad died.”

She had caught Cassian’s attention as well from her other side. “Jesus Christ, Kay, I think you broke her,” he added.

As she attempted to get herself back under control, she noticed that Kay apparently didn’t seem to mind too much that they were the one who had made her laugh. “Don’t worry, mate, you know I love your Ravenclaw arse. Also don’t worry about whether leaving your old job was the right decision. If there’s anything I’ve learned recently,” she added, finally pulling herself together. “it’s that everything in life has a course to run. Occasionally, a course lasts forever, but most of the time it means there’s an end in sight. It doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world when it does, though. It felt like it when my dad died, but I’m still alive and life will keep going because it’s what he would want me to do. People die, relationships end and jobs change, but it’s ok because shit just carries on. Seriously, all the people you used to work with will be fine and no one is going to resent you for leaving when you had the chance–”

But Kay cut her off by suddenly leaning down and wrapping their long arms around her.

She was taken aback, but quickly came round so that she could tentatively hug them back. Hugging had never exactly been Kay’s thing, but apparently there was a time and a place for everything in this fucked up universe. They ended it by pulling back and punching her on the shoulder, which thankfully felt a lot more familiar.

“You are getting sappier the more time goes on, Jyn. It’s not a good look on you.”

“Ha, ha,” Jyn smirked.

“Besides, what about you?” he threw back on her. “Are you becoming a socialite now? Too rich that you don’t need a job anymore?”

“Oh, haven’t you heard?” Jyn said. “I’ve decided I’m going to be Insta Famous! My selfies will get millions of likes and companies I’ve never heard of will pay me to advertise products I will probably never use after one time.”

“I don’t know, I think Tumblr might be more like you,” Kay said. “A bit of a trash fire, all your popular posts end up screenshotted and posted on Facebook without credit…”

Jyn snorted. “In all honesty, I’m actually going to grad school soon.”

“Jyn, I know. I was making a joke.”

“Man, I’ve missed getting roasted by you, Kay.” 

Once dinner was consumed, they slowly started to transition into a night of booze and dancing. The bar was starting to get crowded now as the night grew darker and Jyn watched Luke and Leia get lit on the dance floor while Dani and Bodhi laughed together at Han attempting to limbo underneath the white scarf that Kes and Shara were holding between them. That was when Cassian found her, slinging an arm over her shoulder as he wordlessly offered her a drink of his beer.

“You know me so well,” she said, taking it.

For a while, they just watched as Kes and Shara slowly kept lowering the scarf without Han realising until eventually he fell back on his ass and Cassian laughed.

“Reminds me of when I was in Rome,” Jyn mentioned, lightly. “They had this party event in the hostel and we all ended up at some club where someone started limbo. I swear Italians know how to party.”

“Damn, I forget that you literally went everywhere,” Cassian admitted. “I’m a little jealous.”

“We’ll go somewhere someday,” Jyn promised. “You and me, pick a destination and we’ll just do it. You know, when we have enough money and time off and no commitments.”

“Done. It’ll have to be somewhere that I can afford on a teacher’s pay, though.”

“You’re still doing that?” Jyn asked, glancing up at him. He had still been mostly recovering when she had left last year and had slowly started picking up work teaching Dani’s six-year-old niece how to play guitar. The last she had heard, he had found a few more clients to teach, but she’d always thought that he intended it as more of an in between job until he found something else.

“Yeah, I don’t exactly have enough clients to make rent by itself, so I also teach guitar at this music school,” Cassian told her. “I never expected to like it so much, but it’s been a while now and I’m still there.”

“That’s so cool,” Jyn said. “I mean, shit! We’ve really come full circle.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when we first met you were the one who had made a ‘sensible’ choice and was going to be a lawyer while I just buggered around at college,” Jyn said. “but now you are the one living the dream teaching music while I’m apparently the sensible one going to grad school for biology.”

“Damn,” Cassia said. “Thank god we figured it out, I know I’m much happier for it. You _are_ happy, right Jyn?”

“That’s a loaded question,” Jyn replied. Sometimes she was sure that she would never feel happy ever again, and then other days she would hate herself for laughing at one of Bodhi’s jokes. How could she feel joy when her dad was dead, how could she just carry on and live her life without remembering him every waking second of every day? But she knew that her dad would feel terrible if he knew that she was refusing to live her life because of him. At the end of the day, she couldn’t do that to him. So she smiled and she travelled the world and she did her best to enjoy her life without feeling guilty. Sometimes she managed it, sometimes she didn’t, but the point was that she tried and she was pretty sure that’s what counted.

“You know what? Yeah,” she eventually said. “Yeah, I am happy.”

“Good. You want to go do limbo?”

“Oh, I have the advantage, I’m shorter! I am going to BEAT your arse!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that I was starting work last week but uhhhh it didn't work out so turns out I had an extra week lol. Overall, I was quarantined for nearly two months. Today was my first day back and I'm literally exhausted lmao 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments, I am once again sorry for murdering you all last chapter. I hope you like this one. 
> 
> Love you all, stay safe!! xoxo


	12. Chapter 12

She couldn’t believe she was doing it.

Going back to college felt surreal. The day came and she was suddenly surrounded by eighteen year olds born circa 2000 that had grown up in the era of social media and global catastrophe. Her 26-year-old ass had no place here surely, and yet there she was, walking among the familiar buildings of the NYU campus, ducking around kids video messaging parents on their first day and a group of too-eager seniors calling out encouragement to sign up for the student council. She was really going back to the beginning, wasn’t she?

Thankfully once she found the right room and was introduced to the other grad school students in her cohort, she felt a little more at ease. She certainly wasn’t the oldest there. There were only twenty of them, ranging from a proud 71-year-old who had apparently worked in the industry for years, to a group of young 23-year-olds who had come straight from undergrad. Even better, it seemed that they were all just as terrified and lost as each other. Jyn hadn’t studied in years and she was pretty sure that she’d just thrown herself in at the deep end, but she recognised the wide look of terror in the eyes of her classmates and she started feeling not quite so alone. As they got into the swing of the semester Jyn started recognising the faces, if not the names at least.

“So I have a confession,” a guy around her age said to her during their second week. They had started talking on their first day and had stuck together mostly out of the need for security in numbers. He looked apologetic, apart from the amused spark in his dark eyes.

“Tell all,” Jyn said. 

“We’ve been talking for weeks and I can’t remember your name,” he admitted.

Jyn snorted. “It’s fine because I can’t remember yours either. I’m Jyn.”

“JYN,” the guy cried, hands in the air. “I knew it was a ‘J’ sound so I stalked our class group chat, but turns out there’s also a Jessica, Janelle and Janet and I couldn’t remember which one you were, I’m so sorry–”

“Really, it’s ok,” Jyn laughed. “I feel like I know everyone by face, but I have no idea which name goes with which face.”

“HARD SAME, I’m Codo,” the guy said.

That’s how Codo became if not a friend, then at least a friendly face to sit next to amongst the sea of other grad students. For the first few weeks they didn’t talk about much more than just their classwork and teaching, but soon another girl Maia came and joined and from there they ended up forming a small study group made up of other people ‘not young enough to fit it with the 23 year olds, but not old enough to remember the second world war either’. They stuck together and Jyn found herself appreciating Codo’s cheerful disposition and willingness to learn.

“Oh, I just pissed around for ages,” he said when Jyn asked him why he didn’t go to grad school straight from undergrad. “Soon as graduated, I ran away to Asia to travel. Spent about a year there.”

“That’s amazing,” Jyn mentioned. “You didn’t miss home?”

“My family’s from Korea, so it didn’t feel like too much like leaving home,” Codo said, cheerfully. “We came to the US when I was eight. I came back here to see my family at Christmas and then I went to Croatia to work for a sailing company.”

“Seriously?” Jyn said. 

“Yeah! Wouldn’t recommend it, it was basically taking out groups of tourists where they could get blind drunk on a boat. Not the best combination.”

“Did anyone go overboard?”

“Plenty, the incident reports were endless–”

“Hey!” Maia called down the kitchen table. “Can you two actually start grading something?”

They just laughed in apology, Codo throwing a piece of popcorn down at Maia’s head. One of the classes Jyn was assisting in teaching was naturally a 300 strong Biology 101 class and it was going to take all five of them to grade the first test of the year for these students. They were crammed together at her kitchen table, Jyn having offered up her own apartment for them to hunker down in with snacks and beer to get through it all. They’d been at it for about two hours and had still yet to make a dent, though it wasn’t as if they couldn’t make it exciting.

“Look at this,” Janet snorted, holding up a test. “They wrote down ‘I think this deserves at least half credit’ next to a doodle of the professor.”

“Oh, c’mon,” Ben said. “You have to give them that!”

“Depends, how good is the doodle?” Ed asked.

Janet glanced at the picture once more then held it up so that they could see the crude drawing. “You could put it in the MOMA,” she deadpanned.

“Definitely worth at least a whole credit.”

Jyn managed to get through at least a couple more grading’s before she started talking again. “I’ve been to Croatia too,” she told Codo.

“No way! I was based out of Dubrovnik.”

“Yes, I went there! That’s where you could walk the city walls, right?”

“Yeah, yeah – my favourite place was this bar that’s built inside an old castle tower–”

“Where you have to climb a ladder to get to the roof?” Jyn asked. “Shit, I went there! It was a bit dangerous trying to climb up once you’ve already had a couple.”

“Oh my god,” Codo laughed. “Have you been anywhere else?”

“I went all over Europe just this last summer,” Jyn said. “I’m from England and I was living there for a bit before travelling and coming back for grad school.”

“Shit,” Codo said. “We were probably travelling around about the same time, then!”

“No fucking way,” She watched as he laughed and she realised that his smile was making her stomach clench a bit.

“So how come you’re only going back to school now?” he eventually asked her.

“Oh, not much different from you,” she shrugged. “I have a degree in psychology, but I minored in bio. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life so I worked some other random jobs until now.”

“Ahh,” Codo nodded. “The millennial experience.”

She found herself starting to smile back at him. “Eventually I figured that I should do something more with my life, so I guess the time just felt right now.”

She conveniently left out her father dying in that story as she didn’t think she was quite ready to deal with it. Codo kept laughing with her and the conversation went through a second beer and several more complaints that they weren’t pulling their fair share of the weight from the others. By the time they were finishing it was into the early hours of the morning, and Codo bid her goodbye with a touch on her arm that caused yet another not un-pleasant lurch in her stomach. She recognised that feeling. 

Shit.

 _Double shit_.

* * *

_Look! I found a pic of when I was working in Croatia!_

**Talk about fucking artsy, now THAT should be in the MOMA  
** **I couldn’t find a pic of when I was there, but I did find this one of my birthday in Mykonos!**

 _OH MY GOD, gorgeous lmao  
_ _a true Beautiful Disaster  
_ _When’s ur birthday?_

**June 18 th **

_shit how long were you there for????_

**I left the next day, why?**

_Fuck me, we were almost in Mykonos at the same time! I had to look it up bc the date sounded so familiar and we missed each other by a couple days apparently_

**OH MY GOD  
** **WE COULD HAVE MET IN GREECE**

_Better late than never hahahahaa_

**Lmao yeah glad to have met u now**

_Me too  
_ _Look! This is me in Mykonos! I think I look a bit more put together than you, tho_

**As if!**

* * *

_Halloween might be a Tuesday this year, but have we ever let that stop us?_

_If you come with no costume, you will be forced to wear the ‘I came to a Halloween party and all I wore was this lousy box’ costume of shame._

_\+ 1s welcome!!!_

* * *

**Hey Codo, did you wanna work on the lab prep later?**

_Yeah, sounds good. Same time?_

**Works for me. Meet outside library!  
also random question, but do you have Halloween plans? **

_Lol not yet! Why, do you?_

**Yeah, we’re having a party at my apartment. Was wondering if u wanted to come?  
** **I’m inviting the others as well**

 _sounds cool!  
_ _But I haven’t prepared a costume, shit_

**Wait I saw a perfect meme for this hang on…**

_WAIT  
MEME  
_ _Jyn that has to be our theme  
_ _A Meme Theme_

 **Oh my fucking god  
** **It’s perfect  
** **But which meme to choose???**

* * *

She was absolutely certain that she hadn't thought the costume through, but there was no turning back now. The green bodysuit didn’t leave any part of her to the imagination, and thanks to the eyes on her head that she had made using ping pong balls, a headband and a glue gun, everyone kept thinking she was fucking Kermit the frog.

“Tell me,” Jyn said, striding right up to Cassian. “Does this costume say ‘make out with me’ or ‘what the fuck Jyn’? Be honest.”

He took a step back, eyeing her for a moment.

“Did you really come dressed as Kermit?” he asked.

She groaned out loud. “God, I need more alcohol.”

Cassian just laughed. “I think you look great, Jyn,” he insisted.

“Well, at least someone does.”

“Do you like my costume?”

“Dani picked it, didn’t she?”

He nodded. “She really wanted to be a cheetah.”

Jyn smirked at Cassian’s jungle explorer get up, complete with khaki’s, brown vest and bucket hat with a drawstring. Somewhere, Dani must be sporting cat ears and a seriously banging cheetah costume. “You make a good Indiana Jones,” Jyn told him.

“Oh no, that’s infringing on Han’s costume!” Cassian pointed out their friend on the other side of the room, attempting to whip various empty cups off the coffee table. “Anyway,” he said, hastily. “How’s it going? I swear I haven’t seen you at all since you started the semester.”

Quite honestly, it wasn't an exaggeration. Grad school had been significantly harder than she’d originally thought and with so much of her time taken up studying, grading and hanging out with her new classmates, she had barely been home at all. Even on the nights that she _was_ home before midnight, Cassian was often at Dani’s place. She didn’t think he’d even actually met any of her grad school friends yet.

“Honestly? I’m loving it,” Jyn could honestly say. “It’s insane, but I feel a lot more prepared for it than I did when I was just starting undergrad.”

“So no more energy drinks, poor time management and questionable fashion choices?”

“Hey, I was a style icon!”

“The hoodie was a Classic, of course,” Cassian teased, whipping out his phone. “I swear, I still have the photo on here somewhere–”

“Don’t you dare,” Jyn warned. “Really, though, this feels like what I was supposed to do. Back then I did it because I didn’t know what else to do and I ended up with a degree I hated and a fuckton of debt.”

“To be fair, this time still involves the debt,” Cassian pointed out, still swiping through his phone.

“I think I’m still paying off the psych degree,” Jyn agreed. “but this time it’s worth it. I’m studying something I actually enjoy, I know how college works and my writing is much better, I’m older and generally more ready to handle – oh, fuck you,” she added at the beautiful photo that Cassian triumphantly shoved under her nose.

She couldn’t have been more than 19-years-old in the photo. She was wearing one of Kay’s old band hoodies, _Working Our Assets Off_ emblazoned across the front in lime green. She had the hood right up over her head and had pulled the drawstring so tight that only her ridiculous face and oversized novelty sunglasses could be seen. Her and Cassian had laughed about it for about twenty minutes straight as they sat in that 24 hour Pizza Hut at 2am. God, they’d been so young. She didn’t even know whether she missed the time or not. They’d been stressed but carefree, not having experienced most of what the world had yet to throw at them. Her and Cassian had grown close very quickly, but they’d barely known each other a year at that point. Cassian hadn’t even met Rachel yet. No one was dead or dying, and she certainly wasn’t that little girl anymore.

On the other hand, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She felt so much more equipped and ready to handle college at this age then she ever did back then. She’d felt so much pressure, from her family, from society and now, she had definitely learned the art of not giving a shit.

“Oh, those were the days,” Jyn said mock wistfully.

“I remember them fondly,” Cassian said as he thankfully put the photo away. He squeezed her shoulder briefly as he added, “but like you, I think we do better now these days. Some things are best left in the past. I’m glad you’re enjoying school.”

“What about you?” Jyn asked. “Damn, we really haven’t seen each other in ages, how’s work and Dani and shit?”

He laughed in agreement. “Things are good,” he told her. “My brain is working ok for now. Did I tell you that I started teaching at the middle school a couple blocks over from here?”

“No,” Jyn snorted. “Oh my god, you’re teaching music to twelve-year-olds?”

“They are equal parts terrifying and amazing,” he admitted. “I have one kid who has no idea what deodorant is, but can play the flute like a prodigy! The music school I teach for operates out of the building in the evenings, it’s how I got the job.” 

“Do you still only teach guitar, then?” Jyn asked.

“Guitar is my main instrument, but I’ve been teaching a bit of piano as well since the beginning of this semester,” Cassian said. “Shit Jyn, I’ve been so busy as well, it’s not your fault we haven’t seen each other a lot.”

“You’ve also been at Dani’s heaps…”

A smile grew on his face. “Yeah. Look, don’t tell the others yet because nothing is _official_ -official yet, but… we’ve decided to move in together.”

Something slammed into her chest.

“HOLY FUCK.”

“I know.”

“CASSIAN–” Jyn flung herself into his arms. “You're gonna – OH MY GOD–”

She pulled back to stare him down a little. She knew him well enough by this point to be able to tell if there was a hint of regret in his voice, but she searched for it now and saw so signs at all. This was a man that was incredibly happy. God, she was about to cry. “I’m so happy for you,” she tried not to choke. “Really, I am! But we’ve lived together so long – it would be the end of an ERA–”

“I know!” Cassian said. “It’s why I hesitated for ages, but shit Jyn. I love this woman so much and I desperately want to live with her. There’s no official date set or anything so it’s not like I’m leaving any time soon, but it’s really gonna happen, Jyn.”

“I can’t imagine not living with you, but SHIT, this is amazing,” Jyn said, honestly. “Seriously, congratulations.”

“Thank you.”

God, her relationship with Cassian had also grown so much over the years. They had been literal children when they’d first met, it was almost impossible to imagine that he could be grown-up enough to even move in with a girl in the first place. But they’d gone from laughing over ridiculous photos while balls deep in finals, to Cassian literally flying across the Atlantic to be with her at her father’s funeral. One you’d handled that, you were old enough to handle anything.

You couldn’t replicate that kind of friendship.

“So seriously, don’t mention anything to Bodhi or Kay yet,” Cassian said to her. “I’ll let them know when I have an official move out date and you guys will know to start looking for someone to replace me.”

“Boy, we’re really growing up – oh, fuck!” Jyn hastily cut herself off mid-sentence. She quickly dove behind Cassian, who turned around in pure confusion.

“Are you all right?”

“Don’t look at me!”

He hastily turned back around again. “Any chance you’re going to explain?”

“Do you see the guy who just walked in? Asian guy, really hot, probably got some weird abstract costume that no one gets?”

“There’s a guy holding up a sign with a face cut out on it,” Cassian nodded, still facing away from her into the crowd. “He’s looking for someone, is it you?”

“Yes, his name is Codo – we’re in the same grad program and I need to find my fucking unicycle–”

“I’ve known you for eight fucking years Jyn, yet somehow–”

She ended up riding out from behind him on her unicycle.

“–you still manage to surprise me,” she heard him finish with a little hint of pride.

She’d spent a grand total of 2 days and several hours of YouTube tutorials to attempt this. She’d borrowed the unicycle from Han and she wasn’t sure what the hell part of her thought this was a good idea, but she guessed it was somewhere very close to the part that wanted to make Codo laugh literally all the time. Everyone created a wide path around her, some laughing, some filming her on their phones and no doubt waiting for the moment that she would fall. It was worth it when Codo turned and realised what she was doing.

He burst out into hysterics. “It’s – it’s dat boi!” he called out to her.

“ _O shit, waddup!_ ” Jyn yelled back. She only lasted one more foot before she let herself fall back down onto her feet.

“You went all fucking out!” Codo grinned, clearly impressed. “Do you even know how to unicycle?”

“Well, I do now. And where’s your costume?”

He quickly held up the sign. It was a familiar image with the face cut out, so Codo could replace it with his own. He gave a dorky grin as he held it up, Jyn reading the words: _Me:_ _leaves Halloween candy in my room without hiding it. My siblings:_

“It’s free real estate!” Jyn laughed. “Oh my god, Codo.”

“I don’t think it quite beats Dat Boi.”

“Oh, nothing can beat Dat Boi,” Jyn exclaimed. “We picked a good theme for the costumes. Are the others here yet?”

“Maia said she was on her way, she ran into trouble because apparently she couldn’t get her costume through the turnstile at the train station.”

“Sounds incredible.”

“You’re incredible,” Codo was still grinning, although it faltered slightly at his words. Jyn’s stomach lurched for a second before he added, “L-like your costume, I mean – can I try your unicycle?”

She took a deep breath. That was a smooth recover.

“Our insurance company would have a heart attack at the thought, so of course.”

Of course she had fucking chickened at her attempt at asking him out. She had been all prepared to ask him to come to the Halloween party with her, and then panicked and added ‘also I’m inviting the others’ like a fucking IMBECILE. So perhaps it wasn’t exactly a date like she’d wanted, but she was determined that she was going to make the most of the night anyway. There were several attempts at unicycling throughout the apartment, eventually culminating in a race to see who could get from one end of the hall to the other the fastest. She definitely didn’t miss the not-so-subtle looks from Cassian across the room the entire time her and Codo interacted and he sidled up to her at one point as she cheered Codo on attempting to beat Han’s time of 1 minute and 41 seconds.

“Jyn Erso, are you flirting someone while dressed as Kermit the frog?” he hissed at her.

“I swear to God, Cassian–”

“Just making sure I’m seeing this right–”

“ONE MINUTE!” Kes yelled at the cheering crowd, counting down off his watch.

“You have to tell me everything–”

“GO, GO, GO, GO, GO!” He was thankfully cut off by the drunk crowd swarming around them, following Codo and his attempts to unicycle down the hall. Most people who tried did so with their hands pressed up against the wall (and possibly some dedicated friends walking behind to hold them up) but not Codo. He kept going, arms outstretched and Jyn cheered as loud as she could.

“ONE MINUTE THIRTY!”

“COME ON, CODO!” Jyn yelled. “YOU HAVE TO BEAT HAN!”

“Hey!”

“SORRY, HAN.”

“You can do it!”

“GO CODO!”

“And time!” Codo slapped the doorframe to indicate he’d reached the end, falling off the unicycle in a rather ungraceful dismount.

“Unbelievable, he’s done it!” Kes cried. “One minute, 34 seconds!”

They all screamed. Codo threw his arms into the air as everyone celebrated Han’s defeat, clapping him on the back and laughing as Han pretended to weep in despair. Jyn ran and Codo caught her, immediately wrapping his arms around her waist and spinning her around off her feet.

“That was amazing!” she cried.

“I’ve never ridden a unicycle in my life before today!”

“I’m so proud!”

He brought her back down and it was only when they were looking at each other with glee when Jyn realised truly how close they were. His chest felt warm where it was pressed against hers, her arms refusing to unwrap from around his neck, even though she tried. Her heart was hammering, slamming against her rib cage, only to explode when he bent down and kissed her.

It was celebratory and enthusiastic and for a moment, Jyn forgot where the hell she was. A hand slid down and held his face despite herself, but a few seconds later her bearings came back and she quite promptly freaked the shit out. 

She pulled back and out of his arms. His eyes were bright with something she rather longed to explore, but she backed away, jostled by the amount of excited people around them.

“Sorry–” she said, genuinely meaning it. “I – I’m sorry–”

And she ran.

* * *

~~**Hey, I need to tell you sorry about yesterday. You did nothing wrong, the kiss was not unwelcome, I just don’t think I’m as ready for a relationship as I thought** ~~

~~**Hey, so sorry about yesterday, it wasn’t that I didn’t like kissing you I** ~~

~~**Hey, about yesterday, I really like you but** ~~

**Hey Codo, I just wanted to apologise for yesterday. I hope I didn’t make things weird**

_Not weird, it’s fine Jyn_

* * *

_Soooooooooooo u gonna explain what Halloween was all about then?_

**Not in this lifetime**

_JYN  
_ _COME ON_

* * *

**CODE BLUE IT'S A fCCKING CODE bLUE**   
**I done fucked up**   
**coffee??????**

_NAME THE TIME AND PLACE_

* * *

She burst into _Rebel, Rebel_ with the force of a hurricane.

“I caught feelings!” she burst out.

Shara gave her a look from where she was waiting for her by the front counter.

“Bitch,” she said. “Tell me everything.”

 _Rebel, Rebel_ might not be where they worked anymore, but it would always be a place that they would frequent. Cassian still sang here on occasion and when Baze emerged from the back it was to greet them with giant hugs that lifted them both clean off the floor at the same time.

“I thought I heard you two,” he said, his voice rumbling deep in Jyn’s chest. “What brings you back today?”

“Gossip,” Shara grinned, the two of them being put back down. “Feel free to join–”

“If I know you two,” Baze held up a hand. “Then I don’t want to know. I’m just glad to see you both. How are you doing?”

They spent several minutes catching up with Baze and then Chirrut as well when he heard them too. “I felt for you when I heard about your father,” Chirrut told her at one point, his hand reaching out and holding her own. “I can sense now that it’s still in you.”

“He’ll always be with me,” Jyn had said, softly. “but it gets easier every day. Thank you.”

As nice as it was to see them though, Jyn was glad to take Shara by the hand and drag her over to their favourite window seat. If anything remained constant in her life, it was having Shara Bey willing to drop literally everything to hear a bit of goss. Their table was perfect for watching the swirling sleet hammering away outside. The weather said it was going to keep this up well into the new year, not that it would deter the millions of people battling their way into Times Square in a few days’ time.

“Right,” Shara said, settling next to her. “What is going on?”

“It’s Codo.”

“You like College Boy?!” Shara said with glee.

“I…” Jyn closed her eyes to Shara’s face. “I might have kissed College Boy.”

It hadn’t been how she’d intended to finish out the year at all, she swore. Almost two months had passed since Halloween and they had spent the entire time awkwardly flitting around each other to the point where she couldn’t take it anymore. The problem wasn’t even that he kissed her. She had liked it, very much so, and she would have to be blind not to notice the fast connection they’d formed. She liked the guy _badly_ , but something stuck in her throat whenever she thought about talking about it with him.

She knew all too well what it was like to care about someone and then have them taken away from you. 

As a result they remained friends and still talked, but there was an uneasy tension in every conversation. Codo had clearly taken her rejection to heart and was very careful to never touch her or god forbid, be left alone with her. They only saw each other in class or with the rest of their study group, and he never ever texted her unless it was to do with work. It pained her to see how much effort he was putting in to try and make her comfortable at his own expense when it was literally the exact opposite of what she wanted.

Shara was apparently loving this. “WHEN?”

“At the Halloween party.”

“Jesus,” She shook her head. “and don’t tell me, you’ve done absolutely nothing about it?”

“I think I fucked up,” Jyn admitted. “He kissed me, but I pulled back and ran away.”

“Oh good lord.”

“How bad is it?”

“That depends,” Shara said.

“Really?”

“NO,” Shara burst out. “You’re screwed! You like him, why would you RUN AWAY?”

“I'm scared,” Jyn sighed. “I can’t care about someone else and then have them die like Dad did. I know it was stupid of me and I know that I can’t let that shit stop me from living my life, but… how the hell do I fix this?”

Shara sighed, reaching out and holding Jyn's hands across the table. “I get you,” she said, earnestly. For all her Shara brashness, she was grateful that her friend knew when to be sincere. “Honestly, losing your dad must have been the hardest thing you've ever had to get through. But you’re right, you can't let it stop you from living your life. If you really like this guy, I think you already know what you have to do.”

“Talk to him,” Jyn groaned, leaning down and pressing her forehead into their hands. “ _Shit_.”

“Maybe invite him to New Year’s?” 

“He actually invited me,” Jyn remembered, quickly popping back up again and letting go to check her phone. “Well, to be fair, he invited everyone, we’re having a biology party, but maybe that’s my chance?”

“DO IT, GIRL,” Shara insisted. “Lord knows you deserve it!”

“It’s certainly been a rough year and a half,” Jyn admitted. “Ok. _Ok._ I’ll do it.”

“Once more, with feeling!”

“ _I’ll do it!_ ” 

* * *

**Cody Don** Hey guys, as we discussed in class I made a fb event for the Biology New Year’s Party!! Go ahead and hit that ‘going’ button so I know how many people I expect at my apartment lmao (plus 1’s ok, just let me know!)

* * *

**Hey Codo, I’m gonna bring my friend to New Year’s!  
** **Hope you’re good**

 _No worries!  
_ _Thanks, you too_

* * *

Of course doing it was a little harder than one anticipated.

She originally asked Bodhi to be dragged along with her so that she had least had back up if this all went wrong. However, of course at the last minute Bodhi had to work so when she’d gone banging on his bedroom door to see if he was ready, it was to have Luke greeting her with a little wave and saying,

“Hello, Bodhi apologises profusely and you get me instead.”

“Fantastic,” Jyn had snorted.

So she ended up at a biology party on New Year’s Eve with Luke Skywalker, of all fucking people. Codo’s apartment was apparently close enough to Times Square that you could hear it if you went out onto the balcony and when they arrived around 11.30, it was to find her fellow classmates in full swing, throwing back beer and talking loudly about the latest lab class they’d all been to.

“Jyn!” her friend Maia was the first to find her, novelty 2018 glasses on her face and a champagne glass in her hands. “Happy new year, I’m so glad you came!”

“Of course I came!” Jyn said, giving her a hug. “I would have gotten here earlier, but…”

 _I was busy freaking out with Luke in a 24 hour iHOP for over an hour_.

“…the train was late. Are the others here?”

“Yeah! Geraldine, Harry, Peyton and them – Janet, Ed and Ben – Codo is obvs around somewhere–”

As if on cue, Jyn saw him across the room. Her and Maia both waved and he gave an enthusiastic wave back, but she noticed quite clearly that he didn’t approach them. Jyn’s hand dropped abruptly and Maia wasn’t the kind of person to leave anything unnoticed.

“Yeah, what’s the deal with you guys?” she asked. “You were all buddy-buddy for ages, I thought you were already dating.”

“It’s a bit of a story,” Jyn told her. “I promise I’ll explain later. Right now I’ve got to go fix it – happy new year!”

Maia just shook her head with a smile as Jyn strode determinedly into the crowd. Unfortunately, she really should have timed her freak outs a bit better, because she found it rather difficult to ever actually catch Codo at a good time. As their host, he was apparently rather popular that night as naturally everyone wanted to talk to him. The closer midnight, the harder to got to find a moment with him alone and the higher the anxiety jacked up inside her.

“Would you calm down?” Luke rolled his eyes at her at one point. Never one to be shy at parties, he had been happy off getting to know the life stories of everyone that he met, while Jyn had forced herself to take several ‘breathers’ over in the kitchen. She had about five minutes until midnight and she had no idea why she felt like she needed to talk to Codo before the year ticked over, but it seemed like the thing to do. It didn’t feel right to be dragging her baggage over into the new year. She wanted 2018 to be a new start, something fresh, something better, and it wouldn’t be the same if she had this still hanging over her.

“I’m totally calm!” Jyn insisted.

“Yeah, and I’m gonna run for president,” Luke snorted. “Jyn, we’ve gone through every scenario, literally what is the worst that could happen?”

“He rejects me because he’s salty that I rejected him?”

“You’re not gonna know unless you ask...”

“I know,” Jyn sighed. “Jesus Christ, I’m done for.”

“You know, if there’s anything I’ve learned about you,” Luke mentioned then, the two of them leaning against the kitchen counter together. “it’s that you don’t give up. You haven’t been afraid to date people in the past. Why are you so scared of this?”

Jyn was actually kind of glad that she had Luke with her. They literally lived together now, and yet they still didn’t really get a lot of one on one time. She felt like she knew Cassian, Bodhi and Kay so well at this point that she would know exactly what they would tell her without her having to ask.

_You are beautiful, passionate and kind, anyone would be dumb to not want you!_

(That would be Cassian’s unwavering and well-meaning, yet also kind of useless support).

_BABE what do you have to fucking lose? Just do it!_

(Bodhi just throwing out his point of view).

_As much as I know you detest talking about your feelings, logically it is the only thing that will give you the answers you want._

(Logical Kay that she would definitely ignore despite him making the most sense).

But Luke was a wild card. She couldn’t predict what advice Luke would have for her.

“It’s been a year since my dad died,” she admitted.

Just over a whole year, to be precise. She hadn’t wanted to remember the day, but it had honestly crept up on her without her realising it was so close. With school, she’d managed to remain busy enough to power through, but she still thought of him every day and now more than ever, she was terrified of caring about someone lest they get taken away from her. She didn’t even need to say any of it out loud. Luke seemed to be able to just read it on her face.

“I’m sorry, man,” he said.

“It’s ok,” Jyn shrugged. “but I’m just… struggling to let the walls come down, I guess. God, he must hate me, we were flirting all the time and then I just suddenly pulled away with no explanation.”

“I’m pretty sure that if this dude is at all worth your time, then you just explaining everything to him would be enough,” Luke pointed out. “My initial observations have also noticed him look at you roughly every three seconds, so I’m gonna hazard a guess at that he still cares about you.”

“Your optimism is one of your best qualities, my friend.”

“I live to please,” Luke said, brightly. “Hey, thanks for even bringing me along. I know you actually wanted Bodhi, but this has been fun!”

“I think you’re fabulous, of course,” Jyn said at once. Then, she sighed and said, “Now all I have to do its talk to Codo… which is gonna be difficult, considering that literally everyone else also wants to talk to him.”

“So what you’re saying,” Luke said. “is that you need a distraction?”

“Well, I guess–”

Luke just pointed at something across the room. “Say no more, girl.”

Incredibly, it was Bodhi who had somehow managed to walk into the room. He looked harried, like he’d come straight from the airport, but determined to have a good time as he no doubt searched for them. He spoke to Maia, who pointed them out in the kitchen and Bodhi started waving his arms madly as he spotted them.

“JYN!” he yelled. “I'M HERE FOR YOU, BABE! I GOT LET OFF EARLY, I MADE IT!”

“Holy shit,” Jyn laughed. “The boy got here after all.” 

“And I have an idea,” Luke told her. “One distraction, coming right up.”

What was he doing? She supposed she should have expected nothing less from Luke Skywalker. Bodhi had always been known for not being too great at being spontaneous (she remembered quite vividly being the one to convince Bodhi when they were ten that they should climb up onto the school roof, just to prove that they could... turns out that they could not, but that was beside the point). Luke was apparently the one with the grand ideas. He moved through the crowd to where Bodhi waved. Jyn scurried after him, but she couldn’t seem to figure out what the hell he could possibly be up to.

Until he bent down on one knee.

“HOLY SHIT,” she said out loud to no one.

It seemed that Bodhi was the least shocked out of everyone. While the crowd gasped and hooted, gathering around in excitement at this surprise proposal amongst them, Bodhi turned and took one look at Luke on his knee before throwing back his head laughing. “Nooooo!” he cried.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you have a go later,” Luke told him.

“I wanted to do it first!”

“Too bad, I won,” Luke grinned up at him. “Bodhi, there’s not much to really say, because it’s all been said already. But the last two and a half years with you have been the best of my life and I want the rest of my years with you too. No one has ever loved another person more. Will you marry me?”

Bodhi laughed once more before exclaiming, “Yes!”

Everyone screamed so loudly that their neighbours probably thought that they were celebrating New Year’s early. It went on so long that everyone probably missed the actual announcement of the ball starting to descend on the T.V. seeing as they were all busy cheering at Bodhi and Luke who had thrown themselves at each other and were now making out enthusiastically. Jyn caught sight of Maia, who was clearly filming the whole thing and clapped her on the shoulder.

“Hey, can you send that to me at some point?” she asked. “Also, where’s Codo?”

She found him in the crowd and this was absolutely not how she wanted to do this because now she had literally turned into _When Harry Met Sally_ , but there was no going back now. “Hey!” she called out, and he turned to her as the minute ticked on.

“Hey!” he grinned, gesturing over to Bodhi and Luke. “They're so cute! Can you believe it?”

“Remind me to congratulate them later – I wanted to apologise for Halloween!” 

“Oh,” Codo’s face fell slightly, but he kept the smile. “Jyn, really you don't have to say anything more – look, I took a risk and it didn’t work out, I promise I’m fine–”

“No, no, that’s the thing,” Jyn was forced to yell over the noise of the party. Everyone had started counting down now, somewhere around 30 seconds and her words started spilling out of her mouth before she could stop them. “It did work out, I wanted to kiss you! I still do, but my dad died last year and I was scared and I should have said something but god, I like you and was hoping we could go on a date sometime and that I could kiss you again because shit I want to kiss you so badly, and you know what, FUCK IT–”

She dragged his face to hers and kissed him hard, kissed him like she’d been wanting to basically ever since they met. He responded with his arms around her, hands splaying out and warm against her back. She felt herself finally relaxing, feeling herself smile against his lips and unwilling to pull away, even as everyone around them started chanting, “TEN! NINE! EIGHT…” She just kissed him and kissed him, sliding her arms down around his waist, up his back, unable to stay still.

Later they all told her that the fireworks were great that year.

She wouldn’t know. She didn’t see any of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was about high time that Jyn's life started perking up! I hope you enjoyed her having this slice of happiness, Codo is definitely gonna stick around for a bit. Ofc this means that i now have to mess up someone's else's life for the #drama, so ol Cassian Boi better watch out hahahahah 
> 
> also BODHI AND LUKE, we will get a wedding before this fic is over, I can promise! Thank you so much for all your comments like always, I love and appreciate every one of you. I hope you enjoyed this! x


	13. Chapter 13

Turns out Jyn had quite forgotten how happy feelings could make her.

She had gotten to the point where she was fairly certain that something like this would just never happen for her. She figured that perhaps she just wasn’t meant for love. Life, however, had a way of proving you wrong and the days that she and Codo were together were some of the brightest she’d ever had. Thankfully the dynamic of the study group didn’t change much apart from the awkward tension dissipating and being replaced with mock disgust whenever they would kiss hello or goodbye, which could only be an improvement in Jyn’s eyes.

Even better, no one in the apartment thought to make fun of her because Bodhi and Luke had quite stolen the show! Jyn definitely hadn’t been suggesting an impromptu proposal when she wanted a distraction, but it had apparently been something that they’d talked about doing for a while anyway.

“We had a bet going!” Luke told everyone excitedly at their engagement party, Bodhi beaming like he’d won the lottery next to him. “Whoever did it first gets bragging rights and the other has to buy the tickets whenever Beyoncé announces another tour.”

“I swear I had something planned for the New Year,” Bodhi said.

“Ahhh, but you didn’t count on Jyn,” She cringed at the thought of being dragged into this, but everyone just clapped and cheered for her anyway. “I was waiting for the right moment, and she just handed it to me on a silver platter!”

“What did you do, exactly?” Codo laughed next to her.

“I wanted to talk to you, but so did literally everyone else at that party,” Jyn said. “I didn’t even ask for a distraction, Luke straight up volunteered as tribute.”

“To Bodhi and Luke!” Leia beamed next to her brother.

“TO BODHI AND LUKE!”

They all celebrated in the one way the couple loved: by dancing. Baze and Chirrut ferociously hugged the happy couple while others moved tables out of the way and a dance floor was created. Codo dragged Jyn out before she could protest that she hadn’t had enough wine yet, spinning her around before pulling her in close. Well, she supposed she didn’t mind that much. She wound her arms around Codo’s neck and they tipped ridiculously from side to side to the beat, prompting many others to join them. Han went and straight up lifted Luke off the ground, hugging him round the middle in a dance. A few others including Dani and Shara were having a twerk off and that was when Jyn realised how large her family had actually grown.

She hadn’t realised until now, once they were all put in the same room. Their lives were all so dynamic, all with their own jobs and dramas, families and dreams to chase, that the days of just Jyn and her boys was definitely over. Even their apartment that they’d lived in for years together wasn’t the same anymore. Cassian was officially moving out and they’d been advertising for a few weeks now. The nights of just the four of them playing board games together were numbered, if not already over, but she couldn’t even be sad because what had replaced it had to be better. When her father had died Jyn could only visualise the Erso name dying with him. She’d thought that she’d had no one left.

She was wrong.

After a few songs, Jyn left to go to the bathroom and came back to find Codo chatting animatedly with some of Luke’s work friends. Rather than interrupt him, she was content to just snag some more champagne and find a spot on the edge of the dance floor by herself.

Naturally, she only managed a few minutes alone before someone else had to waylay her attention.

“Help me out,” Cassian’s arms squeezed around her shoulders from behind, giving her the fright of her life. “You look so familiar, but I just can’t place you. Don’t tell me, your name is… Jen? Jennifer…?”

“I am wounded,” Jyn snorted.

“Seriously! It’s Ginny, right?”

“I guess it’s been a wild beginning to the year,” Jyn rolled her eyes.

“OHHHH,” Cassian said. “JYN, can’t believe I forgot! So you going to apologise to me anytime soon?”

“What on earth for?”

Cassian pointed out Codo out in the crowd.

“You haven’t told me a single fucking thing about this guy,” he said in dismay. “As your best friend of I believe it’s been EIGHT YEARS I deserve better than this treatment.”

“Of course, I’m so sorry,” Jyn rolled her eyes, reaching up and hugging his arms in apology.

“Well. Details?”

“Fine. His name is Codo, he studies bio as well. He’s from Korea, grew up in Boston, I really like him, blah, blah, blah, please try not to scare him off?”

A part of her thought it a little bizarre when she remembered all that could change within a few years. It seemed like it wasn’t that long ago when she had been literally in love with Cassian, but it had actually been two years since. And a good thing she got over him too seeing as he and Dani were still strong as ever and she might not have ever learned to open herself up to someone else again. Cassian considered for a moment before asking,

“He ever been arrested?”

“I mean – not to my knowledge?”

“He’s not married?”

“Jesus, Cassian–”

“Just covering the basics,” Cassian let her go to hold up his hands innocently. “Look, if you’re happy, then I’m happy. You are happy, right?”

“I’m… very happy,” she could honestly say.

“Good. Am I allowed to meet him now?”

She hadn’t brought Codo around to their apartment yet for the sole reason that she didn’t want her insane friends scaring him away. Her college friends stayed at college, it was easier to just keep everyone separate, especially with everyone so busy with their own lives anyway. Even if she had brought him round, chances are that no one would have been available to hang out anyway. But she supposed tonight there was no avoiding it, so she told Cassian to stay put and went to go and find her… not quite a boyfriend yet, but definitely heading in that direction.

“Codo!” she called out and he turned around. “Come, Cassian wants to meet you.”

“SHIT,” he hastily spat his mouthful of champagne back into his glass before shoving it into the chest of a now bewildered friend of Luke. Codo attempted to smooth back his hair for a moment before saying, “Do I look decent?”

“You’re hot as fuck?”

“Oh, you’re no help! Daryl, do I look good enough to meet Jyn’s friends?”

“…yes?”

“Stop it, you’re fine,” Jyn said. She also took the champagne glass back off Daryl adding, “Finish this, maybe you’ll calm down.”

“Oh god. He hates me, doesn’t he? I knew he didn’t forgive us for that time we had sex while he was trying to sleep–”

“Codo,” Jyn kissed him for a drawn out moment, which thankfully got him to calm down for a few seconds. “When you’ve been friends as long as we have, you’ve heard each other have sex too many times to count. I can promise you he doesn’t care about that.” Or if he did she would never ever find out about it because they rarely ever mentioned if they’d accidentally overheard the other. They had to have at least _some_ boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed, and that was one of theirs.

Cassian thankfully seemed genuinely pleased to shake his hand once they had approached and Codo introduced himself.

“Good to meet you – I’ve heard a bit about you from Jyn.”

“Of course you have,” Cassian shot her a look and she immediately feigned looking elsewhere.

“Nothing bad!” Codo said, hastily. “She said you’ve known each other for like eight years or something?”

“2009 we met,” Cassian nodded.

“At that party we went to on the second day, remember?”

“I actually knew of you before then,” Cassian mentioned. “You lived across the hall from me, remember? I saw you moving in.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t know you remembered that,” Jyn said.

“Yeah, your dad destroyed his back trying to carry your mini fridge up the stairs,” Cassian said. “I almost went and offered to help, but then you stepped in. Jyn had the sickest mini fridge in her dorm room,” he added to Codo. “It’s naturally the reason we all made friends with her.”

“He’s lying, it was my charm and good looks.” There was still a hint of _oh my god please like me_ in Codo’s eyes, so Jyn trailed a hand down his arm so that she could link her fingers with his.

“So you’re in grad school too, then?” Cassian asked him.

“Yeah – I did a lot of travel for a while after graduation instead of going into it straight away.”

“That’s cool, where did you go?”

“Everywhere! I went to Asia first, lived in Europe for a bit, took some trips through south America, then I worked in Australia…”

“Did you go to Mexico?”

“Dude, I LOVE Mexico.”

“That’s where I’m from! Where in Mexico, I was born in Toluca but lived in Mexico City most of my life until I went to college–”

“I tried to go to places that weren’t touristy, but I couldn’t miss Mexico City! That’s so cool–”

Jyn gave an inward sigh of relief that she hadn’t realised she was even holding. Cassian and Codo continued to chat enthusiastically, even switching to Spanish when Codo admitted that he could speak it a little too. She took that as her cue to leave them to it and watched them for a moment until someone came and leaned an elbow on her shoulder.

“That the new boyfriend, then?” Dani asked her.

Jyn smirked. Dani would always have an opinion and Jyn would always want to hear it. “Not boyfriend,” she told her. “…yet.”

“Mmmm, get it girl,” Dani laughed. “He’s hot. Online or real life?”

“School. Does the same program as me.”

“Oh, babe,” Dani shook her head then. “Never date someone you see on a regular basis!”

“I mean, I get the reasoning,” Jyn told her. “but like… I wanna?”

“Fair enough. Fuck who you want at the end of the day, I just remember my first relationship,” Dani snorted. “Dated a girl from my job at the time, ended up having to quit. To be fair, it was a shitty job and I’m a salty bitch so I would have quit anyway, but that’s beside the point.”

“You know how to put the romance in things, Dani.”

“I’m here for you, girl.”

She really was. It was weird to think there was a point in time when Jyn had been entirely prepared to hate her.

“How long you and Cassian been together, now?” she asked, turning to face her. “I can’t remember, it’s got to be ages.”

“Nearly two years,” Dani nodded.

“Shit! Has it really been that long?” Jyn had so many other burning questions inside her. _Is he it for you? How do you know? Does the sweet scent of vulnerability ever go away?_ But she kept them all in. She was sure that Dani must have heard it plenty of times from plenty of other people. Instead, they ended up marvelling at the passage of time, how life was just an endless void hurtling through space and shit.

She glanced back over at Cassian and Codo, who were now both singing the Spanish version to the pop song that currently played overhead.

She had a good feeling about this one.

* * *

**_New York City - Housing, Apartments, Rooms, Sublets, Roommates  
Group. 115K members. _ **

**_Bodhi Rook  
_ ** _27 Jan at 17:13_

_Our roommate has decided to move in with his girlfriend, so we are now looking for a fifth roommate to join our amazing East Village Apartment! We are four 20-something’s, two of us being a couple. Most of us work full time and one of us studies. We all tend to be pretty busy with our own lives, but we love a good dinner/chat and hang out fairly regularly. We hope to find someone who fits in with our dynamic, who is tidy and reliable. Apartment is fully furnished, just bedroom furniture needed, close to NYU campus and train stations. PM for more apartment details!!_

* * *

“I can’t believe this,” Cassian said, trying to keep it together. “It’s the end of an era.”

Almost all of Cassian’s shit had been packed up and carted across town. He only had a few odd things left lying around and he’d been selling the furniture he didn’t need until finally the day had come.

Cassian was moving out.

Dani was apparently waiting down in the lobby. She’d hung around the door, but it soon became clear that Cassian needed a moment and she had retreated to let him say goodbye. If Jyn had been a bit younger, the Jyn before her father had died, then her emotions might have been a lot less controlled. However, this was now and she was older and she had learned that this was just what happened. Life moved on and you had better move on with it otherwise you would be left behind clinging to a past that wasn’t there anymore. She had lived with Cassian for eight years, it felt absolutely surreal to think that he wouldn’t be just down the hall anymore, but he’d been her best friend for even longer and she knew that she wouldn’t ever be rid of him that easily.

“We’re literally going to see you later tonight when we go out for dinner,” Jyn pointed out.

“Still,” Cassian said, fingers pressed over his eyes. “Give me a minute.”

“ _Give me a break_ ,” she heard Kay mutter behind her.

“Cassian,” Jyn reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s going to be fine.”

“I know that,” he said. “I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you guys! What in god’s name are you going to eat without me? Will you even eat at all? Promise me that you won’t order Chinese food every night, _promise_ –”

“Cassian, we know how to cook,” Jyn said. “Don’t worry. We won’t starve.”

“What about Christmas? Did you want to keep the decorations, we technically bought them together, we could timeshare–” 

“We already agreed that we’d keep them. Dani has her own.”

“What about–?”

“CASSIAN,” Jyn grabbed her friend’s shoulders. “STOP. It’s gonna be ok.”

He sniffed before reaching up and dragging a sleeve across his eyes. “I know. Fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, we know,” Jyn wrapped an arm around his waist, Bodhi and Luke both immediately leaping into the group hug as well. Jyn just stared pointedly at Kay until they got the hint, sighed, and joined in too.

“Thanks,” Cassian’s muffled voice said from where he was pressing his supressed tears into Kay’s shoulder. 

They stayed together a moment longer, Cassian holding them all until eventually he had the strength to step back. Jyn remembered the man as someone who’d struggled to let his guard down when they first met. He used to hide his depression, kept emotions bottled up inside, just like Jyn tended to do. He’d come a long way. “Thanks,” he said again, eyes shining. “Love you guys. See you later.”

When he closed the door, it left a ringing silence.

“And then there were four,” Jyn said out loud.

Kay rolled their eyes so hard she thought they might just roll out of their head.

* * *

“It’s a no go on the latest!” Kay called out the moment Jyn and Codo got home for the day. She hadn’t even closed the front door properly before he popped his head around the kitchen doorway adding, “He seemed nice enough, but then asked whether his collection of novelty Troll dolls would be a problem.”

“What’s wrong with a couple of Troll dolls?” Codo asked.

“Nothing, except he apparently has 349 of them and one of them is over six feet tall. They wouldn’t even all fit in this apartment.”

“Fair call,” Jyn said. “Also I got a text saying that the electrician was coming today to finally fix the wiring and shit, are they here yet?”

“No.”

“Fantastic, more burrito huddling it is then,” Jyn didn’t even want to take off her jacket, despite it still having remnants of the snow swirling outside. Their lives had been plunged into hell the day the power went out. What had started as a normal evening soon took a turn for the worst when apparently the power went down across several apartments on their level and naturally many angry calls to their power company didn’t do anything to fix it faster. Apartments had slowly but surely come back on but of course theirs was one of the last ones and Cassian was lucky that he no longer lived here since he was able to escape the frozen tundra that was now their apartment. Jyn had been staying at Codo’s, Luke and Bodhi crashed Han’s place and Kay had apparently slept in his office for the past few days. She remembered when she was in undergrad, a group of roommates that she knew from her classes opted to sleep under the desks on the third floor of their 24 hour library for most of winter, rather than go home to their cold apartment. Now, she could understand the appeal. She’d only come home so that the electrician could be let in, but of course that meant she had to freeze in the meantime.

“Are you sure you want to stay?” Jyn mentioned to Codo again as she closed the door. “Just because I have to freeze doesn’t mean you do.”

“Aw, there’s heat in numbers,” Codo grinned. “If I didn’t come you’d have to snuggle with Kay.”

“I’VE ALREADY SAID,” Kay’s disembodied voice yelled from the kitchen. “I REFUSE.”

Jyn snorted. “Thank you. This is how I know you care.”

Codo moved and kissed her cold lips, knocking the breath right out of her. “There’s also a few other things we could do to keep warm,” he added.

“Dirty. I like it.”

“Please,” Kay called out again. “If you’re going to have sex to keep warm, can you at least give me warning first so I can go charge my headphones? I don’t have a lot of power left in the portable battery charger.”

Jyn laughed. She realised that she’d been doing that a lot, lately.

Codo went to go start lighting candles everywhere while Jyn went to see whether Kay had turned into a human ice cube yet. She found them at the kitchen table wearing at least 3 parkas and a blanket as they worked on their tablet. “Honestly,” they said without even looking up as she came in. “I could be doing this at the office and not freezing to death, what time is this electrician coming?”

“The text said between six and seven pm.”

“Is it not even seven yet?” Kay said in surprise, glancing up. “It’s so dark in here, I could have sworn it was at least nine pm.”

“We were gonna order pizza, you want some?”

“That would be ideal, thank you. Margherita with–”

“–olives, I know,” Jyn shook her head. “I’ve been taking your pizza orders for nearly nine years, Kay, I think I know what you like by now.”

That made him pause a moment. “I suppose it has been that long. Well, eight and a half years to be precise. We met in September.”

“Do you even remember meeting me?” Jyn asked. “I could have sworn you didn’t even register that I was hanging around until several months in.”

“I don’t forget anything. We first met in the dining hall. You and Cassian had become friends recently and you had decided to go get dinner together. I had a late class and came to join once it was over. Cassian introduced you and you made fun of my major.”

“Can’t say I remember that last part,” Jyn tried not to smile too much.

“Sure,” Kay rolled their eyes. “Well, a lot of things have been changing recently. What with Bodhi getting engaged, Cassian moving out, everyone’s lives are going in different directions… I suppose it’s nice to know your friendship has been constant.”

“Kay, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me! Are you sure your brain hasn’t gotten frostbite?”

“To be fair, it’s 37 degrees in here. You could be right.”

Thankfully, that was when there was a knock at the door and it was with some relief that Jyn could let the electrician inside. He seemed good-natured and came prepared, wearing a thick overcoat. “Don’t worry, it should be fixed in a jiffy!” he announced. “I’ve done all the rest of these apartments as well, yours is the last one. We’ll get it warm in here again for ya.”

“Bless you, seriously,” Jyn said, letting him in.

Not only did their power get fixed, but they also had their pizza delivered, which certainly perked up the mood in the apartment. When the lights all suddenly turned back on, literally all of them cheered, including Frank the electrician. Jyn offered him a slice of pizza in thanks and he declined politely. “Your other roommate already gave me some of his,” Frank said, gesturing over to Codo who was currently munching on a pepperoni slice. “Thank you though!”

“Oh he’s not my roommate,” Jyn said on instinct. “He’s my–”

But that was about when she remembered that they hadn’t actually had that conversation yet and to stop herself, she hastily crammed some pizza into her mouth.

Frank laughed. “Gotcha. Glad I could help you guys out, if there are any other issues just contact your super and they’ll get me in again. Have a good night!”

There was no way Codo didn’t notice the exchange, but he didn’t say anything. He was clearly leaving it up to her to bring up if she wanted and as she stared at him hard on the other side of the couch eating his pizza, she realised that she really did want. Before she could lose her nerve, she blurted out,

“I nearly called you my boyfriend before.”

Codo glanced up, grinning around his pizza. “I noticed.”

“Would it have been ok if I did?”

“I would have liked it very much.”

God, what was with all this happiness? She’d forgotten this part of relationships. “Ok, cool,” she said, lightly. “Next time I will.”

“Awesome.”

* * *

**So we found a roommate to replace u!  
And then promptly lost them **

_How does one even_

**We found a dude moving to New York from Nevada, but literally the day before he was supposed to move in he texts and says he’s not coming**

_Damn, no reason or anything?_

**NOTHING**

_Well, good. He probably does something weird, like eats socks or collects toilet plungers_

**Kay said no to a girl who wanted to set up her shrine to brendan fraser in our boiler cupboard**

_I didn’t realise finding a roommate was so hard_

**Finding one is easy!  
It’s finding someone who isn’t crazy that’s hard   
Anyway, you guys coming to games night fri? **

_Wouldn’t miss it!_

* * *

“How are you guys managing to cover the rent?” Kes asked in dismay at their latest fail of a new roommate story.

“We managed to live here with only four people before,” Jyn shrugged. “The rent is definitely better with five, but it’s so far not the end of the world if we can’t find someone right away. If there was only three of us, then it might be a different situation.”

Honestly, they could complain all night about trying to find one normal person to live with amongst the sea of crazies, but Jyn didn’t want this to be a night of abysmal Adulting Problems. For the first time in a long while they had managed to put together a games night with most of them here, all crowded around their lounge coffee table where they were currently playing Coup, a spy and espionage game that involved a lot of strategy and bluffing. Jyn was known for having a rather good poker face while both Bodhi and Luke were unable to lie about anything without it also being plainly obvious. Kes and Shara had turned up late having to come straight from a dinner with Shara’s parents and watched while Dani got confused about the rules for the tenth time and Han and Leia argued good-naturedly over which was the best strategy to use for their current round. Their own dinner had consisted of copious amounts of pizza and beer, and their conversation was lively and mostly staying light without straying into anything too heavy.

“If you bluff, you have a 50% chance of winning, if you don’t it’s a less chance, it’s simple math,” Leia said, exasperatedly.

“Ooooor, I could just continue to take foreign aid…” Han reached out for the coins in the middle.

“Well, I’m the captain and I’m just going to steal your coins–”

“You’re bluffing!”

Leia huffed. “Well, you only know because I told you the strategy!”

“Still counts, you die!”

“It should _not_ count, I was trying to explain–”

“I think we should delegate to the impartial judge here,” Han gestured over to Kay with a flourish.

Kay glanced up over their own cards.

“Leia offered up her strategy of her own free will. The play counts. Leia dies.”

“Nooooo!” Leia cried while Han whooped.

Rather than a second round of Coup, a different game was quickly suggested, purely just to decrease the risk of strangulation in their apartment. They definitely did not want to be calling the super again. Another round of beers was cracked out and that was when Han declared that they should all play the ever classic drinking game Never Have I Ever.

Immediately several of them groaned.

“What?” he said.

“Han,” Luke said, reasonably. “That’s probably even more dangerous than Coup. Remember the last time we played?”

“You know, I don’t think we need to–” Jyn said, hastily.

“Oh, yeah!” Bodhi recalled. “Didn’t Jyn’s boyfriend at the time admit that they’d done it on the kitchen table?”

Several of them burst into hysterics while Kay looked appalled and Jyn hid her face in her hands.

“ _Jesus Christ_.”

“Well, now I very much want to play,” Codo teased next to her.

“I was not present for this particular game!” Kay said in outrage. “Jyn, we EAT off that table.”

Never Have I ever was that one game that brought out the worst in all of them, yet for some reason they always ended up playing it anyway. One of the first nights her, Cassian, Bodhi and Kay had all hung out together as a group had been them playing this game in Cassian and Kay’s dorm room at four in the morning. They had been drunk off their faces and had shrieked with laughter at everything, and she supposed that was why they all just shrugged now and started around the circle despite knowing that it was probably all going to turn into a shit show soon enough. Like always, the scenarios started very tame until they reached Han who just couldn’t resist really kicking it off by claiming,

“Never have I ever done anal!”

“There’s always someone,” Codo noted. “Also, what’s the consensus on saying something you have done and drinking to your own claim?”

“We allow it,” Jyn told him. “Otherwise Han and Shara would have nothing to suggest.”

“Hey!”

“You know it’s true,” Jyn pointed her beer at her friend.

Next went Leia, who went all in on the sex questions and said, “Never have I ever had sex in a public place.”

Shara considered. “Does the back of Kes’ car in a Denny’s parking lot count as public?”

“Yes.”

She shrugged and drank. Codo next to her drank as well, which prompted her needing to know the story immediately. “Uh, girl I met in Australia,” he admitted sheepishly. “Had sex in the open bush, anyone could have walked along the trail and seen, that counts as public right?”

“I’m sorry, did you just say the Australian bush?” Jyn asked.

“How did a snake or wombat or whatever the fuck not bite you on the ass?” Shara added in equal awe.

“Insect repellent, minimal clothing removed as possible and a lot of luck?”

“Damn.”

After Leia it went Kes, who said, “Never have I ever been arrested.” It yielded no results, so Shara naturally turned things kinky again with, “Never have I ever had a threesome!” resulting in them all accusing Han of lying.

“Well, I can honestly say ‘never have I ever slept with someone in this room’,” Kay sighed in relief. “You bunch of heathens.”

“Aw, c’mon!” Luke said as literally everyone except Kay had to drink.

“What? Isn’t the point of the game to get as drunk as humanely possible while also extracting secrets out of your friends?”

“Still.”

“ _Fine_ , I’ll make it harder,” Kay declared. “Never have I ever had sex with more than one person in this room.

“KAY,” Jyn complained.

That one narrowed the results down a little. Alongside herself, it was Cassian, Han and Shara who all had to drink with her. She attempted to hide it as subtly as possible, but there was really no denying that Codo was going to notice and she didn’t begrudge him when he snorted and asked,

“Hang on, who else have you slept with?”

Before she could explain, Han threw out his arms and declared, “That would be yours truly!”

Jyn choked a little as Codo burst out laughing.

“It was not my proudest moment,” she gasped, hastily.

“And Cassian?”

“Shara and I dated,” he explained. “God, what, five years ago now?”

“Best three months of my life!” Shara leaned over to kiss his cheek enthusiastically.

Finally it was Jyn’s turn and she thought about trying to keep it tame, but soon figured to hell with it. “Never have I ever booty texted the wrong person by accident,” she said, staring pointedly at Bodhi.

“OH, COME ON,” he cried, taking a drink.

She was literally never going to let him live down the fine summer evening in 2011 when she’d received a text from her best friend at one am literally just saying ‘ _wanna bang?_ ’ She had sent back something along the lines of ‘ _sorry mate im just not into u_ ’ and prepared herself to tease Bodhi about it until the day they died. She entertained everyone with the story, despite the fact that several of them had heard it many times before (and probably still had the screenshots saved on their phones) until she realised that Codo was the one this time trying to drink without her noticing.

“I'm sorry, who did you booty text?” she cut herself off with a snigger. 

Codo cringed. “My boss.”

“OH MY GOD.”

“Please don’t think less of me.”

Jyn just scoffed, moving to kiss him. “I could never.”

He kissed her back for a couple of seconds before apparently the embarrassment was just too much for him and he hastily excused himself to the bathroom. She was sure she had to look ridiculous grinning after him like that, but she was starting to realise that she didn’t even fucking care.

“See, Bodhi? It could have been worse,” Kay put out there. “Could have been your boss instead of Jyn. Anyway, isn’t it Codo’s turn?”

“He had to pee, I guess Dani can go?” Jyn said.

Dani contemplated a moment before saying, “Sort of along the same lines as Kay’s question, never have I ever had a crush on someone in this room who is not my current partner.”

Jyn seriously considered severing all ties she might have had with the woman.

Thankfully, nobody else seemed to notice the sliver of panic that ran through her. Instead, Han laughed and said, “I deadass had a crush on Luke when I first met him. It was a confusing year, sexuality wise.”

“I have that effect on people,” Luke said, cheerfully.

“Hey, Cassian, did we ever actually crush on each other?” Shara asked.

“I thought you were batshit insane and knew it would never go anywhere, but yeah?” he suggested and they both drank.

Jyn was content to not say a fucking word. The least said about her past feelings the better, though at least she could truthfully say that she’d never really had a crush on Han. He’d certainly made her feel things, but nothing exactly on the emotional end. She honestly almost thought she’d managed to get through it when Cassian himself said, 

“Jyn, why are you not drinking? You had a crush on me!”

She thought the world might have crashed around her ears.

_What the fuck, what is happening, what the actual flying fuck_. She was really panicking now. He was laughing like it was fucking funny or something, though she noticed the deer in the headlights look on many others’ faces of the ones who’d known. But she had no idea… _no idea_ that Cassian knew. How could he have? He couldn’t unless he was either A) a spy, B) a mind-reader, or C) someone in the group was a Traitor who’d given up her secret. She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t look at Dani, couldn’t look at anyone except he was clearly waiting for an answer and oh god, what could she say to fix this?

“I…” she stammered. “I… had no idea you knew about that.”

“Jyn liked Cassian?” Dani apparently thought this was funny, which wasn’t doing wonders for her stomach. “Oh my god, when?”

Thankfully, the others got over their own shock and hastily started laughing awkwardly to cover up the deadly silence that had followed Cassian’s call out. The traitor theory was thankfully looking rather thin seeing as it seemed to come as a genuine surprise to them all, though that still didn’t help her in figuring out what the FUCK was going on. “Oh, I don’t know,” Jyn tried to keep her voice casual as she glanced at Bodhi. He immediately gave her an ‘ _I swear it wasn’t me!_ ’ look. “I think two years ago?”

“Wait,” Cassian said, voice puzzled. “Two years? Are you forgetting how old we are, college was nearly ten years ago.”

“College?” Jyn said, faintly.

“Yeah,” Cassian nodded. “Remember? It was freshmen year, when we first met,” he started explaining good-naturedly to the others. “we always laugh because she liked me for a bit until she met her new TA and then promptly forgot all about me. You…” He stared at her stricken face for a moment. “…you aren’t talking about that crush, are you?”

Oh great, the deadly silence was back.

It was quite clear that no one dared breathe as the penny finally dropped in Cassian’s head. He stared hard, his eyes almost piercing right through her with a look that quite clearly said _oh, shit_ mixed with something else she couldn’t quite identify. Perhaps raging regret? She knew that feeling. God, the crush she’d had in college, why didn’t she just admit to that? Admittedly it had been as fleeting as Cassian had described which probably accounted for the fact that Jyn had forgotten it entirely, but that was beside the point. She wouldn’t be sitting here uncomfortably in front of all of their friends having admitted to liking her best friend as recently as two years ago when he was already with his serious girlfriend. Dani glanced between the two of them like she didn’t know who to confront first. Jyn felt like screaming. The others sat in the awkward tension like moths caught in the attraction of a flame, unable to escape and just as equally unable to look away.

“I’m back! Did I miss my turn–” 

Everyone’s heads suddenly snapped to Codo as he strolled casually out of the bathroom from the hallway. He halted immediately, throwing up his hands.

“Whoa, hey,” he said. “What did I miss?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #DRAMAAA 
> 
> also dani is bi, han is bi, u can pretty much just assume everyone in this fic is bi unless officially stated otherwise lmao 
> 
> ANYWAY, i live 4 the Drama, i hope u are all swell. Thank you so much for the comments, I hope u all liked this!! x


	14. Chapter 14

“Oh my god, that was humiliating,” Jyn groaned, throwing a pillow over her head.

“I’m just mad I went and peed at the wrong time,” Codo said good-naturedly, flopping down next to her. After Codo had smashed his way through the tension, they’d all thankfully managed to quickly forge on ahead, awkwardly laughing, hastily suggesting a new game to play, avoiding the topic at all costs and Jyn conveniently too busy putting shit away to say goodbye when Cassian and Dani were leaving. When the apartment door had finally shut behind their last friend, Kay, Jyn, Codo, Bodhi and Luke had been left just standing in the hallway, staring at each other.

“Well,” Kay had declared out loud. “that was probably the worst night of social interaction I’ve ever had in my entire life.”

After assuring Kay that they wouldn’t talk to them for at least three or four days to allow them time to recover, Jyn had escaped to her own room, immediately wishing that she could crawl into her bed and never come out. Codo pulled the pillow from her face, stroking back the hairs that had stuck to her skin.

“So are you going to tell me what the hell happened?” he asked, cheerfully.

“My humiliating past came back to haunt me.”

“I’m intrigued.”

“You’ll never look at me the same again.”

“Did you used to be a stripper or something? Because I’m very much a firm believer of the idea that we need to get rid of the stigma around sex work–”

“No, I wasn’t a stripper,” Jyn almost laughed. “Although I do appreciate your support.”

“Then what was it?” Codo then screwed up his eyebrows in a way that made Jyn want to kiss them. “Although really, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Clearly it was something that should have been left in the past, and you’re not at all obliged to tell me. I really don’t mind.”

Jyn looked up at him from where he was lounging next to her. Shit. She knew that he was right and she appreciated his words more than he could know, but she treated her past like some scandalous secret. Tonight might not have been such an unmitigated shit-show if she hadn’t kept it all a deep, dark secret and had just been honest about her feelings in the first place. She absolutely did not have to tell him, and she had no idea how he’d take it, but she decided to risk it anyway.

(She had a good feeling about this one).

“Two years ago, I had feelings for Cassian.”

“Shit, really?” 

“Yeah. I tried getting away with not drinking, but there was a bit of a misunderstanding and it all got dragged out for the world to see. Now he knows and I want to fucking die.”

“Oh my god,” Codo tried to smother a snort of laughter as he wrapped himself around her in a comforting snuggle. He rolled onto his back so that she could bury her face into his shoulder. If she was lucky, she could just stay here forever. “I’m so sorry – that must have been mortifying!”

“I’m very glad that you were in the bathroom for it.”

He held her and Jyn waited for the comments that she was sure were inevitably coming. _How could you still be friends with someone you used to have feelings for? It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t think you should see him anymore…_ she didn’t know what she’d do if it came to that point and she didn’t ever want to ever have to think about it. She remembered her sophomore year boyfriend, Gavin. They’d dated several months, only for it to fall apart because of his insecurity over hers and Cassian’s friendship. He hadn’t liked that his girlfriend spent so much time with another guy, despite the fact that they all hung out together, Cassian dated plenty of other people back then and Jyn had told him multiple times that they were just friends. Luckily, that relationship hadn’t really progressed to something that serious, so it had been fairly easy to make the decision to break up with him, but she wouldn’t have that luxury this time. Codo was something else.

Eventually, she couldn’t take the pressure. She pulled back a little, Codo rolling over so that they were face to face on their sides. Jyn’s hand curled around his hip and she wished she could just kiss him instead of talking, but she had to get it out there.

“Do you have a problem with it?” she asked.

“Problem with what?” Codo said in genuine confusion.

“That I’m still friends with Cassian.”

“Of course not – wait, have you been worrying about this all evening?”

She just shrugged.

“Jyn, you said this was two years ago?” Codo said and she nodded. “Well, you very clearly like me now and I trust you. Of course I don’t have a problem with it.”

She found herself smiling a little. “You’re pretty cool. I ever tell you that?”

“A few times.”

She kissed him then, the hand at his hip grabbing at his shirt to pull him closer. She counted herself pretty damn lucky. She had no doubt that if it had come down to either her best friend or her boyfriend, Jyn would choose her best friend every time and somehow, she’d found herself someone that was secure enough to understand that feelings in the past was as simple that. Feelings in the past. It didn’t matter who she used to be in love with, what mattered was who she was in love with right now ( _and that was definitely an analogy and totally not how she was already feeling_ ). She wanted the whole length of him against her, his warmth and his breath and he threaded a hand into her hair. She explored his mouth until she managed to draw out whimpers and she sat up to pull her shirt off over her head.

“No fair, that was too quick,” Codo grinned up at her.

“I mean,” Jyn feigned going back and picking up her tossed aside shirt. “I can put it back on if you–?”

He lunged across the bed and kissed her, hands at her bare waist as he pulled her into his lap. Wrapping her legs around him, he started kissing down her neck and eventually to where her bra met skin. “No, no,” he murmured, his tongue inside her bra. “I’m liking this look a lot.”

“Mmmkay. Then I’ll stay right here.”

“This bra is beautiful, but can we also take it off now?”

“ _Please_.” 

* * *

_hey jyn, I just wanted to apologise for the other night, I’m so sorry I made shit awkward. I had absolutely no idea and it was never my intention to make you feel uncomfortable. I promise that im not angry or weirded out. If you want, we can promise to never talk about it again?_

**There is no longer any hope for me to be a part of society anymore  
Please accept my humble apologies before I throw out my phone and promptly hurl my body off a cliff **

_a tad dramatic, but ok_

* * *

_Cassian  
Really weird that this isn’t technically the roommate chat anymore  
Anyway, dani and I want u guys over this weekend for dinner and shit, let me know if/when ur free! _

_Bodhi  
IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME WITHOUT U  
Also sounds good, I’m working Saturday day but evening all good!! _

_Kay  
I will attend. I also miss you. _

_Bodhi  
How are u btw, been weird not able to catch up every day like normal _

_Cassian  
Thanks guys!  
I’m ok. Still trying to get used to a different apartment, it’s a bit weird, but worth it   
@Jyn Erso, u in??? _

**Hey, so sorry I’m busy this weekend, but next time for sure!**

* * *

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAY!!!!**

_Thank you, Jyn. Will you be home for my birthday games night tonight?_

**I might have to stay late at the lab, but I’ll definitely try and make it!!**

_You know that Cassian is working and can’t come, right?_

**Oh  
Well sure then, I’ll definitely be there lmao**

* * *

_Jyn u cannot avoid me forever lmao_

**Watch me**

_I’m gonna keep hounding u until u respond_

**Sorry new phone who dis**

* * *

_Maia  
Hey bio babes, summerrrrrrr baby!!!!! Let’s blow this popsicle stand and head to the beach after class Fri for Jyn’s bday, anyone in? _

* * *

She fucking survived.

A whole year of grad school and not only was she still alive, but she had also managed to maintain a boyfriend and something of a social life at the same time, she was pretty damn impressed with herself! They had reached the end with only one person having dropped out of the program and Jyn having been evaluated no less than three times (all with varying degrees of brutality) but it was finally summer and like every year, her birthday coincided with the end of the school year. It was wild to think that a year ago, she had been partying in a bar in Mykonos. This year, the eighteenth was on their very last Monday of classes, so on the Friday, the six of them in their little study group hopped on the metro and made their way down to Coney Island.

They weren’t the only ones with the same idea. Of course with the weather starting to turn, the beach was absolutely packed, little kids chasing seagulls, people splashing in the shallows and the amusement park blaring music and lights once the sun started setting. Janet revealed that she had stashed some beer bottles in her bag and they subtly drank while Ed and Ben fought over which personalised ‘Jyn’ playlist to blast out from Maia’s speaker. As the sun set they danced through the sand, yelling out the words to the old-school songs specifically from the years that Jyn went to high school and hastily hiding the alcohol if they thought a cop might be onto them.

“It’s the beginning of the season, that water will still be freezing,” Janet shook her head at Ed and Ben in dismay at one point. “I’m not getting in!”

“You won’t do it,” Maia added as the boys had begun stripping down. “You’ll get in up to your knees and then chicken out, we all know it.”

“Nah, I’ll get my head under!” Ed insisted, hopping on one foot as he tried to pull off his jeans.

“How cold d’you reckon the water is?” Jyn mused out loud.

“According to google, the average water temperature for Coney Island in June is 65 degrees,” Codo declared.

Jyn knew she was never getting in the water. She was perfectly warm huddled between Codo’s legs as he kissed her neck every now and then. She cheered as Ben managed to get his clothes off first, literally sprinting in his underwear down to the water before he could change his mind. Much like Maia predicted, Ben splashed into the shallows and immediately splashed back out again but incredibly Ed ran and dove in amidst several screams and cheers.

“SHIT!” he yelled once he’d surfaced.

Naturally, he hadn’t thought about how to get dry and Janet ended up sacrificing her cardigan so that he wouldn’t die of hypothermia. As he and Ben sat shivering together (“Why are you cold? You didn’t even get in!”) Maia pulled her up from her warmth to dance. With the dulcet tones of Ke$ha in the background, Jyn let her friend spin her around in the sand.

“So do you know what you’re doing for the summer?” Jyn asked.

“Apart from sleeping? I’m currently trying to figure out how to test my thesis,” Maia told her, continuing to chat casually even though she was mid-body roll. “You?”

“Pretty much the same, I guess we all will be,” Jyn admitted. She had been talking with her mentor relentlessly, trying to refine the work she wanted to do for her own thesis. She thought that she might have a plan now and her and Maia ended up discussing it at length in between their booty drops and other incredible dance moves.

“I’m kind of glad for the work,” Jyn said at one point. “It means I’ll be busy and I could do with being busy right now.”

Maia laughed. “Jyn, do I sense a story?”

She actually didn’t mind sharing with someone who was on the outside. One of the worst parts of the entire situation was that _literally_ everyone knew. She was pretty sure they must have all watched it unfold mentally eating popcorn. Maia was someone objective and they paused in their dancing to announce that they were taking a walk together towards the amusement park. Codo kissed her forehead before they left, making Maia scoff a little.

“You guys are so cute it’s sick,” she said. “but anyway, out with it girl! What’s going on?”

“So you know my friend Cassian, right?”

“I think I’ve seen him through like, Instagram and stuff, yeah.” 

“Well, two years ago I was kinda into him.”

“Fair call, he’s hot,” Maia nodded vigorously. “Did you date?”

“No, I never actually got a chance, but that ended up being kind of a good thing, because he met his girlfriend before I could say anything,” Jyn told her. “They’re still together now, so I got over him and never said a thing. Not too long ago though we were all playing dumb drinking games when he misunderstood me and it all accidentally came out. Now, he knows.”

“ _Oh noooooooo_ ,” Maia winced. “Really? Holy shit what did he say?”

“I didn’t give him a chance to say anything,” Jyn admitted. “He texted me later and said it was fine but god, it was so fucking awkward! I can’t even look him in the eye these days.”

“Oh my god,” Maia shook her head. “Wait, does Codo know?”

“Yeah. He is also cool with it, incredibly.”

“Girl,” Maia said. “You got yourself a fucking good one, there.”

“TOO good, he wouldn’t even let me drown myself of embarrassment.”

She laughed as they paused to watch the famous Coney Island Wonder Wheel, its spokes moving around and around. Jyn watched a group of teenagers laugh from their cab as they made their way up to the top and she knew that she was being ridiculous. She really had been avoiding Cassian at all costs and she wasn’t quite sure what the point of it was. He was right, she couldn’t avoid him forever and this wasn’t worth ruining their friendship over. She knew that he was ok with it and that he wouldn’t have been her Cassian if he wasn’t, so what the hell was she even worried about?

That was when she realised it wasn’t really Cassian she was trying to avoid.

“Fuck, I guess I’m worried about what his girlfriend thinks,” she admitted.

Jyn loved Dani, she truly did, and she was sure that the feelings were mutual. The two of them got along well, but now she knew that Jyn had been into Cassian while they were dating and she realised that she was the one person she hadn’t actually directly heard from this entire time. Would she be insulted that she never told her? Insecure about her feelings now? Her instinct was that she didn’t think so, but the truth was that Jyn just didn’t know Dani quite as well as Cassian. She could predict all she liked, but she really had no idea what she thought and she knew that she absolutely did not want to have to make Cassian choose between herself and his girlfriend.

(Who would he even choose in that scenario? _What if it wasn’t her?_ )

So she stayed away and yes it was partly out of embarrassment, but mostly because… well, she was scared.

Maia contemplated next to her, the lights of the Ferris wheel casting shadows across their faces.

“You said you Cassian was cool with it, right?”

“Yeah,” Jyn said. “I’ve known him for so long, I know that he won’t care. It’s his girlfriend I’m worried about.”

“What’s the girlfriend like?” she asked.

“That’s the thing,” Jyn said. “I know her and I consider her a friend, but I wouldn’t say I know her _well_. I like to think that she’d be cool, but a part of me thinks _what if?_ What if she isn’t ok with it and she tried to stop us from being friends…”

“Oh, Jyn girl,” Maia said. “Well, at the end of the day, I think the only way to know for sure is to just talk to them both. Which I know contradicts this whole avoidance tactic thing you’ve got going on, but you know I’m right.”

“I know,” Jyn sighed. “Shit.”

They ended up paying for a ride on the Wonder Wheel together, taking selfies at the top before eventually making their way back to the others. Codo was dancing with Ben, but grinned and swooped her up into his arms when he saw her approaching.

“I don’t think I ever actually said happy birthday,” he told her. “Happy birthday, babe.” 

“Thanks,” she grinned. “Sorry, I went on the Ferris wheel without you.”

“Nooo,” Codo shook his fists at the sky. “That’s fine, I’ll take you on the roller coaster instead, I hear its super romantic.”

“Sounds brilliant. Also I know we planned to stay at yours tonight, but I think I have a thing that I need to do first.”

“ _Please_ tell me that the thing is talking to Cassian and Dani?”

“I’m going to need the biggest bottle of wine I can find,” she nodded.

“You’re going to be fine,” Codo insisted, moving to kiss her firmly. 

“Mmmm. Do you ever just get the feeling that you don’t know what the hell you’re doing with your life?” Jyn asked.

“Only every second of every day.” 

“See, you always get me.”

“Yeah, you might not know what you’re doing,” Codo said. “but whatever it is, we’re doing it together.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked you,” Jyn smiled.

He leaned in and kissed her again, lips hot against the chilly breeze that came with the setting sun. For a moment there was nothing but them, until Janet threw her shoe at them.

“GROOOOOSS,” she declared.

“SUCK IT, JANET,” Codo yelled back.

* * *

_18 JUN AT 1:07PM_

_Happy birthday, Jyn!! Msg me whenever you’ve finally got your head out your ass. :)_

_7:16PM_

**Hey, thank you  
Yeah I know I’ve been a bit ridiculous lately and you probably hate me but can I come over? **

_Oh my god, is that… Jyn Erso???? Talking to me????_

**Yeah yeah, I know I deserve this  
I’m really sorry and I miss you guys **

_Jyn of course u can fucking come over_

* * *

She turned up at Cassian and Dani’s apartment with a bottle of wine and an apologetic expression.

“I’m really sorry,” she said immediately once he’d opened the door. “Will you still be my friend?”

Cassian just scoffed and rolled his eyes before loping forward and hugging her tightly. Jyn hastily threw her arms around him. She hadn’t really known what to expect. She had guessed at least some yelling before they got to the hug stage, but his warmth was cocooned around her and he didn’t feel like he was going to let go anytime soon. Usually on the same wavelength, they rarely got into arguments at all, but whenever they did they always moved on fairly quickly and without fuss. She supposed she should have known.

She didn’t deserve it, but she appreciated him all the same. 

He let her in and Dani waved from where she was apparently cooking dinner. “Oh hey, Jyn,” she called over. “You done being fucking weird now?”

“Yeah,” Jyn told her. “I brought you wine.”

“You’re fucking insane. Love you!”

She brought the wine with them as they went and sat out on the balcony. It was just a concrete slab with a wooden table and chairs, but they had a great view and honestly she was just grateful that Cassian hadn’t completely written her off. “You guys have a cool place,” Jyn noted, opening up the bottle. 

“I’m still trying to get used to not living with you guys anymore,” Cassian admitted.

Jyn agreed, offering the wine to Cassian first. He took a drink straight from the bottle as she told him,

“I’m honestly so sorry I went radio silent for a while there,” Jyn said. “I’m surprised you don’t hate me more.”

“Jyn, we have known each other for nearly nine fucking years,” Cassian pointed out. “I know better than to throw that all away because you stopped talking to me for a month or whatever. Have you got your head screwed on right now?”

“Yes,” she said.

“Good. That’s all that matters then.”

He passed the wine to her and she took it gratefully. 

“You,” Jyn said. “are my best friend in the entire fucking world.”

“And you are mine,” Cassian said, simply. “SOOO are we ever going to talk about it or are we going to just move on now or what?”

Jyn smothered a groan, hiding her face in her hand. “Look, I would LOVE to never mention it,” she said. “but not mentioning it is what caused this mess in the first place, so I feel like I’ve got to be honest. Ok, here goes,” Jyn forced herself to look up at him. “Back in 2015, I liked you. The feelings were pretty serious and it probably took me a full year to really get over it. Shit, I intended on dying with you never ever knowing, so it’s naturally why I was a bit thrown.”

Cassian just gestured for the wine. She handed it back over and he took a rather large gulp. 

“Goddamn,” he said. “I cannot believe that literally everyone else knew except for me.”

“Me either, honestly, I expected someone to cave and blab by now.”

“How come you never told me?”

“I was going to!” Jyn said, exasperatedly. “But you met Dani and you seemed really happy with her.”

“Oh my god,” Cassian shook his head. “Ok. Look, you’ve been honest with me so I have to be honest with you now. I had a crush on you too back then.”

Jyn was pretty sure the world was crashing somewhere around her ears. 

“YOU CANNOT BE FUCKING SERIOUS.”

“I am,” Cassian nodded with a wince. “It was that summer, remember? God, it was ages ago, I remember thinking that maybe you liked me too, but then you started dating Han and I figured I had to be wrong. So I got over it.”

“Holy shit, Cassian,” Jyn said. “We liked each other at the same time and we both never said anything. How fucking dumb were we?”

“We were so fucking stupid!”

That was about when they both burst into hysterics, because honestly, what else could they do at this point? She couldn’t believe it. They sat there together on that balcony and literally laughed and laughed until Jyn’s head hurt and she had tears running down her face. Eventually, they started to pull themselves back together, Cassian swiping at his cheeks and Jyn drinking another mouthful of wine. “God,” she said, shaking her head. “I guess none of it really matters in the end. It’s clearly all worked out for the better.” 

If her voice hitched a little, he didn’t let her know it. As great as it was right now with Codo and as much as she was sure it was great with Dani, Jyn would be an outright liar if she said that she wasn’t currently wondering what might have happened if either of them had just said something a little bit sooner. She was certain that anyone in her situation would have the thought at least cross their mind at some point. The _what if_ floated through her head and she wondered if it was in his now too. How different would their lives had been? Would they have dated? Would it have even worked out? Would this have been their apartment?

But she was genuine when she said that she was glad it had all worked out the way it had. They were both extremely happy with the people they had found now, and their friendship meant so much to her. When she glanced up at Cassian, she was sure that he was thinking the same thing.

“I guess it has,” he said.

“I think now is when we never speak of it again,” Jyn snorted. “We have plenty of other shit to talk about, I’m sure.”

“Oh, definitely,” Cassian nodded. “Did you finish school for the year yet?”

“This was the last week!” Jyn said. “I got through the whole year, now I just have to write an entire thesis.”

“Wow, that's your Stress-Jyn voice,” Cassian noted. “Haven’t heard her in a while.”

“She’s made a lot of comebacks this past year. But honestly, grad school was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made,” Jyn could say for certain.

“I like that you just did what you wanted,” Cassian told her.

“Yeah, well,” Jyn gave a small smile. “When your dad dies, it kind of makes you reconsider what you’re doing with your life.”

“Sometimes I consider studying for the bar again,” Cassian admitted.

“Really?” Jyn asked. “Shit, but you hated being a lawyer!”

“I hated the kind of law that helped people who didn’t deserve it,” Cassian said. “but every now and then I think maybe I could have made a difference as a lawyer. But I don’t know, it’s been ages, I would have to study for months…”

“What’s brought all this on?” Jyn asked him. “You love teaching your kids, right?”

“I do,” Cassian nodded. “I guess…”

Something in his voice and the look on his face caught her attention. It was slight, but it was the voice she heard whenever things were starting to spiral down. Cassian fought hard to keep his depression at bay, but she knew the beginnings of a bad episode probably better than even he did and she could see it in his eyes.

“Does Dani know how you’re feeling?” she asked, voice low.

He gave her a look. “I know what you’re getting at. And no. I’m fine, Jyn.” She didn’t say anything else. She supposed as his friend she would believe him, but she would always be there to catch him before he hit rock bottom if he needed it. She always was. He glanced behind them as if checking that no one was listening in at the closed doors to the balcony before turning back to her and adding, “Seriously, I’ve just been thinking about the future a bit recently, about what I want from it. And I kind of did a thing. Can I show you?”

“Always,” Jyn said at once. 

She really didn’t know what she was expecting, but it sure as fuck wasn’t Cassian digging into his pants pocket and pulling out an engagement ring.

“Holy fuck,” she said. “CASSIAN!”

“What do you think?” he asked, anxiously. “I was thinking of maybe singing to her? Maybe during one of my sets at the café, do you think she’ll like it?”

“It’s the exact flashy proposal that Dani would love,” Jyn told him. “The same can be said for the ring! Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. This is real, isn’t it?”

“About the most realest thing I’ve ever planned on doing.”

“We really aren’t just a bunch of dumb kids anymore, are we?”

“Shit’s changing, Jyn,” Cassian nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

It was. Shit had been changing for a while now and without another thought she leaned over and wrapped her arms tight around him. Shit was changing and that was ok, because her one consistent was she always had Cassian as a best friend. He hugged her back, arms tight around her where she could feel the small weight of the ring pressed into her spine, and there they sat for some time. There was a roaring in her ears and a lump in her throat. She slid her arms up around his neck, pressing her eyes into his shoulder.

“I’m so proud of you,” she squeaked.

“Jyn Erso, are you crying?” Cassian asked in disbelief.

“No! Keep hugging me, you idiot.”

He just snorted. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It was a few more moments before Jyn could regain her composure. She pulled back sniffing and said, “Fuck, that’s twice I’ve cried now, this night is WILD. I cannot believe you’re fucking PROPOSING!”

“Keep your voice down, holy shit,” Cassian laughed, waving a hand frantically at the balcony doors. “Don’t let her hear you!”

Jyn dramatically dropped her voice to a stage whisper. “ _So when are you going to do it?_ ”

He rolled his eyes, shoving the ring back into his pocket. “I’m not quite sure. But soon.”

“Is that really the safest place to keep that?” Jyn pointed at him.

“I’m so paranoid at the thought of Dani finding it that I can’t seem to let it out of my sight,” Cassian admitted.

“Fair enough. God, everyone is getting married,” Jyn exclaimed. “First Bodhi and Luke, now you, next summer it’s just going to be the season of weddings, isn’t it? I can’t wait for the invite.”

“Which reminds me,” he said. “will we be inviting one or two people on your invite?”

“Smooth transition.”

Cassian snorted. “I’ve been meaning to ask how it’s been going with Codo, but of course you decided to _ignore me_ instead.”

“My bad,” Jyn said. “It’s going well.”

“How long have you been together?”

“Six months. I think I’m in love with him,” Jyn sighed. She’d known it for a while. “Like, SHIT. Falling in love hasn’t really worked out for me so far, has it?”

“The key words being ‘so far’,” Cassian pointed out. “For what it’s worth, this is the happiest I think I’ve seen you in a long time. Plus, I like the guy. He speaks Spanish!”

“Wow. So become Cassian approved, all someone has to do is speak Spanish? That’s a lot of people to choose from, I guess I better consider my options.”

“Do me a favour, Jyn, and tell Codo that you love him," Cassian said. "I think you’ll find you get the answer you want.”

“How do you know?”

“I have a feeling. Also eyes.”

Jyn rolled hers just as Dani came and stuck her head around the sliding door to the balcony. “Dinner’s ready, if you guys are finished gossiping,” she announced. “Jyn, I assume you’re staying?”

“If you don’t hate me?”

“Bitch, get your ass in here,” Dani replied.

The three of them ate dinner together and it was like absolutely nothing was amiss. They joked and caught up on the news from the last few weeks and as Cassian started clearing away the dishes, it gave Jyn the opportunity to talk to Dani by herself.

“Thanks for this,” she said. “I’ve apologised to Cassian, but I haven’t really to you yet.”

“You don’t have to apologise for anything,” Dani told her as they sat at the table. “Hell, I was the one who asked the question, I wish I hadn’t said anything! I hate knowing I embarrassed you.”

“Still,” Jyn told her. “I could have handled it better, so I’m sorry. Can I admit something to you?” 

“Always.”

She hesitated for a moment, but then said. “One of the reasons I avoided you guys is because I was afraid of what you would think. Two years ago you were already with Cassian, so you must have figured out the timeline. You know that I liked him when you first got together.”

“I figured,” Dani shrugged. 

Jyn shook her head. “You’ve never had an issue with mine and Cassian’s relationship. Even now, when you know at one point there were romantic feelings there, you’re still so cool with it.”

Dani punched her on the shoulder lightly. “Because I trust my instincts, I trust my boyfriend and I trust you. What kind of person would I be if I didn't?”

Jyn smiled. “It’s one of the things I love about you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dani rolled her eyes. “I’m glad you weren’t embarrassed to death, Jyn. It’s nice having you around again.”

* * *

**BODHI CODE FUCKING BLUE**  
 **FUCK ME AND MY ENTIRE LIFE**  
 **SO I FINALLY WENT AND TALKED SHIT OVER WITH CASSIAN AND THE MOTHERFUCKER ADMITS THAT HE HAD A CRUSH ON ME TOO  
** **AS IN HE LIKED ME BACK THEN, BUT THOUGHT I DIDN'T LIKE HIM SO DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING**

_WHTHFGJKJKGKJDFKK_

**I'M FLIPPING TABLES**

_he never said ANYTHING!!!_

**Honestly, I just can't believe how shitty our timing was lmao i'm so pissed off for my past self**   
**But hey, at least this shows that we probably just weren't meant to be. I'm glad it's all done with**

_lol god ur timing was WAAAAYYYY fucking off_   
_yeah, definitely all for the best. does this mean ur back to being friends and we can all hang out together again?_

**Yeah, i'm done being stupid about it**

_GOOD_

**oh also while we're on the topic of life changing romantic news, YOU KNOW THAT HE'S GONNA PROPOSE TO DANI RIGHT?????**

_HSDFKJFDJDKJDFKJDFJK YES BITCH TOLD ME TOO_

**BITCH**

_B I T C H_

**WE'RE GROWN UPS**

_considering that we're yelling in all caps through text, i'd argue that statement, but i get u_

* * *

_Kay  
So my company organises a charity fundraiser every year, there will be an open bar, entertainment and a silent auction. I would really appreciate it if any of you could come to support me. _

**You had me at open bar**

* * *

“Damn,” Bodhi said appreciatively. “They really went all out, didn’t they?” 

Jyn stared around the giant hall that Kay’s company had booked out for their charity event. They worked for a software company and she knew a part of the reason Kay had taken the job was because they specialised in education software for adults and children. Jyn knew how much having a job that one liked could make all the difference in the world. There were several acts of entertainment for the event, including singers, comedians, dancers and even a group of All-star cheerleaders who Jyn had seen warming up in the foyer leading to the back of the stage. There was a dedicated area to sit and watch, along with plenty of other eating and mingling areas, which is where Jyn had been happy to situate herself.

Not too far away, Codo was busy stuffing his face with mini hotdogs.

“God, I love him,” she sighed.

Bodhi glanced over his shoulder to see where she was looking and laughed. “So go tell him!”

“We haven't said it yet,” she said. “but it’s fine, it’s ok, I will, I WILL. You look stunning, by the way.”

“Why, thank you! So do you,” Bodhi said, rather pleased.

They’d all enjoyed dressing up for the event probably a bit too much. They’d drunk plenty of wine, taken over the bathroom with make-up and hair gel and then spent far too long taking several photos as if they were all about to hop in a limo and head to prom.

She’d thought Codo was going to faint when he saw her dress for the first time.

“I want to say something cool,” he’d eventually shaken his head. “but I literally can’t think of anything except _you are so fucking hot_.”

“Get a room!” Luke had yelled.

Codo looked rather hot himself, if Jyn’s opinion mattered at all.

“Jesus, I HAVE to tell Codo I love him,” Jyn said. “Anyway, I’ve been so busy with work that I haven’t asked you how wedding planning is going?”

“The date is set!” Bodhi told her excitedly. “August 10th 2019, put it in your calendar, baby! We’re going to send out save the dates within the next few days or so.”

“I cannot fucking wait.”

“Hey guys!” Cassian joined them then, a napkin of quiches in his hands and looking incredibly dapper in his suit. “Have you checked out the table over there? Kay’s company splashed all out for catering–”

“I have to tell Codo I love him!” Jyn burst out.

Cassian and Bodhi both turned and gave her equally confused looks.

“We’ve already covered this,” Bodhi said, shoving one of Cassian’s quiches into his mouth. “Just do it.”

“I’m terrified?”

“We’ve been doing this for the last couple of weeks,” Cassian told Bodhi, knowingly. “She keeps saying she’s going to tell him, but then days will go by and she still won’t have done anything.”

“Shit, Jyn, haven’t you been dating for like half a year now?” Bodhi said. “Just fucking tell him!”

“I will, I’m going to do it!”

“Just wait, she’ll talk herself out of it in a few minutes.”

“Oi,” Jyn protested. “I swear, I’m going to do it this time.”

Sure, yeah, Cassian wasn’t exactly wrong. Every time she got it into her head that she was finally going to do it she promptly came up with some reason that meant she couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time. They weren’t in the right mood. It wasn’t the right place. The lab wasn’t bloody romantic enough, literally ANY excuse, she’d thought of it. She was just putting it off because she was scared, but she was done being scared of what other people might think of her. She knew people could die, shit could happen, and she didn’t survive her dad dying for her to live her life according to fear.

“There you are! Thank you for coming once again–”

“I HAVE TO TELL CODO I LOVE HIM.”

Kay blinked as he came and joined them.

“…ok?” he said in utter bewilderment.

Jyn looked at her boys (plus one not-boy). It had been the four of them for so long, until life got in the way of course. Now there were partners and co-workers and families and so many other people, but there would always be a special place inside her for those three. “I’d ask what’s going on,” Kay said. “but from what you said it sounds emotional and I personally don’t want anything to do with it, so I won’t.”

“Jyn’s freaking out, basically.”

“When isn’t she? Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying yourselves, if you want you could come meet the people I work with–?”

Jyn simply walked away without another word. She heard Cassian cheering and Bodhi calling over her to ‘get it’ but it was all muted except for a dull roaring in her ear. She kept her eyes on Codo who was now sat watching the dance troupe that was performing on the stage. He jiggled his knee with the beat and the music was loud but Jyn strode right up to him and yelled in his face,

“I HAVE TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU.”

Codo glanced up with a start. Then he cracked into a grin.

“I love you, too!” he yelled back.

 _Well, shit_.

“GOOD.”

“Good. Are you going to sit down?”

She practically fell into the seat next to him, her heart hammering in her chest and a ridiculous smile on her face.

* * *

She didn’t exactly anticipate the knocking on the front door at 1am. To be fair, who did? Codo barely stirred next to her, but Jyn bolted upright when she heard the knock. Her first thought was that it was a serial killer, until she reminded her sleep-addled brain that serial killers didn’t usually knock. Then she figured it might be the super come to say that the power had gone out again. She checked to see that her phone was still charging, which naturally only confused her more. Whoever it was knocked again and almost at the exact same time, her phone buzzed in her hands, giving her the fright of her damn life. She swore as she dropped it and hastily swooped to see what the notification was.

The message was from Cassian. 

_Jyn are you home?_

**Mate, it’s 1am**

_I know, but this is a Code Red here_

Code Red, wait, what? What the hell was going on? She’d initially been thinking that perhaps his internet had fried or that he’d just forgotten something in their apartment, or literally any other reasonable explanation for him to turn up on her doorstep at 1am. However, she stared at his message and _Code Red_ and figured shit, she better go and let him in.

When she opened the door, he looked at her with an expression that she couldn’t read. His mouth gaped over and over, like he didn’t quite know how to say something. Eventually, he managed to get out,

“Dani said no.”

_Fuck._

She knew exactly what he must be referring to and honestly didn’t know what to say. What the hell could she say?

So instead she said nothing and just held out her arms. Cassian immediately walked into them.

“Can I stay here for a bit?” he sobbed into her neck.

“Of course,” she said back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SHIT'S GOIN DOWN (I'M YELLIN TIMBERRRR) 
> 
> we all fucking knew that Cassian was crushing on jyn back in those early days, they were just victims of some very poor timing. with jyn being honest, there's no way he would have been able to keep it in. I think it's good for them to get all of the past feelings out in the open tho, bc now they know that they possibility was once there and that it wasn't quite as one-sided as they'd originally thought it was. it's gonna get them going on the right path for SURE 
> 
> also DANI SAID NOOOOOOOOOOOOO BITCHES (and don't worry, we will hear from Dani and what she has to say about it all. I can promise that she had no intentions of being malicious and/or wanting to hurt cassian, nor did her reasons for saying no involve jyn in anyway). for now, we can all just rejoice!!! 
> 
> Thank you so much again for all your comments, I love you all xoxo


	15. Chapter 15

**Shara dani and cassian broke up!!!**

_FUCKING WHAT????????????_

* * *

_Ok I called my boss and I’m officially working from home today. I will look after him._

**Bless ur soul, kay  
** **Let him put on the dinosaur onesie, but for god’s sake hide his phone**

_Already way ahead of you._

* * *

**CODE RED CODE RED CODE RED  
** **Bodhi I know that you had an early shift this morning but please for the love of god  
** **CHECK UR PHONE AND REPLY**

_Ahdhd just saw this what the fuck happened????????_

**DANI SAID NO TO CASSIAN AND THEY BROKE UP LAST NIGHT**

_H O L Y S H I T  
_ _No wonder I have about 20 messages, I just saw your code red and opened yours first!  
_ _Do you know what the hell happened??????_

 **He fucking turned up at our apartment at 1am, I didn’t get a chance to talk to him  
** **Kay stayed with him today**

 _I didn’t even hear him arrive shit  
_ _Then again, if I have the early shift, there isn’t a force on this earth that could wake me up before my alarm goes off  
_ _Oh my fuckignjfjkf god he will be a WRECK_

 **He’s gone full Depressed Dinosaur omg  
** **When are u home?**

_Im literally leaving work now_

**Bless u**

_Should I bring alcohol_

**LOTS**

* * *

**Hey my babe, u want to explain to me what the hell is going on???**

_I’m guessing this is about cassian_

**U BET UR ASS IT IS  
** **Are you ok??? What happened???**

* * *

“I – I never imagined it could go so wrong,” Cassian’s muffled voice said from where he was lying face down on Jyn’s bed. Of course his things were all at his and Dani’s apartment, so he’d brought with him literally only whatever clothes he had on. Jyn sat next to him with a comforting hand on his back, Kay on the floor by his head and Bodhi hastily opening a bottle of vodka on the other side of the bed. “I had this big grand plan of proposing and I literally threw it all out the window because shit, we were together and I loved her and I didn’t want to wait another second. We were just watching a movie together on the couch, but I figured to hell with it and just did it. I thought it would be romantic, I don’t know, I was so fucking _stupid_.”

“How about we hear the entire story before we start judging your stupidity?” Jyn mentioned.

“Fair enough,” Cassian paused in his story to sit up and accept the vodka bottle from Bodhi. Instead of pouring some into the glass he was providing, Cassian opted to just take a shot straight from the bottle.

“So clearly the proposal wasn’t taken well?” Bodhi asked.

He took another shot.

“No,” he said. “She stopped me halfway through. Said that she wasn’t ready to get married.”

“Aren’t you supposed to talk about that kind of thing BEFORE you propose?” Kay mentioned. When the three of them all gave them withering looks, they held up their hands and added, “Just saying…”

“Mate,” Jyn said. “Read the room.”

But Cassian just handed over the vodka bottle, Jyn taking it and downing a shot in solidarity. “No, you’ve got a point,” Cassian admitted. “We did talk about it. We talked about how we both wanted to get married one day, how we could both imagine a future with each other. But this was a while ago and that one’s on me for not checking in for an update. She said that in that moment when I was proposing to her, she realised how different our futures now looked. She said that she wanted to travel, that she wanted to maybe live overseas for a year or so, get to better know the family she has out there. See the world, that kind of thing.”

“And what did you want?” Bodhi asked, accepting the vodka bottle from Jyn.

“Her,” Cassian said, bleakly. “Though I think that’s just my misery talking. Honestly, I’m not really sure what is in my immediate future. I know I want to be married, maybe finally taking the bar exam or something, but truly I just don’t have much of a future planned. I consider it a success if I make it through to the next year, quite honestly.”

“Your future looked too different to hers?” Jyn asked.

“I guess so,” Cassian pressed his fingers into his eyes, so hard she was sure that he had to be seeing stars. “She’s always been a big dreamer, I should have fucking… so not only did she say no, but then she also broke up with me. I don’t even know what to do, we were together for two and a half fucking years…” 

“We’re so sorry, mate,” Bodhi said, handing the vodka over to Kay.

“Statistically,” Kay mentioned. “the average person has around six to seven relationships before they get married, so–”

“KAY.”

“Ok, ok,” they said, throwing back a shot.

“I don’t mind,” Cassian smiled weakly. “I appreciate it, Kay, I really do. All of you,” he added, glancing around at Jyn and Bodhi too. “It means a lot to have you all here. You know, drinking vodka in Jyn’s room with me.”

“Don’t go getting emotional on us,” Jyn mock shoved his arm.

“This entire situation is emotional!” Cassian exclaimed. “I mean, shit. What the hell am I going to tell my family? Mom is going to be so disappointed, she fucking loved Dani, and I told my parents all about how I was going to propose to her and everything. And Jesus, where am I going to live, all of my stuff is at our place–”

“Let Dani handle all that, oh my god,” Jyn insisted, taking the vodka once more. Another shot and it would go straight to her head, but anything for Cassian. She passed it onto him, wincing at the taste. “She dumped you, she can deal with all of that crap, the piece of shite.”

“Hey – look, I know how much you guys like Dani too,” Cassian said. “I don’t want any of you to hate her just because of what’s happened–”

“Are you kidding?” Jyn snorted.

“You come first!” Bodhi cried.

“My loyalty will always belong to you,” Kay nodded in agreement.

Cassian hung his head, apparently too overcome with emotion to say anything else. As much as Jyn joked, though, she knew that he was at least a little bit right. She did love Dani and she was absolutely certain that she wouldn’t have made this decision lightly. No doubt she was back at their apartment full of Cassian’s belongings and feeling just as miserable as he was. Someday soon Jyn would be giving her a call and making sure that she was ok too, but for now Cassian was who she was going to be with. Her best friend had been stabbed in the heart and she knew the feeling all too well.

So caught up in her thoughts, she didn’t notice that Cassian had started crying until she realised that Bodhi and Kay had moved to hold him, Kay reaching up and squeezing his knee, Bodhi wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He barely made a sound, but a hand covered his face and Jyn quickly joined in throwing her arm around his waist. She so rarely saw Cassian this upset, it was unnerving.

“Don’t worry about having to tell people,” Jyn murmured. “Don’t worry about getting your stuff back or any of that shit. We will take care of it. You just let yourself be sad, ok?”

“Yeah,” Bodhi agreed, squeezing him tight. “Wear the dinosaur onesie, eat the unhealthiest pizza you can find and we will always be here for you.”

“Ooh, I know the top 5 worst pizza places in New York City,” Kay put in.

Cassian just let out a sad scoff of laughter as he fought back tears.

“Thank you.” 

* * *

_Hey, did you want to buy my Khalid ticket off me? I don’t mind not going_

**Ok, thank you**

_Cool. Again sorry for fucking up everything. I know we already said everything that needs to be said, but I felt like I needed to say it again  
_ _So I’m sorry_

* * *

It was a long summer.

In all other aspects of Jyn’s life, it was going relatively great! She had a boyfriend that she loved with every fibre of her being, a roof over her head, and a thesis she loved working on, but if her best friend was sad then she was sad too.

And this was one was rough.

It was a well-known fact that Cassian went through varying stages of wearing his dinosaur onesie whenever he went through a break up. His original he’d been given as a present from his mom on his eighteenth birthday and he’d grown quite a collection since then.

“Were you always a dinosaur kid?” Jyn remembered asking back when she’d first seen it.

“I went through the obligatory ‘wants to be a paleontologist’ phase, yes,” he had nodded.

It was his comfort outfit, something that reminded him of his family and the innocence of younger days, of no doubt sitting in the dirt in the garden of his childhood home and pretending to find bones. It always started the same way with number 1: Depressed Dinosaur. This was usually when he would eat questionable combinations of food while watching nothing but telenovelas. Of course not wanting to set foot back in the apartment that they had shared, Cassian had ended up moving back in with them temporarily. Jyn and Bodhi ended up going over to pack up all of his things and now his posessions sat in boxes, taking up residence in their lounge. Whenever he wasn’t yelling in Spanish at the drama playing out on his laptop, he was instead lying down on the couch and staring up at the ceiling with an expression akin to _why are we all put on god’s green earth just to suffer?_

“Exactly how long has he worn that onesie?” Kay asked her at one point, the two of them watching Cassian have his existential crisis from the kitchen.

“Hey, to be fair,” Jyn had said. “He’s probably got enough of them that he has one for each day of the week now.”

The second stage was of course 2. Raging Dinosaur. This was when Cassian decided that he was totally fine and that beer, flashing lights and dancing was the only way to live. The timing was all a bit of a mess this time around. If it had all worked out, Cassian would have just moved back in with them, but it happened that they’d finally found a fifth roommate only a few weeks earlier. Margaret was Irish, worked as a keeper at Central Park Zoo and was apparently an amateur DJ on her days off. As a result, once the Raging Dinosaur stage hit, Jyn was pretty sure that Cassian’s entire break up soundtrack was literally all EDM music.

“You want to come out with us tonight?” Jyn had asked her new flatmate at one point. She didn’t know her all that well and so far, it seemed that Margaret liked to keep mostly to herself, but she’d wanted to extend the invitation anyway just in case. Margaret had shot her a weird look and answered,

“Jyn, it’s Wednesday.”

“Time is meaningless when you’re Cassian dealing with a break up,” she’d hastily explained.

“Anyone ever tell you guys that you’re weird?”

“Only every day.”

Margaret had said that she would perhaps join them a bit later in the evening. After several texts and a call that consisted of, _‘Next to the coat check! NEXT TO THE – fuck, Cassian get back here! – ok new plan, we’re going to get kebabs, can you meet us at that Turkish place on 23 rd and 6th?’ _Margaret had eventually caught up with her, Codo, Cassian, and Bodhi somewhere around one am. She found them sitting on the curb outside the kebab shop, Codo only wearing one shoe, Jyn holding a kebab in each hand and Cassian lying passed out with his head in Bodhi’s lap.

“What did I miss?” Margaret had asked in amazement.

“Kebab?” Jyn had offered, holding one up.

By the time it was 4th of July, Cassian had thankfully passed the Raging stage and was now firmly in stage 3. Musical Dinosaur. At some point he inevitably got sick of the thumping bass from the clubs and cracked out the good ol’ guitar. Their 4th of July celebration this year was hosted by Kes and Shara, their balcony not quite big enough for a party, but had folding doors that could be pushed open and give the illusion of being outdoors in the middle of the concrete city. Luke fired up his trusty barbeque that he’d dragged the entire way over on the subway while Cassian ended up being their sole entertainment, belting out cover after cover with his dinosaur onesie tied around his waist and wearing nothing else except for a pair of sunglasses.

“How’s he doing?” Shara asked Jyn at one point, coming to join her where she leaned against the balcony wall in the sun.

“How do you think he’s doing?” Jyn just gestured to where Han was the one lone person dancing, eyes shut and arm in the air, in front of where Cassian was passionately singing,

“ _WE… ARE NEVER EVER, EVER – GETTING BAAAACK TOGETHER!_ ”

“Well,” Shara said. “at least the boy can sing.”

Quite honestly, Jyn was hoping that stage three would last a while. One they got to stage four, shit would really go downhill and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for it, but naturally it came just as their summer days started dwindling and fall could be felt just on the horizon. 

4\. Crying Dinosaur.

Cassian rarely cried. It was one of the things that the two of them had in common. Preferring instead to just keep everything inside and pretend nothing was wrong, this was the stage when it finally all came out and her heart broke when she would do something simple, like walking into the kitchen one morning, only to find Cassian sobbing over a bowl of fucking cereal or something.

“I’m – I’m fine,” he would insist through his tears, waving her on.

This would always be where his depression was at the worst and she would have to watch him closely. It was one night mid-August when she got up to go to the bathroom and heard him from where he was still sleeping on their couch.

“Cassian,” she called out gently into the darkness of the room.

“Jyn?” he sniffed.

She came over immediately, sitting down and promptly hugging the shit out of him. He held her tightly, hands gripping the back of her pyjama shirt as his tears stained her shoulder. God, she hated seeing him like this. This wasn’t the lab, where anything could be looked at and studied and a formula made for understanding it. It was something that varied, that couldn’t be fixed with a hard and fast answer. She wanted nothing more than to keep him in her arms and hide him from the world that had hurt him, but at the end of the day, you could only do so much.

“Why–” Cassian gasped. “Why didn’t she love me enough, Jyn?”

God, he was going to fucking break her heart.

“Don’t you think like that,” she murmured. “Don’t doubt that you were loved. Your lives were heading in different directions. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t give you what you want.”

“I want her,” he cried. “I love her. Jesus fuck, I just don’t know–”

“I know and that’s ok. But you have so many people in your life who love you, Cassian,” Jyn stressed. “So many people who care about you and love you and want only good things for you. We are the ones to concentrate on. We’ve done this before, remember Hana, remember Rachel? You thought you’d never get over that, but you did, and you’re gonna get over this too, ok? Together, we’re gonna get through it.”

Cassian pulled back, hand squeezing her shoulder as he rubbed at his eyes. “I love you, Jyn. I never usually say it because of all the stupid romantic connotations behind those words, but fuck society, everything is a social construct anyway. I love you.”

Fucking Christ on a bike, she had to force herself not to cry as well.

“Yeah. Love you, too.”

* * *

_Cassian_   
_Hey guys, I found an apartment! I know it couldn't have been easy having me in a depressed stupour on your couch all summer, so I appreciate each and every one of you_

**Sad that you can't live with us anymore, but I'm sure this will be so good for you!!!**

_Bodhi_   
_So happy for u!!!! Cryin to see u go tho_

_Kay_   
_As much as I love you Cassian, please understand me when I say oh, thank god._

* * *

**Hey, babe. I totally understand if you don’t want to see me, but if on the off chance you do, I’d love a catch up**

_That would actually be really nice, thanks_

* * *

It seemed that stage 5. Ok Dinosaur was still a long way off, and Jyn really didn’t expect anything less. She knew that he’d get there eventually, in his own time and at his own pace. In the meantime, there was someone else that she needed to see.

“BITCH, get in here!” Jyn yelled, throwing her arms out wide.

Dani Martinez literally swung her off the ground in her hug. Two very long months had passed since they’d last seen each other. It would have been easy to immediately leap into Best Friend Mode and write Dani off completely in her head like all of Cassian’s ex-partners, but she made sure to stop and remember that actually, they were still friends. As much as she would always be behind Cassian, she cared about Dani too, and yeah, things would probably never be quite the same anymore, but she could still reach out a hand and be a friend because that’s what Jyn would want to happen if the situation was reversed. They met at _Rebel, Rebel_ , quickly settling on one of the lounging sofas with their coffees together.

“So out with it,” Jyn said. “How have you been?”

Dani just let out a long breath. “It’s been something, all right.”

“You want to go from the start then?”

“I suppose there’s no other place to start from,” Dani said. “All right… well, you know what happened. He proposed, I said no. I swear to god, I never ever imagined this would be the result when that happened. I thought for sure that I would marry him and we would be happy forever, but something just happened in that moment, Jyn. It was the way that it was so fucking real. We weren’t even doing anything special, but he just looked at me that evening and got on one knee because for him, something as simple as watching a movie was all it took and I realised that I would never be enough for that. I’m not sensitive like that, I’m not sweet and romantic, I’m a dramatic, messy bitch, and as much as I loved him, I realised I couldn't be what he wanted.”

“Dani…” Jyn sighed.

“No, no,” she ploughed on. “Seriously, he deserves someone who would say yes immediately. He deserves someone who’s future matches his. The more I looked at us, the more I realised that our lives were starting to go in different directions. For a moment I considered saying nothing, laughing off me saying no and just carrying on like normal. Maybe we could have lasted another few months, or maybe even years, but I couldn’t fucking do that to him. I couldn't waste his time purely for my own happiness. So I…”

“You did what was best,” Jyn told her. “Honestly, you did the best thing possible.” 

“Feels like an absolute fucking nightmare, to be honest.”

“I know, and I get it,” Jyn said. “You knew that you didn't have a future, but you considered sticking around anyway because in the present it was fine. But it wouldn’t have been fair on either of you to keep going when you knew that it wasn’t going to get better. It must suck, but you did a brave thing.”

Dani gave her a small smile. “Jyn, I love you. I have to admit, I was so sure that you would write me off and never speak to me again because of this.”

“I might have been Cassian’s friend first, but I still care about you, dumbass,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “So all in all, we can say this hasn’t exactly been the best summer for you, then?”

“I’ve been a fucking mess, not gonna lie,” Dani told her. She hesitated a moment and then asked, “… how’s he been?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?” Jyn said.

“I mean, no, but I’m in the ‘punishing myself’ stage where I feel like I deserve to feel as awful as possible, so hit me with it,” Dani half joked.

Jyn still hesitated to talk about it. It was one thing to be there for Dani as a friend, but quite another to be there as Cassian’s friend. Dani wanted to know information that he hadn’t already volunteered to her, and Jyn wasn’t sure whether it was ok to break the silence just because Dani happened to also be her friend as well. In the end, she decided on a kind of middle ground.

“You say you’ve been a fucking mess,” Jyn said. “It hasn’t been that much different for Cassian. I don’t want to speak for him, so I think that’s all I can reasonably say. I’m sure if he wanted you to know how he was doing, then he would have told you himself.”

“That’s fair,” Dani sighed.

“Dani, look,” Jyn said. “I’ve been through my share of break ups. Granted, I’ve never been a relationship as serious as yours was, but I know how it feels to have your heart broken. And I know you probably already know this, but sometimes we just need to hear it from someone else: you’re gonna be fine. It will hurt for a while, but eventually you’ll wake up one day and realise it doesn’t anymore. You are beautiful and witty and fantastic and you will be… fine.”

Jyn was nearly knocked out of her seat entirely as Dani literally threw herself at her. Jyn caught her with her arms tight around her as Dani hugged her tightly.

“Thank you,” she said into her shoulder. “I know that things aren’t the same anymore, but thank you for still being my friend despite it all.”

“Of course,” Jyn said back.

* * *

**hey Gabby, did ur brother tell u about dani?**

_Omg ok he said that they broke up and to pls tell mom and dad for him but didn’t say ANYTHING else  
like, what the fuck happened??????? _

**It’s a long story. He’s not ok. Care to come to new york?**

_Let me talk to my boss. I’ll be on my way!_

* * *

“Don’t get mad at me,” Jyn said lightly, dropping down next to Cassian on the couch. “but I did a thing.” 

“Oh god.”

“Your faith in me is amazing,” she deadpanned. “Anyway, how’s it going? You didn’t reply to me earlier.” 

Cassian sighed, rubbing his eyes. Jyn noticed the pizza box on the coffee table, his guitar lying haphazardly next to him and a notebook of scribbles upside down on the arm of the couch. “I’m sorry,” he said. “There are still times when I just can't bring myself to do anything. My new roommates are all pretty busy, so I end up coming and doing nothing here as well. Kay is still hiding my phone. It’s been… it’s been going.”

She was suddenly reminded very much of Dani and how she’d replied with something along the same lines. She figured it was best not to mention that to him. “You’re still here, still in one piece,” Jyn nudged his shoulder with her own. “That’s something. You’re still going to work, right? Taking your meds?”

He nodded. “I thought my students would be ruthless, but turns out they’ve all been rather sympathetic. You know how I’ve been teaching at the high school?” Jyn winced and she almost got a smile out of him. “Yeah, I honestly thought it would be a nightmare. I don’t want any of them knowing what’s going on, but a few from my freshman class have managed to figure out that something is at least wrong and they’ve all been weirdly nice to me lately.”

“Well, I'm glad the teenagers are looking out for you. What’s with the notebook?” Jyn then asked, pointing it out. She’d never seen such a thing before, or ever known Cassian to keep a notebook, but he grabbed at it hastily before she could, slamming it shut in his hands. “Oh, you know,” he said, weakly. “I guess trying to channel all my emotions into song form.”

“I didn’t know you wrote songs,” Jyn said in surprise. “Have we reverted back to the Musical Dinosaur stage?”

“I didn’t either,” Cassian shrugged. “turns out I do when I feel enough things. I feel like I’ve mixed the all the stages together so sometimes I’m fine and then other times I’m literally singing my depression. Ok, how does this sound: _how could you do this to me/you tore my heart in two/but there’s plenty more fish in the sea/something, something, you’_?”

“Maybe don’t quit your day job.”

“I’m calling it ‘The Day You Stabbed Me In The Heart’,” Cassian noted. “…anyway. It’s a work in progress.”

That was thankfully when there was a buzz from Jyn’s phone. She glanced at the notification before quickly pulling out her camera.

“Why are you filming me?” he frowned.

“HMM,” Jyn mock mused out loud. “I wonder who’s at the door?”

“No one is at–”

Several knocks at the door.

“…Jyn, what did you do?” Cassian asked. When Jyn deliberately said nothing he gave her a withering look before sighing and getting up. Jyn followed him with her camera as he moved through the hallway and paused a moment. Another knock at the door. He glanced at her camera and said, “Ok, seriously Jyn. Who is it?”

“You have to open it and see!” she answered.

He braced himself for impact before opening the door.

Turned out bracing himself was the best thing he could do seeing as the second it was open, Gabby Andor was flinging herself into Cassian’s arms. “ _Hey, little bro!_ ” she cried.

“ _GABBY, oh my god_ ,” Cassian laughed, catching his sister. “ _What are you doing here?_ ”

“ _Excuse me, but where is my hug?_ ”

“ _MOM?_ ”

Jyn only knew random words in Spanish, but even she understood that one. Jyn found that she was just as shocked as Cassian was to see the whole family apparently waiting outside their front door. She grinned as Juan and Rosa Andor joined Gabby in squeezing the life out of their son, while Gabby’s wife Amy, their two-year-old daughter Celeste, his Uncle Antonio and Aunt Maria and who Jyn could only assume was Cassian’s grandparents literally all filed inside as well.

“What the hell is going on?” Kay’s voice exclaimed as they stuck heir head around the door.

“Apparently, half of Mexico is in our apartment,” Jyn laughed as the hallway turned into a gabble of excited Spanish.

* * *

“I was only expecting you!” Jyn said.

“I know, I know,” Gabby said as her and Jyn sat together on the couch. Their evening had taken quite a turn, going from a sad night eating pizza and singing about hearts breaking, to Andor Family Reunion complete with Rosa Andor’s cooking (and Jyn knew that Cassian had learned from the best). They had all eaten as much as they could and the house was abuzz with so many people in it, full of chatter, laughs and music playing in the background. Jyn hadn’t actually seen Gabby in person since Shara and Kes’ wedding. God, everything had been so much simpler back then. “When you asked if I could make it up here to see him, I figured I had to try and get everyone. Mom and Dad were about two seconds away from hopping a plane anyway, so they were easy to convince. Antonio and Maria have Kes up here too, so they could justify it and I just dragged Amy, Cele, and our grandparents along for the ride. We’re here for the whole week!”

“I’m not sure if Cassian is thrilled or not at the thought,” Jyn said.

“Eh, sometimes we just need our parents, doesn’t matter how old we get,” Gabby shrugged. “Now that I’ve seen him… Jyn, tell me. How bad has it really been?”

Jyn winced a little. “He’s going to be fine, Gab. I know it, but… it’s rough right now.”

“Is it the depression again?”

“Yeah. But I’ve been on his ass, making sure he goes to work, goes to therapy, takes his meds… he hates it all, but he knows what he has to do to get it under control again. The break up clearly has not helped,” Jyn added. “but he’s gotten through worse. I’ve seen him when he’s unable to even get out of bed and somehow he pulls through every time. He’s our Cassian. He’ll be ok.”

Gabby thankfully seemed satisfied with that. From the other side of the room came several bursts of laughter as everyone sat together on a mismatch of chairs that they had pulled out from other parts of the apartment. Cassian complained loudly while Celeste apparently attempted to do cartwheels around the coffee table.

“I forgot how…”

“Crazy the Andor’s can be?” Gabby finished for her. “Yeah, put us all together and it’s a recipe for disaster.” 

“I think the last time I saw everyone was at Kes and Shara’s wedding,” Jyn mentioned. “That was definitely the last time I saw you. It’s been too long, like you’ve gone and had a kid since then!”

“Oh, I know,” Gabby squeezed her hand. “Turns out Mom-ing is harder than I thought. I keep thinking she’s a baby when actually, she’s starting to talk and is very good at expressing herself when confronted with something she doesn’t like.”

Celeste accidentally crashed into Kay’s chair, Amy immediately chastising her. 

“So she takes after you, then.” 

“She’s not going to be a quiet one,” Gabby snorted. “We do need to visit more, though. I want Celeste to know her auntie’s and uncles.”

“She’s only got one?”

“She’s got all of you guys!” Gabby said with a hint of _duh_ in her tone. “She calls you Auntie Jynny and I’m telling you, she LOVES Kay, much to their annoyance. I played several of their old band videos for her and now she wants an electric guitar for her third birthday.”

“I think you played yourself with that one.”

“Yeah, I should be thankful she doesn’t want a drum kit,” Gabby said. “Anyway, don’t think I don’t know you’re distracting me with talking about my daughter. You know that the questions had to be coming. So this Codo, huh?”

Jyn figured, but she still pretended to heave a groan at her words anyway. “Stooop!”

Gabby laughed. “I need to know!”

“I don't even know where to begin.”

“How about is it serious?”

“I think so, yeah?” Jyn admitted. “At least it’s the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in. I’m terrified of fucking it up only about 85% of the time.”

“ _Jyyynnnn_ ,” Gabby positively squealed.

“I know.”

“I have to meet him, I hope you realise.”

“We’re having dinner together tomorrow, right?” Jyn confirmed. When Gabby nodded, she said, “I’ll be sure to invite him. I can even manage it so that you sit within conversation distance.”

“The things you to do me, girl,” Gabby said, delightfully. “I love you. And hey, as much as I used to tease you about my dumb brother,” They both glanced over to where Cassian was now dancing with Celeste, letting her stand on his feet as he swayed them from side to side. “I’m honestly really glad that you’re happy. You deserve it. I hope that this Codo is good enough for you and I’m sure he is because you tend to have good standards, but I will of course grill him just to make sure.”

“Good standards?” Jyn said in disbelief. “I’m sorry, have you MET me?”

“Ok, I’ll give you that.” 

Their merry evening carried on and Jyn could say with certainty that she didn’t think she’d seen Cassian smile the entire summer. But she watched him talk to his Aunt Maria and let his dad ruffle his hair and she didn’t think she’d seen him quite so happy before. At one point Rosa started clearing away the plates and Jyn moved to help her.

“Don’t worry, Mrs Andor, I’m the host,” she insisted.

“Jyn, I have known you how long?” Rosa shook her head, bumping her hip as they both carried the plates to the kitchen. “You call me Rosa and I’ll let you help with the dishes.”

Jyn smirked. “Deal.”

She wouldn’t say that she knew Cassian’s mother well, but the few times that they had met, she remembered liking her very much. She knew Rosa Andor as a free-spirited landscape architect who hated the concept of both her children living so far away from her, but seemed to accept it because she knew that it made them happy. Jyn was pretty sure that the last time she’d seen her in person was when they had graduated from college. Much like Gabby, she chatted good-naturedly with her about her life and how she was doing as they divided up the task of washing and drying the dishes.

Jyn had almost forgotten what it was like having a loving mother figure in her life.

“How long has it been now?” she asked gently when Jyn talked about her travels after her dad had died.

“Nearly two years,” Jyn answered. “Weird to think.”

“It’s hard,” she nodded. “Juan is lucky, he still has his parents but I also lost mine at an age that was far too young. It will get easier.”

“But you never really get over it.”

Rosa shook her head. “You understand.”

Jyn let out a breath. “Shit, sorry! I don’t mean to be all doom and despair.”

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Rosa insisted. “Life is made up of moments that are all doom and despair, it’s best we just embrace them when they come. We don’t achieve anything pretending life is fine all the time.”

“Are you sure you and Cassian are related?” Jyn snorted. “That boy will bury all emotions until he explodes.”

“Don’t I know it,” Rosa rolled her eyes. “Honestly, I’ve been meaning to thank you, Jyn.”

“I haven’t done anything,” Jyn waved her off.

But Rosa put down her tea towel. “You organised this entire trip and have stuck by Cassian’s side through every depressive episode he’s had. You’ve been here for him when I’ve been so far away. I am so glad that he has you, you have literally kept him alive for me. I could never repay you that kind of kindness.”

The sincerity in Rosa’s voice made Jyn want to cry.

“You make it sound like he’s a plant that I water every now and then.”

Rosa laughed before reaching out and pulling her into her arms. “Seriously. Thank you, Jyn.”

Jyn hugged her back. “You’re welcome.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooooo i feel bad for doing this to cassian, but he's gonna be fine i promise! him and dani just weren't meant to be, but he has jyn still eyYYYYYY 
> 
> anyway, thank you everyone, like always. Thank you for your comments and I hope you liked this! x


	16. Chapter 16

“ _Uncle Cass! Look! UNCLE CASS_.”

Celeste was a demanding little two-year-old, as Jyn had learned. They had offered to take her to the children’s playground in Union Square Park and discovered that she was adventurous, daring and unafraid to demand it was her turn. She was pretty well spoken with a mostly Spanish vocabulary, though Gabby and Amy assured them that she knew English too, she just pretended not to. She had just recently discovered the idea that if she conveniently didn’t know what was going on, then people kind of let her do whatever she wanted and honestly, Jyn had to admire the tenacity.

She had dark hair like both Cassian and Gabby, currently tied in a tiny ponytail at the top of her head as she crouched in a puddle of water. She held what appeared to be a dead rat if Jyn wasn’t sorely mistaken and Cassian hastily launched himself off the park bench they were sitting on. After several minutes of explaining to Celeste why they didn’t touch dead animals and eventually dumping what felt like an entire pack of hand sanitizer on her, he dusted her off so she could go and climb on the jungle gym with the other toddlers.

“She’s – she’s going to give me a heart attack,” he gasped, collapsing back down next to Jyn.

“For only two, she’s got quite the determined streak,” Jyn noted, trying not to laugh. 

“Don’t take your eyes off her for even a second.”

“I won’t,” Jyn followed Celeste as she climbed up a ladder, apparently on a mission to slide down the slide. She accidentally bumped into another kid once she’d climbed up onto the platform and she stopped to pat the small girl on the face in apology. “She’s not a bad kid.”

“She’s being raised right.”

“It’s a miracle she’s turned out ok at all,” Jyn mentioned. “You know, seeing as she lives in Florida. I’m surprised that she doesn’t ride an alligator to day-care every day.”

“Don’t let Gabby hear you saying that,” Cassian smirked. “She’ll get ideas.”

Celeste plopped down onto her bottom at the top of the slide, but the kid she had bumped into earlier got there first. The little girl decided to slide down on her tummy, squealing with laughter the entire way to the bottom. Celeste stared after her, then at the slide.

“You reckon she’ll do it?”

“You can literally see her thinking.”

Celeste hesitated several more moments, until she apparently just went for it. She threw herself down the slide on her tummy and her friend waiting for her at the bottom clapped with glee. Celeste laughed as she picked herself up and started running back to the ladder, yelling,

“ _AGAIN! AGAIN!_ ”

“I was always the kid who watched everyone else go down the slide first before trying it myself,” Cassian said, then.

“Strangely, so was I,” Jyn nodded. “Bodhi was the daredevil.”

“ _Uncle Cass_ ,” Celeste was back at the top of the slide. “ _Watch, watch!_ ” she yelled before sliding down on her tummy again. Cassian cheered for her while she picked herself up and toddled off once more. Jyn kept watching Celeste, but she felt Cassian’s eyes suddenly turn to her and she wished for a second that she could see what expression was on his face.

“Hey,” he said, sincerely. “thank you for this.”

Her heart gave a tug. “For what?”

“For everything. Being there. Not giving up on me. For bringing my family here…” he turned back to his niece, calling out every now and then whenever she needed encouragement. “Sorry. This is emotional shit that you hate hearing. I know you well enough that you don’t want to hear it, and you know me well enough to know that I hate saying it, but I had to. You know what I’ve been going through and that this is what I needed. You’re a great person, Jyn.”

“Gross.”

He shoved her shoulder affectionately, but she smiled. She just did what any friend would do, or so she liked to hope.

“You are great,” she threw back.

“Well, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Auntie Jynny!” Celeste ran her way over to them, grabbing Jyn’s hand and tugging on it. “Play! Come slide!”

“Oh, so you do speak English,” Jyn teased.

Celeste stopped tugging on her to think for a moment. Then she turned to Cassian and said in perfect Spanish, “ _Uncle Cass, come slide!_ ”

“That’s wild,” Jyn said as they both got up to play with her. “She just automatically knows to speak Spanish to you but English to me.”

“She’s a remarkable little thing. I hope I can have my own someday.”

Jyn knew the sentiment well. She had the same hope, after all. Anyone who ever asked her whether she wanted kids she gave evasive answers to like, “The world is shitty enough, I wouldn’t want to bring a child into that,” or “If I could ever afford to move out of my apartment!” but the truth was no matter how much she downplayed the desire, it very, very much still burned. Maybe it was something about being an only child, but either way she just stood next to Cassian and said,

“Yeah. Me too.” 

“Hey!” someone called across the playground, holding their crying child in their arms. “Your kid just pushed mine over!”

“ _Oh shit_ –” they hastily ran. 

* * *

**cassiandorss** the andor’s have taken over new york

**ms.gabriella.89** <3 <3 <3

 **jynersos** I miss them already

* * *

_I know I already said thank you, but I have to say it again  
Thank u _

**Shut up, ur welcome**

* * *

_It's that season again! This year’s annual Halloween party is pop culture themed! Come as Eleven from Stranger Things, Batman or even Elton John. Can’t wait to see all of the Miley’s, Thor’s and Daenerys Targaryen’s!_

_plus 1s ok, just say in the comments :)_

* * *

_Jyn idk what to do, do we invite dani or not???  
It feels wrong not to, but also feels like a betrayal to cass if we did _

**I say invite her as a curtesy???? Then she can politely decline????**

_Good idea!!_

* * *

_Kay  
Hey, do either of you two want to explain why the hell Dani has turned up to our Halloween party? _

_Bodhi  
FUCKING WHAT???????????? _

**Where is she????????????**

* * *

**Hey, babe. U know I love u.  
BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE U AT OUR PARTY?????? **

* * *

**Damn it she’s not answering!!!!**

_MAYDAYMAYDAYMAYDAY_

**DID U FIND HER YET????????**

_NO, AND I ALSO CAN’T FIND CASSIAN_

* * *

**CASSIAN  
YOUNG MAN I KNOW U’VE SEEN HER  
DON”T DO IT  
OUR APARTMENT IS NOT LARGE WHERE THE FUCK ARE U???  
DODNOTNJTJT DO IT TJTJJ **

* * *

Her costume was supposed to represent the side of her who just wanted a free-spirited good time. Ironically, her blonde wig was now under her arm and her overalls chaffed as she sprinted around the party, desperate to catch Cassian before he went and did something stupid.

“Oh my god, you’re _Mama Mia!,_ right?” Shara laughed when Jyn accidentally bumped into her. “It’s a look, Jyn–”

“Hey Shara,” Jyn burst over top of her. “Sorry to interrupt, have no time, have you seen Cassian or Dani?”

“No?” Shara said, bewilderment crossing her face. “Wait, DANI is here–?”

Jyn didn’t have time to answer questions. She took off once more, wondering if it was appropriate to be humming Abba in her head like theme music. They put way too much faith in Dani. They had been so sure that it was obvious that they invited her only as a curtesy, but clearly they hadn’t factored in how much the girl had been hurting too. She probably hadn’t been able to help herself and honestly, Jyn didn’t blame her. However, she was definitely utterly determined to stop either of them from making a huge mistake.

She finally found Dani in the bathroom.

“THERE YOU ARE!”

Dani yelped in surprise as she washed her hands, jumping as Jyn suddenly appeared, splashing water everywhere. “What the hell, Jyn?”

“YOU NEED TO LEAVE!”

She winced. “Fuck.”

“FUCK IS RIGHT, BABE.”

“Oh… oh, fuck,” Dani sighed. “I shouldn’t have come. I knew I shouldn’t have, I knew it was a bad idea, but you invited me and I missed him–”

Jyn let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding. Tossing her wig onto the bathroom counter, Jyn moved to lean against it next to Dani, the thumping of the music in the room beyond reverberating off the bathroom walls. Jyn gestured to her purple ensemble with a green scarf and said,

“You’re Daphne from _Scooby Doo_ , aren’t you?”

“I had the costume from ages ago,” Dani admitted. “I changed my mind about coming so many times that I only had time to grab something last minute. I’m so sorry, you’re right, I really shouldn’t have come here. How much damage have I caused?”

“Honestly? Dani, I don’t know,” Jyn told her. “Cassian isn't replying to me. But I understand.”

“God, if I’ve made things worse for him, I’ll hate myself,” Dani rubbed at her eyes. “Jyn, I didn’t intend on any of this. I planned to marry him, I planned on us being together forever, I never thought I would hurt him.”

“I know,” Jyn said, simply. “but you did, and now you need to deal with it.”

Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

“Hey,” Cassian’s voice called from the other side. “I know you guys are in there. Can I come in?”

Jyn turned to look at Dani. It was going to have to be her call. As much as Jyn wished that she could stay friends with her, it was going to have to be up to Dani herself to determine whether it was possible. Dani had to know that one day, her and Cassian were going to be in the same room again and if she wanted to stay their friend, she was going to have to deal with the fact that she broke his heart. She nodded and Jyn moved across the bathroom to open the door.

Cassian waited with his red hoodie up over his head and a blow up doll of E.T. under his arm. For a second, Jyn stood in the doorway and she just gave him a look. As much as she liked to think that he knew better than to get involved with Dani again, she guessed that she would never actually know. All she could really do was trust him and be there if he needed her. The look passed between them and Jyn knew that she was understood.

She squeezed his shoulder and let him pass.

* * *

**I found them!!! They’re talking in the bathroom**

_Sdjfjhgdggkjkg IM ON MY WAY_

**Wait, I think it’s ok!!!!**

* * *

Jyn would have killed to be a fly on the wall in that bathroom, but as tempting as it was to listen in, she moved back to the hallway wall outside the door and simply waited. Bodhi turned up at one point, but Jyn assured him that she would wait to see what the outcome of this meeting would be and that he should go out and enjoy the party. She couldn’t hear any yelling or the unmistakable noises of people having sex, so she could only assume that it was going ok in there.

After what seemed like an age, they emerged. Dani came and hugged her before bidding her goodbye. Cassian looked like he needed a drink and she threw her arm around his shoulders as they slowly made their way back to the party.

“Where’s E.T.?” Jyn mentioned, handing him a beer.

“Oh, I guess I left him in the bathroom,” Cassian glanced back. “It was a lot.”

“I can imagine. So out with it, what happened?”

“We talked.”

“About?”

“Us,” Cassian shrugged. “She apologised for coming tonight. Apologised for everything, really.”

“Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Cassian thought for a moment. “I know I’ve said that I still loved her and missed her, but I think I’ve actually just been holding onto a lot of anger instead. I planned my entire future around her, and she took it all away from me. I’ve been pissed, and I think I was somehow waiting for an apology this entire time. Like she owed it to me or something. But she didn’t break up with me to hurt me, she broke up with me to save us both from a future that we wouldn’t want. As soon as I got the apology, I realised that it wasn't what I was looking for. What I needed was some kind of closure, and I think I got that.”

“Well, damn,” Jyn said. “I think you’ve reached stage five!”

“I’m an Ok Dinosaur,” Cassian nodded with a small smile. “Doesn’t mean I’m 100% over it, but I’m definitely ok with it.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“You thought I was going to try and get back together with her, didn’t you?”

“Never,” Jyn snorted.

“Yeah, yeah,” Cassian threw back his beer. “Thank you, Jyn. Let’s go enjoy Halloween. Are you going to give us your rendition of _Mama Mia_?”

“I think it’s best we leave the singing up to you.”

“You’d be doing Donna a disservice.”

“You’re not gonna get me to sing, Cassian.”

* * *

**cassiandorss** a true tribute, Abba would be proud #mamamia #mamamiamovie #mamamiaherewegoagain #abba

**jynersos** DELETE THIS IMMEDIATELY

* * *

_Hey, did you have plans for thanksgiving???_

**I mean, just our usual dinner that we do at our place every year, why?**

_What would u say if I said that u were invited to thanksgiving at my parents’ place?_   
_feel free to say no if u want hsjgjfgjfgj_

**AJHDHHFHJF**   
**What would u say if I said I wanted to say yes????**

_I’d say I’d like that very much_

**Then yes**

_OK COOL_

* * *

With time, fall blew in, Jyn’s work got busier and Cassian slowly got better. He found his own apartment finally and actually moved off their couch. It was a rather surreal experience that first day she woke up and found that he wasn't there anymore, but considering the amount of times that he just randomly turned up at their apartment, it was like he still lived with them anyway. She wished Bodhi a very happy 28th birthday, worked late most days and she found herself swelling with pride when she came home one evening and found that Cassian was starting to cook for fun again. As busy as she was, she really didn’t realise that Thanksgiving was soon until suddenly it was staring at her in the face with the invitation from Codo’s family.

_Codo’s family._

“I’ve literally just got off the train now–” Jyn said, taking the stairs two at a time. “How much time do I have?”

“ _Babe, seriously don’t worry_ ,” Codo laughed down the phone. “ _We’re not gonna eat without you_.” 

“I’m sorry I’m late, I don’t usually travel on Thanksgiving and I didn’t account for the trains being packed,” Jyn had sorely underestimated how long it was going to take her to get from Greenwich Village to Brooklyn. She was anxious enough at the thought of meeting Codo’s parents without also adding on her being late to dinner. She emerged from Bergen Street Station, and after again checking the address plugged into her phone, she hastily figured out which way she needed to go before ploughing down it.

“ _Jyn, it’s fair enough_ ,” Codo told her. “ _Honestly, my parents are chill. Don’t feel like you have to rush_.”

“It’s fine, I’m nearly there ok?” Jyn insisted. “Google tells me I have just another five minute walk.”

“ _Good_ ,” She heard the smile in Codo’s voice. “ _I’ve remembered why I usually avoid going home for Thanksgiving and end up getting McDonald’s instead. My family is a bit nutty, I hope you’re prepared_.”

As a person with no family, she was sure that she would like them no matter what. “You usually get McDonald’s for Thanksgiving?” she asked.

“ _It tastes better on the holidays_.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Jyn said.

Codo just laughed. “ _I’ll see you soon, babe. I’m glad you’re nearly here_.”

“Would’ve been sooner…” Jyn muttered. “I swear nearly every stop was delayed because someone tried to get on when there wasn’t room and the doors couldn’t close properly.”

“ _Ah, New York City_.”

“Why do we live here again?”

“ _I mean, I was forced to by my parents_ ,” Codo pointed out. “ _but you, my amazing girlfriend, could have gone literally anywhere in the world! I mean, you done fucked up really_.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Jyn smirked as she power-walked down the street. “I think it’s worked out for me.”

“ _Gross_.”

“I love you.”

“ _Jyn Erso_ ,” Codo said. “ _Are you getting emotional on me?_ ” 

The road was busy and Jyn had to power around several groups of people in her journey to get to Codo’s family apartment. Some people went halfway across the world to get some space from their families, Codo apparently just went across a river. But she was excited. Despite the nerves, despite the anxiety over whether they would like her or not, Jyn genuinely couldn’t wait to spend Thanksgiving with Codo’s family. She waited at the pedestrian crossing with dozens of other people, staring hard across the intersection and trying to figure out which one was Codo’s building.

“Who me? Never. Ok, I’m pretty sure I can see your building so I’ll see you soon.” 

“ _Ok, see you!_ ”

She hung up as the walking man turned green. Jyn was the first to step out, striding out far ahead of everyone else, determine to keep her lead and have less people to fight her way through. In the distance she heard yelling, but she didn’t really pay it any attention. Who wasn’t yelling at someone at Thanksgiving?

She didn’t realise that the car wasn’t stopping until it was too late.

* * *

_SLAM._

* * *

_You have four new messages…  
First new message received today at 4.12pm…  
Hey Jyn, just wondering how far away you are! Can’t wait to see you _

_Second new message received today at 4.34pm…  
Hey Jyn, are you all right? Thought you would have got here by now, did you get lost? Call me back! _

_Third new message received today at 4.55pm…  
Hey, I’m starting to get worried, you aren’t picking up. Are you ok? Please call me. _

_Fourth new message received today at 5.11pm…  
Ok, unless you call me back within the next five minutes, I’m going to assume something bad has happened. Call me as soon as you can. _

* * *

_Hey Cassian, I was just wondering if you’ve heard from Jyn recently? She called me over an hour ago to say she was nearly at my place, but then never showed._

**????????  
I haven’t heard from her, no  
Hang on let me try calling **

_I’ve tried that too, it rings but always goes to voice mail_

* * *

_You have one new message  
Message received today at 5.22pm…  
Hey Jyn, it’s Cassian. Codo is fucking worried out of his mind wondering where you are and quite frankly I am too now, are you ok? Please call me back_

* * *

_No man, I’m just getting voicemail too  
Shit  
What’s happening????? _

**Oh my god, I don’t know Bodhi  
Fuck she better be ok**

* * *

She was not ok.

Her entire world was agony. Thankfully, it seemed that it was so much that her body just kept blacking out. She wasn’t sure that her father dying had even caused this much pain. It radiated up from her leg, into her chest, her shoulders, her head, surrounding everything in a kind of fog that dulled her from noticing anything else other than how much it hurt. In the moments when she was conscious, she was only vaguely aware of the people around her, the yelling, the sirens and the flashing lights.

Someone was shaking her shoulder.

“Can you hear me? I am a paramedic, can you hear me?”

“Hnnnng…” God, was she dying?

Every now and then the paramedics would ask her another question and she would either be able to let out a slurred answer, or she would pass out again. To try and block out the pain, she started attempting to focus on the small things: the gravelly feel of the rough road tarmac under her, the shocked and panicked voices of bystanders, the pressure of her being lifted up and the wave of nausea when she accidentally saw her leg at that particular angle.

“Hold it, she’s gonna–” someone hastily yelled.

She vomited over the side of the gurney they had transferred her onto.

“What’s wrong with my leg?” Was she crying? God, everything hurt so bad.

“We suggest you don’t look,” someone told her. “You are being looked after, we’re in the process of transferring you to hospital.”

 _Hospital_. Jyn closed her eyes, bracing herself against the wave of fear that rushed through her. It almost masked the pain. Almost.

“Is that a British accent?” a paramedic asked. “Are you a tourist?”

“No, I’m – resident–” God, she had insurance, right? “I’m meant to be at dinner–”

“The most important thing is making sure that you are ok,” the paramedic assured her.

They didn’t tell her much else. Quite honestly, Jyn had no idea how she even got to hospital. She assumed she’d taken a ride in an ambulance, but she remembered none of it, which led her to believe that she had passed out again. She was admitted to the nearest emergency room and didn’t have to wait long to be seen to, which was probably a bit worrying all things considered. She soon found out that it was because her leg was broken so badly that it apparently had to be reset through surgery. With pain medication finally being administered, Jyn could actually start to answer questions coherently and started to realise the full extent of what the hell had just happened to her.

A Toyota had ploughed through a red light as she was crossing the road. It had tried to avoid hitting her by swerving. It hadn’t worked, and she’d been slammed into before the car had crashed into the curb. She was eventually told that thankfully, no one else had been hurt. Her right leg was apparently broken in two places, her right shoulder was sprained, she had several bruises and grazes and naturally a concussion to top it all off. After getting all her details from her name, to what kind of medication she was currently on, a nurse had approached with a bashed up cell phone and handbag and asked if they were hers.

“They are! Shit, does it still work?”

“I think so,” the nurse replied, handing it to her where Jyn was now stuck in bed waiting for surgery. “Screen’s smashed, but you’re still getting calls.”

“Oh my god, my boyfriend,” Jyn’s eyes went wide. “Can I call him?”

“If you feel up to it. You’re scheduled for surgery in two hours,” the nurse told her. “He can visit before then.”

He picked up the phone on the first ring.

“ _JYN_ ,” Codo practically yelled. “ _Where the FUCK are you?_ ”

“Hey,” she said. “Boy, do I have a story for you.”

“ _ARE YOU OK?_ ” 

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” Jyn said, hastily. “I got hit by a car.”

“ _You… got hit by a car?_ ”

Yeah, she still couldn’t quite believe it either. “I’m at Brooklyn Hospital, apparently. My leg is broken pretty bad, I have to get surgery. Sorry I can’t come to dinner?”

“ _Shit_ ,” Codo breathed. “ _Holy fucking shit. Can I come? I’m coming, I don’t care –_ _MOOOOM_ ,” his voice suddenly hollered out as he clearly called out to the apartment. “ _Jyn’s in hospital, she got hit by a car!... Apparently we’re all coming_ ,” he added after a moment and a flurry of voices down his end.

“I can’t have this be how I meet your parents for the first time!” Jyn said in horror. “Besides, I think this place has a one visitor at a time rule in the emergency room–”

“ _Ok, ok, it won’t be easy, but I’ll keep everyone put_ ,” Codo was clearly racing around trying to gather everything while talking to her. God, she loved him more than she ever thought she could. “ _Jyn, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Is there anything you want? Anything I can do?_ ”

“Can you call the others for me?” Jyn asked. She’d seen the dozens of missed calls from Cassian, Bodhi and Kay as well through her smashed screen and figured that Codo must have contacted them all in his attempts to get a hold of her. If they weren’t told that she was fine within the next ten minutes, there would be a full-scaled search of New York City underway.

“ _Of course, I’ll let everyone know you’re ok – god, you’re ok, right?_ ”

“I’m ok, I’ll be ok,” Jyn insisted. “I guess I might not be able to walk for a while… but ok.”

“ _Shit – I love you so much – I’m coming!_ ” she could hear his feet thundering down the stairs.

“Take it easy,” Jyn almost laughed. “Being too eager is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

* * *

_SHE CALLED ME  
she’s in hospital, she got hit by a car!!! _

**Holy shit  
Where is she which hospital **

_Brooklyn hospital_

* * *

_Cassian!!! Where did you go you just ran out??????????? Is it Jyn????_

**BODHI, IT’S A CODE BLACK  
CAN SOMEONE LOOK AFTER THE TURKEY FOR ME???? **

_HOLY FUCK  
I’M FUCKING ON IT _

* * *

Somehow, Codo managed to make it to the hospital less than 20 minutes later.

“What kind of wizardry – mmm!” Jyn was cut off as Codo immediately kissed her, hand in her hair. “Careful, careful, there’s a cut on my head–”

“Oh my god!” Codo fretted, gently checking the bandage that was on the side of her face before kissing her hair. “JYN. You scared the fucking hell out of me! How’s your leg? How are you? Are you ok? You said you were ok but I just have to check again, though I can see that you’re here and you’re conscious and god I love you, never do this again–”

“Ok, I think I liked it better when you were kissing me,” Jyn snorted. “You weren’t quite as panicked then.”

“Sorry. I just got such a fright,” Codo sighed, sinking onto the bed next to her. The emergency room was apparently moderately busy that evening, which made sense seeing as it was the holidays and all. Jyn could only imagine the injuries that would be there tomorrow with all the black Friday sales. She was starting to be able to think a lot more clearly now as the pain killers had properly set in. She knew that the driver of the car that had hit her was also here somewhere, although she hadn’t been told about the extent of his injuries except for that they ‘weren’t life threatening’. She didn’t know how to feel about the driver yet though, so she instead focused on Codo in front of her.

“Thank you for coming,” she said. “I’m sorry, your family must be so worried about me.”

“Don’t, it’s fine,” he insisted, holding her hands tightly in one of his own, the other gently stroking back her hair. “They’ll meet you when you’re ready, although if my mom had her way, she’d be here with a gift basket in under five minutes. What happened exactly? Or if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine–”

“It’s ok,” Jyn said. “I was told that the driver ran a red light as I was crossing the road. I was rushing, so I was the first one out who started walking, that’s why I was the only one who got hit. I don’t really remember the actual impact, I blacked out a lot.”

“Jesus Christ, Jyn.”

“I mean,” Jyn tried to find the bright side. “At least I don’t need to walk to study?”

He let out a laugh, hiding his face in her shoulder. She flinched and said, “Yow – that’s my sprained shoulder–”

“FUCK,” he sat back up again quickly. “Is there any part of you that isn’t broken?”

“My left leg is miraculously ok?”

There was suddenly a commotion at the entrance to the emergency room. Jyn heard raised voices and it was only a few minutes later when her exasperated nurse came in and approached her.

“Ms Erso,” she declared. “There’s a man called Cassian Andor here to see you, he’s being _very_ insistent that he comes in. I said that you already had a visitor and that he should just go home, but he wanted me to ask you if he should wait?”

Oh my god. She knew that she’d asked Codo to call the others and tell them, but it was Thanksgiving. Cassian would have been busy, they all would have been, and she had thought that knowing Codo was with her would have been enough for them to know she was ok and being looked after. _Cassian, you lovable idiot_. Her chest wrenched at the idea of Cassian sitting in a hospital waiting room, unable to see her and yet also unable to leave because she knew now that he never would. She only had to glance at Codo desperately before he read her mind.

“I’ll let him see you. I’ll just be in the waiting room.”

“Thank you,” she said, earnestly.

While Codo had burst into the emergency room in a flurry of panic, Cassian was a contained hum of rage. The only thing that seemed to calm him down was finally noticing her in her bed and immediately striding over.

“Hey,” she said. “I promise I’m ok–”

He said nothing, just sat down next to her and threw his arms around her. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that he was crushing her bruised ribs and pulling on her sprained shoulder. His hand was in her hair and she just hugged him back because she knew how much he’d been through recently. She didn’t even know how long they stayed like that, him simply holding her tightly, but it was long enough that her nurse had to interrupt to check her vitals before her surgery.

“You didn’t have to come,” she said shakily, as the nurse fussed.

“Yes, I did,” Cassian said, voice carefully contained. “You would be here if it was me. What happened, Codo just said you got hit by a car?”

“I was crossing the road, they ran a red light, I’m broken everywhere – that’s the gist,” Jyn explained. “I’m having surgery on my leg soon, but I promise I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine, right?” she added to the nurse.

“It might take a while, but I’m fairly confident you’ll make a full recovery,” she threw back.

“See?” Jyn insisted.

“Good,” Cassian nodded. He hugged her again, causing the nurse to huff in exasperation once more. “I won’t keep you, I know Codo is waiting. I just needed to see that you were ok. Let me know if you need anything.”

“I will. Hey,” she added, pulling back from him so that she could see his face. There was stress in the lines on his forehead, fear in his cheeks and sadness in his eyes, but he wasn’t letting any of it out because he knew how much she needed him to be calm right now. She was trying so desperately to not be scared of the surgery that was waiting for her and she’d never admit it out loud, but she was. He knew what she needed. “Thank you,” she told him.

He nodded. “You want me to tell the others what’s happened?”

“Yeah, you can tell them. Don’t let any of them make any stupid dashes across the city to see me as well. They say that I'll be in here for several days. Codo will bring me home when I'm allowed to go, so don’t worry about me, ok?”

“I’ll always worry about you. But ok. I’ll see you.”

* * *

**jynersos** what is with me and hospitals on the holidays? #ipromisei’mfine

 **b.the.rook** ashdsjdshjdsh

 **ms.gabriella.89** oh my god jyn WHAT DID U DO?

 **oh-dani-girl** lmao holy shit girl, r u ok???

 **k2so91tu** We can’t take you anywhere.

 **the-CoDo-project** if it helps, my parents were very understanding about why you couldn’t come to dinner lmaooo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I did as much research as I could, but I am obviously no medical expert, as always point shit out if you notice something 2. america, ur healthcare system is fucked up so assume that jyn just has amazing medical insurance through her grad programme or something lol and 3. apparently the real brooklyn hospital emergency room has a 1 star rating hahahahahahah so jyn and co. clearly live in an alternate universe to us lmao 
> 
> POOR JYNNN but she will be fine. I think we're about 3/4 of the way through this fic now???? I don't pretend to have a plan, but I'm pretty sure we're going to start getting into the final legs of it YAAASSSS 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this. Let me know what you think and stay safe! x


	17. Chapter 17

“Ah, New Years Eve!” Bodhi declared with a toast of beer. “The night anything is possible!”

They hadn’t made too much of a fuss this year. What with Jyn’s leg, Shara and Kes giving each other terrible stomach flus and Cassian only just reaching stage 5, their little group understandably hadn’t been feeling up to a crazy raging party. It was literally just the inhabitants of their apartment, plus Codo and Cassian. Their wonderfully weird roommate Margaret was off with her own family, so they had ordered pizza, put the Times Square livestream on Kay’s laptop and intended on playing games the entire night. It felt nice to just laugh and drink beer and bid goodbye to the ridiculous year that had been 2018.

“How’s the leg, Jyn?” Luke asked as he sat down next to her.

“It’s doing well, thanks,” she said. Her long leg cast covered her from foot to above her knee, was bright aqua blue and currently resting across Codo’s lap as he drew more doodles on it with a marker. 

“Can you go to work and everything?” he asked. 

“I just sit the entire time,” Jyn nodded. “and everyone has been really helpful carrying shit or running and getting me things if I need it. My mate, Maia, once jumped off a roof while drunk and broke her arm, so we’re pretty used to people coming in with injuries at this point.”

“Thank god,” Luke said.

“I appreciate your concern,” Jyn smiled a little. She realised that she actually didn’t talk one on one with Luke all that often, which was a shame seeing as he was such a bright ball of energy. He was capable of being incredibly serious when the situation called for it, but Jyn only really knew him as Bodhi’s bright and cheerful partner. Wanting to try and fix it a little, she asked him,

“How’s the wedding planning going?”

“It’s on track!” Luke nodded vigorously. “We would be ahead of schedule if only SOMEONE,” He yelled across the coffee table to where Bodhi glanced up from behind his cards. “hadn’t changed his mind about the flowers!”

“Flower crowns, Luke. FLOWER CROWNS,” was all Bodhi called back.

“Honestly,” Luke rolled his eyes. “but otherwise we have all the main stuff! Venue and outfits and photographers and shit. We’ve been getting the invites made up, you wanna see?”

“Of course,” Jyn said at once.

Luke shuffled through some photos on his phone until he eventually brought up the gold patterned card that had apparently been mocked up for them. Jyn gave a start when she realised that her name was on it.

“Yeah, we used yours and Codo’s names for the example,” Luke laughed. “Do you like it?”

“I think it’s great,” Jyn swallowed over the feeling that had unexpectedly crept up when she saw their names together on the invite. “What’s that pattern, is it Pakistani?”

“Bodhi chose it, yeah – his family has thankfully always cared more about him having a proper Pakistani wedding than the fact that he is marrying another man,” Luke snorted.

“You’re lucky they like you!” Bodhi yelled over.

“This is going to be the weirdest fusion you’ve ever been to,” Luke noted. “A gay, half-Pakistani, half-American wedding.”

“It sounds amazing. And I promise that you that I will be cast off and walking by then,” Jyn insisted.

“If it comes to it, we’ll push you down on a wheelbarrow or something.”

“Decorate it with flowers, yeah, that could work.”

“It’d make a fine addition to the ol’ farmer theme!”

“It’s… not actually a farmer theme, is it?”

Luke let out a burst of laughter. “I might have grown up visiting my aunt and uncle’s farm and as delighted as they’d be, no.”

“Right, are you two playing or what?” Kay called over at them. “Because we are all waiting.”

Jyn folded her cards, content to just watch as everyone bet on the pasta pieces that they were currently using as poker chips. Luke made more jokes about their wedding that was going to be coming in the next summer. They laughed and threw back beer and sang along to the performances going on down at Times Square. Cassian actually smiled and despite her leg being in a cast, it was probably the happiest she’d felt in a while. Their poker game eventually dissolved when Kay absolutely destroyed them all, Luke had nearly flipped the table and Bodhi had thrown a slice of pizza at his head.

“I’m sorry,” Jyn told Codo then once they had all dispersed, either for more pizza or to collect up the pasta from the floor. “This is probably not the way you wanted to spend our anniversary.”

Jyn had been genuinely excited for this New Year’s Eve! She’d never celebrated a relationship anniversary before and they’d had so many plans before she’d gone and gotten run over. But it seemed that Codo didn’t care that she had a broken leg and was spending their anniversary surrounded by their mad friends. He just kissed her on the sofa that had been her permanent place of being these days and it kind of made it all ok again.

“I love you,” he pulled back to say. “and I don’t care that we’re spending our anniversary playing poker with your roommates. You could have broken literally every bone in your body and I’d still be here.”

“Now I love you,” Jyn pulled his lips back down to hers. They stayed entwined that way until eventually Bodhi had thrown pieces of pasta at them yelling, “GET A ROOM!”

Forced to sit up and laughing, that was when Jyn noticed that Cassian had apparently taken a moment to stand out on the fire escape. She found her crutches and hobbled over while Codo got into a pasta war with Bodhi and Luke. “Kay, you have to be on my side!” he yelled, using the coffee table as a shield.

“I am neutral territory.”

“You’re a traitor to our nation, is what you are!”

“Hey,” Jyn called once she reached the window, pasta flying in the background. “It’s freezing, come inside!”

“Jyn!” Cassian said with a start. “What are you doing, you shouldn’t be walking around–”

“I’ve been sitting down for the better part of a month, I promise I’m fine,” Jyn said, perching herself on the window ledge. “You all good?”

“You know what? Yeah,” Cassian faced her and leaned against the railing. “I’m more than ready to be done with 2018. It honestly broke me.”

“Don’t worry, it quite literally broke me,” Jyn said, gesturing to her leg. “but you put yourself back together.”

“ _You_ put me back together,” Cassian said.

That hit her somewhere in her chest, so hard that she was surprised that it didn’t just go and push her off the window sill entirely. He was watching her with a look that made her unable to meet his eyes. “Jyn,” he told her. “My girlfriend broke up with me after two and a half years of being together. I went through the worst depressive spell I’ve had in ages. My best friend was _literally run over_ , but you have still been there for me the entire time. Don’t think I don’t appreciate it.”

“Shut up,” Jyn waved him off. “You’d still be here without me.”

“I’m serious,” Cassian was standing up straight now. She couldn’t look away. “Thank you.”

She didn’t even know what to say. So instead, just held out her arms. He stepped in and hugged her from where she still sat on the window sill. She noticed that he stepped back quickly and the look on his face was hastily replaced with one of anticipation as he glanced up at the fire escape. “Anyway,” he said, tone a lot lighter. “I think I’ve figured out how to turn my luck around for 2019.”

“How?” Jyn said.

“I’m going to get to the roof.”

“Jesus Christ, Cassian.”

“It was your idea,” he pointed.

“Yeah, back when I was a lot younger and lot stupider,” Jyn snorted. “One of us is already in a cast, I won’t let anyone else get to that point as well.”

“Well, good thing you can’t stop me then,” Cassian, the asshole, darted out of her reach. He leaned out over the railing and stared up at where he had to go.

“I can climb that far.”

“OH MY GOD,” Jyn said, exasperatedly. He was actually serious! Her memory of climbing the roof was a vivid one. She’d gotten it into her head that reaching the blocked off and quite forbidden roof would mean that she would have a much better year than her last. She’d been 22, a bit drunk and had ended up with a fractured wrist and spending her New Year’s Eve in the emergency room. She’d had enough of hospitals for her entire lifetime at this point, but Jyn stared up at the edge of the roof three storey’s above them and quite suddenly and desperately wanted Cassian to make it. If she couldn’t climb, she wanted him to make it for the both of them.

“I’m going to do it,” Cassian said, determinedly.

“Good lord, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but at least let the others help you?”

Five minutes later, Jyn was stuck down at the window while Bodhi, Luke, Kay and Codo held Cassian between them in their attempt to boost him up high enough to pull himself up to the roof. Deciding that Jyn’s previously used tactic of standing on the railing was just a bit too suicidal, they had instead decided to google how to do a simple lift and Jyn was seriously wondering how in the hell they had ended up here.

“Just putting it out there, this is the dumbest fucking thing we’ve ever done!” Bodhi yelled out, hands gripping Cassian’s leg.

“Cassian, I think I’m holding your ass!” Kay said through the exertion of holding him up.

“Ok, this tutorial says that at the same time you all bend and push up!” Jyn called up to them, rewinding the _'Cheerleading Basics: how to do elevator/prep'_ Youtube video for the tenth time. “Cassian should end up standing on Bodhi and Luke’s hands with Kay and Codo supporting from in front and behind!”

“Should being the key word,” she heard Kay say.

“We’re not going to be able to hold this long, so you grab whatever you can straight away,” Luke said.

Even three storey’s up, Jyn could see the determination on Cassian’s face. It was twenty minutes ‘til midnight. “Are you ready?” she yelled up at them. “All together!”

“ONE – TWO – THREE –”

Their first attempt failed miserably. Apparently there was a hand switch that made the lift very difficult to hold if it wasn’t made and they all collapsed onto the fire escape in a heap of yells, nervous laughter and no doubt racing hearts. Once they’d all come back and watched the Youtube video several more times, their second attempt with the proper handholds worked in actually keeping Cassian up in the air. “I can reach the edge, but I’m not high enough to pull myself up–” he’d yelled before ultimately falling again.

Their third attempt to lift him was a lot stronger, giving Cassian enough time to figure out what tactic he’d need to get up. He could grab hold of the edge of the roof, but he wasn’t strong enough to lift himself up with his arm strength alone. “Ok, ok,” Jyn called everyone back as she skipped through all the videos she had clicked through. “Once you have him up there, it seems that you can dip and push your arms all the way extended above you. That should give him plenty of height to get over the edge.”

“I’m sorry, did you just say all the way extended?” Kay stared at the video.

“Yeah, with your arms straight–”

“Why am I friends with you weirdos?” Codo just shook his head.

Jyn was pretty sure they would only have one shot at this. If Cassian fell from that height, they were no doubt all going to end up at hospital again and their dreams of the roof would be dashed once more. Jyn had no idea why she was so desperate for him to reach it, but she yelled out encouragement as the others high above her started their fourth attempt. They got him standing on their hands around their shoulder level, Cassian able to just reach up and grab a hold of the roof. Now they essentially had to bench press him up. Jyn’s stomach was in knots.

“I hope you’re filming this, Jyn!” Luke called down to her. “If we get anything out of this, I at least want to go viral!”

She filmed as all together, they counted to three and pushed. Cassian was shoved high into the air, so high that his feet left their hands altogether as he was able to haul himself up over the edge of the roof. They all held their breaths until suddenly, his head popped out from over the ledge.

“I MADE IT,” he yelled.

They literally all screamed, Jyn nearly dropping her phone and falling off the window sill in her enthusiasm. The boys and Kay all hugged each other in celebration as Cassian punched a fist into the air, their yells and cheers no doubt carrying down the entire street. This was incredible. More than anything she wished she could be up there with him, but was glad that if anyone was going to make it up there, it was him. Cassian deserved this.

“What’s it like up there?” Jyn called with a grin.

Cassian glanced behind him. “Kind of boring, to be honest,” he yelled back. “It’s just a lot of concrete and bird shit.”

“What, no gold jacuzzi?” Bodhi laughed.

“Sorry, man – but shit!” Cassian looked up to the distance that only he could see. “The view isn't that much different up here, but you can still see a lot! I’ll send you pictures!”

So excited by their success, they didn’t even realise that midnight was coming until it was nearly upon them. Jyn had heard their livestream still going on in the lounge and yelled back that they had 30 seconds. The others came back down to her level and Codo helped her through the window so that she could stand with her arms over his and Luke’s shoulders, the five of them counting down with Cassian far above them.

“Hey,” Jyn grinned at Codo. “Happy anniversary.”

He grinned back.

“FIVE – FOUR – THREE – TWO – ONE –”

Cassian glanced down and smiled right at her. With the sound of distant fireworks going off in the background, it was suddenly the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

* * *

**b.the.rook** happy new year’s!!! now the question is how do we get him down??? 

**jynersos** some say that he's still up there to this day.............

* * *

Not long after new years, Jyn was visited by a very sick looking Shara.

“Holy shit, babe, and I thought I looked terrible,” Jyn said once she’d let herself in. “I'm assuming it wasn't just a flu, then?”

“I'm in hell,” Shara said, sinking down on the opposite end of the couch, lifting Jyn’s leg up into her lap. It was the only way she could sit with people these days. 

“Well, don’t hug me or anything, I can’t risk getting sick,” Jyn told her. “I’ve got shit to do! But thanks for coming, I’m going fucking spare still not able to walk properly yet–”

“Jyn, I’m pregnant.”

Jyn paused for a moment, staring at her friend. She’d known Shara for years and she was sure that she had not once seen the look of pure disbelief mixed with exhilaration on her face before. After about a minute of trying to comprehend, Jyn let out a splutter and Shara laughed.

“You’re not kidding!” Jyn said.

“You bet your ass I’m not.”

“You’re seriously pregnant!”

“Considering how bad the morning sickness has hit me, I’d say so.”

“ _Holy shit_ –”

“Yeah, holy shit!”

“Well, that's definitely not a flu, you can hug me now!”

Shara had to practically lie herself down next to Jyn in order to throw her arms around her, seeing as Jyn couldn’t sit up far enough to lean towards her. Their laughs reverberated around the apartment until finally Jyn got over her shock long enough to start asking questions. “I didn’t know you were planning a kid! How did Kes react? Is it a boy or girl? Is it too early to tell that? How far along are you? When are you due? WHEN WILL–?”

“Jyn, calm the fuck down,” Shara said. “To answer your questions: we actually weren’t planning to have a kid at all right now. We figured another year or so before we’d consider it, but turns out shit gets complicated when you visit family in a different time zone and forget when you last took your pill. Kes laughed nervously for about five minutes before he realised I was serious and then he cried. Now he’s fine. It’s far too early to tell yet and apparently, I’m eight weeks along.”

“Shit,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “Eight weeks ago I was busy getting hit by cars and you were busy getting pregnant!”

Shara snorted. “Which would you have preferred?”

“…honestly, I’m not too sure,” Jyn admitted. “It wasn’t fun getting hit by a car, but I also don’t think I’m quite ready for a kid just yet either.” 

“Fair. How is your leg?”

Jyn glanced down at said offending leg. It had gotten to the point now where she had gotten so used to her new routine of caring for herself with it that it was hard to remember life before she was in a cast. She was certainly a determined bitch. Before, she’d usually climb up to reach food on the top shelves in the kitchen. Now, she had perfected a technique of using one of her crutches to reach up and knock off whatever she needed, or alternatively, yelling for Kay to come and help. Her roommate Margaret had been getting rid of her desk wheelie chair in favour of a new one, so she’d given Jyn the old one. She often moved around the apartment on it, laughing as Bodhi and Luke amused themselves by rolling her back and forth up and down the hallway like a ping pong game. Codo had been absolutely terrified of hurting her even more and had barely touched her for weeks after coming home from the hospital. With some supportive pillows and limited positions, however, they’d managed to make sex still work. 

But for every high, there were still many things that Jyn admitted that she needed help with and it was hard to not feel weak and helpless most days. Stairs were the bane of her existence. She had to go to Codo’s apartment to get clean because they didn’t have a bath at her own apartment and the shower was just too difficult. Every day she knew she was getting better, but without immediate results, it was hard to accept that it would just happen at its own pace and that she couldn’t just will it to go faster…

“Yeah,” she ended up saying. “It’s getting better.”

“Good. It’s weird seeing you not able to run around.” 

“All right Shara, don’t try and be distracting me,” Jyn said. “I’m still trying to get over the fact that you’ve got a human GROWING INSIDE YOU,” She gestured vaguely at Shara’s uterus area. “I still remember that time we threw a party in the break room at _Rebel, Rebel_ and ate all the leftover muffins until we felt sick!”

“Oh yeah,” Shara laughed. “that was a good day.”

“I miss those days.”

“To be honest, I like these days more,” Shara said. “I mean, not including the broken leg, of course, but you know what I mean. Back then we were so young and had no idea what we were doing. We had no confidence, liked the wrong people, didn’t like the right people…”

“Pregnancy has made you enlightened, Shara.”

She laughed. “We’re not babies in our early twenties anymore. Did you know I turn 30 this year?”

“No fucking way. You’re only like, 23.”

“Jyn, you’re 28 this year.”

“NOPE. I REFUSE.”

“I love you, girl,” Shara paused for a moment then before sighing. “Do you think I can do it, Jyn?” she asked quietly.

“You mean be a mum?” Jyn asked. “Shara. You have been taking care of me ever since we’ve known each other. You’ve wanted a kid since forever. You’re going to be amazing, parties in the break room notwithstanding.”

“Have I ever told you how much I appreciate you?”

“You could say it a few more times.”

* * *

**Shara Bey  
** yesterday at 6:49PM 

Check it out! Coming aug 2019

_11 comments_

**Kes Dameron** LOVE U BEY

 **Bodhi Rook** omg CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

 **Jyn Erso** I expect this child to be called Jyn, no exceptions

 **Dani Martinez** congrats Shara and Kes!!! So exciting!!

 **Kay Tu** Congratuations.

 **Cassian Andor** @Jyn Erso I’m the one who’s related, if they’re naming this child after anyone it’s me

 **Jyn Erso** I will fight u for the honour

 **Cassian Andor** you have one leg rn, I can take u on

 **Jyn Erso** my cast is heavy and my crutches are LETHAL

**Cassian Andor** bring it

**Bodhi Rook** @Shara Bey I think u have started a war

* * *

**jyneros** it’s been a long time coming but I’M ALLOWED TO WALK AGAIN!!!! #castoff #boobsout #hoteltrivago 

* * *

_Hi. You probably know who I am from my name, I was the driver of the car that hit you last year. I know our lawyers have handled everything so there’s really no reason for me to message you, but I’ve really needed to say something for some time now. I’m sorry for hurting you. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I’ve been feeling really bad and had to apologise directly to you. Ok, thanks._

* * *

**So the dude who hit me sent me a msg apologising**

_The fucking nerve_

**Yeah, and it was crap as well**   
**Hang on I’ll send u a screenshot**

_Said sorry, but literally only bc he was feeling bad/guilty??? Didn’t apologise for the trauma or for the legal nightmare he caused, didn’t say that he regretted his actions at all or even ask how you were???_

**I fucking know right???**

_Are you ok? Send the screenshot to Tyler, he can stop him from contacting u_

**I blocked him, but yeah I’ll let Tyler know. I gotta send that guy a gift basket one of these days, he’s done me a solid**

_He knows u appreciate him I’m sure_

**So what about u then Mr ‘I’ve been considering re-taking the bar’???**   
**Tyler seems to be enjoying using his knowledge of law for good instead of evil**

_Lmaooooo I’ve been considering this july. But I’d miss teaching my kids!_

**Who says u can’t do both?**

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Bodhi was shaking his head. “Why exactly are we here? You found out you were pregnant like, a second ago.”

“It’s a pre-baby shower Baby Shower!” Shara insisted over her champagne glass of non-alcoholic grape juice. “The actual baby shower is just going to be people giving me unsolicited advice and shit I don’t need. And by ‘people’ I mean my mother. This is our chance to just celebrate with our friends!”

“We’re still going to give you unsolicited advice and shit you don’t need,” Jyn said.

“Yeah, but the key difference is we didn’t have to invite Shara's mom to this one,” Kes pointed out. 

Jyn snorted as they all ate lunch at _Rebel, Rebel_ together. Several of the café’s employees had come out to join them at varying intervals when they could and Jyn had already caught up with several of the people she used to work with. Naturally, everyone had to ask about her leg and how she was going with walking again, but she supposed it was better than being in the cast still and having to explain to every second person she met, ‘I got hit by a car’.

Two arms suddenly wrapped themselves around her shoulders. “Hey, babe!” Han said cheerfully, kissing her head. “Still alive and kicking, I see!”

“I could never leave this world without also taking you out with me,” Jyn told him.

Han came and took up the spare seat on Jyn’s other side, Leia not far behind and waiting to also give her a hug. Jyn realised that this was probably the first time she’d been able to see everyone at once in ages, and as she bantered with Han about shit that didn’t matter, she felt the clench in her chest easing slightly.

“Anyway,” he said at one point, hastily avoiding Leia’s joking swat at his head. “I suppose I have to ask how’s work and life and shit?”

“My thesis is somewhat coming together, I’m allowed to walk, shit is fine,” Jyn told him. “What about you? I feel like we haven’t seen each other in months.”

“Babe, it _has_ been months,” Han pointed out. “I quit my job, I no longer drive trucks for a living.”

“Holy shit,” Jyn gaped. “That’s been a long time coming.”

“Yeah, I figured it was time,” Han shrugged. “The years of being out of town and missing Leia piled up, I guess. Now I work in a bar!”

“Going back to your roots a bit?” Jyn vividly remembered Han working as a bouncer at a shitty student bar during college. He’d always gotten them in, no matter how busy it was that night.

“Hey, I’m a real bartender now!” Han told her. “It’s this place called _Millennium Falcon_ , the staff is pretty cool and the place has a fuckton of character.”

“Still shitty,” Leia leaned over to add.

“ _Character_ ,” Han insisted, before turning back to Jyn. “Seriously, you guys need to come out one night and I’ll totally hook you up with some free drinks.”

“I can’t, at least not for a while,” Jyn said. “My leg is still healing.”

“Oh, fuck,” Han slapped his forehead. “I guess I figured without the cast, you were fine now. It’s not ok yet, then?”

Conversation always inevitably ended up back at her injury. She knew it only meant that these people cared about her, but it still made her inwardly screw up her face in exasperation. Outwardly she smiled and explained how she was going at physio and thankfully, Han carried on the conversation by launching into a hilarious story of how he’d busted his knee attempting to dunk a basketball several years ago.

She could always count on Han. 

Just as Leia was laughing and adding her side of the story, there was a loud and jolting horn beep from the street outside. A few of them looked up and glanced around through the window to notice that a car had breaked suddenly, causing all the cars behind them to do so as well. Jyn, however, positively leapt out of her skin at the noise. She was literally out of her seat, her heart slamming in her throat.

“You all right?” Han asked, blinking up at her.

“Yeah,” She could feel the hot burn of tears suddenly threatening to pour over. Jesus Christ, what was wrong with her? She felt Codo’s hand reach up and grab her sleeve from her other side, but she waved him off. “I’m going to the bathroom,” she said, hastily.

She could walk now, but she still had a long way to go. She’d been told that it would likely never have the same amount of strength that it once had again and that it could be several months of physio until it was actually healed properly. Until then, it was no sports, no gym, no dancing in bars with her friends and she still had one of her crutches to assist with walking when she needed it. But she was nothing if not stubborn, so she managed to fucking hightail it to the _Rebel, Rebel_ office before breaking into tears.

She gripped the back of the office chair and felt like she could barely breathe. It was all anyone could talk about, the only thing people asked her. She didn’t even feel like Jyn these days. She was just the girl who got hit by a car and broke her leg so badly that she now had metal inside her. She’d thought that getting her cast off would make things better with her able to get back to a sense of normalcy and independence, but all it seemed to have done was amplify how broken she’d been and how easily it could happen again. 

She didn’t even notice when Baze Malbus quietly entered his office. It was only when he placed his hand on her shoulder when she looked up.

“I won’t ask if you’re ok,” he said, simply.

“Good,” Jyn sobbed.

“Do you want me to stay?”

She thought for a moment before nodding.

He stayed until the tears subsided.

* * *

_Hey, so my school’s spring recital is coming up and I need a couple of volunteers to help out back stage. Any chance u could pls come???_

**A chance to see cassian andor in his element??????? Ofc!!**

* * *

“First on stage is Finn and Rey with the piano and guitar!” she yelled out at the group of students nervously waiting to go on. Two young kids probably around twelve made their way to the front of the group, an acoustic guitar slung over the girl’s shoulder. “I assume that’s you two?” Jyn asked the kids. “Blimey, I need to get you all need name tags.”

“I’m Finn, she’s Rey,” the boy gestured to his duo partner.

“My name is Jyn, I’m going to make sure you’re on stage at the right time,” Jyn introduced herself. Backstage of the show was so far a cacophony of utter chaos. A part of the running crew, she had been entrusted with the task of calling the next acts to side stage. Cassian was apparently counting on her to get his students in line because he certainly had other problems to deal with. Some children were crying with fright at the thought of performing. Others had their parents fussing over their hair, or their instruments had broken, or in the case of one child, “Mr Andor, I think I’ve forgotten how to play the violin entirely!” Cassian ran around like a headless chicken, so Jyn was going to make damn sure that his baby chicks were looked after. She got the first three performances all in line before leading them to side stage.

She took one look at the stage before turning around in horror.

“Where on earth is the piano?” she demanded.

“Excuse me?” the stage manager said back to her. 

“The first music act is a guitar and piano duo,” Jyn told the woman with headphones and a clipboard. “It’s going to be kind of hard to do without a piano.”

“The piano isn’t coming on until the second half.”

“Not according to my set list,” Jyn waved the paper in front of her.

The stage manager flicked through several pieces of paper until she swore spectacularly, realising that she’d accidentally had acts one and two swapped around. Finn and Rey both giggled nervously at her words until the stage manager said, “You’re right – HEY, GREG!”

She called out to who was clearly a dad of one of the performers, currently standing by to work the curtains. He turned at the sound of his name. “What’s up, Stacey?”

“Where’s the piano?”

“Back here?” he gestured behind his shoulder. 

Sure enough, Jyn could see the upright piano waiting in the back of the wings that someone had clearly not wheeled out yet. Shit. She couldn’t move that. Under normal circumstances she was sure that she would have been able to, but she knew her physiotherapist would have a fit if she even so much as thought about trying.

She could walk, but she still somehow felt so useless.

Jyn knew someone was talking to her, but for some reason she could only stare at the piano. She just kept hearing Codo’s voice in her ear as she spoke on the phone, the tarmac under her feet as she hurried across the road, the crunch of her bones as the car had made impact. She felt the pain in her leg and remembered the screams that came from her and she didn’t want to be remembering any of this, but it forced itself into her head like a reoccurring nightmare on loop. She saw hospital lights in her head, doctors moving her leg, being handed the gas that would put her to sleep–

“Jyn?”

She gave a start at Finn saying her name, but she was thankfully pulled back to the present. “Are you gonna get the piano?” he asked her.

“Oh – yes – hey, Greg, was it?” Jyn called out across the wings. “I need you to get that piano on stage for me!”

Once everything was in place and she now felt at least ready for the curtains to open, Jyn turned to the kids that waited anxiously side stage with her.

“So… are you nervous?” she asked, a bit awkwardly. How did one talk to a 12-year-old?

“Are you Mr Andor’s girlfriend?” the girl, Rey, suddenly demanded.

Finn punched her in the stomach.

“ _You can’t ask that_ –” he hissed in horror.

“I can and I will, so are you?” Rey directed at her, barely even affected by Finn’s punch. “His girlfriend, I mean?”

Jyn was quite literally rendered speechless.

“Look what you did, Rey! You broke the lady!”

She shook her head. “Uh – no – look, _no_ ,” She had no idea how she’d ended up in this conversation, but she supposed it was happening now. “I’m a good friend of his.”

“ _See_ ,” Rey said to Finn. “I knew it wasn’t Dani.”

Jesus Christ, these kids knew about Dani. “Does Mr Andor know how much you two are gossiping about him?”

“He tells us _nothing_ ,” Rey sighed. “but we could all tell something was wrong. His girlfriend came to school a couple times so they could go home together and we heard him call her Dani and we figured that the only thing that would make him that sad was if she dumped him. Finn was so sure it was you, but I told him that she had been too far away for us to really tell what she looked like and sure enough, it wasn’t you!”

“Wow,” Jyn blinked. “Remind me to never underestimate the deductive skills of eighth-graders again.”

“You’d be lucky if you were his girlfriend,” Finn told her then. “He’s kinda dreamy.”

Good lord.

“I’ll bear it in mind,” she almost laughed.

Thankfully, that was about when Cassian had to go on stage to introduce the start of the show. The curtains opened, the audience applauded and the kids next to her both broke into frantic whispers.

“Ok, ok – Finn, we can do this–” Rey insisted, grabbing his shoulders, her guitar slung between them.

“We can do this!”

“Just remember don’t go too fast on the coda–”

“You said we could do this!”

“ _I mean, we can do this!_ ”

Out on stage, Cassian was addressing the crowd that was made up of mostly parents, all with their phones out already and a few faculty members of the school who looked like they had drawn the short straw to have to attend the middle school’s music recital. Cassian had never exactly been one to stand out in a crowd, but he was a performer at the end of the day and his voice told her that he was as proud as anything of his kids. If she leaned a little bit, she could see him through the wings, the lights beaming down as he spoke.

“They have all been working really hard to perform for you tonight,” he said. “For some, it is their first performance of what I hope will be many someday. Please let me introduce you to your first performance tonight: Finn and Rey, with the piano and guitar!”

“Go on, guys,” Jyn encouraged the kids as they walked on stage together holding hands. Cassian exited the stage and squeezed her shoulder as he paused next to her in the wings.

“Thanks so much for doing this,” he said again for the trillionth time. “You're not too sore?”

“I have this stool here so I can rest if I need to,” Jyn gestured to the stool that she had stolen from backstage. “I promise I’m fine. Your kids are doing so well.”

On stage, Finn led in with the first few bars of his piano piece before Rey joined him with her guitar melody. Jyn noticed that Finn hardly even looked at his sheet music.

“Thank god,” Cassian said, proudly. “Not that I was worried, or anything.”

“They’re interesting kids. Had a lot of questions for me.”

“Goddamn it, what did they say?” he said, exasperatedly. “Actually – you know what, I don’t even want to know. I have to check my notes, I’ll let you do your job. Remind me I owe you dinner after this!”

“I’m holding you to it!”

* * *

Cassian linked his arm through hers as they walked to the diner to eat. He chatted good-naturedly about the recital and how well his kids had done and Jyn struggled to concentrate. They were out on the sidewalk and they were luckily walking with the traffic behind them so she didn’t have to deal with the image of the cars driving at her, but her chest was still screaming a little and her grip around his arm was probably too tight, although he didn’t say anything about it.

“I’m still so impressed with Finn’s solo! That kid’s come a long way, he didn’t come from a very great family you see, but he sat down in front of the piano one day in class and just took to it–”

A car honked their horn at someone. Jyn jumped out of her skin, her leg giving out under the pressure and she staggered slightly until Cassian could haul her back upright.

“Whoa, hey!” he said. “Are you all right?”

Jyn had his shoulders in a death grip for several seconds, unable to breathe, let alone answer him. Eventually, she gasped, “Yes – yeah –”

“You sure? You don’t seem–”

“I said I’m fine,” Jyn insisted, pulling back slightly and not meeting his eyes. “I just got a fright, is all. Come on, I’m starving.”

He let her walk several paces, but he didn’t follow. When she turned to see where he was, she saw him staring hard after her with a face that thankfully wasn’t pity, but seemed to be a form of understanding.

“Jesus, _what_?” she said.

“How long have you been dealing with it by yourself?”

“I have no idea–”

But he loped forward and suddenly swung her up into his arms. She had no idea how he knew. Apparently they’d known each other long enough that he could just look in her eyes and tell straight away that something was wrong. She hugged him tightly, letting him support her weight and squeezing her eyes tight, blocking out the cars, the noise, the lights, everything. He was the only thing in the universe and for the first time since she got her cast off, her heart didn’t feel like it was screaming.

“Jyn,” he said to her. “I have depression. I understand how it feels when your brain isn’t working properly. You can talk to me.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again.............no expert in anything, i did my best hahahahah 
> 
> But thank you so much for all your comments! It means a lot to hear all your thoughts and I'm so glad that you are enjoying this fic. I'm getting very excited for the last few chapters that will be coming soon, we got a wedding to happen and a baby to be born and a Codo to get rid of! My hope is that I will be able to do it all justice lmao. 
> 
> Much love to everyone out there, hope you are well and safe x


	18. Chapter 18

_Text reminder for JYN ERSO, appointment scheduled for 04/14/19 at 6pm. Reply YES to confirm or ring to reschedule._

**Yes**

* * *

_hey, we’re thinking of ordering curry if u want us to get u some?_

**Hey, sorry for the late reply!! Obviously I stayed at work, but thanks for thinking of me**

* * *

**Yooooooo did someone do my laundry for me???? or did I magically do it in my sleep or something??**

_Bodhi  
lmao  
we did it, figured since you’re in thesis hell u could use some help _

**Oh my god, I don’t know how to thank u**

_Kay  
_ _Buy us all a drink once you pass._

**DONE**

* * *

**jynersos** the end is so close I can almost taste it #gradlife #gradschool #nyu #womeninstem

* * *

_Hey, did u want to get dinner tonight?_

**Holy shit I’m so fucking sorry!!! Is it too late to say yes?**

_Lmao don’t worry, I actually forgot I sent that in the first place  
I’ve been busy too _

**What happens when u date a grad student**

_Hahaha, yeah_

* * *

**Hey, were you coming over tonight?**

_Jyn, I’m so sorry, but I have to keep working_

**Me too, I guess. Don’t worry, it’s fine**

_I miss u_

**Yeah  
I know**

* * *

**MY THESIS DEFENCE IS TOMORROW AND I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND  
HFDHGJGFJG45UIGF78BOIJT80RTJ **

_Cassian  
_ _YOU WILL BE FINE_

 _Bodhi  
_ _Ahhhhh u got this babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Kay  
You are well prepared. You have practiced your presentation on us enough times. _

**THANKS GUYS**

* * *

_Text reminder for JYN ERSO, appointment scheduled for 05/02/19 at 6pm. Reply YES to confirm or ring to reschedule._

**Yes**

* * *

**HOLY SHIT CASSIAN I JUST PASSED**

_HOLY FUCKING SHIT CONGRATULATIONS_

**I FUCKING DID IT!!!!!!!!!!**

_You fucking did it!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_ _Hey, I’m buying u dinner to celebrate, no excuses!!!_

**Hahahaha omg im cryin so much  
no arguments here! **

* * *

She had made it to the end.

As nerve-wracking as it had been, she’d known that she was well prepared. She knew her mentors well, she had practiced on her slightly exasperated roommates more times than had probably been necessary and she’d been confident going in knowing that she had done basically all that she could. When two years of hard work had paid off, Jyn had nearly cried on the spot. She’d _definitely_ cried once she got outside the building. After months of not even remembering what fresh air smelled like since every hour of her time had been spent in the lab, she could finally say that she had her masters in biology. 

With the elation at passing, summer quickly approaching and finally getting therapy for her brain, it should have been the happiest Jyn had felt in a long time. However, it was on one bright Sunday morning when Bodhi and Luke had apparently shoved their official wedding invitation for her under her bedroom door and Jyn ended up sighing at it from where she had stuck it to the fridge.

_For Jyn + Codo_

She stared hard at the invite, at the swirls and golden letters, and wondered why she was feeling so fucking anxious over it. Now that she really thought about it, she hadn’t seen Codo a lot the last few months. They’d naturally both been busy, Jyn especially with physio and therapy on top of everything else, but she found that she didn’t really mind too much that she hadn’t seen him in a while. When had she started feeling like this? He never asked her how therapy was going or if she was doing ok, but did Codo even know about the PTSD that she’d been going through? She had woken up in a cold sweat what felt like every night since she’d gotten her cast off, but she realised that the last night they’d spent together had actually been a very long time ago.

“You know,” Kay announced loudly as they entered the kitchen. “you have to actually pull it if you want it to open.”

Jyn glanced around with a start.

“Oh. Hey.”

“…hey?” Kay raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question her odd behaviour. She’d done weirder before. They continued on to the pantry, pulling out their cereal from the top shelf before demonstrating with a dramatic flourish how one was supposed to open the fridge. The wash of cool air hit her and they said,

“See? It’s like magic.”

“I think I have to break up with Codo.”

Kay pulled out their milk before slamming the door shut again.

“Well, this is a development. You may keep talking.”

“I just realised…” Jyn sighed, sitting down at their dining table, Kay joining her once they’d poured their cereal. “We’ve both been very busy lately. We’ve barely seen each other and I realised that I actually don’t really mind. It’s not that I don’t love him anymore, I think we’ve just been…”

“Growing apart?”

“Yes,” Jyn said in surprise. “Kay – that was profound.”

“I’ve always said that I understand this kind of emotion, even if I don’t particularly want to experience it myself.”

“True. Then you get me… I think we’ve just run our course,” Jyn groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “Jesus Christ, I don’t know why I thought this would be it! We were good, he still is good, but it’s just… _ughhh_ , I hate this.”

“Well,” Kay said around a mouthful of cereal. “If you ask me, isn’t it better you realise this now rather than say in a year’s time? Or two? Or six?”

“I guess. Shit, we were going to go to Bodhi and Luke’s wedding together, what am I going to tell him–?”

“Jyn. Just fucking talk to him,” Kay said. “If he’s as good as you say he is, then he’ll understand. He might even be feeling the same way.”

Jyn managed to laugh a little. “You know, no one gives advice quite like you, Kay. I promise if I ever get to the point where I’m getting married, you can be the one to walk me down the aisle.”

Kay stared at her from over their cereal.

“What?” she asked, perplexed at the look.

“I know you’re joking,” they said, quite seriously. “but if I could do that for you one day… it would be an honour.”

Despite everything, Jyn felt tears brewing. “Fuck me, Kay.”

“I know. That was emotional and uncalled for, I take it back–”

“No, no, it’s fine,” Jyn insisted. “I promise. You can seriously do it.”

They swallowed before standing up hastily. “Cool. Cool, cool, good talk so you’re going to go break up with your boyfriend and I’m going to go finish my cereal in my room where no one can see me or talk to me.”

“Sounds brilliant.”

* * *

Breaking up wasn’t exactly the easiest task, however.

“How does one politely say ‘hey I don’t want to date you anymore’?” Jyn asked anxiously amidst the melodic sounds that was 30 middle schoolers playing the recorder in a school hall. Only their love and appreciation for their best friend was keeping her and Bodhi in their seats, otherwise she might have peaced out a long time ago. But Cassian had begged them to come because it was his seventh-grader’s end of year concert and they had ‘worked really hard on this and it would be heartbreaking for no one to come, yes I know it’s the recorder but they also play the ukulele and percussion!’ as if that last part made it any better. Still, they had come down in an attempt to help make it look like people had come to hear the kids play. She knew that Cassian taught music to several different schools, but Crait Middle School had an accelerated music programme attached to it, which explained why Jyn had seen such talent from kids like Finn and Rey at the spring recital… as opposed to this.

Not that all kids weren’t talented, but she also wasn’t sure she would have ears at the end of the concert.

“Jyn, can this wait until after?” Bodhi asked, eyes closed and looking like he was about to fall asleep. “I’m trying to meditate myself through this torture.”

“We’re doing it for Cassian, Bodhi.”

“My love for him is only so much,” he said back. A couple of parents in the row in front of them turned and gave them irritated glances, no doubt for talking throughout the performance. Jyn reluctantly stayed silent throughout the entire recorder rendition of ‘ _thank u, next’_ and it was half an hour later once the concert was thankfully over when Bodhi turned to her and said,

“Right. So talk to me.”

“I’ve never had to break up with someone before,” Jyn said. “It's either been mutual, or I’ve been the one who’s been broken up with.”

“How have you gone 28 years of living and never broken up with someone before? No, wait! – didn’t you break up with Gavin after he got mad at you for wishing Cassian happy birthday on Facebook?”

“Oh… yeah, I forgot about that one,” Jyn admitted. “Ok, I’ve never broken up with someone who I actually care about before.”

Bodhi seemed to get it though. “It’s gonna be tough. Is it the right decision?”

“Yes,” she said at once. “I don’t know how we got to this point, shit, we were in love… still am? I don’t even know. All I know is we were so close and now we’re not and it’s not what’s best for either of us anymore but god I don’t want to hurt him…”

“Hey, guys! Thanks so much for coming, how was it?” Cassian’s voice cut in.

Immediately, her and Bodhi turned on the enthusiastic smiles and exclamations that it was incredible and amazing and he accepted their hugs with complete bemusement on his face. “You know, you don’t have to pretend, right?” he almost laughed. “It was 30 seventh-graders on the recorder, I know it basically murdered your ears.”

“It was very enlightening,” Bodhi said, hastily.

“I’m sure that Ariana would be thrilled with the tribute they made to her,” Jyn added.

“Ok, you guys are being weird,” he shook his head. “Whatever. Let’s go home.”

* * *

**hey codo can you come over tonight? There’s some stuff we need to talk about**

_yeah. I got some things I need to say too_

* * *

In the end it was a mutual decision, but it still hurt.

“So Codo and I broke up,” Jyn announced, leaning her elbow on Cassian’s shoulder. 

He glanced over at her, completely forgetting about the photo of Yankee Stadium and the sea of purple that spread around it that he’d apparently been about to take. With graduation so close, Jyn really had attempted to keep it to herself until it was all over, but she’d known that she would be seeing Codo at the ceremony and she knew that she did not want to have to try and explain why they weren’t speaking to everyone or god forbid, have to act like nothing was wrong between them. Apparently, she’d lasted right up until she’d arrived at the venue for graduation, hair done, robe on and more than ready to offically get her masters.

There to support her were Bodhi, Kay and Cassian. The first two were busy chatting as they waited to get into the stadium, however the latter exclaimed, “Shit! What happened?”

“Nothing crazy,” Jyn shrugged. “We were just growing apart and… it had to happen. He came over a week or so ago and we talked it through. Mutual decision.”

“I’m so sorry. How’re you feeling?”

“Weirdly fine?” Codo had greeted her at the front door with a kiss on the cheek that evening and from the look in his eyes, they’d both known exactly what their conversation was going to be. Jyn hadn’t put it off for too long. They’d sat in her room together on opposite sides of her bed and she’d ended up just blurting out everything.

“I’ve been told I have a form of PTSD,” she’d begun with. “because of the accident.”

“I didn’t realise,” Codo had said, softly.

“I know. It’s ok,” Jyn had replied. “we haven’t really seen each other a lot lately, so how could you know?”

“I should have.”

She’d shaken her head. “Don’t blame yourself. I don’t blame you, I think we just have to face the fact that we’re growing apart.”

He’d rubbed his face with a sigh.

“Yeah. Jyn, you know I love you, but…”

“I know. I love you, too. God, this sucks,” she had ground out. “You were it for me, Codo! I planned my future around you. I imagined us moving in together, getting married and shit. I don’t know what I did wrong, sometimes I think that it was my accident that made it all…”

“Of course not,” Codo had cut in. “Jyn, you didn’t do anything to cause this and neither did I. This just fucking happens sometimes and it’s shit, but like you said, we just have to face it. You don’t think there’s a chance that we could try and fix it?”

It was what she wanted more than anything, but she’d shaken her head.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah, don’t be,” he’d swiped at his eyes with a small smile. “Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask, did your thesis pass?”

“Yeah!” Jyn had said. “You?”

“Yes, me too!” Codo had grinned. “We did it.”

That part they’d managed to do, at least.

“I feel like I need to apologise again,” Jyn had admitted.

“We’re feeling the same way, Jyn,” Codo had told her. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. But hey, we had a great relationship, ok? I’ve been very happy the last year and a half and I’m going to remember it fondly.”

“Same,” Jyn had said.

She still couldn’t quite believe it had happened and honestly, she felt guilty that she wasn’t feeling sadder. It had been her longest and probably most significant relationship in her life so far, and it had all just ended with a simple conversation and a friendly hug when he’d left. Hell, she hadn’t even fucking cried, what was wrong with her? She felt more emotion over breaking her leg than she did over a relationship that lasted more than a year. She looked up at Cassian then and of course he seemed to get it straight away. Angry tears pricked at her eyes and he squeezed her hand.

“Jyn, stop it,” he insisted. “I’ve seen you cry I don’t know how many times, you don’t have to hold it in–”

“That’s not it, though,” She attempted to swipe her eyes without ruining her mascara. “I’m not crying because I’m sad, I’m crying because I’m mad that I’m not sad! God, I bawled my fucking eyes out when I broke up with Scott and James, and yet I can’t bring myself to care about Codo? I feel over him already, how much of a bitch does that make me–”

“JYN,” Cassian cut over her. “You just said that you’ve been growing apart. You’ve been slowly getting over him before the relationship was even over. Now that it is, you’re ready to move on. It doesn’t make you a bitch, it reminds me how strong you are because you made the right decision for you, even though it was hard. Was Codo upset?”

“I mean, a little,” Jyn had to admit there was truth in Cassian’s words. “but I think he was feeling mostly the same as me. I think he was holding out a little bit of hope that we could work shit out again, but ultimately agreed with me that if we’d both wanted to work shit out, we would have done it already.”

“Jyn, you did the right thing.”

“I know. Still sucks, though.”

He moved to hug her tightly. “Look at us. Both single. Both in therapy.”

“Have never been happier,” Jyn pointed out.

Cassian pulled back, smiling

“Very true. This is your day, don't let this ruin it! Do the others know?”

“Not yet. I tried to keep it in, but apparently I couldn’t stand it anymore and blabbed to you,” Jyn admitted.

“Is Codo here?”

“I saw him earlier, we said hi but didn’t talk,” Jyn nodded. When she’d first arrived, it had been full of hugs and congratulations for her mates like Maia, Janet, Ed and Ben, but Codo had just been a polite nod and a hello in acknowledgement. It wasn’t that it was awkward, it just felt… weird. The whole bloody thing felt weird really, but it was also a weight off her shoulders that she hadn’t realised she’d been carrying around for months now. 

“Hey,” Cassian said. “You’ll be fine.”

“I know,” she said back. “Now we better take some obligatory selfies now, because you can bet that I’m gonna cry later.”

His head leaned against hers in the photo.

* * *

**jynersos** this bitch has her masters!!! #classof2019 #nyugraduation #nyu #womeninstem

**574maiaaas** celebration party @ mine??? text me!

* * *

_Hey jyn, we’re officially coming to the stag party!!!_

**YAAAAAS BITCH  
** **IT’S GONNA BE SO GOOD TO SEE U AGAIN MINA**

_IT’S BEEN TOO LONG_

* * *

**cassiandors** @jynersos we have known each other for nearly 10 yrs how fuckin wild is that? U deserve the world and I hope you have an amazing birthday!!! #28andgreat

**jynersos** has it seriously been 10 years??????????? Holy shit lmao

* * *

_T-MINUS 16 DAYS AND COUNTING!!!_

**I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT TO BE MARRIED TO U**

_I LOVE U SO MUCH SHFHJFJGFJK_

**I LOVE U TOOOOOOOOOOOO**

_Also holy shit I got so excited I forgot about my original reason to msg u lmao what time was ur family flying in again?_

**LOL mina and ali get here fri, mum and dad next tue  
ur parents are coming next weekend, right?**

_ok cool. and yep! leia’s gonna be #thrilled  
_ _Our dad has never liked han lmfao_

**BRING ON THE #DRAMA**

* * *

“So are you guys having stag and stag parties or what?” Jyn had asked Bodhi several months ago in the midst of wedding planning. “As your best lady, I need to know what to organise.”

“I’m not sure you’re in the best state to be planning anything,” Bodhi had pointed out her leg, which had only been in a cast for a week at that point.

Jyn had waved a hand dismissively. “I’ll be up and walking by then!”

“You’re nothing if not stubborn,” Bodhi had laughed. “I mean, nothing we do is going to be traditional, so we figured we’d just both have a party each to celebrate? Han is organising something for Luke, so if you wanted you can do mine but honestly, I know you’re in a lot of pain right now and you don’t have to–”

“Stop right there! I’m doing it!” Jyn had already been pulling up google and typing in ‘how to plan a bachelor party’.

All her planning came down to tonight, months later, cast off, alcohol bought, boobs _out_. She could walk, she didn't have a boyfriend, she had her masters and her job at the lab, and she was going to fucking celebrate her best friend getting married in style. It felt a bit weird to be organising a bachelor party, but nothing else about this wedding fit with tradition, so she ran with it. Their festivities had a few stages, which naturally began with 1. Pre-drinks At The Apartment. She’d invited all of the usual suspects, barring Luke and Han of course, along with some of Bodhi’s workmates and of course his brother and sister who had flown from England two weeks early purely so that they could be here.

“MINA!” Jyn had yelled at the airport. She’d made a sign saying ‘WHERE MY ROOK’S AT?’ but she may as well not have bothered seeing as the second she’d seen Bodhi’s sister she’d tossed it aside and dashed to hug her. Mina had laughed and hugged her back, Bodhi staring around the airport with his arms out wide and mock exclaiming,

“Excuse me, but do I mean nothing?”

“It’s ok bro, I’m here for you!” Bodhi’s big brother Ali had come and given him a hug that Jyn was sure to have cracked some bones if he wasn’t careful.

Their first stage of the night had commenced with them all catching up with each other, chatting and knocking back champagne and dressing Bodhi up in various ridiculous outfits in an attempt to find his Look for the night. They eventually settled on a t-shirt and tie combo, complete with sunglasses and a feather boa before heading out for stage 2. Karaoke, because all good parties started with copious amounts of alcohol and making idiots of yourselves, of course. By that point, Jyn was objectively very drunk, but she was also having a fabulous time. Once they reached the bar, she scrambled to her feet, standing up on the cushioned bench that stretched across the back wall of their private karaoke room (which admittedly probably wasn’t a good idea for anyone, let alone for a drunk girl who’d had surgery on her leg eight months ago).

“I’d like to thank you all for coming!” she found herself calling out. 

“Sit down, Jyn, you’re going to break your leg again,” Kay rolled their eyes.

“Oi–” Jyn pointed her drink at them. “I just wanted to say thank you – wait shit, I said that part – and this night is about Bodhi! We are all here because we love Bodhi and we love that you have found someone to spend your life with and we can’t wait to celebrate with you.”

“AW, BABE,” Bodhi practically sobbed into his drink.

“Some of you guys have come a long way for this night,” Jyn carried on, raising her drink to Ali and Mina, who both raised theirs in response. “and the rest of you took out a night of your busy lives for your friend, and we appreciate you all. Now let’s get drunk!”

“I think you already are drunk,” Cassian laughed as Kes and Ali took the microphones and started cracking into a rousing rendition of Lady Gaga’s _Pokerface_.

“I resent that remark – AHHH–!”

She let out a shriek as her exuberant arm gestures threw her off balance. Her foot slipped and she fell off the bench, Cassian staggering in his attempt to catch her. Jyn’s life flashed before her eyes a little bit, but thankfully he fell back into the cushions, Jyn ending up sprawled in his lap and laughing her ass off.

“I was serious about you breaking something else,” Kay yelled out across the room.

“If – if you wanted to cuddle, all you had to do was ask–” Cassian couldn’t help but laugh too.

It was a long time before they could eventually compose themselves and actually join in the party. Plenty of karaoke classics were sung and champagne was consumed over the next hour, Ali hogging the microphone a majority of the time until Bodhi managed to wrestle it off him and Shara just enjoying eating a massive pile of chicken wings over her pregnant belly. Cassian, the amazing musician that he was, naturally maxed them all out in terms of talent to the point where no one even wanted to sing with him in fear of sounding terrible in comparison. Still, Jyn put on the dulcet tones that was Nikki Minaj’s _Superbass_ and made Cassian rap rather badly along with her. Kay utterly refused to sing up until the ever classic _Livin’ on a prayer_ and then apparently even they couldn’t repress the inner rock band singer inside them anymore.

Eventually though, their hour was up and it was time to move on to stage 3. Dancing Queens. They all filed out of the bar, Jyn leading the way. Bodhi had given his recommendations of all his favourite places earlier in the week and because she was a dedicated bachelor party planner, she had taken the time to draw them all onto a cardboard winning wheel for him to delightfully take a spin to choose which they were going to hit up first. Everyone cheered as he flicked the dial made out of a bobby pin.

“Please, please, please…” he’d muttered, fingers and arms crossed in front of his chest. When the pin landed, he threw his arms up in the air, exclaiming “YES!”

“Bodhi, you chose all of these bars,” one of his work mates had laughed. “You know you’re going to like all of them.”

“Yes, but this one is the BEST.” 

That was what he ended up saying about every one that they went to. It was somewhere between bars two and three (or maybe three and four?) however, when Bodhi suddenly decided that he didn’t want to use the spinner anymore. At first she’d thought he was just too immersed in something on his phone because he didn’t look up, even when she announced it was spin time again with several of them singing genially in the street, Mina and Shara taking selfies with a statue that they'd decorated with Bodhi's feather boa, all while Cassian vomited in the background. Then, he suddenly exclaimed,

“WAIT, I have the perfect place to go to!”

“That’s great, but I kind of made us a plan here,” Jyn pointed out.

“Excuse me, but WHO is getting married?” Jesus, Drunk-Bodhi was a lot. Hands on his hips, he declared, “ME, and I want to go somewhere different, so everyone follow me!”

“Where the hell are we going?” Jyn insisted.

Bodhi didn’t answer, just continued to cheerfully drag along everyone after him. She snorted before moving to stoop down and check if Cassian was still alive as he leaned over the gutter.

“Hey, mate,” she said, holding his shoulders. “Can you make it?”

He hastily stood. “’m fine!”

“You sure?” Jyn tried not to laugh.

“Ser – sous – seriously!” Cassian insisted, wincing at what was no doubt the taste in his mouth. “You know me, once everything comes back up, ‘mmmm fine.”

Mina turned back from the group when she noticed that they hadn’t moved yet.

“You guys good?” she called over.

“Yeah!” Jyn yelled back. She slung Cassian’s arm over her shoulder. “C’mon, let’s see what ridiculous idea Bodhi has gotten into his head.”

Cassian turned to look at her as they started walking. With his arm over her, they were almost nose to nose.

“God, you’re fucking beautiful,” he sighed.

Jyn rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile.

Considering Bodhi’s level of inebriated-ness, Jyn was a little concerned that they would just be aimlessly wandering the streets of Manhattan for hours. However, turns out he knew exactly where he was going and Jyn soon realised her mistake in letting Bodhi having even the smallest amount of say in how his night should go. A conversation a while back was starting to come to the forefront of her mind as they approached the neon words of _Millennium Falcon_ written on the sign outside this particular bar.

“Wait,” Jyn said as they all crowded inside. “Isn’t this where–?”

“EYYYYY!” Han Solo called out.

“ _WAIT_ –” She was too drunk for this.

“BABE!” Bodhi yelled, tripping into the bar. “I FOUND YOU!”

Luke came hurtling out of nowhere, slamming into Bodhi immediately. There were suddenly many voices yelling in excitement as apparently, Bodhi had managed to track down Luke’s own bachelor party. Jesus Christ. “The whole point was that you have your OWN parties!” she cried out. “I had a plan!”

“Fuck the plan,” she heard Leia say. Jyn laughed in exasperation and abandoned Cassian onto Kay to give her a hug. “We’re one giant bachelor party now.”

Indeed, their two groups ended up merging into one big mess of shots and cheers. Jyn had had several more things planned for their night, but she supposed sometimes you just had to roll with the punches. Luckily _Millennium Falcon_ appeared to have a good vibe. It was colourful and bright, and while some of the booths and tables appeared to have rips and cracks, it was fun and was playing music straight from a niche nostalgic period of mid to late 2000s. It felt like somewhere she might have tried to sneak into when she was in high school. Han wasn’t working, but he was chatting to several others behind the bar, several of them yelling, “HAN, NO!” when he started juggling several glasses. 

Bodhi at least seemed happy, which she supposed was the whole point of the night in the first place. He and Luke had initially made out against the bar for the first twenty minutes or so, until now they did the twist together out on the dance floor. After throwing back a shot (or three) Jyn dragged Kay and Cassian out to dance with her as well. Kay protested, though they still exasperatedly let Jyn and Cassian take their hands and make them wave them in the air. Eventually, the song transitioned into another old classic that made Kay exclaim, “NOPE, ABSOLUTELY NOT,” and for Jyn to find out exactly how many drinks it took to make herself twerk (for the record, it was five… or maybe eight, she’d lost count).

Bodhi whistled at her and they grinded together for a verse or two. He appeared to be having the time of his life. Another chorus later, and she found Cassian again, delightfully throwing her arms around his neck to dance with him too. As they all screamed-sung about windows and walls and _motherfuckers_ , she felt Cassian’s hands at her waist, sliding underneath the cropped t-shirt she wore. She found herself pulling closer, chest-to-chest and able to feel the sweat beading at his neck. His hands burned against her skin and some kind of primal part of her took over. She ground her hips against his and his nose skimmed her cheek, so close that she was able to smell the alcohol on his breath.

The song did helpfully give instructions for all the ladies of the club on how to dance, although how well she could execute them with her leg remained to be seen. She turned around in his arms, though she decided to skip dropping ‘that ass to the floor’ as she was fairly certain she would not get back up again. She could definitely _shake it_ and _get low_ , however. She moved her ass side to side against him, his fingers digging slightly into her hips. When she body rolled back into him she felt him suddenly stagger slightly, as if he’d taken a physical punch. She could feel every inch of him behind her and it sent a hot thrill throughout her body. She kind of had no idea what was happening and her leg was starting to ache from all the dancing, but he was all around her, it felt amazing and god, was she on fire?

_Now, bring yo ass over here, ho_

_And let me see you get low…_

Once the song ended, she suddenly needed to get outside immediately. She left Cassian in the middle of the dance floor and her world tilted as she attempted to make her way outside. Only by holding onto the edge of tables and the walls did she make it without keeling over. The summer night outside didn’t exactly help with cooling her off, so she unceremoniously sat on the sidewalk, back to the building to give her leg (and her heart) a chance to calm down. Being close to the roads still made her chest tighten, but she was slowly starting to learn how to control the fear and she breathed in through her nose deeply.

Her phone buzzed.

_JYN U OK??????_

**I’m fien neeed air**

_IM CoOMIN_

Jyn found that she wasn’t even mad when Mina Rook came out to join her. Plonking herself down next to Jyn in the street, she hugged her shoulders in a warm and enthusiastic embrace, saying, “I’VE FUCKING MISSED YOU SO MUCH, BABE.”

Jyn snorted. “You, too.”

“You sure you’re good out here?”

“I swear I’m fine,” Jyn said. “I just needed to get out for a moment. God, when was the last time we really hung out, Mina? Was it when I moved back to England after my dad died?”

“Oh my god, yeah!” Mina said. “Fuck, I know the circumstances weren’t great, but it was nice having you home for a bit.”

“Yeah, it’s always good to catch up.”

“Bodhi told me about your leg,” she mentioned.

“You and everyone else,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “I promise I’m fine now. Well, mostly fine. It still needs a rest every now and then.” 

“Good!” Mina insisted. “And how’s everything else going? You dating anyone?”

“Nah, I broke up with my ex a few weeks ago now,” Jyn told her. “It hadn’t been working for a while. I’m enjoying being fun-loving and fancy free!”

“Hmmm…”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Mina?”

“Oh, nothing,” she shrugged with a sing-song voice. “Except you were fucking ALL OVER Cassian back inside–”

“What – _noooo_ ,” Jyn knew she didn’t sound too convincing. 

“Also you practically fell into his arms before at karaoke–”

“That was my drunk arse misjudging how far I had to step,” Jyn hastily insisted. Besides, this was Cassian! _CASSIAN_. Not Cassian again, surely. Hadn’t the universe already told her that they weren’t supposed to happen? Fuck, she didn’t know what she thought anymore. A part of her insisted that the opportunity had long since passed for that one, and yet another… she glanced over her shoulder, as if she could see through the walls of the bar to where Cassian was inside. That had been something. That was not supposed to be how they behaved, that was not supposed to be how he made her feel. A line had been crossed and yet, it lit her on fire in a way that made her question everything.

“It was a possibility at one point in the past, you know that,” she told Mina. “but it didn’t happen.”

“Why not?”

“I guess it wasn’t the right time,” Jyn shrugged.

“Is it the right time now?”

Was there ever a right time? She’d never really known. She remembered a night from years ago, from back when they’d still been living in the apartment where they’d found the raccoon. It used to be a tradition of theirs at the beginning of each school year to spend an evening watching T.V. show new season openers together and one particular show had had a quote that ended up resonating through her brain in that moment. 

_“You got chemistry, you only need one other thing.”_

_“What's that?”_

_“Timing. But timing's a bitch.”_

Jyn looked at Mina. She didn’t have an answer for her question.

* * *

**b.the.rook** I LOEV MY HUSBANDNF

**~l.skywalk~~** CRYIN IN DA KLERB ILY

 **k2so91tu** Reminder that you are not technically married yet…

 **ridin’solo** it’s the thought that counts

**jynersos** how fucking drunk were u when u posted this photo lmao

* * *

_I’m fucking dying_

**LMAO  
I feel like I got hit by a car  
** **……..again**

 _Fuck me  
_ _Never let me drink that much again  
_ _Also I vaguely remember some rather inappropriate dancing with several people, so if I did anything untoward with u I apologise_

**Lmfao no worries**

* * *

_Text reminder for JYN ERSO, appointment scheduled for 07/18/19 at 6pm. Reply YES to confirm or ring to reschedule._

**Yes**

* * *

Jyn was thankfully used to therapy now, but it had taken a while. She’d panicked a little upon first walking into the brightly painted office of Hannah Maeve, licenced therapist. She’d had absolutely no idea what to expect, but if this was something that Cassian could do, then she was determined that she could to. Hannah had appeared to be a calm and kind woman in her mid-forties, her dark hair tied up in a bun and Jyn’s screening questionnaire open on her tablet.

“It’s nice to meet you,” she had said once Jyn gingerly sat down. “Thank you for coming to see me.”

“It’s fine,” Jyn had said, “Look, I have to say right off the bat that I’ve never been to counselling before and I’m kind of terrified to talk about – anything – but I know it will be good for me and – feel free to cut in at any point?”

Hannah had given her a kind look. “I’m here to listen to you, Jyn, not cut in.”

“Great. How did I end up here?”

“Well, it says here that you were a victim in a traffic accident,” Hannah had said, glancing at her questionnaire. “How about we start there?”

It had been brutal, but also strangely cathartic. Jyn felt like they didn’t do much that first session. She literally just explained the entire accident in detail, the things she could remember, the things she couldn’t, how she’d been feeling since. There weren’t any sobbing tears or traumatic childhoods unpacked like she always imagined that counselling would entail, but she did come out of it accepting that she had a form of post-traumatic stress and was at least willing to come back and work through it.

That had been a while ago now. Since then there had been a few tears, but Jyn appreciated Hannah more than she could express. Turns out there were a lot of things that she’d been suppressing over the years and that she was very good at suppressing things in general, which meant that Hannah had a field day every time she managed to get something new out of her.

“I’ve noticed that you never talk about your parents,” she mentioned at her latest session, a few days before Bodhi and Luke’s wedding. “How have they been throughout this?”

“My mother died when I was eight and my father in 2016,” Jyn admitted. “I have family from my mother’s side still in England, but we’re not close.”

“Oh, Jyn, I’m so sorry,” Hannah said, eyes wide.

“It’s fine.”

“But 2016… that’s fairly recent,” she added. “You told me in our first session that you’d never been to therapy before, did you not talk to anyone when he died?”

“I guess I didn’t,” Jyn admitted. She’d had absolutely every intention of doing so, but the months had kind of just gone on and eventually, time had just… healed everything. Right? There were admittedly still times when she would be searching for a photo somewhere and in the process find one of her and her dad with their arms around each other. Or she would be reminded by small things, like when she’d finally managed to sell his house, when she’d seen Mina again, or when her grandma would make her annual Merry Christmas post and would tag everyone in the family except her. She’d long accepted that she chose her own family, that her life was in New York now, that she was fine being the last Erso left, but Hannah was just watching her and she wasn’t sure how she managed it, but the woman just knew how to get her to start talking.

“I never realised until now,” she said. “but I think I’ve been very lonely the last three years.”

Hannah nodded. “It’s an understandable feeling.”

“Thing is, I made my life here,” Jyn told her. “My friends, they are my family. They always have been and I’ve always been fine, why am I suddenly just missing my parents now?”

“Considering your naturally tendency to hide away how you really feel, it’s not surprising that there are a lot of things that you haven’t dealt with completely.”

“Wow, what a nice way to say that I am basically the the Queen of Repressed Feelings,” Jyn snorted. 

Hannah laughed. “How do you feel about talking about your parents a little bit?” she asked. “I know it’s not exactly related to the accident trauma, but by opening up and working through those feelings, you might find that you start becoming a bit more open to getting through that as well.”

She had, and it hadn’t exactly been fun, but it had opened up her brain a little. She’d thought of memories that she hadn’t done in a long time. She remembered her father scooping her up once when she’d gotten out of bed as a child, stooping back to pick up her fallen toy as well. She remembered her mother singing to her and brushing her hair. She remembered that it was ok to hurt.

She remembered it was ok to feel things.

When she got home, it was to find everyone chatting and laughing in the kitchen, playing a game of _7 Wonders_. With Ali and Mina currently staying on their couch, their roommate Margaret joining in and Cassian currently over as well, it suddenly felt like their apartment was packed to the brim these days.

“Wait, wait, what am I doing again?” Mina was staring at her game cards in bewilderment.

“You choose which one you want to play, then you give the rest to Kay next to you,” Bodhi rolled his eyes.

“But aren’t they MY cards?”

“No, we’re sharing resources – oh, I give up,” Bodhi threw up his hands.

“I think I’ve drunk one too many beers for this.”

“Hey, Jyn!” Cassian called out when he noticed her arrive. “You joining? We’re already at seven players, so we can be a team if you want?”

She stared at him as he waved her over. Warmth spread through her body upon seeing his face and for a moment, the only thing her brain could comprehend was _god, he’s fucking beautiful_.

… shit. 

It was later after their game had finished and they were packing everything up to get ready for dinner when Jyn realised she was about to fucking lose it. She pulled out her phone and was sending the message to where Bodhi was literally only across the room from her. He paused stacking his cards to glance at his phone and she saw his eyes widen. 

**What up bodhi so uhhhh I’m calling an official Code Blue**

_Jesus Christ  
_ _what is it_

 **so turns out I’m in love with cassian  
** **……..again**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Codo was the last thing really in the way and while I kind of felt like he deserved to stay close with everyone like Dani did, sometimes it's just not what happens. Relationships that were once so close can suddenly not be anymore and not everyone stays friends with their exes. Everything can suddenly end like Jyn said, with just a conversation and a friendly hug. It's certainly happened to me before and I hope you guys found it realistic. Codo will go on to live a great life and I'm sure he'll find happiness again! 
> 
> anyway ayyyyyYYOOOOOO many of you noticed them getting closer and closer last chapter and how in love Cassian is lmao. Motherfucker is DOOMED and so is jyn!!! these chapters are getting longer than normal, but i keep going overboard lol. I hope you all enjoyed it, let me know what you think xoxoxo


	19. Chapter 19

**so turns out I’m in love with cassian  
** **……..again**

_ASSDHFSHJFDHJJDKJKDGKJDG  
_ _U CANT DROP THIS ON ME FOUR DAYS BEFORE MY WEDDING  
_ _JUST FUCKING WHAT??????????  
_ _I’m SORRY  
_ _SINCE FUCKING wHeN  
_ _nope hang on pretend you’re going out to the bodega and I’ll offer to come with_

* * *

“Well, this seems a bit familiar,” Bodhi declared once they reached the front stoop of their apartment building. Jyn sat down with a flourish, also vividly recalling doing this many years ago.

“Yeah, haven’t done this for a while,” she tried to joke.

“RIGHT,” Bodhi sat down next to her. “So start explaining!”

Where to even fucking start?

“Well,” Jyn said. “turns out my therapist is bloody good.”

“Oh my god.”

“Look, I don’t even know where to begin,” she said. “because it definitely started before that. Maybe your bachelor party?”

“What the ever loving FUCK happened at my bachelor party?” Bodhi’s eyes were wide.

“Didn’t you see?”

“Babe, I was drunk out of my mind,” Bodhi snorted. “I didn’t notice anything beyond Luke.”

“In that case,” Jyn said. “Cassian and I might have blurred some boundaries that night. Nothing like that!” she hastily added as she saw Bodhi about to go into Code Red territory. “We just danced! …but in a rather sexy way, and it was new territory and you know that I accepted that we just weren’t supposed to be a long time ago, but we’re both single for the first time in literal years and I started wondering whether maybe we just got all of our timing wrong and now…”

Bodhi let out a breath, rubbing his forehead.

“I cannot, Jyn Erso.”

“Trust me, I cannot with myself.”

“So what happened next?”

“Well,” Jyn thought. “I put it out of my mind, but Hannah got me talking today and I know that I’m terrible when it comes to suppressing shit. I bury emotion that I don’t want to deal with, but when I got home, all I had to do was _look_ at Cassian… and I just knew.”

“This is insane,” Bodhi shook his head. “I thought the possibility of you guys was long over! I can’t believe that Luke owes me!”

“I’m sorry, you bet on me?”

“It was never serious,” Bodhi said, hastily.

No doubt they had betted on a block of chocolate or something. Still, Jyn nudged his shoulder.

“God, Bodhi. What do I fucking do?”

“Well, its obvious isn’t it?” Bodhi said. “You tell him how you feel!”

“Now you’re insane.”

“Well, you’re not going to bury this again, I refuse to let you and I doubt your therapist will either,” Bodhi said. “So that leaves either a) actually dealing with the feelings and moving past it again or b) telling Cassian you love him and seeing what happens. For the record, I think option b is the best, followed by option a only as a last resort.”

Once again she was faced with the conundrum that she’d been faced with four years ago now. Did she risk it all on the chance that he might love her too? Back then Jyn barely had any clue how feelings worked but even then she’d still come to the conclusion that she had to do it. Now, she was older. She knew when it felt right and when it didn’t and she just had a feeling that if she said something that it might go well. She’d seen the look on Cassian’s face when she’d been in the hospital. She saw how his face had lit up whenever she said she’d help him with his school recitals. She remembered when he’d realised how much post-traumatic stress she was actually going through and how he’d bought her dinner and stayed up with her the entire night talking her through it. She remembered the night of Bodhi’s bachelor party, her arms around his neck, the way she’d felt as he’d held her…

“I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I say nothing,” she admitted.

“There you go,” Bodhi gestured wildly at her.

“God, this is terrifying,” Jyn groaned. “I can attempt to read in between the lines as much as I like, but I’m still gonna be risking it all.”

“Wait,” Bodhi suddenly realised. “You know who we need?”

“Who?”

* * *

“Wait,” Kay glanced down at their phone again once they’d walked out the front doors to the building and found them both sitting on the steps. “I thought you guys went to the bodega?” 

“ _I’m in love with Cassian!_ ” Jyn blurted out.

Kay stared for a moment.

“Did I break you?”

“Hold on,” Kay held up a hand. “This is a lot to process in the space of five seconds.”

They waited. Honestly, if anyone knew anything apart from Cassian himself, it was going to be Kay Tu. The two of them had been friends even longer than Jyn and Cassian had been (albeit only by a few days but still). They continued processing for several moments, still standing in the doorway to their building while Jyn and Bodhi just exchanged apprehensive looks.

Then, eventually, Kay suddenly burst out,

“You have to tell him!”

“Oh, they’re alive,” Bodhi noted.

“I’m serious! Here, let me sit down,” they came and joined the group that was quickly forming on the steps of their apartment building, shoving their self into the middle. “Jyn, I am technically bound to secrecy and I’m not allowed to say a word, BUT I will say that you have to tell Cassian.”

“Why?”

“BECAUSE,” Kay sighed, closing their eyes. “ _I’m not allowed to say_. But figure it out.”

“Cassian loves her, doesn’t he?” Bodhi said with glee.

“I absolutely do not confirm that.”

“KAY,” Jyn said.

“Secrecy, remember?” Kay insisted. “but I’m telling you, please put an end to my suffering and talk to him already because I swear to god I will go insane if I have to hear anymore.”

“He’s in love with you,” Bodhi threw his arms into the air.

It was too much information and not enough at the same time. “Kay, please,” Jyn practically begged.

“I am a non-binary person of my word,” Kay insisted. “but… look, I suppose I can tell you a story. Do you remember the day you were in your accident?”

She winced, but nodded.

“Let me tell you our side. So we were just preparing Thanksgiving dinner. Kes and Shara had come round, Luke, Han and Leia, and Cassian was cooking. He was so proud of that turkey and he was guarding it with his fucking life like he does literally every year,” Jyn nodded. Cassian’s defence of his beloved turkey was one of his most defining personality traits at this point. “Anyway, he refused to so much as step out of the kitchen, everyone had to come in and say hello to him instead. He asked me if I could help him set the table, and he accidentally set a place for you, forgetting that you were actually going to be with Codo that year. It was a small moment, but he shook it off.”

Jyn could picture it exactly in her head. She wasn’t sure if that was because of Kay’s story-telling skills or because it was just exactly what he would do.

“It was right when he was going to check on the turkey for the last time when he got the message from Codo wondering if he’d heard from you. That’s when he started calling and when he didn’t get an answer, he started to panic. We called you as well and we were all worried, but I’ve known Cassian for 10 years and I’ve never seen him so shit scared before. When Codo called we all knew he was either going to be telling us you were ok or that you were dead and he only listened for about five seconds before looking at me dead in the eyes and saying, ‘I’ve got to go’.”

Jyn’s heart gave a lurch.

“Cassian abandoned his Thanksgiving turkey, Jyn,” Kay said. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. That turkey that he’d slaved over the entire day he just up and left because you were in a hospital in Brooklyn and that was more important.”

“I mean… it was a turkey…”

“You don’t get it, it was _Cassian’s turkey_ ,” Kay stressed. “Come on, you understand the significance just as well as I do! He straight up banned everyone from even looking at the thing and yet the second he found out you were hurt, he was out the fucking door. Jyn… please tell him how you feel.”

Kay didn’t use the words, but she knew. He was telling her that Cassian was in love with her and honestly, she could see it. Just like the first time, there had been something brewing, something that came and went as shit happened and time went by and for the first time in four years, Jyn and Cassian were now both single at the same time. She had hesitated so long last time that Dani had swooped in before she could.

She couldn’t make that mistake again.

* * *

_Hey my beautiful babe!!!!! does ur lot have transport to the wedding yet???_

**Lmaoooo we’re currently trying to figure out what’s the cheapest option**

_It’s driving with me! I got room for u losers in the van_

**Omg that would work, ur heading out thu right?**

_Yeah_

**Amazing, done, thanks Han!!!!**

* * *

**~~Hey, so I heard you abandoned your thanksgiving turkey for me~~ **

* * *

_HEEEELLLLPPPPP JYNNNNNN CODE BLACK_

**WTF WHAT IS IT**

_WORK HAS SCHEDULED ME LAST MINUTE I CAN’T GO AND PICK UP MY SUIT_

**……….jesus bodhi, I thought someone had died lmaoooo**

_I AM ABOUT TO DIE BISH PLS CAN U GET IT FOR MEEEE_

**Lmao ofc**

_WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U???????_

**You’ll never deserve me hahahaha  
** **Also never use code black again unless u mean it, you’ll give me a heart attack**

_Fair enough hahahahha  
_ _Also did u tell cassian u love him yet_

**LOOK bITCH**

* * *

**shara_baeeee** GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME #39weeks 

* * *

**b.the.rook** big day is almost upon us! can’t wait to be married to you @~l.skywalk~~

* * *

Jyn partied an entire day before the actual wedding.

The hotel that Bodhi and Luke had chosen as their wedding venue was from another time. It was made up of wooden floors, chandeliers and grand staircases, the grounds stretching out across the north coast of Long Island and several of them spent a rather significant chunk of time taking photos of each other for Instagram when they first arrived. The entire first day they were there was spent just exploring the hotel and chilling at the small stretch of private beach, Kay complaining about the sun the entire time as they sat under a tree while the rest of them played a rather loose interpretation of the game ‘football’. Only Han really had a good grasp of the actual rules of the game and kept trying to coordinate plays while the rest of them kind of just ran around having a grand ol’ time. Jyn had never exactly been a sports person, but she still ran for her life when Han threw her the ball. Cassian ended up body slamming her back into the sand, causing Bodhi to yell, “NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO GET HURT THIS CLOSE TO THE WEDDING!”

“I’m fine!” Jyn yelled back, the two of them laughing as Cassian swept sand out of Jyn’s hair. 

The next day Bodhi and Luke’s families arrived and that was when the partying really began. It still wasn’t even the official day of the wedding, and yet they all dressed up to sing, dance and consume way more food than was probably good for them in the hotel’s elaborately decorated ballroom.

“I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not that familiar with Pakistani wedding traditions,” Jyn told Shara at one point. “but I’m doing my best to understand it.”

“Don’t worry,” Mina cut in, swinging her arms around Jyn’s neck. “This wedding is already a gay-western-fusion, anything you google wouldn’t be accurate anyway. But I appreciate you still attempting to get it. Our dance is on in ten!”

“Oh god,” Jyn blanched. “How much do I have to pay you to get out of it?”

“A trillion dollars.”

“Shara?” Jyn tried.

Her friend just shook her head in amusement. “I want to see this!”

Jyn had been practicing for the Pakistani dance that Mina had dragged her and Leia into for the past several weeks. Bodhi would laugh at her attempting the moves as she rehearsed in the lounge following the video Mina sent her, until Jyn would promptly shut him out once more. Mina apparently would have roped in Shara as well into the performance, but she had been given a free pass on the count that she was “about ready to blow any day now.”

“I still got some time,” Shara mentioned, her pregnant belly very clear underneath her dress. “Oh, put your hands here!”

Shara reached out, taking hold of their wrists. Jyn and Mina stood just touching Shara’s belly for a moment, Jyn slowly starting to feel like it was getting into weird territory until suddenly, she felt something move underneath her hand.

“Holy shit,” she grinned.

“He’s strong!” Mina said.

“He’s driving me crazy,” Shara rolled her eyes. “I feel like he should have been out a month ago, only I still have a damn week left. You think if I danced with you guys it might encourage him to get out?”

“Don’t you dare,” Mina said. “You leave him cooking until he’s done.”

“Hey, Mina!” Ali called over, microphone and clipboard in his hands like he was directing an entire Broadway play. “You guys are on in five! We’re clearing the floor now!”

Mina turned her sparkling eyes on Jyn. “Time to shine, girl!”

“ _Nooooo_ ,” Jyn complained, yet she still let herself get dragged into position.

The festivities went on until very early in the morning. She thankfully didn’t have to share a bed with Cassian this time, although their rooms did happen to be next door to each other. They decided to bail at the same time, dragging themselves up to bed somewhere around two in the morning, several of the others having already crashed a while ago.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I think you did great,” Cassian told her as they reached her bedroom door.

“I mean, I certainly gave it a good try,” Jyn snorted. “It’s ok, Cassian, you can say I was terrible.”

“I could never,” he told her.

They paused for a moment as they lingered at her door. Jyn was unsure whether he was about to say something else, or hell whether she was about to say something else, so she just kept waiting and apparently, so did he. God, she was unable to look away. Just as she wondered what would happen if she leaned in (just a little bit), Cassian straightened himself off and exclaimed,

“Well hey, I’ll see you in the morning!”

“Yeah,” Jyn hastily said back. “See you.”

* * *

When she did see him the next morning, it was to find him slumped over the hotel’s breakfast table, head in his hands and a plate of untouched poached eggs beside him. Admittedly many of them were trickling in for breakfast at abysmally slow rates, clearly worn out from the previous days of revelry, but she knew Cassian too well at this point.

“Ok,” she announced her presence as she sat down opposite him with her own breakfast. “What the hell is wrong with you?” 

Cassian just groaned.

“You’re not sick, are you?”

He shook his head, “Jyn, I’m having a meltdown.”

“When aren’t you?” Jyn snorted. “What is it?”

“I guess it only just hit me,” Cassian finally looked up, his brave face looking more like he was going to throw up. “but Dani’s going to be at the wedding today.”

“…oh, boy,” Jyn said.

Honestly, Jyn had always known that Dani was invited to the wedding, but she admittedly hadn’t actually thought of the consequences of that until now. She remembered Bodhi and Luke going through the dilemma of whether to invite her or not, as it wasn’t going to be like the Halloween party this time. She was still their friend and they’d figured that enough time had gone by that they couldn’t not invite her.

“Please, it’s fine,” Cassian had waved a hand when they’d anxiously asked him whether it was ok. “It will have been like, a year, since we’ve broken up by that point, I’ll be fine.”

Turns out he was decidedly Not Fine.

“Hey, hey!” Jyn hastily exclaimed. “Don’t you start spiralling now! I won’t let you!”

“It’s not that I’m not over her,” Cassian said, rubbing his eyes. “I very much am, but this will kind of be the first time in a long while that I’ll see her in person and I think I’m supposed to be able to talk to her now. Jesus, Jyn, I haven’t had a proper conversation with her at all since last Halloween, I didn’t at all prepare for this!” 

“Cassian, you literally don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to,” Jyn pointed out.

“I know, but that’s the thing,” he said. “I don’t want to be in this weird space anymore. I want us to get to the point where we can have a conversation and be genuinely happy to see each other again. I hate avoiding her.”

It stung a part of her, she wasn’t going to lie. She knew that his feelings for Dani were long over, yet it was still easy for her brain to make up a scenario in which the two of them reconnected at a romantic wedding weekend and she was once again left in the dust, forced to watch the two of them run off happy together. But Cassian had to be more important than her ridiculous anxieties, so she reached out and held his arm across the table. He looked up at her.

“I get it,” she said. “and honestly, the only advice I can give you is go at your own pace and talk to her on your own terms. Stay honest to yourself and if you do that, then you can’t go wrong.”

He squeezed the hand that was on his arm.

“Thanks, Jyn.”

“You’re welcome,” She pulled back, hastily. “Now eat your goddamn breakfast and stop worrying. We have a wedding to get through, after all.”

She didn’t see Cassian after that for a long while. It was time to get ready with the rest of the wedding party, and the hours of their morning were dedicated to hair, make-up and Mina and Bodhi’s mum, Alisha, helping her wear her saree right. “You’re an honorary Pakistani now,” Alisha beamed. “Not that you haven’t been a part of this family until now, of course. You’ve always been one of us.”

“Thank you,” Jyn told her, earnestly. “For everything.”

“Honey, we would have done anything for you from the very first day Bodhi dragged you home to play after school,” Alisha said.

“How crazy is it that your boy is getting married?”

“Don’t get her started,” Bodhi’s dad, Amir, called out from where he was wrestling with his hair in the mirror.

“Honestly, Amir, would you stop messing with it!” Alisha said exasperatedly, dashing over so she could fix him from sure disaster. “If you’d just let the hairdresser–”

“No one is touching my hair but me–!”

“Look at y’all, you’re stunning!” Bodhi and Luke’s wedding photographer declared in utter delight as she entered their room. Her name was apparently Rebecca and was armed with several different lenses and came in with a plan of attack akin to preparing for a zombie invasion as opposed to just taking some wedding photos. She consulted her notebook and declared, “So I’m going to take a couple of shots here getting ready, then we’re going to do a first reveal of the groom. We’ll do the best man and ladies first, then we’ll do Mom and Dad. Sound good?”

Rebecca showed her a few of the photos on her viewfinder a little while later, and Jyn realised that they were certainly getting their money’s worth of photos. Her depictions of them getting ready were gorgeous and Jyn had the lucky job of being first to be revealed to the groom. Out of all of the weddings she’d been to, she’d never done a ‘first look’ or ‘reveal’ before and honestly she didn’t quite know what to expect. Bodhi had gotten dressed away from them all in a room just off theirs so she admittedly didn’t know what he currently looked like. Apparently Rebecca was waiting behind him with her camera as Jyn walked into the room.

“Holy shit,” she half laughed, half cried, the camera clicking and no doubt catching her stunned face. “Bodhi, you're hot as fuck!”

“What about you?” he grinned at her in his traditional dress, the two of them immediately crushing each other in a hug. “Oh my god, I fucking knew I was going to cry and I haven’t even SEEN Luke yet!”

“Don’t you dare,” Jyn insisted.

“You’re so beautiful!” Bodhi practically sobbed. There had been no hope from the beginning for him.

“You’re the one getting married, I’m supposed to think you’re beautiful!”

Bodhi just laughed, pulling back to wipe at his eyes. “Jyn, knowing you has been such a privilege. You know I love you, but I don’t think I’ve ever said how much of a sister you have been to me. You really have meant so much. Seriously, thank you for agreeing to be here with me today.”

Well, that just set her off. Jyn had to fan at her face to try and stave off the tears the entire time Bodhi was revealed next to Mina, then to Ali and his parents.

Once time moved into the afternoon, the guests started to arrive. Jyn watched from the top of the stairs as the elaborate hall started to fill up with their friends and family. It seemed that Luke’s family had come from every corner across the country to be here, including literally every last stray uncle he had living out on an Idaho farm somewhere or from deep in the Arizona desert. Jyn knew that his wedding party consisted of Han, Leia, and apparently a close uncle of his, Ben. Jyn didn’t know Luke’s parents very well, but she could hear his dad shit-talking Han from a mile away, making her snort with laughter.

Bodhi and Luke apparently hadn’t been able to decide who was going to walk down the aisle, so they had decided that they were going to be dramatic and both enter at the same time from opposite sides of the room. The ball room that they were using for their ceremony had been arranged with all the chairs facing the front, with Bodhi and Luke to eventually meet in the middle. Quite honestly, Jyn thought more weddings should adopt the tradition, though the appreciation stopped when she realised that she was being placed at the front of the precession.

Jyn gripped her flowers tight.

The second she stepped out she naturally had hundreds of pairs of eyes on her. Thankfully, she was so preoccupied with making sure that she didn’t walk too fast or too slow that she barely even noticed the audience of people. When she reached the ceremony space at the front, it was to see that Han had been first out on Luke’s side and his ridiculous face thankfully made her calm down.

Once again, she had to actively stop herself from crying during the actual ceremony. Mina sobbed an entire bucket next to her, Luke looked incredible in his suit, and Jyn saw Cassian and Kay in one of the first few rows and did her best not to catch either of their eyes lest they make her laugh. Bodhi and Luke both said their own vows to each other, their voices catching. 

“Sometimes I’m too fast,” Luke told Bodhi. “I’m all in. I see something I want and it blinds me a little to the realities of it, but when I first met you, time suddenly seemed to slow down. You showed me how to stop and take a moment to just appreciate what’s in front of me. You are so genuine and loving and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Jyn watched as their hands were gripped tightly in each other’s. Bodhi was already crying as he said his own vows back. “Luke, you taught me how to find the joy in simple things,” he said. “that sometimes life is wholesome and ridiculous and just makes no sense at all and that that's ok. Loving you has been easy and fun and you have brought me out of my shell more than I ever thought I could be. I know that the rest of our lives are going to be amazing together.”

Eventually, there were rings and kisses and then suddenly everyone was pushing their chairs aside so that a traditional aisle down the middle could be created for the newly joined Bodhi and Luke to walk down together as everyone screamed and cheered. Pairing together with Luke’s party, Jyn found herself linking arms with Han as they walked down behind the husbands.

“Oh, hey,” Jyn said, conversationally.

“Hey,” Han said. “Would you look at that! Our boys got married.”

“When’s it your turn,” Jyn teased.

“Shhhh,” Han stage whispered, gesturing to Leia walking with Ali in front of them. “It’s supposed to be a surprise!”

* * *

They spent their afternoon taking wedding photos throughout the estate grounds and after a dinner full of rousing speeches, it was time to bust out the dance moves. Her physiotherapist probably did not want her leaping up and down like a maniac on the dance floor, but that’s what she did anyway. Her leg might hurt like a bitch tomorrow morning, but it would be well worth it. Bodhi and Luke had apparently decided that their first dance as a married couple was not going to be a sway to Ed Sheeran’s _Perfect_. They instead started with a beautiful Pakistani-style dance that eventually broke into a recreation of Beyoncé’s _Single Ladies_ , complete with dramatic outfit changes and everything. Jyn had made sure to film the entire thing as their crowd screamed in support (Jyn was particularly admiring of Luke’s body rolls). Absolute bangers blasted out of the speakers as they partied on, Jyn spinning around with Mina until eventually she had to sit down. She saw Kay at their table and she fell into the chair next to them. 

“You having fun?” she asked, her face no doubt entirely red.

“I have champagne and no one is making me dance,” Kay nodded. “I find I’m quite enjoying myself.”

“Can you believe it?” Jyn turned to watch where Bodhi and Luke were dancing together, holding hands and jumping up and down. “The motherfuckers got _married_. It makes you think what else is possible in this world?”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Kay said. “Have you told Cassian how you feel, yet?”

“Whoa, hey,” Jyn choked a little. “One thing at a time!”

“So that’s a no.”

“Stop calling me out,” she complained.

“I'm going to keep asking until you do it. It’s my purpose in life.”

“Kay Tu, I swear you were not put on this planet to torture me,” Jyn gave him an affectionate kick with her foot.

“I am of course kidding, Jyn. Our existence as humans isn’t just to be bound to someone else.”

“You’re literally at a wedding, Kay.”

“I stand by it,” Kay said. “Even if I believed in soul mates, I’d still argue that we aren’t made for other people. We are all whole people who deserve happiness just for being us.”

“I forgot that alcohol turns you into a philosopher,” Jyn snorted.

“Am I missing out, Jyn?” Kay suddenly asked.

That made her look at them with a start. “Kay, you’ve lost me.”

They shook their head. “I apologise. The wedding is making me all emotional, it’s disgusting.”

“Happens to the best of us. Seriously, what’s going on?”

It wasn’t like Kay to ever have doubts. The few things in life that Jyn could always count on to be true was that the sun rose and set, _Rebel, Rebel_ served the best coffee, and that Kay Tu always had the answers. And yet, they hesitated for a moment. “Jyn, you know that I’m ace and aro as fuck,” they said. “and even though I _know_ I’m happy without a relationship and have no desire to ever be in one, a part of me wonders every now and then what I’m missing out on.”

She understood them, in a way.

“Look, life is full of what ifs,” Jyn said. “I always imagine what if I’d said something to Cassian sooner, what if my dad hadn’t died, what if I hadn’t gone back to school… but the human experience is not knowing. You’re never going to really know if any of the decisions you’ve made about your life have been the right ones, but the main thing is that you don’t regret any of them. I think that’s all that matters, and I’m pretty sure you already know that.”

“Yeah,” they said. “Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else, though. Thank you.”

“No problem. So how’s Cassian doing?” Jyn asked Kay.

“He hasn’t passed out yet,” Kay shrugged. “I call it a success.”

He’d finally faced up to the dreaded first conversation and sought out Dani to talk to. They seemed to be getting along ok from where they stood at a polite distance from each other at the edge of the dance floor. He managed to catch her eye from over Dani’s shoulder and just from that one look, Jyn knew that he was pleading for her help. _Please send back up_ , it said.

“All right,” Jyn said, clapping Kay on the shoulder. “I think I have to go rescue him now. Save me a dance, yeah?”

“Not in this lifetime.”

“That’s the spirit,” Jyn grinned.

She made her way over and she was sure that she could see Cassian visibly sigh in relief. Not that he wouldn’t have been doing fine without her, she was sure. “Hey!” she said and Dani immediately called out in delight.

“Jyn! Look at you, you’re gorgeous, it’s so good to see you!” Dani hugged her tightly.

“You, too!” Jyn said. She moved to Cassian’s side and he mouthed ‘ _thank you_ ’ as he wrapped an arm around her waist. “It’s been ages, how are you?”

“I was just telling Cassian, really good, yeah,” Dani grinned. “Can you believe they got married? I fucking cried, this place is so beautiful!”

“We nearly got lost driving out here,” Jyn remembered the rather perilous van ride with Han as Leia’s phone had lost signal several times and they’d accidentally turned down the wrong gravel road.

“Oh my god, same,” Dani said. “but it’s so good to see everyone, I haven’t caught up in so long! You graduated, right?” 

“I have my masters, bitch!” Jyn naturally had to whip out her phone to show Dani more photos of graduation than just the ones that she’d put up on Instagram. With her presence, she noticed that Cassian was relaxing more and more, to the point where he was able to genuinely join in the conversation about their futures and what Jyn was working on now that she had her qualification.

“Are you still teaching?” Dani asked Cassian at one point.

“I am, yeah,” he said. “Public school is on break, but the music school I work for has a summer programme I’ve been doing. Also I took the bar exam in July.”

_Wait… fucking what?_

Jyn and Dani both turned to stare in amazement. He’d casually tacked that statement on at the end there as if they wouldn’t notice it at all. Of course Jyn fucking noticed it. Cassian had been talking about it for months, but that’s all it had been for so long that Jyn hadn’t been sure whether he would ever actually do it. He’d never said a goddamn word to anyone!

“You’re fucking kidding!” Jyn said.

“You didn’t know?” Dani laughed.

“Motherfucker didn’t say anything! CASSIAN!” Jyn whacked him on the shoulder. “You took the bar exam!”

He thankfully laughed a little. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, I just knew you were stressed with your own studies and then your break up and I didn’t want to make shit about me. I actually didn’t tell anyone.”

“Oh my god!” Dani grinned. “Cassian, that’s amazing. You’ll make an amazing lawyer.”

“Thank you,” he said, gratefully.

Jyn saw something spark in Dani’s eyes in that moment then and she suddenly turned her astonished gaze onto her. “Hang on,” she added. “ _Break up_? Did you and Codo break up?”

“Oh shit, yeah we did,” Jyn told her.

“Oh my god, this is too much for me to handle all at once,” Dani said. “Girl, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, I swear,” Jyn said. “We were growing apart for a while, it was just the right time to end. We broke up on good terms.”

“Thank god, that makes it easier. Are you happier now?”

“So much happier,” Jyn nodded.

“Then that’s what matters,” Dani said, firmly. “Shit, you guys! I’ve missed out on so much. Hell, I didn’t even get a chance to tell you that I’m moving to Italy in the fall.”

“Oh my god, seriously?” Jyn asked.

“Yeah, it all kind of just worked out!” Dani said. “I got a new job with my travel company, I’ll get to spend some time with my mom’s family…”

“How long you there for?”

“My contract is for a year,” Dani said. “After that, who knows?”

It was what she had wanted to do with her life, and Jyn was honestly happy that she was doing exactly what she’d dreamed of doing. She glanced sideways at Cassian as they continued to enthusiastically chat about the places that Jyn had seen in Italy and where Dani would be living. She didn’t see any hints of regret upon learning the news that Dani was leaving. On the contrary, he seemed to be genuinely excited to talk to her about the adventures that awaited her. 

She supposed it was a rather large sign that both Dani and Cassian had only managed to chase the futures they both wanted after they had broken up, after all.

Eventually, Dani had caught sight of Kay not too far away and she had bid them goodbye to go and say hello. She hugged the both of them, Cassian wrapping an arm around her comfortably before she darted off. The second she was out of earshot, he let out a long breath.

“Oh my god, I’m alive,” he gasped.

“You did it!” Jyn said, tugging on his shoulders enthusiastically.

“I did, didn’t I?” Cassian smiled. 

“How do you feel?”

“Honestly?” Cassian thought. “Jyn, I’m fine. I didn’t know how it was going to go at all, but now that I’ve seen her and talked to her, I think I can get through anything.”

“Of course you can,” Jyn nodded. “You’re Cassian Fucking Andor.”

“Thank you, Jyn.”

“You can thank me,” Jyn took his hands. “by dancing with me. Come on!”

Cassian let her drag him out onto the dance floor then with a laugh. The two of them found Bodhi and they span around together for a song. She twerked with Leia and had Han doing the whip-nae-nae. At one point the three Rook siblings attempted to teach them all a dance from Pakistan which of course got immortalised on film, so Jyn was going to have to find that file at some point to delete the evidence of her once again terrible dance moves. Finding Cassian again while a classic Chris Brown sung in the background, Jyn held onto his shoulders as she jumped. The song called for putting her hands in the air, naturally, but she was pushing her leg about as far as it could go already. Cassian seemed to notice. He pulled her in around her waist, taking some of the weight off and she felt her heart pang painfully.

Eventually, the music slowed down. A wedding had to call for the romantic Ed Sheeran’s at some point and sure enough, one of his slow and smooth songs started. Jyn waited for Cassian to pull back, but he ended up not moving a muscle. Well, if he wasn’t moving then she wasn’t either. She wrapped her arms around his neck and there they stayed, swaying to the beat. They didn’t say anything for almost the entire song, but his arms around her were tight and protective and Jyn found that she didn’t care that this was blurring those boundaries again. Maybe that was the easiest way to ease in, after all? Keep crossing boundaries until eventually, there was nothing left and she was completely on the other side.

He glanced down at her at one point. “I – Jyn,” he said quietly, pressing the side of his head to hers so that she couldn’t see his face. “I know something feels different here, but this is a wedding and I know people get emotional at weddings–”

“You abandoned your turkey for me!” Jyn declared.

He really did stare at her at that.

“Pardon?” 

“The turkey! Shit,” Jyn pulled back, realising that she sounded completely insane when put out of context like that. She had absolutely no idea why she’d decided that now was suddenly the time to bring it up, but apparently she was doing it and there was no going back now. She wasn’t surprised to hear the bewilderment in his tone when Cassian asked,

“You mean at thanksgiving?”

“Sorry, I really didn’t lead into that one very well, did I?” Jyn said. “Yes, I meant the thanksgiving turkey. The day I had my accident.”

For a while, Cassian just stared at her. Honestly, if Jyn hadn’t been so high on pain meds that day in the hospital, then she probably would have realised the extent of him turning up much sooner and without even needing Kay’s story. His protection of his thanksgiving turkey was iconic, after all. He was probably wondering why the hell she was talking about it now, but she’d started and now she couldn’t stop.

“Right,” Cassian eventually said. “I know what you mean.”

“That turkey always means a lot to you,” Jyn told him. “I guess what I’m asking is why did you just up and leave it like that?”

“I got a phone call saying you’d been hit by a car,” Cassian pointed out.

“Codo told you I was fine–”

“No, he told me that you had a broken leg and had to get surgery, that didn’t tell me you were fine,” Cassian said, hotly. He stepped back in closer to her, his hands blazing as he firmly reached out and held her face. All the air was sucked from her lungs as he closed his eyes, forehead pressing against hers. “Jyn. You were more important than a turkey, ok? You’ll always be more important than a fucking turkey.”

For a moment, neither of them moved an inch.

He held her and Jyn felt the weight of his words deep in her chest. She heard him loud and clear. Jyn’s breath suddenly felt too loud, the room was too full, the music was too quiet. Everything shrank, everything muted until the only thing she knew was the man in front of her.

Then, Cassian kissed her and her entire world exploded.

Fire ignited in her chest as she kissed him back, with fervour, without thinking, with 10 years of history behind them. Her hands moved to twist onto his jacket, his in her hair and they kissed like the world was ending and also somehow beginning all at the same time. Jyn felt the heat spread down her spine and god, it was so sad that they hadn’t been doing this the entire time they’d known each other, because it was wonderful and exhilarating and terrifying –

She pulled back to see his eyes wide with wonder. She cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Well,” she said, letting him go. “We did that.”

“Yes, we did.”

“Would you… uh, excuse me just for one moment?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded, his hand slowly sliding out of her hair. “Me too, please excuse me.”

They both turned and fled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EEEEYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO u know it's slow burn when it takes 19 chapters for them to kiss 
> 
> I've always used the actor's cultural backgrounds as the basis for their modern counterparts and as a result, my entire youtube search history is now just Pakistani wedding videos lmao anyway, I hope you all enjoyed!!!! xoxo


	20. Chapter 20

She had literally turned into a meme.

RUN.

She managed to escape through the crowd, eventually bursting out onto the veranda outside the reception hall, the deck decorated with heat lamps, outdoor couches and fairy lights. She leaned against the wall of the building, closing her eyes as her head smacked back into the bricks. If she stopped to think for a moment, she would realise that this wasn’t an entire unmitigated disaster. On the contrary, her entire body hummed like she had an electric current running through her. She just didn’t think she’d been quite prepared for the shock it had given her. She had literally just kissed her best friend of 10 years, after everything, after all they’d been through together. She’d been there when he’d first been diagnosed with depression back in freshman year. He had eaten entire pizzas with her when Scott had dumped her. She had held him through his failed proposal and he had run to a hospital on the other side of the city when she’d gotten hit by a car. If there was anything she just needed to take a chance on, it was this, but she really hadn’t been ready for the overwhelming onslaught of emotion that kissing him caused.

She needed a moment.

She opened her eyes and scanned the several groups of people had congregated out on the veranda during the celebrations. They all chatted good-naturedly and amongst them she saw Han currently throwing back what looked like salmon crackers.

“Oh, thank god,” Jyn breathed before storming for him. Han almost choked on his cracker as Jyn had clapped him on the shoulder a bit too enthusiastically as she dropped into the spare seat next to him. “Shit, sorry–” Jyn thumped him on the back for a moment while he regained his breathing.

“Fucking Jesus, Jyn,” Han gasped. “Give a dude some warning!”

“Sorry,” Jyn looked determinedly only at Han. “Can you do me a favour and tell me whether Cassian is somewhere behind me?”

Han glanced over her shoulder in bewilderment. “No. Should he be?”

“No reason. How are you?”

“Nuh-uh, that was too weird,” Han shook his head. “Can’t move past that one! Explain, girl. Also you want some salmon crackers?”

Jyn accepted a few from the plate. “Explain, ok… well, I’m in love with Cassian.” 

Han just laughed in her face.

“I’m sorry, did we just time travel? Is it 2015?”

“ _Han_.”

“You’re really not fucking with me, are you?” Han said in slight disbelief.

“No and also, he just kissed me.”

“YOOOOOOO,” Han whooped. “FUCKING GET IT, GIRL.”

“Yeah,” She smiled despite herself. “I can hardly believe it myself.”

“I mean, HOLY SHIT,” Han exclaimed. “What the flying fuck are you doing here talking to me, then?”

“I might have freaked out a little,” At the look on Han’s face, Jyn hastily added, “Hey! We’ve known each other a long time and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I could have handled it if he rejected me! But if he loves me back, that means that this could work, that this could be a thing and I’m not good at doing the thing! All my relationships fail, either I love too much or I don’t love enough! What if we try and it doesn’t work?”

“Better to try and have it not work than to not try and never know.”

“You’re not supposed to be the smart one,” Jyn snorted.

“I resent that,” Han dug his elbow into her. “Damn, look at us! We’ve come a long way. You’re hooking up with Andor and I’m with the most gorgeous, wittiest, smartest woman on the planet! The universe is finally doing us a solid.”

Jyn knew that Han had been the right person to talk to. Somehow, his take on the world always managed to make her calm down and look at things from a different perspective. “That reminds me,” Jyn told him. “Were you just joking before? Or are you actually proposing to Leia?”

Han glanced around as if trying to spot any spies who may be lurking behind the pot plants out on the veranda. Then, he leaned in and whispered,

“I bought a ring.”

“HAN.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m a grown up now.”

“Just don’t do what Cassian did and actually talk to the woman first,” Jyn pointed out.

“Oh, trust me, Leia knows I bought it,” Han laughed. “Found it within fifteen minutes of me hiding it. She knows a proposal is coming, my goal is now to hit her with it when she’s least expecting it! No, we’ve wanted to get married for a long time but I don’t know, the timing didn’t feel right until now. I guess I’m a lot happier these days and if I’m happy, then she’s happy, so… yeah.”

A few years ago Jyn might have said that happiness was a rare feeling. So much shit had piled on her one after the other that she had wondered whether it was at all possible to actually feel happy at all. Hadn’t timing always been their issue? Either she liked him and he liked someone else, or he liked her and she liked someone else. But time had gone on, and when Jyn saw the look on Han’s face as he talked about marrying Leia, she thought that maybe she could create her own timing. Han certainly had. He’d been brave enough to quit his job and do something that he enjoyed. Dani had decided that now was the time to chase her dreams and move to Italy. Jyn had spent several years a bit aimless and lost, but she realised that actually, she’d had the balls to go and get her masters and her days were now spent doing something that she loved. She knew she had the strength to change her life however she wanted, just like Han and Dani had.

She had made her own timing and what she wanted now was Cassian.

He made her feel alive. His presence, his words, he had brought a thrill into her life the day she met him and he made her so fucking genuinely happy she knew she had to go and tell him.

“Han, I expect to be told the second you are engaged,” Jyn said. “Also, I have to go tell Cassian I love him.”

“YEAH, YOU DO,” Han grinned, pointing at her with finger guns.

“Thanks,” Jyn said, standing up. “Now I just have to go find him–”

“I don’t think you’ll have to look too hard,” Han snorted, glancing around at something behind her. He gestured and she turned around.

Cassian waved at her from where he just walked through the door to the veranda.

Jyn squeezed Han on the shoulder in thanks before approaching. They found a spot out of earshot of the way too interested Han or anyone else for that matter. There was a cool breeze coming off the ocean, but it didn’t do much to help the heat that Jyn was sure was spreading up into her face. She had to be bright red. They paused underneath a string of fairy lights and Cassian was quick to say,

“Look, I’m so sorry for running like that–”

“No, no, it was me, I ran too,” Jyn hastily said.

“I guess we both ran.”

Jyn nodded. “Seriously, it’s fine.”

“I didn’t mean to kiss you,” Cassian said, earnestly. “My words kind of got away from me and it doesn’t mean that I didn’t mean it! But I promise that I absolutely did not intend on throwing myself at you, I have so much respect for you and I’m sorry that I–”

“Cassian, I’m in love with you!” Jyn practically yelled.

He fell silent.

Well, she’d gone and said it now. Cassian looked rather like someone had just clubbed him over the head (she knew the feeling). Her insides were churning so much she almost thought she might throw up, but she pushed past the feeling to plough on.

“Sorry I just yelled it in your face like that,” she said. “but it’s true, I love you so fucking much its unreal. I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t expect it, but it happened and I’ve known it for a long time and I had to tell you. I shouldn’t have been surprised really, because who wouldn’t love you?” She gestured to all of him with a weak smile. “Cassian, you’re my best friend in the entire goddamn world. You’ve been there with me through everything. You’re dedicated and you’re passionate, you have so much care and respect for the people and things you love. I love how you want to help make the world a better place. I love it whenever you sing in the shower. I love how you will drop anything to support your friends and I love how ridiculously protective you get of the thanksgiving turkey every fucking year,” She laughed despite herself. “If I can count on anyone on this stupid planet, I know it’s you… shit, it’s always been you. I’m so fucking in love with you, Cassian.”

Cassian was looking at her with something in his eyes that seemed to be on the verge of spilling over.

“I think I’m done now, by the way,” she added.

“Jyn…” Cassian apparently had to look away, staring instead at somewhere over her shoulder. “I… Shara?”

“What?”

Out of the literal hundreds of reactions that Jyn had imagined in her head, _that_ was somehow not one that she had anticipated. She stood in utter bewilderment until he hastily added,

“Sorry! No, I mean – _Shara_ –” He gestured behind her and she turned to indeed see Shara standing not too far away behind them. For a second, she wondered why on earth Cassian was pointing her out until Jyn realised that Shara was leaning against the wall, elbows pressed to the bricks and her forehead resting between her hands. She didn’t make a sound, but her entire body was taut like a wire.

“Something’s wrong,” Cassian said. “Sorry, I know you just said all that but–”

“No, no, you’re right,” Jyn said. “Shara!”

She called out, the two of them approaching their friend. Shara’s head snapped up at the sound of their voices and she put on an obviously fake smile.

“Hey!” she said, cheerfully. “How’s it going?”

“Are you ok?” Jyn asked, sceptically.

“Oh, I’m _super_ ,” Shara made the universal ok symbol with her fingers.

“You don’t look super.”

“Ok, so it's a funny story really,” Shara apparently couldn’t be bothered to keep up the charade for much longer. Her face fell into a mixture of amusement and pain. “The contractions started this morning but I figured hey, first baby! Labour takes hours and this is supposed to be Bodhi and Luke’s day, I didn’t want to take that away from them. I figured that I could grin and bear it until the wedding was over, and then we could head to the hospital.”

“And how’s that plan working out for you?” Cassian asked.

Shara shrugged. “I think I underestimated the timing a little bit. FUCK–” She winced at what had to be yet another contraction. Jyn and Cassian supported her through it as best they could and when it was over, Jyn noticed a sheen of sweat across Shara’s face. She had to be in so much pain and she’d just sat through it the entire day because she didn’t want to disrupt a wedding!

“God, you’re so fucking dumb,” Jyn snorted. “and yet also somehow the sweetest person in the world. Do you want us to go get Kes now?”

“Yes please,” Shara gasped.

“I’m on it,” Cassian said at once. “Jyn, you stay with her, I know your leg is hurting and I can run faster!”

“Don’t let anyone know!” Shara hastily reached out to grab his sleeve.

“Don’t worry, Shara,” Cassian told her. “We’ve got you. And wait, Jyn–” He had started to run, but hastily span back around on his heels so that he could talk to her, feet still shuffling backwards. “I promise we’ll talk at some point, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jyn said.

The second Cassian dashed off, Shara looked at her in confusion. “What’re you guys talking about?”

“Oh, right,” Jyn could hardly believe the bizarre turn that her day had taken. “I just told Cassian I’m in love with him.”

“Motherfucker!”

“I know, right?”

“No, it’s another contraction – _motherfucker!_ ”

“Oh–” Jyn hastily gave Shara her hand to hold.

“ _When this is over you’re fucking telling me everything, though_ ,” Shara said through gritted teeth.

“Of course, naturally.”

Eventually, a small group consisting of the parents to be, Jyn, Cassian and Luke ended up congregating together in the hotel kitchens, of all places. It had literally just been the closest place to the wedding reception that Shara could comfortably reach that also had privacy away from the rest of the wedding guests. Apparently Cassian had hurtled up to Kes and simply shouted, “SHARA NEEDS YOU!” and that was all it had taken for him to immediately snap into Dad Mode. Currently on the phone to their Ob-Gyn, there was a small commotion as the head chef realised that she had random wedding guests in her kitchen.

“What the hell is going on?” she asked, approaching them with several pairs of curious hotel kitchen staff eyes staring at them with interest behind her. 

“WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?” Luke cried, gesturing straight at Shara’s stomach.

“Oh no,” the head chef pointed a ladle in her hands at them. “No babies are being born in my kitchen. It’s unsanitary!”

“Hi. Hello,” Kes said, pulling back from his phone for a moment. “What’s your name?”

“Matilda?” the head chef said.

“You better fucking let us use your kitchen, Matilda, otherwise I may kill you.”

Matilda considered for about two seconds before saying,

“You can use the table if you need to. Trust me, you don’t want to sit on the floor.”

Jyn and Cassian helped Shara sit on the stainless steel kitchen island as Matilda’s team of chefs hastily cleared away bowls and spoons. With Luke dancing around with worry, Shara hiding her face in Jyn’s shoulder to prevent herself from yelling in pain and the sounds of the DJ still pumping out upbeat music at the reception reverberating through the walls, it all felt a bit surreal. That was about when Bodhi turned up, bursting into the kitchens with his dad being dragged along behind him.

“Are you going to tell me what’s–? Oh, no,” Amir apparently spotted the very pregnant Shara.

“Yeah, so it’s a funny story really,” Kes said, moving his phone to put it on speaker. “but my wife is in labour and we need you.”

“You guys keep saying this is a funny story,” Jyn pointed out. “I’m not sure if you know what that means.”

“Oh, this will be funny,” Cassian said. “Just in a few years from now.”

“Oh, good point.”

“I feel like I should point out that I am an ENT,” Amir said a little frantically. “The last time I did a cervical check was probably 30 years ago!”

“Noted, Dad, but you’re currently the only medical professional we have here,” Bodhi told him.

“Haven’t you called an ambulance?” Amir asked.

“We have, they’re on the way, but we’re in the middle of nowhere, Long Island,” Kes said, desperately. “They probably aren’t going to make it here in time to help with the delivery. We need you, Dr Rook.”

“But I’m literally an ear, nose and throat doctor!”

“ _Dr Rook, my name is Dr Kylie Parish_ ,” Kes and Shara’s Ob-Gyn said through the phone. “ _I’ll be here to talk you through everything, but we really need your help_.”

Amir looked like he was about to faint.

“DAD,” Bodhi yelled at him.

“Dr Rook,” Shara pleaded.

He looked up at her. Then, he held out a hand to Kes without even glancing away.

“Hand me the phone,” Amir said. Kes determinedly slapped it into his hand.

“I feel like this is escalating quickly,” Shara said. Jyn squeezed her hand, kissing the side of Shara’s head.

“I’ll fucking say. Your kid really wants to come out.”

Shara was not wrong. With Shara’s Ob-Gyn Kylie talking Amir through everything via speaker phone, their baby literally ended up being born in the hotel kitchens. They’d held out hope for a while that by some miracle the ambulance would make it in time, but when it became clear that they weren’t, Shara had yelled for literally everyone to get the fuck out because shit was about to go down. Jyn had made to leave as well, only Shara had refused to let go of her hand.

“Jyn, will you stay?” she’d asked.

“Bitch, you’re having a baby, I’ll do whatever you want,” Jyn had said.

So she’d remained, alongside Kes and Amir. She had to admit that the entire scenario was probably one of the most bizarre and beautiful moments of her entire life. Jyn fucking sobbed when the baby boy was finally born, watching as Amir held him like he was the most precious trophy in the world.

“Oh my word,” he said. “I’m an ear, nose and throat doctor and I did it. I can’t believe I did it!”

“ _Congratulations!_ ” Kylie was yelling down the phone.

“He’s amazing!” Jyn cried.

“I fucking love you,” Kes kissed Shara’s hair.

Shara just laughed as she cried.

It wasn’t that long after the baby was born that the ambulance arrived. Naturally, they decided to traverse right through the ballroom to reach the kitchens, so with everyone curious as to why an ambulance and bazillion paramedics had suddenly turned up, it wasn’t long before rumours of a wedding guest giving birth were spreading. Jyn hadn’t had much of a chance to see the baby up close, as he was very quickly wrapped up and nestled in Shara’s arms, but she could just make out the tip of his nose as they saw them off outside on the front steps of the hotel, Shara’s stretcher getting lifted up into the back of the ambulance. “I’ll let you know how it goes!” Kes yelled, waving before climbing in after her. It was decided that Amir and Bodhi would also go with them. As the doctor who had delivered the baby, Amir had wanted to ensure that they were looked after and that the hospital knew all the medical information they needed, while Bodhi felt like as one of the hosts, he ought to make sure that his wedding guest was going to be ok.

Before they knew it, the ambulance was taking off with a screech of dust, leaving Jyn, Cassian and Luke standing on the front steps of the hotel in a stunned kind of silence.

“Damn,” Cassian said.

Jyn and Luke both nodded.

“I guess now we go back to the reception and act like everything is fine,” Luke said.

Jyn glanced at Cassian. He smiled back.

She took his hand.

* * *

_We’re currently on route pls keep the weddig going and dont tell my mum where ive gone!  
I’ll let u know as sodonn as something happends _

**I’m on it!**

_Update: baby is so fucking cute!!!!!  
So far shara is ok!!!!!!  
Ok we’re about halfway there _

**???????????? BODHI??????????**

_HI SORRY GOT DISTRACTED we made it to hospital!_

**Ahhhhhhh  
doing ok????**

_BOTH SHARA AND BABY STILL SEEM TO BE OK SO FAR  
DAD LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOING TO PASS OUT  
KES IS CRYING _

**IM fuckin crying dhdfjkfgjkfg everything ok???????**

_HI YES UPDATE, SHARA AND BABY ARE CURRENTLY IN NICU  
Drs say it’s a precaution considering how he was born and all  
They say he’ll probs be fine LOOK AT HIM I’LL SEND A PIC _

**OH MY GOD BBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

_CAN U FUCKIN BELIEVE THIS BABY WAS BORN AT A GAY WEDDING????  
THE ULTIMATE ALLY _

**sjfdkjgfuiufdSDKJFJKKJFDDJKJDK**

* * *

Miraculously, Bodhi managed to make it back to his wedding before many people even noticed he was gone.

His mother didn’t end up being one of those people, unfortunately, but it was the majority that counted. “Where the HELL have you been?” Alisha was on him like a bat out of hell the second Jyn noticed him slinking back into the ball room. He couldn’t have avoided her, even if he tried. “I couldn’t find your father, so I tried to find you, only to discover that you’ve run off entirely! Luke wouldn’t tell me anything, I was worried sick–”

“Shhhh, Mum!” Bodhi said hastily, ushering her to the side where he could explain in an undertone. “One of the wedding guests went into early labour, ok? As one of the hosts, I had to make sure she got to a hospital. Dad came along to deliver the baby.”

Alisha’s eyes went wide.

“But he’s an ear, nose and throat doctor.”

“Yeah, and he let us all know it,” Bodhi rolled his eyes.

When he noticed Jyn, Cassian and Luke anxiously awaiting his arrival nearby, his face split into a beaming grin. He ran over, phone already out in his hands on the photos that he’d apparently taken. “They made it!” he said, triumphantly. “I mean, I know you already know, but now I can tell you in person! Look, he’s SOOOOO little, but fucking ADORABLE!”

“Oh my god,” Jyn had lost count how much she’d cried that day, but it was happening again. Cassian squeezed her shoulders as she forced herself to keep the tears inside. Bodhi showed a photo of Kes and Shara, looking a little shell-shocked but otherwise ok, in front of a rather terrifying looking contraption that she knew was probably helping their little baby breathe and get used to the world. Luke wrapped his arms around Bodhi’s shoulders as he let out a loud, “AWWWWW.”

Cassian was also apparently on the verge of tears.

“I know Kes is my cousin so he’s not technically my nephew,” he sniffed, rubbing his eyes. “but same difference. God, I need a minute. Do you know where Kay is?”

“Oh, over there–” Luke pointed out.

Cassian left them to go and show Kay the amazing news. Before he did, however, he cupped a hand around Jyn’s jaw almost absently, his fingers grazing her face before falling away, causing Bodhi and Luke’s eyes to suddenly widen in utter incomprehension. Jyn was in such a state that she didn’t even notice until she glanced back up at the husbands and realised that they were staring at her.

“What?” she asked.

“Um, what the flying FUCK was that?” Bodhi asked in bewilderment.

Jyn glanced at Cassian’s retreating back through the crowd, then back at Bodhi and Luke waiting for answers.

“Oh,” she said. “Right. This day has been fucking insane.”

“I’ll say,” Luke nodded.

They got waylaid by several people as they made their way across the hall. Obviously not having been around the last two hours or so, everyone wanted to talk to Bodhi and it took him a while to make the rounds so that he could eventually take her hand and drag her outside onto the veranda, snagging an already opened bottle of champagne along with him. “Ok, OUT WITH IT,” he said, the two of them sitting down on one of the benches.

“Ok, let me just back up several hours here, because literally so much has happened that I’m still trying to process everything,” Jyn said, rubbing her forehead.

“Champagne?” Bodhi offered.

“Please.”

They sat in silence for several minutes, just sharing the bottle between them. Jyn wasn’t exaggerating. Within the span of a few hours, her best friend had gotten married, another had had a baby and a third had kissed her. It was a lot to take in! She had absolutely no idea what was happening, but she knew that shit was changing and she hadn’t exactly been prepared for it to all happen at once.

“So I suppose the biggest thing is that Cassian kissed me,” she eventually said.

Bodhi choked on the champagne.

“FUCK.”

“You always get me, Bodhi Rook.”

“CASSIAN KISSED YOU?”

“I then told him I was in love with him.” 

Bodhi threw up his hands. Jyn hastily took the champagne off him. “THAT’S IT,” he declared. “I AM FUCKING DONE.”

Despite everything, Jyn found herself laughing. “It is kind of crazy, isn’t it?”

“Are you _together_ now?”

“No – I don’t know,” Jyn said. “We were dancing earlier and apparently I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I asked him about thanksgiving, about how he’d left his turkey for me and ran all the way to Brooklyn and he told me I was more important than any of that. Then he just kissed me and mate, it was fucking amazing. We both kind of freaked out, but I got my shit together and I literally just told him I loved him when Shara was suddenly having a baby and we haven’t really had a chance to talk about it yet.”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD.”

“I mean, that’s basically my entire mind at the moment.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” Bodhi took the champagne off her to take several mouthfuls. “It took ten years, but it’s FINALLY happening!”

“I’m fucking terrified,” Jyn admitted.

“I’d be surprised if you weren’t,” Bodhi told her. “Now, do you want to talk more about it? Or would you rather we just go and dance some more?”

“Honestly? This is your day, despite everything in the universe trying to make it about something else instead. Let’s just fucking dance.”

* * *

They danced until the small hours of the morning.

With all of them staying at the hotel, they luckily didn’t have far to go once the DJ’s time was over, the catering staff started coming in to clear everything, and the lights were all turned up again. All of the guests cheered saying goodnight to Bodhi and Luke and they all started making their ways upstairs together in assorted groups. Jyn was very aware of Cassian close by as she chatted good-naturedly with Mina, stepping onto the full elevator. Several of Bodhi and Luke’s work friends were still wired, laughing as they walked on, stepping around Kay who was nearly half-asleep leaning against the corner of the elevator and a cousin of Luke’s who was currently curled up on the floor, causing several others of yell, “LILY, GET UP! YOU’RE NOT SLEEPING HERE!” His presence hummed behind her, a constant current that she could feel even without looking at him. She was sure that she’d still be able to feel it, even with walls between them. 

At each floor, more and more people left for their rooms, cousin Lily getting carried away by her sisters and Mina hugging her goodnight with a yawn. Eventually, it was just Jyn, Cassian and Kay left staying on their floor and waiting for the elevator to move up. After all the noise, the sudden quiet was deafening. It only seemed to amplify when Jyn turned to glance up at Cassian to find he was already looking at her.

 _Ding_.

“Oh, thank god,” Kay said, immediately heading for the open elevator doors. They paused out in the hallway, however, when they noticed that Jyn and Cassian hadn’t followed. They glanced between their locked gazes for a second before sighing and saying,

“I don’t even WANT to know. Good Fucking Night.”

They disappeared into the hallway beyond.

And then there were two.

“Well,” Jyn said, unable to stand the silence anymore. “It’s been A Day, _amiright_?”

“Jyn, I’m in love with you.”

She felt a kind of free-falling in her chest, not unlike the feeling one might get if they’d just been pushed off a very tall cliff.

The elevator doors automatically closed after they’d spent so long just standing there, but neither of them made a move to open them again. Cassian scuffed his toes on the floor. “Sorry it’s taken me this long to tell you,” he told her. 

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Jyn said, as casually as if he were apologising for running late.

“It’s just–” He stepped in closer. “Jyn, you had a chance to say everything you wanted to say, so now it’s my turn. You have no fucking idea how much I love you. I love that you are my best friend and that I can come to you about anything. I love that if you ever get knocked down, you always get back up again. You never give anything less than your unwavering support. Your smile is fucking unreal and I love that you would run through a burning building to save your friends. You care so much about the world, Jyn, and god I know that this is all a bit much, but–”

She couldn’t stop herself from kissing him. Whatever other words he was going to say were forgotten instantly as she held his neck, Cassian’s arms snaking around her waist.

“Today’s been a bit dramatic, hasn’t it?” she asked him.

He looked a little dazed.

“Just a bit.”

“Look, I know there’s other shit we should probably talk about,” she added. “but–”

“Later?” Cassian asked.

She snorted with laughter. “You read my mind.”

That time they both moved at once, so Jyn really couldn’t say who kissed who first. All she knew was that suddenly his lips were on hers and she never wanted them to leave. He kissed her back, arms wrapped around her, her heart exploding in her chest. She’d always had a small niggling worry that after so many years this would feel awkward somehow, but incredibly kissing him felt like the most natural thing in the world. It grew hungry, his tongue finding hers and her hands snaking inside his jacket until eventually she couldn’t stand it and she broke away to hastily hit the open door button of the elevator.

“We need to get out of here,” she said, Cassian moving to kiss her neck with a grin.

“You read my mind,” he murmured.

When the doors finally opened, they tumbled out into the corridor, Cassian still kissing her and Jyn laughing. It took a surprising amount of time to move just the several feet down the hall to where he could eventually press up against her bedroom door. Jyn was lost in his kiss for what seemed like an age until eventually, she pulled herself together long enough to ask,

“You coming in?”

“Oh my god, yes,” he answered.

* * *

_Yoooooooooo jyn just reminding we have to be checked out by 11!!_

* * *

**Shara Bey** is with **Kes Dameron  
** _2hr ago_

Here’s here! A bit earlier and more dramatically than expected, but still couldn’t love him more. Poe Dameron, born 17/08/19 / 8.22pm / 5.6 lbs

* * *

_Hey jyn, you coming down to breakfast soon???_

* * *

**Luke Skywalker** is with **Bodhi Rook**

_Married to Bodhi Rook  
17 August _

An incredible weekend, photos to come!!!

* * *

_Hey Kay, have you seen jyn? She wasn’t at breakfast_

**I have not, but if I had to speculate I would say based on the looks they were giving each other in the elevator last night, Jyn is wherever Cassian is.**

_WAIT  
FUCKIN W H A T   
WHAT  
WHERE THE FUCK IS CASSIAN???????????????? _

* * *

_HI HELLO MY BUDDY MY PAL CASSIAN WHERE THE FUCK ARE U????_

* * *

_JYN  
BINCH I’M ABOUT TO CALL UR PHONW  
WHERE R U  
WHERE IS CASSIAN _

**Oh fuck lost track of time  
Cass is w/ me **

_That’s all ur giving me????_

**…………..IN MY BED BITCH**

_WHJAHJFUIDFDFJDJFJFUIDIDFHDFklDJHSJFDJKDF_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how i personally like the quality of this chapter, but considering what it contains, i figure that none of yall are going to complain hahahahaha 
> 
> Also don't worry, there will probably still be a couple of chapters left after this eeeEEYYYYY 
> 
> i hope you like it!!! xoxo


	21. Chapter 21

A part of her had almost thought that it had just been the magic of Long Island. That once they were back in Manhattan and life went back to its normal routine, then their relationship would go back to normal as well. Indeed, they had spent the entire van ride back to New York getting enough stares from their friends that they barely did anything more than lean against each other. Jyn knew that telling Bodhi meant that everyone would know within a day and sure enough, no one had been shy to throw questions at them on the ride back when they conveniently couldn’t run away.

“Are you dating now?” Leia asked them from the shotgun seat.

“What did you SAY?” Mina said, curiously.

“What was it like FUCKING after knowing each other for like, 10 years?” Han laughed. 

“I don’t want to know a goddamn thing,” Kay had said from their slumped back position in the back corner of the van.

Kay ended up getting their wish, because honestly Jyn and Cassian had just looked at each other and found themselves unable to really answer anything. Truthfully, Jyn didn’t know what exactly was going on, all she knew was that _something_ was happening and that she was mighty keen to have that something continue to happen. A part of her definitely feared that all of the prying and questions might make Cassian have second thoughts. Hell, she thought it would make her have second thoughts, but he got out of the van at the apartment alongside Jyn and Kay without even missing a beat. After yelling out goodbye and thank you to Han, they made their way up to the apartment, Kay immediately shutting their self up in their room the second they walked through the door, leaving Jyn and Cassian to just stand in the hallway together.

“… I’ve just remembered that I don’t actually live here anymore,” Cassian said, rubbing at his eyes. “Sorry, I guess the autopilot kicked in, I didn’t meant to be presumptuous–”

“I don’t think anyone even noticed, Cassian,” Jyn said.

He smiled gratefully. An awkwardness settled as they stayed silent, unable to move away, but apparently unable to say much else either. There was so much that Jyn wanted to talk about, but her throat closed over every time she tried. This thing between them felt fragile, tentative; like one word out loud could make it shatter, terrified that he might realise that this was insane, that this was a bad idea, that he would say, ‘actually I think we better just stay friends’. Jyn didn’t want to think. She didn’t want to talk. She just wanted to leap in headfirst and figure it all out later.

She also very desperately wanted to kiss him again.

Their night in her hotel room had felt like something from an out of body dream. She remembered pulling him down onto her bed, wrapping her legs around him, gasping when she directed him to the right spot, but it all felt like it had happened to someone else. The adrenaline of the day and a couple of glasses of champagne had given it a rose-coloured haze. Not that the sex had been bad, but they’d certainly been very conscious of _this is my best friend, I am fucking my best friend_ that it had to have been hard to relax. It had been incredible purely because it was Cassian, however it was more than likely that the experience had been decidedly less fantastic than it potentially could be and she wanted nothing more than to practice until they got it right.

He looked a little like he wasn’t entirely sure where his place in this apartment was anymore, so she stepped in. She felt his fingers curl around hers when she reached out for him. She skimmed her nose down his jaw, across his face until his lips found hers. She reached out behind herself, tugging on his hands to wrap his arms around her. This was his place. Whether he lived in this apartment or not, he would always have a place here and if he wanted, that place would always be with her.

They had gotten back home just as the sun was going down. Jyn wasn’t sure she’d be able to move away to turn on the lights even if she wanted to, so they stayed wrapped up in each other in the hallway as the sun eventually left a soft twilight glow throughout the apartment. “I think–” she murmured, her words punctuated with continued kisses. “I think we should – head to my room?”

“You read my mind.”

They literally ran to her room, their bags getting thrown into the corner in favour of immediately kissing again, Jyn laughing as Cassian pulled back to leap down onto her bed. “I can’t tell you how surreal this is,” she said, moving to crawl over on top of him. His hands slid up to her hips, Jyn leaning on her elbows so that she could slowly bend down and kiss him. “Years ago I dreamed about banging you in this bed.”

“I’ve certainly heard enough banging through the walls to be able to imagine what it was like,” Cassian said back. “Tell me, am I one of your screamers now?”

Jyn groaned, remembering the dumb jokes that her roommates had teased her with back when she was in her slutty phase. “You know what, you actually keep everything very close to your chest,” Jyn told him. She moved to kiss his neck, making him suck in a quick breath as she began in the soft skin under his jaw. She flicked her tongue against him and he gasped once more, making her grin. “This spot, I kissed you here last time as well and you seemed to rather like it.”

“That one makes me particularly weak,” Cassian admitted as she continued on down his neck. “I learned a few new things about you as well. I’m determined to make you come this time.”

Jyn snorted with laughter, lifting her head to look at him. “I told you that I don’t keep score. It was our first time and we were nervous.”

“I know, but bear with me.”

“Besides, for me to come I swear the planets have to fucking align and shit,” Jyn added. “The smallest thing can throw it off, like sometimes it’s too hot or too cold or the fucking wind just doesn’t blow right or something.”

“In that case,” Cassian reached up, raking a hand through her hair and holding her to him. “Let’s make the planets align.”

He kissed her, long and hard, to the point where she started seeing stars and kind of forgot what her own name was. “Cassian Andor,” she gasped into his lips. “since when were you this fucking smooth?”

“You bring it out of me.”

In her hotel room they had been in such a rush, desperate to feel the skin that they’d wanted for far too long. Now, they took their time. By the time they were out of their clothes, only the street lights shone through the gaps in her curtains. They hadn’t had much patience for exploring each other last time, so she had yet to feel his mouth anywhere much lower than her boobs, only she was definitely experiencing it now as the scruff of his beard scraped against her inner thighs, his lips travelling up higher and higher to where she very much wanted them. She was about to fucking combust. She felt his tongue traverse the crease of her thigh and heard him murmur whether it was ok for him to keep going.

She said yes many times.

Cassian quite clearly told the planets where to go, because she came rather hard with his mouth on her, having to stifle a cry with her arm. God, her best friend of 10 years made her come! The world had gone insane. He crawled back up her body and had already kissed her before hastily stopping to swipe at his mouth. “Shit, I didn’t clean my face, I’m sorry if you don’t like that,” he feared.

“I not a person who minds.” She really didn’t care about tasting herself on his lips.

“I guess I still have some things to learn about you,” he admitted.

It was strange to think that there could possibly be anything left. Jyn had known Cassian for so long that she kind of thought that she knew everything about him. Turns out there were still plenty of things. She learned that he rather liked switching positions and that he liked to hold her hair whenever they kissed. She learned that he was capable of making her feel many, many things all at once. He discovered a spot on Jyn’s shoulder that was particularly sensitive and that she didn’t like to cuddle immediately after sex, rather came back after cleaning herself up. She rolled herself back into bed where the blankets and sheets were rather askew, moving to wrap her limbs around where he still lay with a rather stunned look. She placed a soft kiss against his cheek, apparently bringing him back to reality, his arms curling around her in return.

“Hey,” he said. “we had sex.”

“I know. I don’t know if the world is ready.”

He snorted, tugging her in close so that he could press his lips to her hair. “Have I ever told you that you’re so fucking hot?”

She laughed out loud. “You’ve told me I’m beautiful, but I don’t think you’ve ever said it in that way before.”

“You’re so fucking hot, Jyn.”

“You too,” she said back. She settled into his arms as the shadows from the window played across their naked skin and they were contently quiet for a moment. She had been in love before, but this somehow wasn’t the same. She felt this so acutely, in the way he looked at her, the way she could and wanted to talk to him about literally everything, and the way they kissed like they’d been doing it ever since they’d known each other. Jyn knew that she didn’t regret a thing, but as she lay in Cassian’s arms, she still felt an overwhelming sense of being submerged in how much she felt.

“Hey,” she said, quietly. “I’m still a bit terrified.”

“Oh, me too,” he replied.

“Good,” Jyn nodded into his chest. “Hold me until we’re not afraid?”

“I’ll never let go.”

* * *

**Help, Gabby’s 30**

_Hey guys, so I’m turning 30 and I’m not entirely sure where the time went but pls come and celebrate with me anyway! I know some of you are from out of town, but I invited anyway bc I love you lmao. Bring ya partners/rando plus 1’s, just let me know. :D_

_Can’t wait to celebrate with you all! Xoxo_

* * *

_Kay  
Hello, Apartment Family. This text is in the group chat for transparency so that we’re all on the same page, but it is aimed at one person in particular who I won’t call out directly (JYN). I just wanted to say that of course our sex lives are private and that we are all free to have or not have sex with whomever we want in this apartment, but if you don’t stop FUCKING CASSIAN SO FUCKING MUCH EVERY GODDAMN FUCKING DAY I swear to god, I’m moving out.   
That is all. _

_Bodhi  
im in literal tears _

_Luke  
yall have broken Kay!!!!!!!!!!!! _

_Bodhi  
UR FUCKING TOO MUCH SAHJSDHJFDJH _

_Margaret  
for the record idc and also this is HILARIOUS _

**I’m never going to live this down, am I?**

* * *

**I don’t know what to say, buddy. I’m sorry lmao**

_Deep down, I am joking. It is fine, Cassian. It’s mostly just because need to buy a new pair of noise-cancelling headphones, my last ones broke._

**I’ll buy u another pair as a very late birthday present LOL**

_It is not needed, but I will not say no…  
Are you happy? _

**I’m VERY happy  
I mean, i’m terrified, but also happy lmao **

_What is there to be terrified of? You already know Jyn._

**That’s exactly why!! I already know her, so we’ve basically skipped the entire first part of dating and we’re already in love with each other, so I’ve realised that I’ve suddenly leapt into another serious relationship. Then on some days, she’ll do something I never knew about until now, like how she likes it when I kiss her in one particular spot and it throws me bc then we feel like a normal new couple, exciting to be dating each other and learning about each other  
It’s a conundrum **

_I can see that._

* * *

“Wow, one would think you still live here,” Jyn’s roommate Margaret snorted as she traipsed through the kitchen only to find Cassian cooking, various used knifes, onion peels, dirty bowls and random spice containers strewn about the countertops. Jyn glanced up from her laptop in amusement from where she was hastily typing up a report for work that she was supposed to have done several days ago. She could hear the two of them clattering around in the kitchen, Jyn having banished herself to the lounge to stop Cassian from distracting her (several kisses, while welcome, hadn’t been good for either of their tasks at hand).

“This kitchen is better than mine,” she heard Cassian telling Margaret.

“That, and Jyn is here.”

“You get me.”

“I bet you’re glad you couldn’t move back in, now.”

“What do you mean?”

Jyn paused typing.

“Well, just imagine if you’d started dating and you still lived here,” Margaret said, probably pointing somewhere back to where Jyn was listening. “Then you’d have the extra pressure of living with your new girlfriend as well as everything else. I’m a blessing in disguise.”

“I guess you’re right,” Cassian said, warmly.

As much as she joked that their timing had been way off, it really had probably turned out for the better in the end. This relationship was strange enough without adding in the bizarre dynamic of dating your roommate. “I love your old room, by the way, don’t think I’ve ever said,” Margaret added. “It comes with the add-on of four weird as fuck roommates, but you get the afternoon sun in that room.”

“Yes! It was so good in winter, it would warm it up very quickly. Have you found the hole in the wall yet?”

“I’m sorry, the _what_?”

“Oh god, this is a story,” Cassian said. “This was years ago, I think it was soon after we first moved here. I used to date our friend Shara, you’ve met her before, right?”

“Wait, the one who just had a baby?”

“That’s right.”

“See, I can barely keep up with everything in this apartment,” Margaret said. Jyn could imagine her throwing up her hands.

Cassian laughed. “So one night Shara comes over and this was when she was in her steel-cap combat boot phase. We were making out and she was attempting to kick off her shoes when she lost her balance and ended up kicking the wall. Her boot literally went straight through it.”

“Oh my fucking god.”

“I covered it up with a bookshelf. It’s probably a part of the security deposit that you’re never getting back.”

“I never noticed it when I moved in!” Margaret sniggered.

“That would be because Kay noticed and hastily fixed it when we were trying to find a new roommate,” Jyn mentioned.

She had crossed the lounge to lean against the door into the kitchen, smiling as Cassian and Margaret turned to see she had joined. “Jyn!” Cassian said. “Did you hear the whole story?”

“Incredibly, I never knew that one.”

“I didn’t want to face the teasing that you, Bodhi and Kay would no doubt hurl at me,” Cassian explained, reaching out his arm. She came and nestled underneath it. 

“That’s fair. Shara told me that she kicked a hole in some guy’s wall,” Jyn snorted. “She never said it was you. Probably for the same reasons. We came up with many theories as to how the hole in the wall got there. Bodhi guessed you’d punched it when your favourite character died on one of the telenovelas you watch.”

“I mean, that was likely,” Cassian pointed out.

“You guys are weird as shit,” Margaret said, shaking her head. 

She went back to making her own dinner while Cassian hastily checked on his own. Jyn leaned against the kitchen bench as he asked, “Did you finish your report?”

“Ok, I still have a bit to go. The story distracted me.”

“I still somehow managed to distract you, even though we weren’t even in the same room?”

“You have a talent, my friend.”

He leaned across the kitchen counter and kissed her swiftly for a moment, sending tingles right down to her toes. “Go finish your report,” he smirked.

“Ok, sir,” Jyn said. “but before I do, did you want to go on a date sometime?”

Cassian stared at her. “Jyn Erso, are you asking me out?”

She shrugged. “Are you saying yes?”

She saw a gleam of a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Yes.”

“Good,” she said. “Then maybe I can kick a hole in your wall as well.”

He laughed, pointing his mixing spoon at her. “Go do your report!”

She left the kitchen with a grin on her face.

* * *

**So Cassian and I went on a date**

_Like an actual fucking date?????_

**YES  
I asked him out like a normal fucking person????   
I don’t know Bodhi, one second he’s staying over and cooking in my kitchen like he’s so comfortable there and the next, we’re going on a first date, I don’t know what’s happening at all**

_Babe, u’ve known him for so long, ofc it’s gonna be weird  
Does it still feel right? _

**That’s the thing!!! I want to stab myself, it feels so right. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this happy in a relationship, but also shit IS this a relationship???? It FEELS like a relationship but are we not just seeing where things go??? It’s barely been a month ashjshHJSFDHJDSFHFSHJDHHJG**

_ASASSDFFFGHGHJKHIYYJKKLLIIOHHJHJFG_

* * *

**shara_baeeee** I think I have this whole mom thing down #threeweeksold #sendhelp

 **jynersos** ahjdfjgfjgf MOTHERFUCKER UR BOTH SO CUTE

* * *

_My roommates are all out of town this weekend, come over????_

**Kay will be so happy lmaoooooo**

* * *

_JYNNY GIRL, how much do I need to beg to convince you to come to my birthday??_

**LOL Gabby!!! If I can get time off how could I not come?**

_INCREDIBLE  
Now u have to convince my good for nothing brother who for some reason is ignoring all my msgs   
Do u know what that’s about??   
It’s not the depression again is it?? _

* * *

The second Cassian walked into her lab, she kicked off her desk and executed a perfectly timed dramatic roll across the floor in her wheelie chair to give him _a look_.

“…hey?” he said.

“Your sister thinks you’re depressed,” Jyn said.

“Jesus Christ,” Cassian blinked. “I thought we were getting lunch?” 

“Oh, we are,” Jyn said. “I just wanted to be dramatic first.”

“IS THAT CASSIAN?”

Something slammed from the other side of the lab. Before Jyn’s brain could catch up with what was happening, someone hurtled around the side of her desk, slamming her hands onto it to stop herself from keeling over. Several other curious faces started popping up as well as Maia slapped Jyn on the shoulder.

“Shit, dude!” she cried. “I didn’t realise he was coming!”

“Uhhh – Maia, right?” Cassian said. 

“Yeah, we’ve met a couple times!”

“I also might’ve talked about you a few times here and there,” Jyn hastily explained as several of her co-workers also swarmed to introduce themselves to the elusive Cassian Andor. After many lunch breaks spilling her story to them all, it had started to turn into such a tale that they all might have been convinced she was making it up if Maia hadn’t been able to confirm that he was indeed an actual person. Cassian was practically a deity in the eyes of her work friends.

It ended up taking several minutes to actually leave work as a result. Cassian thankfully hadn’t seemed to mind, chatting to Maia, Owen and Bethany good-naturedly until eventually it was Jyn who was dragging him away. They emerged onto the crowded street, the blast of cooler air hitting them after the room temperature of her lab. Time was going faster than she thought with the end of summer fast approaching. The sun thankfully still beamed as they walked to one of their favourite Turkish places, his hand absently reaching out to curl around her own. She wiggled her fingers as he held them.

“So seriously,” she finally said. “Why are you dodging your sister’s messages?”

“I didn’t realise I had dodged so many,” Cassian admitted. “She invited you to her birthday, right?”

“Yeah. She also asked me whether you’re depressed again, so what gives?”

Cassian sighed. “I wasn’t quite sure what to tell her, so I kind of just never replied. I want to go! But Florida is a long way away and it didn’t feel right to go without you.”

“Well, you should’ve just asked because I’m apparently going too,” Jyn snorted. “You don’t have to worry.”

He smiled a little. “So we’re both going.”

“Well, not until you reply back to Gabby.”

“True, yes, I need to reply to her,” Cassian squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, it’s been a weird topic for me and I didn’t really know how to handle it.”

“I get it,” Jyn answered.

And she really did. If they had still been just best friends for 10 years, then they wouldn’t have thought twice about going together. It was his sister and a good friend of hers, and they’d taken trips together many times in the past. But this thing between them cast an uncertainty over everything now. Everything was tentative and new and yet somehow familiar and comfortable all at the same time. She didn’t know how to feel about it yet, but she did know that she very much wanted to go with him and she wasn’t quite ready to face what that said about them yet.

“Don’t think too much about it,” she shrugged, tugging him closer so she could casually wrap an arm around his waist. He slung his over her shoulder. “Think about Florida for a whole weekend! It’s going to be so fucking hot still. I think the only other time I’ve been to Florida was when we all went for spring break, junior year.”

“HOLY SHIT, I almost forgot that!” Cassian said. “It was certainly a trip. You were dating Gavin still at the time, right?”

“Yeah, and god, what was the name of the guy Bodhi was with? The one who cheated and caused such a scene–”

“Jeremy! How could you forget?” Cassian asked. “I think I still have him blocked on Facebook.”

It had been quite the spring break experience. They had gone in on the trip with several of their mates from college and had travelled all together in a big group. Jyn had never liked Bodhi’s boyfriend at the time, but she’d tolerated him purely because Bodhi was her best friend and she would support him to the ends of the earth. When they’d arrived, the sleeping arrangements had gotten a bit mixed up and it seemed that Jeremy and several others were staying at a different hotel. Not a problem, they’d thought nothing of it until several days in. After a day at the beach and out getting drinks with Gavin that evening, they had gone to a party at the other hotel and that was where Jyn had straight up seen Jeremy hooking up with someone who was quite clearly not Bodhi. She had promptly taken several photos before sending them.

“JEREMY, I lowkey think I tried to delete him from my brain entirely,” Jyn said. “Wonder what he’s up to these days?”

“I like to imagine he’s very, very lonely somewhere.”

“Well, worked out for Bodhi in the end,” Jyn said. “and me too, I suppose.”

“Yeah, Gavin was an asshat. I think he’s the only person you’ve ever dated that I didn’t like.”

“That spring break was when I knew,” Jyn mentioned, lightly. “It was maybe the second or third night we were there. It got to about midnight and me and you were already so done for the night, so we got a Lyft back to the hotel together. Gavin had hated that I’d gone with you and wouldn’t talk to me for the rest of the night. I knew that the second spring break was over, he was gone.”

“Shit,” Cassian said, glancing down at her. “I knew you dumped him because he didn’t like that we were friends, but you’ve never told me that part of the story…”

Jyn shrugged. “It was the way he trashed you in the process of trying to convince me to stay with him. If he’d just complained that he didn’t want me to leave I might have stayed a bit longer, but then he said something like ‘you always do whatever fucking Cassian wants’ and that was all it took. If someone didn’t pass the Best Friend Test, then they weren’t worth dating.”

Cassian paused in the middle of the sidewalk then, making her stumble back. She couldn’t describe the look in his eyes, but it made her feel like she couldn’t look away.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve a best friend like you,” he said, turning to lean his other arm around her shoulders, encircling her warmly.

“Shut up,” Jyn scoffed, holding his jacket and letting him kiss her anyway.

* * *

_Text reminder for JYN ERSO, appointment scheduled for 08/15/19 at 6pm. Reply YES to confirm or ring to reschedule._

**Yes**

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Hannah took off her glasses to rub at her eyes. “Did you just say that you kissed Cassian?” 

“I know it seems a little out of left field.”

“You don’t say!”

“But anyway, it was the turkey, Hannah!” Jyn stressed as she told the story to her ever-suffering therapist. “That boy hightailed it across the city to be with me and when I confronted him, he kissed me. Just wait, there’s more!”

“Oh, I’ll bet,” Hannah said.

Jyn didn’t mind re-telling the story once more, although to be fair she hadn’t exactly intended on talking about it with Hannah, especially since this was supposed to be their last regular session. After the several months that she’d been coming, she had learned a lot about herself and the ways that she could control the PTSD she’d gone through and considering the limited amount of sessions her insurance covered, they had both decided that she was ready to have a last session and then only return on an ‘as needed’ basis. She was certain that Hannah hadn’t expected to come in here and have to unpack the insane weekend that had been Bodhi and Luke’s wedding, but it was all spilling out of Jyn’s mouth before she’d even sat down. Hannah sat completely enraptured until finally, Jyn talked herself out and realised that she’d reached the end.

“…I guess that’s everything,” she concluded.

“Well,” Hannah said. “I feel honoured that you were ok with sharing. I know it’s tough for you to talk about emotional situations, but I think this just shows how far you’ve come. You confronted your feelings and have learned how much better it feels after you do.”

“It still took 10 years and a very good therapist to get it out of me.”

Hannah snorted with laughter. “It’s the end destination that matters, rather than the length of the journey. How do you feel about it all?”

“It’s… been a weird transition.”

“Understandable,” Hannah said. “You’ve known him for so long.”

“There are moments when I think _what the fuck am I doing_ ,” Jyn felt like she almost had a constant knot in her throat. A small part of her remained terrified that something would go wrong and that 10 years of friendship would go down the drain. She knew it was an irrational part of her, but one’s irrational side did always tend to be the loudest and she suspected that Cassian felt the same. “We went on a date like normal people.”

“How did that go?”

“We went to dinner at a restaurant that me and the other lab techs often go to,” Jyn remembered. “We were nervous, but five minutes in I don’t know, we seemed to remember that we didn’t have any reason to be. I guess I started remembering what you’ve told me before, about focusing on the present. We already knew that sparks would fly, that it wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable and we flirted the entire meal. It was fantastic.” 

Eventually, she had shoved him up against the front door of Cassian’s apartment.

_“I – I promise I don’t usually sleep with people on the – first date–” Jyn had murmured in between fierce kisses._

_“Neither do I. Wanna come inside and take my clothes off?”_

_“Of course.”_

She snapped her brain back to the present. While sometimes she thought that Hannah could read minds, she was glad that it was due to her uncanny way of figuring out what she was feeling rather than any supernatural talent.

“I think it sounds to me like you already know that there is no need to worry,” Hannah said to her.

“I guess sometimes we just want someone else to confirm it,” Jyn replied.

“Jyn, I have seen you come a remarkably long way,” Hannah told her. “As loud as that part of you that’s scared seems to be, there’s a far bigger part inside that knows you’ll be fine. When I first met you, you hid behind walls and couldn’t even contemplate tackling the emotions inside. You have overcome trauma and I can see that you are using the strategies I have taught you. I’m very proud.”

“Shit, Hannah,” Jyn said. “You’re gonna make me cry.”

The other woman just laughed. “You know that if you ever need me in the future, I’ll be here.”

“I know. Thank you.”

* * *

**jynersos** HELLO MIAMI #miami #miamibeach #beachvibes

* * *

Gabby was beside herself.

“It’s so good to see you!” she yelled the moment Jyn and Cassian walked through the doors of the bar that she’d hired as her birthday venue. Giant balloons spelling out ‘30’ floated in front of a feature wall for taking photos, music blared from the speakers and it seemed that Gabby was at least three or four drinks in already. She flung her arms around her brother, the two of them talking away in Spanish that Jyn really thought she should probably start trying to learn one of these days. Eventually she switched to English as she reached out for Jyn. “I’ve missed you!” she said, hugging her tightly around the neck.

“You too!” Jyn laughed. “How’s being 30?”

“My life is just getting started, that’s how it is!” Gabby said, pulling back to grab at her shoulders. Jyn figured that without it, she might have keeled over. “I almost freaked out, but I figured FUCK that, you know?”

“Oh, fuck that, definitely,” Jyn nodded with her.

“Anyway, you guys are awesome for coming all the way here for my birthday,” Gabby insisted. “You said you were here for the weekend, right?”

“Figured we’d make a trip of it,” Cassian nodded. “See you and Amy, hang out with Celeste, chill at the beach.”

“I’m sorry, my brother is going to chill at the beach?”

“I can be chill.”

“He usually just sits in the middle of the towel and complains about the sand the whole time,” Jyn said knowingly, making Gabby laugh.

Someone else arrived at the party then, causing Gabby’s attention to wander elsewhere. Jyn spotted Gabby’s wife, Amy, and they chatted to her as well as drinks were consumed and the festivities got well underway. There weren’t too many people that they knew, but Gabby introduced them to several of her friends and they thankfully got chatting enough to not be awkwardly hovering on the edges of the party. Honestly, Jyn wouldn’t have minded if they spent the entire time just talking to each other.

“If I’d known how hot it was going to be, I would have worn an outfit without sleeves,” Jyn said at one point, waving out the back of her dress as they stood directly under the aircon.

“We’re in _Miami_.”

“Forgive me, I haven’t been here in a while.”

“I love you.”

Jyn paused, her heart slamming as she looked up at him. She didn’t think either of them had said the words since Bodhi and Luke’s wedding. Even though she knew he felt it and that she thought the words in her head probably several times a day, they’d both carefully kept them inside. It felt a little like too much, but Cassian was looking at her like she was his entire world and he immediately back tracked.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” he said, hastily. “You’re beautiful and it just felt right to say it.” 

“Don’t be sorry, fuck,” Jyn said. “Cassian, I don’t know about you, but I’ve been worried a lot this last month about leaping too intensely into this. Shit has moved fast. I even worried about coming here to your sister’s birthday with you, but it doesn’t feel awkward at all. Why haven’t we been together the entire time we’ve known each other?”

“Oh, thank god,” Cassian sighed. “I’ve felt the same.”

It felt a relief to get it out in the open.

“You know,” Jyn smirked. “You never even told me when the hell you fell in love with me.”

“I thought it was obvious?”

“I know, but I want to hear you say it.”

His eyes softened as he spoke. “The moment I got the phone call saying you’d been hit by a car. After everything that had happened to me that year, I just knew.”

She’d kind of managed to figure it out, but it was something different to hear it directly from him.

“And yourself?” Cassian prompted.

She snorted. “The thing is, I don’t know. A hint of something has kind of just disappeared and made several comebacks with varying degrees of intensity over the last few years. It’s developed and grown over time, kind of like myself. It was waiting for the right time, I suppose.”

“I think we finally got it right now.”

“I think so too,” Jyn grinned, glancing up at him. Inches from his face, he leaned down to kiss her softly. One of his hands reached up to hold her face and it was actually several minutes before she remembered where the hell she was when someone suddenly yelled at them.

“DID I MISS SOMETHING?”

Jyn hastily pulled back to see that Gabby was staring, a glass of wine in her hands and pure shock on her face.

“Cassian,” she said. “I think we might have forgotten to tell your sister.”

“I’LL FUCKING SAY,” Gabby yelled in outrage. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The weirdest thing for Jyn and Cassian would definitely be the fact that they've essentially already done the first part of dating. They got to know each other and they fell in love. Now they're leaping in headfirst, and it must be hard for them to know how much is too intense, but so long as it feels right, I think they'll survive. 
> 
> im gonna be honest, I have no idea how much more of the story is left. i have vague plans of the ending, but no idea how to get there lol. it could potentially be the next chapter, it all really depends, but it means either way the fic is coming to a close and I AM CRIESSSS 
> 
> im not ready to let go of this fic. I hope you all liked this one!!!! pls let me know what u think xoxo


	22. Chapter 22

_Kay  
Hey guys, it’s that time of year again. We need to decide if we’re renewing our lease. Like always, take time to think about it and get back to us all.   
Also @Jyn tell Cassian thank you for the new headphones. _

_Bodhi  
LMAO U ACTUALLY BOUGHT HIM THE HEADPHONES _

* * *

“I don’t know what to say,” Jyn said as she held the tiny baby in her arms. Shara next to her was beaming while also simultaneously looking like she was about to pass out any second. Kes and Shara’s son was only five weeks old and Jyn didn’t even really know him yet, but she knew that she was absolutely 100% willing to throw herself into oncoming traffic to protect him… and having actually done that before, she knew exactly how much it would hurt (she would do it anyway). They had named him Poe and he was the cutest fucking baby in existence and she wanted to cry so badly that she was shaking a little from the effort of holding it in.

“He's amazing, Shara,” Jyn’s voice broke.

“Oh, babe,” Shara laughed. “You can cry, it’s fine. I’ve done a lot of crying myself.”

“No, I’m fine,” she insisted, attempting to wipe her eyes with her shoulder. “How’s he doing, then? And you and Kes?”

“We’re all great,” Shara said. “Or as great as it can be with a newborn in the apartment, I guess.”

“How long was he in hospital for?”

“About a week,” Shara told her. “The doctors wanted to make sure that he could breathe properly on his own, considering he was born in a fucking hotel kitchen and all.”

“Some days I still can’t believe that happened.”

“You’re telling me.”

Jyn glanced down again at his little scrunched up face, wiggling her finger across his cheek. His eyes slowly closed before hastily bouncing back open again.

“Is he falling asleep?”

“Mostly likely,” Shara said, leaning over to check on him. “Are you all right, I can put him down–?”

“Shara, I don’t think I can physically let go of him.”

She snorted loudly. “So long as you’re comfortable, it’s fine. But yeah, things are as good as they can be. We’re still figuring out this new routine, I’ve cried I think every hour since he was born, Kes is still in a state of shock but I know we’re gonna be fine eventually. Although, I was pretty sure that my parents were going to drive me insane when they were here.”

Jyn remembered Shara texting her at roughly four in the morning only a couple of weeks ago. Both Kes’ parents and Shara’s parents had travelled all the way to New York City to be with them for the first few weeks of Poe’s life. Jyn didn’t normally wake at slight sounds, but apparently even she hadn’t been able to sleep through the constant buzz of messages being sent to her from Shara. Jyn remembered leaning over Cassian, who naturally slept through the entire thing, to check her phone and had read a stream of messages that ranged from semi-coherent, to ‘bet Shara doesn’t even remember sending that’.

_Jyn im losing my goddamn mind  
Sorry, I know it’s like 4am but poe will NOT stop crying, I fed him, I cuddled him, what the fuck else does he want!!!!   
Imdjkdjfd fuckin cryingfgfn bitcH   
Update: Kes has also tried, nothing   
Ok I’m trying this weird video off youtube that just goes shhhh shhh shhhh for like 10 hrs   
Update: so poe still isn’t asleep, but the video sure put kes to sleep   
UPDATEE HE”S NOT CRYIN ANYMORE   
Not asleep but nTO CRING   
Oh jesus fuck, my mom seems to think she can do it cAN SHE JUST FUCKIN GO HOME ALREADY???   
Update: I have yelled at my mom and woke up literally everyone   
fuhfuifuUFCKK M Y LFIE   
WHYF DID I HAVE A BAY   
*BAB Y   
It’s like 5.30 im do fucjkin done jyn   
Ok thank god, I got mom to go back to bed, currently trying diff youtube videos in the hopes that one will work   
FDJDFKJFIM DS   
WHY WONT HE SLEEP   
THE SUN IS RISING SHHHJHJ MY SON   
MOTHERFUCKRBERH   
WHY DID GODS UPUT M E ON THIS EARTH TO SUFFGEGRER   
Holy shit jyn…………………………………..IS HE ASLEEP??????????????????   
I found a compilation video of people feeding animals dhjfjhfhj MY BOI IS GONNA BE A ZOOKEEPER ONE DAY   
Im gonna go sleep for 12 horus now bye bitch _

**Let me tell ya, waking up to all of this was a fucking JOURNEY**

“Yeah, it’s probably a good thing your parents have gone home now,” Jyn said, lightly. “Babies eventually have to make their own way in the world, after all. You are so brave. I don’t know if I could do this.”

“Hey, I still don’t know if I can do this,” Shara pointed out. “What matters is that I want to and I’m trying my best.”

“God,” Jyn said. “Remember when we first met each other? We were so young, Shara. You were so certain that you wouldn’t even have kids.”

“Yeah, and you were so certain that you didn’t like Cassian,” Shara laughed.

“Ok, so I've decided that actually, no one needs to remember the past,” Jyn said, hastily.

“So are you and Cassian like, dating now, or fucking, or what?” Shara asked. 

She had supposed that the question was going to come up eventually. It felt like the first few weeks of whatever this was had been spent avoiding all personal confrontation, but as time moved on, they had started facing their friends more and more. They’d had their first games night since the wedding only last weekend, and everyone had thankfully just accepted the facts that Jyn and Cassian casually held hands now, would help each other wipe out the other players and kiss in the kitchen when they thought no one was looking. However, she’d seen the side-eyes from Bodhi and heard the good-natured teasing from Han and knew that the questions they were all dying to ask were coming.

The problem was she didn’t have the answers any more than her friends did.

“The hell if I know,” Jyn admitted.

“ _Babe_ ,” Shara said.

“I KNOW,” Jyn would have thrown up her hands if she hadn’t still been holding onto little Poe. “This bitch represses her emotions and hasn’t asked the guy she’s dating whether he’s her boyfriend yet or not, what a fucking surprise!”

“Well, you wouldn’t be Jyn Erso without some sort of emotional crisis.”

“You know me well, Shara Bey,” Jyn snorted.

Shara laughed. “Honestly, babe, you’ll figure it out in your own time. If you know, you know. God, I’m so glad you took that barista job, Jyn, my life just wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

“Course it wouldn’t,” Jyn pointed out. “I’m the one who introduced you to Cassian, who ultimately introduced you to Kes. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have Poe here.”

Shara just looked at her for a moment. Jyn hadn’t thought too much of her words, but incredibly, it seemed that her friend looked like she was on the verge of tearing up and she really had to fight the urge to laugh. “Are you ok…?” she smirked.

“Shut up, my hormones are everywhere!” Shara cried. “I love you, Jyn. Not in a joking ‘ha, ha, you’re my bro’ way, like I genuinely love you. You are a constant, someone always there for me, kind and caring and you deserve the world.”

Jyn nodded. She knew what she meant.

“I love you, too.”

* * *

**jynersos** <3 <3 <3  
 **shara_baeeee** mah boi and mah girl!!

* * *

_Luke  
Hey guys. So we know the lease is coming up and Bodhi and I have always said that at one point we will want to live by ourselves, so we think the time has come. We’ll be moving out. BUT WE’LL MISS U GUYS SO FUCKING MUCH HOLY SHIT xoxo _

_Bodhi  
What he said!!!! jedusuigugjdgj I’m gonna miss you all SO DAMN MCUH!!! _

**Holy shit im sbboging**

_Margaret  
Omg guys congrats on moving in together!!! I mean, you already live together, but being able to live by yourselves I mean! _

_Kay  
I, of course, understand. While I am saddened that you will no longer be living with us, I wish you all the best on your journey together. _

**WHAT KAY MEANS IS FUCK U GUYS SGHJFDKGFHS I’LL MISS U SO MUCH!!!**

* * *

Even though she saw Bodhi almost every day, she still greeted him as if they hadn’t seen each other in month.

“BITCH, IT’S BEEN TOO LONG,” she announced the second she slammed through the doors of _Rebel, Rebel_ , moving to bestow a very dramatic hug on her best friend.

“I haven’t moved out yet,” he scoffed from the tight embrace of her arms.

“STILL,” she declared, pulling back so that they could join the line at the front counter.

While she had known that the day would come eventually, it was still surreal to her to think that she wouldn’t be living with Bodhi anymore. For literal years she had always been able to count on Bodhi being there whenever she needed him. She insisted on buying his coffee for him and they took a window seat where they could watch the fall breeze slowly pick up outside in the street. Jyn could feel the chill her leg.

“So!” Bodhi took a sip of his coffee from his space in front of her. “I’m moving out.”

“You’re moving out.”

“It doesn’t feel real,” Bodhi said, hands wrapped around his mug. “Look, Jyn, we haven’t told the others this yet… but there’s actually more to us just moving out.”

“Oh, god. Do I want to know?”

Bodhi snorted. “We didn’t murder anymore. You know how Luke’s family mostly lives on the west coast?”

“Yeah,” Jyn said. “Like Leia went to school in California, right?”

“Luke was just the random one who decided to get as far away as possible and go to NYU,” Bodhi nodded. “Well, we always had a deal that after a few years of being here and being closer to my family, we would eventually move to California to be closer to Luke’s. The timing just worked out, especially since he’s always wanted to get his MFA, and there are some amazing schools for that in California. We’ve missed the cut off for this year, but he’s applied for the spring semester and basically what I’m saying is…”

“You’re not just moving out of the apartment,” Jyn said.

Bodhi shook his head. “We’re leaving New York. We’re moving to Los Angeles.” 

Jyn nodded, yet she still couldn’t somehow stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. From the moment he’d talked about Luke’s family on the west coast she’d thought she’d known what he was about to tell her, and she always knew that one day they would go their separate ways. Life wasn’t permanent. Shit changed, Luke and Bodhi were married now and it had been a long time since it had just been their original four first moving in to their shitty apartment with broken AC, a kitchen with thankfully no raccoons and a forbidden rooftop anyway. But there was always going to be a part of her that couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing her best friend every day. She sniffed and Bodhi laughed, wiping at his own eyes.

“Don’t you fucking cry! You’ll make me cry!” he exclaimed.

“I’m not crying!”

“ARE TOO.”

“Shut up,” Jyn swiped at her cheek before leaning across the table to hug him tightly. He held her for a long moment before they eventually settled back with their coffee. “Look, I figured the day would come eventually,” she said. “Bodhi, it’s fine. This is what you want to do and I’m so proud of you guys for being brave enough to do it.”

“Thank you, Jyn. Besides, it just gives you an excuse to come and visit me in LA.”

“Oh my god, can you imagine me in LA?” Jyn snorted. She had been there before, but usually only ever on connecting flights where she didn’t actually leave the airport. She’d only visited as a tourist once, when she had first moved to the US. Her and Bodhi had gone there for their first ever winter break, spending only a few days doing things like the very touristy Hollywood sign hike, taking pictures next to Orlando Bloom’s star on the walk of fame and exploring Santa Monica pier. It had been fun to visit, but for some reason she just felt like she vibed a bit more with New York City.

“I think the last time we went was in freshman year of college?” Bodhi said.

“It was the only time!” Jyn told him. “We’ve been New Yorkers for so long, I almost can’t imagine you there. Luke is such a surfer boy, though, bet he fits right in.”

“It’ll be a change of pace, but I’m excited,” Bodhi said.

“I’m glad,” Jyn said. “It’s not going to be easy to let you go, but I know this is what you want and what you’ve got to do.”

“I’m still gonna miss you, Jyn,” Bodhi told her.

“I know,” Jyn said. “me too.”

“Excuse me,” came a low, rumbling voice from behind them. “but did I hear that someone is leaving without saying goodbye to me?”

“Baze!” Jyn jumped up to immediately throw her arms around her old boss. He beamed as Bodhi explained,

“I’m moving to LA, but you can’t tell anyone yet!”

“I understand,” Baze nodded, Jyn finally letting him go. “That’s a big change, we will miss you around here.”

“Ahhh, you’ll have everyone else still, _Rebel, Rebel_ will remain standing,” Bodhi waved a hand.

“You are doing well, right?” Jyn asked.

Baze nodded. “We’re still going strong. I haven’t been able to catch you in a while, I’ve been meaning to congratulate you on getting your degree.”

“Thank you, yeah,” Jyn told him. “Honestly, leaving here was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. I can imagine that I would still be working for you now, ten years later, if I hadn’t. A truly worthwhile job, of course, but I personally I knew I wanted to get out and do so many other things.”

“We are so proud of your accomplishments,” Baze said, warmly. Then he turned to Bodhi and added, “Also is it true that her and _Cassian_ are together?”

Bodhi laughed as Jyn just threw up her hands in exasperation, sitting back down onto her chair in a huff. “Yeah!” he said.

“I heard a rumour, wasn’t sure what to make of it.”

“They hooked up at my wedding, been together ever since, _eyyyyyyy_ –”

“I’m disowning you as my best friend,” Jyn declared.

“At one point I suspected feelings,” Baze smiled, leaning down to wrap his strong arms around her shoulders from behind. “but then you would always date someone else and seem genuinely happy, so I figured I had to be wrong. Glad I was right in the end, I always thought you’d be good together.”

“Honestly, I don’t know what all the fuss is about,” Jyn complained. “We’re just giving it a go, seeing what happens…”

“She’s failed to tell you that she’s in love with him,” Bodhi told Baze.

“I’m about to combust,” Baze deadpanned, making Jyn laugh.

“Are you really just ‘seeing where things go’?” Bodhi asked her then, curiously. “I’ve barely been able to get anything out of him, and you've told me shit all as well.”

“I don’t know,” Jyn said. “I was talking to Shara about this not too long ago, it feels like he’s my boyfriend, but it also feels like the label isn’t enough? Then I remember that it’s only been two months and that’s about when I usually have some kind of emotional breakdown over it.”

“Hey, Luke and I started calling each other boyfriend after three weeks,” Bodhi shrugged.

“Chirrut started calling me his husband years before we even got married,” Baze nodded.

“Oh, you two are no help,” Jyn scoffed. She noticed Bodhi and Baze still looking at her sceptically and she added, “Look, don’t worry, I didn’t go through months of therapy just to continue sticking my head in the sand. This has just been a weird period in my life and I don’t really want to throw too many things on top of me at once. For now, we’re good. When we’re ready, we’ll have that conversation.”

“And what will you say when you do?” Baze asked.

“That he better be my fucking boyfriend, otherwise I’m rioting,” Jyn said.

He chuckled, patting her on the shoulders. “It’s been lovely seeing you. Did you want another coffee? It's on me.”

“Always!”

As Baze took their orders and left to see to them personally, Bodhi said to her with a grin,

“Yeah, I know you’re gonna be ok here without me.” 

“Course I will,” Jyn said. “and you’ll be ok without me.”

* * *

**~l.skywalk~~** It’s official!! Hey Cali @b.the.rook and I r coming for u this spring!! #calidreams #california #la #nyctola #ucla #mfa #mastersoffinearts  
 **oh-dani-girl** holy shit congrats Luke!!!!  
 **cassiandors** congratulations Luke, will miss you!  
 **b.the.rook** cali aint ready for us lysm  
 **ridin’solo** yooOOOO LOOK AT U #BAE  
 **shara_baeeee** congratulations Luke!! Can’t believe you’re leaving ny!!  
 **margs_edm_official** ahhhh congrats on getting in!  
 **k2so91tu** Congratulations.  
 **jynersos** you’re gonna have such a good time, congrats!  
 **urprincessleia** OH SO NOW YOU DECIDE TO GO TO COLLEGE IN CALIFORNIA????

* * *

_Margaret  
hey guys, letting you know that I’m moving out too :’( opportunity came up to move into an apartment closer to work, so I’m taking it. I’ve loved living with u crazy idiots tho and expect to still be invited to every party you throw! _

* * *

_Hello, Jyn. I want to talk about the lease on the apartment. Three of our roommates are now leaving and I don’t know about you, but it feels like it’s time for us to move on as well and not renew the lease. I know that I have always wanted to live alone and I think I am at that point in life where I am financially secure enough for it. I am unsure how you feel about it, though?_

**Nah mate, soon as marg msged was gonna say the same thing. I think our time in this place has come to a natural end  
Feels weird af tho!!! **

_We have lived together a very long time._

**U bet ur ass we have, it’s been nine years**

_And six of those years in this particular apartment. I know that we have our differences, but I want to say thank you for being one of the best roommates I’ve ever had._

**Who r u and what have u done with kay????????????  
Same mate **

* * *

Everything was changing.

Shara and Kes had a baby, Bodhi and Luke were moving to Los Angeles, all of them were leaving their apartment after literally years of living there and Jyn was dating Cassian. It felt like the end of an era and by all accounts, it should have been freaking her the shit out, but this also felt like the start of a new era and weirdly, Jyn felt relatively ok with it.

The idea of Bodhi moving so far away from her made her want to cry every five seconds, but she knew that she’d known him for so long at this point that they had the kind of friendship that could withstand any length of distance or time. He was the person that she could not see for weeks or months because he was staying at Luke’s place, or they were busy, or she was living in England, but whenever they did catch up again, it was like no time had passed at all. She knew he would always be there at the other end of the phone. Having a baby obviously meant big changes in the amount of time she saw Shara, but she was still in her life and Jyn was also going to be able to watch Poe as he grew up. She felt a sense of emotional attachment to their apartment, but at the end of the day it _was_ just an apartment. What had really made it home was the people who lived in it. 

No, this change was welcome. Ever since her father had died, she’d felt a bit like a different Jyn and only just now did it seem that her life was finally catching up to the person she wanted to be: a Jyn who knew things weren’t permanent, but was ok with that because it meant that sometimes things also got to change for the better.

She felt Cassian’s lips press into her hair. She didn’t move from where she was nestled down in between his legs, his arms around her as they chilled on his bed watching some cheesy Netflix movie that she forgotten the name of… Vanessa Hudgens was probably in it. They had watched movies together before of course, but they had never held each other quite like this while doing so before. It was wild that so many things in their friendship crossed over into their romantic relationship as well, just with ever so slight variations. One of Cassian’s hands was casually resting across her waist and she leaned back against his chest, the most relaxed she’d been in a long time despite all of the news she had gotten so recently. She glanced up at him, squeezing his arms with her own.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Cassian told her. “You?”

“Spectacular.”

His phone buzzed and Cassian practically leapt out of his skin.

“You know, I’m starting to feel like there might still be some tension…” Jyn laughed as Cassian jostled her in his leap across his bed to check his phone on the nightstand. He sighed at what was clearly yet another uninteresting notification, slowly making his way to apologetically settle back in behind her.

“What was it this time?” Jyn asked with a grin.

“Facebook,” Cassian said.

“Honestly, just keep your phone next to you.”

“Then I really would be checking every five seconds.”

“You don’t even know when the email will come through,” Jyn said.

“They said the results would be released in the last week of October,” Cassian told her for probably the twentieth time. “It is the last week of October, damn it!”

It had been the last week of October for what felt like an entire month. Jyn was sure that the results of the July bar exam that Cassian had taken were making his blood pressure soar at this point. “We are supposed to be watching this ridiculous Christmas movie in October to make you calm down,” she snorted. “C’mon, appreciate Vanessa Hudgens falling in love with a time travelling knight and forget all about your phone.”

“Impossible.”

“Cassian, it’s a _time travelling knight_.”

“I hear you, but the possibility of my entire future career hangs on this email, Jyn.”

“Would it help if we just skipped to the chill portion of this Netflix and chill?”

He thankfully laughed, his arms wrapping back around her. He kissed her neck, making her smile. “You’re incredible. I don’t know if I could’ve handled this pressure without you.”

“Yes, you would have,” Jyn told him. “because you have grown as a person and are capable of handling anything. Cassian, you don’t need to worry.”

“I know,” He let out a breath. “There’s just so much shit going on at the moment, it all feels like it’s spiralling a bit. You know, with Bodhi and Luke leaving and you all moving out.”

“I get it,” Jyn said. “I heard back from that apartment I saw yesterday, by the way, they chose someone else.”

“Ahh, fuck them,” Cassian said.

“I’ll find somewhere eventually,” she said. With the plan to move out, there had obviously been the natural progression being that she could move in with Cassian. It had been the first idea to cross her mind, but she had been quick to broach that elephant before she could let it eat her up.

“I don’t want to live with you again,” she remembered blurting out only two days after they had decided not to renew the lease. They had been eating spaghetti bolognese together out on the fire escape and Cassian had looked at her weirdly.

“O…kay?” he had said.

“I mean–” Jyn had fumbled for the words. “I don’t mean that I _never_ want to live with you again – it’s just, living together would mean something different this time and we’ve only been doing this for like, three months? And I know the others are going to say ‘why don’t you just go live with Cassian’ but I only want to do that when we’re ready and I don’t think we’re ready yet, so I want to start looking for a different apartment, but I didn’t want to disappoint you if that’s what you were already thinking–”

“Jyn,” Cassian had said, shovelling spaghetti into his mouth. “It’s fine. I don’t want to live with you either.”

“Oh, thank god.”

She had been thankful that her apartment hunt could begin without that pressure hanging over her. She had seen several with no luck yet, but this was New York City. There would always be someone somewhere looking for a roommate. She was so far managing to not let it get to her and she relaxed in Cassian’s arms once again. She almost got back into the movie too, but that was when his phone went off again, jerking him once more across the bed to check.

“It’s just my work group chat,” he sighed.

“Oh my god, I swear it’ll come when it comes,” Jyn told him. When he slid back in behind her once more, she turned in his arms, kneeling up between his legs to sling her arms around his neck. He craned his head to look up at her, smiling as she gently pressed kisses across his hairline. “One day you’re going to be a fucking amazing lawyer, Cassian Andor. You will use your powers for good, getting innocent people out of jail and representing small businesses against giant corporations.”

“It’s so hot when you talk dirty to me.”

She kissed him in that moment and ended up laughing right into his mouth. He kissed her back anyway, Jyn able to feel his grin as his hands trailed up her sides. His hands slipped underneath her t-shirt, making her skin shiver. She could still feel the tension in his shoulders, however, and so she pressed lazily but deeply, intent on making him forget anything that was currently troubling him. She left his lips to find the spot on his neck she knew he liked, making him gasp when she flicked her tongue against it.

Jyn had had some amazing sex in her time on earth, she wasn’t going to lie. Her and Cassian both knew that there had been a wide range of previous partners for the both of them before they’d gotten to this point and Jyn would also be lying if she said that she hadn’t wondered where she fell on Cassian’s scale of ‘Top 10 Sexual Experiences of my life’. For her personally, her favourite sex had always been with someone that she liked, but her absolute best encounters had been far and few between, to the point where she probably could have counted them all only on one hand.

Cassian had very quickly climbed onto the list.

Maybe it was the combination of being with someone she knew well and also happened to like very, very much, but she knew that she would never forget the morning after their third date. And she was still thinking about the orgasm from two weeks ago on the couch at three in the morning. Or maybe she was over exaggerating it all in her head, but truthfully, she was sure that her and Cassian had just somehow struck gold together. They managed to ignore the movie entirely as Jyn climbed onto his lap and they gradually descended into a mess of moans and hands. At one point Jyn heard the phone go off and Cassian actually paused, but she laughed, tugging gently on his chin to bring his eyes back to her.

“You are literally inside me, Cassian Andor,” she reminded him.

His eyes brightened. “I can check later.”

A well-placed thrust of his hips made her squeak a little, prompting her to carry on thoroughly distracting him. She liked to think that the look on his face when he finally let himself come meant that he could barely remember his name, let alone that he had emails to check. She didn’t stop until eventually he reached up and held her still, throwing his other arm over his eyes. 

“I’m fucking dead,” he declared. “You killed me.”

“I must be better at sex than I thought.”

“Jyn,” Cassian let his arm fall away so that he could look directly at her. “You have been some of the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Stop, you’ll inflate my ego,” Jyn said, happily.

For about thirty seconds, Cassian just rested his head back, apparently unable to move. Then, his eyes suddenly snapped open and he exclaimed,

“My phone!”

Their limbs were gently yet hastily detangled as Cassian peeled her off him so that he could leap across his bed once more. Jyn just shook her head before rolling herself off the bed to head to the bathroom, stealing Cassian’s t-shirt to dress herself in. When she made it back, it was to find Cassian lying forlornly face down on his bed.

“Oh god,” she said. “You failed?”

“No, I still don’t even have the email!” he grumbled.

Jyn went to check her own messages. “Oh, I think the phone going off before was me,” she said. She didn’t immediately recognise the little profile picture, and she was thrown completely for a loop when she checked the notification.

“Holy fucking shit,” she said.

“What is it?” Cassian asked, sitting up.

Jyn glanced up at him in shock. “My aunt has messaged me.”

“Wait, from your mother’s side?” he asked.

“Yeah,” It was probably the absolute last thing in the world that she had expected. Jyn came and sat with Cassian, curling up in his lap to show him the very out of the blue message that she had been sent from her mother’s younger sister, Jasmine.

_Hi, Jyn! I know it’s been a long time, I hope you are doing well. I know that you probably have your life in New York well established, but I just wanted to take the time to invite you to spend Christmas with us this year. I know that our side of the family hasn’t treated you very well. And while a lot of it came from your grandmother, it isn’t an excuse for how neglectful we’ve all been. I know that I am personally so very sorry for not having closer relationship with you. But it’s something we want to begin fixing, so do let me know if you are at all interested. Lots of love, Jasmine._

“Damn,” Cassian said. “What are you gonna say?”

She really didn’t know. For years her only close family connection was with her father and since he had died, she had been content in knowing that her found family in New York would always be there for her. She had never ever expected her mother’s family to reach out like this. To her absolute horror, she felt a bubble of emotion swell up inside her and she had to struggle not to cry.

“This is wild,” Jyn said. “I’d long thought that they never wanted anything to do with me. I was going to invite Erin here for Christmas this year.”

“Maybe you should both go there?” Cassian suggested.

“Maybe – oh, Jesus–” She had to sniff as a few rogue tears managed to spill despite her every effort to hold them back. “This is mortifying, I had no idea how much this would get to me,” She laughed it off. 

Cassian reached up and gently swiped the tears from her face. “This is your family,” he said. “I get it.”

“You’re my family.”

Cassian stared at her at that.

“Fuck,” Jyn said. “That’s a bit much, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, no, it’s fine–”

“I just meant,” Jyn stammered. Shit, she hadn’t even called this man her boyfriend yet and here she was telling him that he was family! Panic mode fully engaged, she managed to get out, “I meant that you’ve always been there for me when my family wasn’t – no that, wait – it’s you, Bodhi and Kay as well – all of you have – you know, been my family, and… I’m not explaining this much better, am I?”

“Jyn, it’s ok,” Cassian said. “When I was just a very lost freshman at NYU and far away from home for the first time, you were there to take me in. You’ve been my family, too.”

Jyn smiled.

“I guess I better message my aunt back.”

“Do you know what you’re going to say?”

“Sure,” Jyn said, immediately tapping at her phone. “I’ll come only if my family can come too.”

* * *

_Hi, Jyn! I know it’s been a long time, I hope you are doing well. I know that you probably have your life in New York well established, but I just wanted to take the time to invite you to spend Christmas with us this year. I know that our side of the family hasn’t treated you very well. And while a lot of it came from your grandmother, it isn’t an excuse for how neglectful we’ve all been. I know that I am personally so very sorry for not having closer relationship with you. But it’s something we want to fix, so let me know if you are at all interested. Love Jasmine._

**Hey, Jasmine. I’m really good, thanks for reaching out. I would love to spend Christmas with you, Ben and the boys. I’d like to request the invitation being extended to my family as well? You would have met Erin at my dad’s funeral and my friends Bodhi, Cassian and Kay?**

_I’m so glad!!! And of course, everyone is welcome. Will be so good to see you again <3 _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, so i know i just fucked off for a while there, but i was procrastinating writing this because i thought it would be the last chapter and i Wasn't Ready!!! Turns out when i finally sat down to write, i went overboard and now there's one more chapter after this lmaoooo 
> 
> I really hope you liked it. Things are moving on in this universe, and I'm really going to miss it when it's finished sahsdjhfjd pls let me know what you think!! xoxo


	23. Chapter 23

_Let’s Blow This Popsicle Stand!!!_

_After literally nine years of living together, the day has finally come when we're all going our separate ways. With Bodhi and Luke fucking off to California and Dani also about to leave us for Italy, we request the presence of all of you fine people to help us say goodbye to our beloved apartment (oh, and to the people leaving, I guess)._

_***NO TEQUILLA ALLOWED, this is the last party we’re throwing here and we’d at least like some of our security deposit back)_

* * *

It was wild to think that they weren’t going to be living here anymore. 

Their apartment had been there literally through everything. Every break up, every games night, every party and every drunken sex encounter, the squeaky floors and thin walls had seen it all. This shitty apartment with temperamental AC and a barely working shower in the heart of Greenwich Village had been her home for so long that it was absolutely surreal to think she was actually leaving it. Boxes were all stacked along the hallway and kitchen benches, everything in a permanent state of half-packed. They’d literally had to spend an entire weekend just trying to sort out everything and remember what belonged to whom.

“Why the fuck do we have three soup ladles?” Bodhi had yelled from the kitchen.

“Oh, one of those is mine!” Margaret had hollered back.

“Kay, this is your doormat, right?”

“The one that says ‘fuck off’?”

“That’s the one.”

“Yes, that’s mine,” Kay had nodded.

“Ok, who owns the blender?”

“Not me.”

“It’s not mine!”

“Not me!”

“ _Well, it has to be fucking someone’s!_ ” Bodhi had yelled in outrage.

With so much crap accumulating in the apartment over the years, packing was certainly proving to be a momentous task. Eventually, they had figured out that the blender actually belonged to Cassian, who had forgotten to take it away with him when he’d moved out, and the more things that got put away, the more Jyn realised how much of her life had really been spent here. She’d studied at the kitchen table as an undergrad and cried in her room when she’d been broken up with. She’d sat out on the fire escape on New Year’s Eve and accidentally slipped in the shower one time, ripping the entire curtain off in the process. She’d fallen in love with Cassian in this apartment. She knew that it was the people who had made this apartment a home, but she still held on to some kind of ridiculous sentiment for the place despite everything so they invited their friends around, drank beer and pretended to sob as they hugged the walls. Han was dared to kiss the floor goodbye and Cassian had even spent the afternoon baking a giant cake that spelled out, ‘#byefelicia’ in icing.

“Bitch, I can’t believe you’re not going to be living here anymore,” Leia said to her at one point, the two of them throwing back cake.

“Bitch, me either!” Jyn said to her. “It’s too surreal, I haven’t been able to conceptualise it yet. It feels like we’re all just going to go on a holiday or something. Are you ok with your brother moving so far away?”

“He’s going back home,” Leia shrugged. “For me, it doesn’t feel far. It’ll definitely be weird not having him in the same city anymore, but he’s my brother, I know I’ll see him again… also, random aside,” Leia added, glancing curiously at something over Jyn’s shoulder. “Is Cassian like… ok?”

Jyn turned. Across the room, she noticed him oblivious to all around him as he furiously swiped at his phone, only to sigh in exasperation every now and again. He was going to drive himself insane soon, if he hadn’t already done so.

“He’s waiting for the results from his bar exam,” Jyn explained. “They were supposed to come out last week and he’s, erm… a bit anxious.”

“You don’t say,” Leia snorted, turning back to Jyn. “Anyway, you’ve found a new place to live, right?”

“Oh, yeah!” Jyn nodded. “I’m not moving far from here, I managed to find a place in Chelsea. It's more expensive than my current rent, but it's certainly better quality, my roommates seem nice and not crazy and it’s not too far away from work. That's pretty ideal in my book.” 

“Well, considering _that_ –” Leia gestured over to where Cassian was now groaning, whacking his forehead against the wall. “–I can totally understand not wanting to live with him.”

“Well, this conversation lasted about thirty seconds before our relationship came up, so I consider that a record,” Jyn said.

“Girl, it had to come up!” Leia exclaimed. “You and Cassian! How’s it going? Is it weird? How’s the sex? Are you like, a thing, or is it serious–?”

“Leia, I just don’t even know where to start with you.”

“We’ve never been shy of the personal questions, you and me,” Leia said. “Remember the first proper conversation we ever really had?”

“Of course I do,” Jyn replied. With the words jogging her memory, she could picture Leia in a princess gown and devil horns perched on Jyn’s head as they spoke at Halloween many years before. “I asked you why you didn’t like Han. You said you loved him.” 

“And he said ‘I know’ in response,” Leia snorted. “Lucky for him, that became our inside joke. Anyway, I then asked you if you _did_ like Cassian and I think you had a bit of a crisis because you suddenly stopped sleeping with Han after that conversation.”

“That was when I first realised that I liked him,” Jyn admitted.

“HA,” Leia exclaimed. “Emotion! Anyway, I still need answers, so keep it coming.”

“I don’t know, Leia,” Jyn would roll her eyes, but Leia was basically 100% right. The two of them had never shied away from the deep and personal shit and she didn’t think they could stop that now. “I don’t know if serious is the right word, but we’re not just dating either.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

Jyn truly didn’t know how to answer. Three months and she’d still never actually used the word before. She knew it was what she thought in her head, and what she’d said to other people, but it wasn’t a term that she or Cassian had used with each other yet. How the hell could they have said ‘I love you’ but not called each other boyfriend or girlfriend? They’d also fucking known each other for 10 years, could they even USE that term? It almost didn’t feel like enough.

“I think I’m having another one of those crises, Leia.”

“Jyn, if you ask me,” Leia said. “That dude’s been your boyfriend for a long time. You’ve just been too busy being an ostrich to see it.”

“An ostrich?”

“Sticking your head in the sand.”

“Common myth, ostriches don’t actually bury their heads, rather they make their nests in the ground and put their heads in to turn the eggs over–”

Leia shot her a look.

“… ok, maybe I’m being a bit of an ostrich.”

“Look, I know it’s probably a bit rich coming from me,” Leia told her. “I worried about this shit with Han as well, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out. Oh, hey!” she added then, apparently spotting something else behind Jyn. She waved over her shoulder and Jyn turned to see that Dani had just arrived.

“BISH, there’s our Italian dreamboat about to leave us all!” Leia called out.

“You fucking know it!” Dani yelled back.

It was impossible for Leia to not notice Jyn hastily ducking down behind her. She whirled around before staring at her in bemusement.

“Jyn, tell me you’re not fucking hiding from Dani.”

“Nooooo…” Jyn warbled. Ok, so maybe she was hiding a little bit. Dani of course knew about her and Cassian because they had panicked at the thought of her finding out through someone else. They had debated on whether to tell her face to face for a million years before eventually figuring that that would feel far too confrontational and awkward, so opted for Jyn messaging her instead. She had re-written the original message about ten times and ran it past Bodhi, Kay, Margaret, their next door neighbour and the local bodega owner from round the block before sending it.

**Hey Dani, prefacing this msg with I respect the hell outta u!! I didn’t want u to find out through someone else, so just letting you know that I started dating Cassian recently. Hope I haven’t just destroyed any/all friendship that we had together lmao love ya xoxo**

Jyn had then promptly hidden her phone and her and Cassian had attempted to distract themselves for several hours to avoid having to see her response. By the time Jyn had checked her phone again, it was to see that Dani had initially replied with a long string of laughing/crying emoji’s, followed up with the words:

_Jyn, I hella respect u too hahahahahahaha  
_ _I can bet u are stressing so honestly chill the fuck out lol. I like to know all gossip at all times, so thank u for telling me hahahja. I think that Cassian and I are well enough in the past now that our friendship is not ruined lmao, I just want u guys to be happy  
_ _Also !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
_ _U AND CASSIAN??????????!!!!!!!!!!!???????????_

**That is why ur my best bitch Dani**

_U KNOW IT  
_ _sis I knew u liked him in the past but HOW DID THIS HAPPEN NOW???  
_ _TELL ME ALL_

Honestly, the situation appeared to be fine. This, however, was the first time Dani would be seeing the two of them actually physically together and sometimes seeing something in real life versus an abstract concept that you’ve been told about were vastly different. To her absolute horror, she noticed that after calling out to her, Dani was making her way over to them and she hissed to Leia,

“Ok, yes, I’m absolutely hiding from Dani, don't you dare move.”

“Did she freak out about you and Cassian or something?”

“Worse,” Jyn said, trying to glance through her hair over Leia’s shoulder to see how far away she was. “She was actually ok with it.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

“I don’t know, I guess it all just feels a bit weird?” Jyn told her. “I mean, she’s his ex! They fucking lived together for crying out loud. And we’re friends now, so it feels a little bit like I betrayed her.”

“I honestly don’t think she’s going to care – hey, Dani!”

“Good to see you!”

“OH, HEY,” Jyn pretended to only just notice her as Dani hugged Leia in greeting, clearly exposing Jyn's hiding spot. Dani moved to also throw her arms around Jyn, her embrace warm and loving and she looking rightfully frazzled enough for a girl who was about to uproot her entire life and move across the world. God, Jyn needed to pull herself together. 

“How are you?” Leia asked her. “Shit, you’re leaving next week right?”

“Oh god, don’t even talk to me about it,” Dani said, rubbing her forehead. “My shit is packed and I’m freaking out slightly, but this bitch has an adventure to go on and it’s too late for me to back out now.”

“You have a plan once you get there?”

“Yeah, my mom’s brother is picking me up from the airport and I’m staying with him and his family for the first week,” Dani told them. “Then I have a month before my contract starts at the beginning of the winter season, so I plan to travel around a bit! Jyn, you’ll have to tell me where to go.”

“Oh, I only went to the major cities,” Jyn said, hastily. “I don’t have local knowledge like you.”

“No, but see whenever I’ve been to Italy I’ve only been to the one town where my mom was from!” Dani said. “I’ve never even been outside of the Rome airport, you’ve probably seen more of the country than I have.”

“In that case,” Jyn said. “my favourite place was probably Rome. I know that’s a cliché answer, but it’s honestly wonderful. Although my memories might be a bit warped, the place I stayed at was quite the party hostel and I was drunk about half of my time there.”

“I need the details of where you stayed.”

Jyn managed to laugh.

The three of them continued to talk about Dani’s plans for the future and thankfully, Jyn managed to calm down somewhat. She knew that Dani wasn’t the kind of person to be petty or jealous and that she needed to give the woman more credit. When Han came and joined the conversation, wrapping his arms around Leia’s shoulders, it was to announce that they were going to play Kings Cup and that they all had to join. While Leia declared that she refused to play considering that last time she had, she had felt sick for two days after, Jyn hastily tried to find where Cassian had gone amongst the party.

“I think he’s over there!” Dani pointed out for her. Jyn turned to see him near the kitchen now, trying to talk to Kay while also still aggressively refreshing his emails.

“…is he all right?” Dani added.

“His bar exam results are supposed to be out by now,” Jyn explained.

“Ahh,” Dani said. “Poor boy, must be losing his goddamn mind.”

“He nearly abandoned me in the middle of sex just to go and check his phone notifications,” Jyn snorted before realising what she’d just said. Then, she panicked and added, “Fuck – I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t talk about – oh my god–”

But Dani just shook her head with a grin.

“Ok,” she said. “Apparently we have to talk about it. Jyn, I know that the three of us are a weird dynamic, but you’re freaking out when you don’t have to, I promise.”

“Sorry,” she said, weakly. “I know it’s fine, but a part of me is still doesn’t quite know how to act around you.”

“The way I see it,” Dani said. “is that no, Cassian and I won’t ever be that close ever again. We’re friendly enough and it’s nice to be able to talk to him again and shit, but we’re never gonna be best friends or whatever and I’m fine with that. Me and you though, we were friends before and I expect you to stay my friend no matter what.”

“Even if I date your ex?”

“Even if you date my ex,” Dani nodded. “I love you, bitch, ok?”

“Ok,” Jyn smiled.

“So something I’ve been DYING to know,” Dani said, then. “Did you break up with Codo for him?”

“Oh, no,” Jyn told her. “We had been growing apart for a while, that just kind of ended naturally and didn’t have anything to do with Cassian. I didn’t fall for him again until after we broke up.”

“AGAIN. Honestly, your timeline confuses me.”

“Girl, it confuses me too.”

“But you’re happy?” Dani asked her. “I think I can tell, it’s in your eyes.”

“I have no idea what we’re doing or where it’s going, but yes,” Jyn said.

“Knew it! Oh, you’ll be fine. I just hope I’ll be fine once I leave.”

“You know the country,” Jyn pointed out. “You have the language, family to support you, you’ll be ok.”

“But I’m American,” Dani said. “I’m a half-Italian raised in the US, I don’t really feel like it’s my country. I don’t know, I guess my one hope is to try and find out where I belong.”

“Now you’re getting too introspective for me,” Jyn said. “C’mon, let’s go play Kings Cup until we forget about our problems… or die, whichever comes first.”

They ended up in a very rousing game of Kings Cup, starting with an argument over which rules they were playing with. 

"Four is FLOOR, not WHORES." 

"I always played jacks as you get to make up your own rule." 

"No, that's queens, jacks is 'never have I ever'!" 

"Aren't queens question masters?" 

“Five is GUYS, I am not a guy, therefore I don’t have to drink,” Kay said rather smugly at one point. 

“Ok, then we’ll make 9 also non-bINEery time,” Margaret declared. “It’s only fair!”

By some massive stroke of luck, the next four cards to get picked were every single nine in the pack. Han tried to murder them all with a waterfall and thankfully the never have I ever cards didn’t make Jyn have to think carefully about how much she revealed. Literally everyone knew her emotions at this point. Luke nearly punched a hole through the floor when Dani pulled a four and Jyn ended up being the one who had to down the king’s cup, standing on the coffee table as she chugged amidst many raucous cheers.

“God, I’m going to throw up–” Jyn held her pounding head in the kitchen after. “Wait – no I’m not–” 

“I’m here for you either way,” Cassian said without even glancing up from his phone.

Jyn turned to look at him before moving to gently place her hand on top of his phone. “The results will come when they come,” she said. “You are at a party with your friends and this is the last time you’ll get to see everyone, so you are going to have fun. Now, kiss me.”

“You just drank a garbage fire,” he pretended to complain before kissing her rather thoroughly.

This really was it, though. Jyn laughed with Han and danced with Cassian and they even video messaged Kes and Shara so that they could still take part while caring for Poe. They all cooed at the little baby asleep in Kes’ arms and Bodhi and Luke both gave speeches thanking everyone for coming and saying goodbye to them. At one point they found a unicycle that Jyn had borrowed off Han several Halloween’s ago and forgot to give back and as Han unicycled around their apartment, Jyn felt her chest tighten. They would all still be friends of course, and they would all still hang out, but it would never be like this again. They would have to actually coordinate when to be together. Some would be just too far away that they would never have a night where absolutely everyone could make it. They couldn’t just yell out down the hall if anyone wanted to have a pizza, or throw an impromptu games night. They were never going to get this time back, but she supposed that that was the point of time in the first place. Shit changed and things moved on.

There was no use burying your head in the sand. By the time you looked up, the world might have disappeared without you.

Eventually, the night dwindled down until most people had left. Dani had hugged her tightly goodbye, Jyn crying only a little bit at letting her go and Han and Leia calling out goodnight before closing the front door behind them. Only Bodhi and Luke remained awake in the end, chatting quietly in their room while Kay lay shirtless and passed out on the couch.

"I guess all those nines hit them hard," Jyn said. 

“…should we leave them?” Cassian asked her. 

“I’ll go get their headphones,” Jyn nodded.

After making their friend as comfortable as possible, Jyn found herself staring at Cassian from across the lounge. She had no idea how love could sneak up and whack one around the face this hard, but apparently she’d learned a lot over the last ten years. Before she could talk herself out of it, she suddenly found herself blurting out,

“Cassian, are you my boyfriend?”

He turned to look at her.

“If you want me to be,” he answered.

“Same. I mean – yes! I want you to be.”

“Well, good.”

“Good!”

They stood and stared at each other a moment longer. Then, Jyn suddenly declared,

“Would you… please excuse me for a moment?”

And she turned and walked to the lounge window.

“Uhhh…” Cassian followed her as she proceeded to start climbing out of it. “What are you doing?”

“Oh,” Jyn turned back to Cassian once she was out on the fire escape and explained casually, “I’m going to climb to the roof.”

Cassian gave her a look. “Are you fucking insane?”

“You've done it,” Jyn pointed out. “I'm the only one who hasn't, and this is probably my last chance to try.”

“Yeah, but I hadn’t previously broken my leg in two places,” Cassian said, exasperatedly. “Jyn, we’ve tried it before and you literally broke your wrist. I don’t want you to get yourself hurt again–”

“My physio said I’m allowed to work out like normal.”

“Jyn, you never work out.”

“CASSIAN,” Jyn stressed. 

He must have seen the look in her eye. Jyn’s hands were shaking and she didn’t think it was because of the anticipation of the climb. Cassian was her boyfriend. They were just two people who fucking loved each other after years and years of loving other people. He was her boyfriend, she was his girlfriend, they were _dating_ and it was _going well_ and it was absolutely wild. She just knew in that moment that she simply had to get to the roof. She wasn’t moving out of this apartment having never made it. Besides, it was more than just a forbidden rooftop now, it was a sign of good things to come! If she could make it up there, then they would be ok. If she could make it up there, then she could do anything. Cassian was probably the best person to understand that and she thought it was the only reason he hung his head before saying,

“Ok, but at least let me help you?”

Last time Cassian had only managed to get the required height by being lifted over the heads of four others. Jyn was at least lighter, but with a weaker than average leg and only Cassian as her base, it was going to take a lot more strength. They cast around for ideas before eventually settling on dragging a kitchen chair up the stairs.

“Ok, so it’s simple,” she said, the two of them shivering outside slightly in the October breeze as they looked up at the ledge above them. “You climb onto the chair, I climb onto you.”

He shook his head. “We’ve done some dumb fucking things, Jyn.”

“Falling in love was just one of them, Cassian.”

He just kissed her, making her grin. “Get on my shoulders.”

She did and with her weight on him, he slowly climbed up onto the chair on his knees, and then eventually (and carefully) onto his feet. It almost felt like they should have been performing in a circus act, which was a bizarre thought to have when this high up from the New York streets below, but sometimes vertigo did that to a person. Luckily, Cassian and the chair combined gave her enough height to grab onto the ledge. “Ok, grab my feet and on three boost me up!” she called down.

“One – two – THREE!”

Cassian pushed her feet and holding onto the edge of the roof, she had enough leverage to hike herself up. Swinging her legs over, she stayed gripping the edge for a moment, heart racing and not even daring to look up.

Eventually though she did, and honestly the view was a little underwhelming. She'd had been dreaming of their building rooftop for years and even though she’d seen the photos from Cassian’s time up here, she realised she’d still been expecting a bit more. She’d been waiting to see dramatic skylines and iconic New York landmarks piercing the horizon. Instead, she got a view of… well, more buildings. Hundreds of windows blinking back at her, and a concrete rooftop empty except for an exhaust vent, a maintenance door that was padlocked shut and a lot of bird shit.

But Jyn laughed.

“I made it!” she said. She turned and yelled back down to Cassian on the fire escape below her and yelled, “I fucking made it!”

Standing on the chair, he grinned and yelled back, “You did!”

“It took several years, but we both finally got to the roof!”

“So what now?”

What now indeed. This was such a moment that Jyn didn’t really think beyond getting here. Now that she had accomplished this, however, she figured it was a good a time as any to get everything out in the open.

“I guess now we should probably talk about us?”

They were still calling up and down to each other like Romeo and Juliet as Jyn leaned over the edge of the roof. Cassian nodded and said,

“I guess we should.”

“I’m not sure where to start.”

“I’ll start then,” Cassian said. “Jyn, you and I both know that it’s been a bit weird recently. We don’t know where this is going, we don’t know what’s going to happen, I know that I’m scared to talk about it in case I accidentally break it. We’ve both been heartbroken before and I know that I’m terrified of that ever happening with you. But Jyn, babe… I fucking love you.”

“Thanks, I fucking love you too.”

He smiled. “I think we just have to go for it. Be my girlfriend. Date. Do the whole thing, go all in.”

“I think I have to agree,” Jyn said to him. “You know, I remember thinking one time that falling in love with you was like one day the light switch was off and then suddenly it was just _on_ , and I couldn’t turn it off, no matter what I did.”

“I don’t want to turn it off.”

“Nah,” Jyn said. “Me neither. Not anymore. I did at one point, though. Did I ever tell you I slept with Han because it was easier than confronting my feelings for you?”

“No, but I think I guessed as much,” Cassian said.

“Rather than actually tell you, I sat back and supressed it all,” Jyn told him. “and when I finally got up the courage to say something, it was too late and you were already with someone else, but I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be someone who leaves it too late, I want to be someone who goes for what she wants. God, I’m sorry it’s taken us this long. I wish I’d gotten my shit together sooner, we could have had way more time–”

“If _we_ got our shit together,” Cassian said. “Jyn, you’re not the only one who held back. There was a time ages ago, I think it was after you and Scott broke up, but before Dani and I got together? We never crossed the line, but I think there was a point where we were getting closer and there was a night I vividly remember sitting next to you on our couch. You showed me a meme and laughed yourself stupid at it and I remember wondering what would happen if I’d just kissed you right then… but I was scared, so I didn’t.”

“I don’t even remember that night.”

“I’m not surprised, it was just like any other night,” Cassian said. “When I realised I loved you… I wished I could go back to that moment. Do it over.”

She couldn’t believe how casually they were able to talk about all this. One of her biggest fears was that love would complicate things, make it awkward, take away the essence that made them Jyn and Cassian. But this felt right. It didn’t feel uncomfortable or weird, it felt natural and right and god, Jyn wanted to be down there next to him right now –

“So,” she said. “we’re really doing this, huh?”

Cassian looked up at her. 

“If you want, I’m down.”

“And what if it doesn’t work out?” Jyn hesitated asking.

“Well, then we go back to being just friends,” Cassian shrugged. “We’ve done it for this long, we can always do it again. Jyn…” he added at the fear that was no doubt on her face. “we’ve been through too much to give up on each other now. Besides, I literally cannot get rid of you, despite anything that happens – you know all of my secrets.”

At least he managed to make her laugh. She took a moment then to take several photos of her achievement, needing to be able to document this momentous occasion. She wanted to be able to remember reaching the rooftop for the rest of her life! It was just as she was taking some obligatory selfies of herself when she heard Cassian’s phone ping from down below and she watched as he nearly dropped it in his haste to check it. 

Somehow, she knew that this time it would be it. 

“Is it–?”

“Jyn,” Cassian said, eyes wide as he stared at his screen. “The email has come through.”

“Well, open it!”

But he hesitated, glancing up at her instead. “What if I didn’t pass?”

“Then you sort your life out, study for the next exam, blah, blah, but you will pass – Cassian, just open it–”

He tapped his phone, his face scrunched up as if waiting for a physical punch to the face.

Then, he started yelling.

“JYN, I PASSED.”

“Cassian!”

“I LITERALLY PASSED!”

“Oh my god!”

“ _JYN, I FUCKING PASSED!_ ”

Their yells became incoherent, to the point where a resident from the top floor of their building actually opened their bedroom window to find out what the hell someone was screaming about on the fire escape at one in the morning. They even congratulated him before proceeding to ask them to politely shut the fuck up, and Cassian hastily promised that they would keep it down before letting the resident duck back inside. He looked up at Jyn with a ridiculous grin on his face then, silently screaming. Jyn had known that he could do it, but she knew that he had genuinely worried that he couldn’t and the elation on his face was worth all the pain climbing up here was probably going to cause in her leg tomorrow morning. “I can’t believe I did it!” he exclaimed, positively shaking from the effort of not letting himself scream.

“I am literally so proud of you.”

“I’M proud of me!” Cassian said. “But honestly, I couldn’t have done it without you, Jyn–”

“Are you kidding? This was all you!” Jyn said. “God, I quite desperately need to kiss you, Cassian.”

“Come down here and do it, then.”

“Well, actually, there’s a point–” Jyn glanced hesitantly back at the locked door behind her to Cassian down below. “–exactly how _do_ I get down?”

It took several minutes. After trying to figure out the logistics of it, realising that simply reversing the process they’d taken to get up was a lot harder and eventually ruling out the railings as too risky, they figured that she’d just hang over the side and eventually drop down to where he would catch her, steadying the landing and ensure that she wasn’t landing too hard on her leg. She couldn’t quite believe she was about to do it, but she swung her legs back over the edge of the roof, hanging on tight for a moment, breathing hard. Below her, Cassian could only just reach her feet.

“Come on, you can do it!” he called.

She gritted her teeth. She lowered herself over the edge until she was just hanging by her fingertips. Cassian could comfortably hold her legs now, but there was no telling whether he’d be able to take the weight when she was falling into them.

“Are you ready?” she yelled. “I’m going to let go–”

Her word was good, because she accidentally slipped in that exact moment, slightly before she was actually ready for it. She shrieked in surprise and her heart leapt into her throat as Cassian’s arms caught her and her sudden weight forced him to stagger to the ground. She crashed back into his lap and he must have fallen off the chair as there was a huge _bang_ and suddenly she was on the floor of the fire escape, laughing her arse off.

“Holy shit!” Cassian exclaimed, arms still partially around her as she struggled to untangle their limbs and face him. “Your leg! Are you ok, did you get hurt–?”

“I’m fine!” Jyn kissed him, still grinning. Her heart was still slamming and her legs were still awkwardly curled around him, but she didn’t care. She held his face and he stroked a hand down her back and it was too much and not enough all at the same time. She was pretty sure that the adrenaline rush coursing through her wasn’t from the fall. She couldn’t stop smiling and eventually he was the one laughing into her lips.

“What?” she snorted.

“You climbed the roof!”

“I climbed the roof!”

“I passed the bar!”

“You fucking passed the bar!”

“I love you!”

“Shit, I love you too.”

“ _Oh my god, are you guys ok?_ ” Bodhi’s voice suddenly yelled from several stories below.

Jyn and Cassian broke apart to see that Bodhi and Luke had apparently heard the giant crash and had stuck their heads out of the lounge window in concern. Jyn called back to them,

“Yeah, I got to the roof!”

“YOU GOT TO THE ROOF?”

“I GOT TO THE ROOF!”

“ALSO I PASSED THE BAR!”

“ _YOU PASSED THE BAR?_ ”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD!”

No, she really didn’t know what the universe was going to throw at her in the future. She didn’t know if her and Cassian would work out. She didn’t know how she would handle Bodhi living on the other side of the country. She had no idea if Dani would be happy in Italy or what it would be like spending Christmas with her aunt Jasmine or whether Kes and Shara would successfully raise a child into a decent human being. But if she had Cassian at her side, she was going all in.

The switch was never turning off. 

* * *

**cassiandors** I PASSED #newyork’snewestlawyer  
**jynersos** YEAH U DID  
**ms.gabriella.89** OMG YOU HAVE TO CALL MOM!!!

* * *

**jynersos** after living here for six years I can finally say that I made it to the rOOF, BITCHES  
**cassiandors** <3  
**b.the.rook** YAS BInCh  
**k2so91tu** Jesus, Cassian is a lawyer, now this, what the hell else happened while I was asleep?

* * *

**Hey guys, super said we need to hand in our keys by 5pm. I was gonna drop off mine around three, did anyone want me to take their keys at the same time??**

_Bodhi  
_ _You can take ours, we’ve got all our stuff out and are ready to leave whenever_

_Margaret  
Already dropped mine off, but thank u! _

_Kay  
_ _Thank you, Jyn. That would be appreciated._

_Luke  
_ _Can’t believe this is our last day here tbh_

**I’m trying not to think about it too much  
** **Cool, I’m just dropping off the last of my shit now at my new place, I’ll be back soon  
** **And just for the record……..u guys are the best roommates I’ve ever had**

_Kay  
_ _Flattery will get you nowhere._

_Bodhi  
_ _I appreciate it a lot!!!_

* * *

**oh-dani-girl** a few photos from the start of my Italia adventure!

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#trevifountain #coliseum #coliseumrome #romanforums #rome #roma #romaitalia #italiangirl #travel #ig_rome #italy #italia #italytravel 

**margi_d** meravigliosa!!  
**oh-dani-girl** @margi_d senti chi parla <3

* * *

_they’ve announced we’re boarding now are u still crying???_

**b I t c h ive been cryin since u went thru the gate**

_god, same lmao_

**Bodhi, I know ur only going to cali and that we’ll literally still be in the same country, but you are my best friend, my brother, my family. I love u babe, and I’ll see u at Christmas x**

_SAJHDSHJFDJFJF O JYN BABE  
_ _ILYSM_

* * *

**hey Cassian, so I had to update my new address at work and now they’re making me fill out the entire form again lmao ur my emergency contact so long story short, what’s your middle name?**

_……………….jyn you’ve known me for 10 years_

**LOL it's Jeron i remembered nvm**

_lmao god i love you_

* * *

fin 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINISHED EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I really hope you like this as an ending. There's obvs a lot of things that i hint at happening in the future, but for the record I currently don't plan to write a sequel/continuation. I hope this is satisfying enough for you to know that they'll all be happy and together forever <3 
> 
> (the dani/hot italian gf spin-off fic, however, is entirely on the table if enough people convince me lmaooo) 
> 
> anyway, this fic has meant so much to me. it kept me sane during quarantine and got me into writing again. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH to everyone who has read and commented, yall Complete me and i probably wouldn't have finished it without u 
> 
> pls comment, reblog it on tumblr, tell ur friends, stay healthy, live life and always ship rebelcap!!  
> LOVE YOU ALL  
> xoxo


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